Curvie Girlie The Diary: Mind Playin' Tricks on Me

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Steve said:
So is this something you really want to get into?
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Steve, I bought a 6 month membership to this gym--paid cash in advance. What do YOU think? :rolleyes: :p Nah, in seriousness, Chris has everything I could need for climbing both indoor and out, and he's eager and happy to come and belay me/bark orders, AND he said "you don't even know how much this makes me want to climb." His doctor said "If you CAN, then do it." Chris has told me several times that lots of his pain and immobility are depression-related. He literally sits on the couch after he wakes up around 4pm and stares at the wall until I come over after Yoga, or he has a doctor's appointment or his parents want him to do something. This is possibly something he might be able to do before he either dies, or gets the transplant. Basically, it's not all about ME, here--in my mind it's 60% Chris and 40% me. We had talked all about climbing all summer and fall, and he's showed me outdoor places he's climbed like Pinnacles and we've talked about going to the beautiful Castle Rock sometime. I have time and time again tried to encourage him to start a hobby to cheer him up, but over-medicated as he is, he needs help. Seriously. Me taking him out is the highlight of his week, usually, save for a few rare times when his Airforce buddies come out and play.
 
Brat said:
hahaha I did pretty much the same thing yesterday. Around this time of the year they start releasing those Cadbury Mini Eggs and Creamy Chocolate eggs for Easter. And I used to overdose on them EVERY year. But of course, over the past year or so I've been a lot more careful with labels.

So this is how it happened, I walked into the corner store, walked past the Cadbury display and then I spotted them. My eyes must have instantly lit up and my jaw dropped. I took a few steps backed and picked a few packs up.. I was SUPER EXCITED "YESS!! The Cadbury eggs are back!!!!!"

And then.... I turned one of the packages around and read the label. My smile literally went straight into a frown and I'm sure I had tears in my eyes.. I pouted, threw the package right back into the bin and walked away. 200 calories for like I swear, 10 small tiny eggs!!! I used to have like 6 of those bags EASILY!!

I couldn't stop thinking about it all night and I was super upset that they were that bad for me. hehe.. I even told my bf about it as we used to share the same love for those goodies.. He was sad too. We will have to visit the Cadbury bin together and say our proper goodbyes. :cry:
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WORD I........why did you remind me about them? :cry: Cadbury mini eggs to me is like Monkey bread to Steve Troutman :(

Brat said:
And holy shit girl.. it's a full time job to read your diary! I came back from reading it yesterday and I see that I have to catch up on like 6 pages!! I need to set aside an hour each day for "Val time" :p
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LOL!!!!!!!!!! :sifone: :coolgleamA: :beerchug:
 
That would be awesome if he would get into climbing a little bit. Give him some exercise doing something he obviously loves. Good luck with him.
 
Very cool on the climbing!! :smash:

New hobbies kick ass!!! Wish I had more time in a day to start some!!! :nopity: :D

Good that Chris is so into it as well, maybe that will keep him wanting to get out and do it with you, even if it's politely "barking" orders from below! It sure beats sitting at home staring at the wall while waiting... and I'm sure looking up at you, the veiw is quite nice!!! ;) :D :) :sifone:
 
Steve said:
That would be awesome if he would get into climbing a little bit. Give him some exercise doing something he obviously loves. Good luck with him.
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Yes his doctors say he needs exercise but he has trouble with walking--he laughs because he says he has trouble walking up a flight of stairs, but he was on his wall (in his backyard), lead-climbing a few times with and without me, like it wuddn't no thang :D Consider it physical/mental/emotional therapy. He's told me his frailty makes him feel worthless. Like Yoga and meditation (ahh--AND weight lifting I'd say!), climbing is ULTIMATE in "being present". Nothing exists except your body and the route. His self worth would benefit from his focus on climbing, I believe. We'll see if his body cooperates.......

jzthedetermined said:
Very cool on the climbing!! :smash:

New hobbies kick ass!!! Wish I had more time in a day to start some!!! :nopity: :D

Good that Chris is so into it as well, maybe that will keep him wanting to get out and do it with you, even if it's politely "barking" orders from below! It sure beats sitting at home staring at the wall while waiting... and I'm sure looking up at you, the view is quite nice!!! ;) :D :) :sifone:
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LOL Yes he is my cheerleader in body-image for me. I also show him progress on my abs by pulling up my shirt for him, hahaha! But yeah, he's a GREAT teacher and I think it gives him great satisfaction to instruct and watch me, and also have me be pretty good, too--a validation on his instruction. Basically it's good all around.
 
Brat said:
And holy shit girl.. it's a full time job to read your diary! I came back from reading it yesterday and I see that I have to catch up on like 6 pages!! I need to set aside an hour each day for "Val time" :p
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HA I totally agree...it is a FULL TIME JOB, keeping up with Val's diary...A job I fail at:(LOL...It is ALOT of work.
 
I often wonder what it would be like to be stricken with some sort of disease of ailment that left me unable to be as active as I currently am. I can see where he has trouble finding his value/worth. I mean, I certainly put a premium on intellect, but being physically fit and capable is a large part of who I am as well.

My heart goes out to him.
 
Steve said:
I often wonder what it would be like to be stricken with some sort of disease of ailment that left me unable to be as active as I currently am. I can see where he has trouble finding his value/worth. I mean, I certainly put a premium on intellect, but being physically fit and capable is a large part of who I am as well.

My heart goes out to him.
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That's how he was BEFORE he got too ill--oh yeah he was a champion downhill skier, too. Black diamond routes and such. It truly is very sad. I'm just relieved I got to meet him and learn so much.

He thinks I'm really smart and that I must have a high IQ but I don't think so. When he goes into technical and full-detail explaining of Particle Theory or artillery (he was showing me the different M4s the other day and explaining every part and the different options, it got VERY dry) and esp. ammunition, my brain can't keep up and sometimes I'm like, "What? Can you show me a diagram?" LOL!!! And he will! :Angel_anim: Sometimes I have to have him break down things that I don't have any previous background on, or show me a book. A lot of the times I don't get it until he explains it twice and BAM a lightbulb goes off in my head and YES! I got it! He likes the simple fact that I try. He says, "most people I talk to drool and their eyes glaze over--you understand what I'm saying." At the very least I try. My brain is not capable of storing SO MUCH information that's brand new, RIGHT away......
 
I will I promise :)

oh where was that link...the yoga diary...can't find it. i was checking it out at work and i don't remember.
 
no but i found it. it was the yoga journal link. i have to put that one into my favorites.
however i will check this one also :D thanx sweety
 
Yea, that's what I'm saying. It sounds like he was active as hell beforehand so for me, it would be torturous to be confined from doing those things now.

Does he read a lot?
 
Val, good job on the climbing!!! That's not easy to do and you seem to be a natural ;)

As for Chris, I can only being to imagine at how frustrating that would be, especially when he was so active prior to being stricken with this absolutely malignant form of diabetes.

Of course lots of people think me having diabetes must be frustrating (actually, being injured plays far heavier on my psyche than diabetes), and maybe it is, but you just do what you have to do to get on with it.

That's probably what Chris has done.

I've always asked myself "What would I do if I was rendered physically incapable of doing anything, and I only had my brain left?" And my knee-jerk response is always "Assisted suicide", mostly because I identify with myself so much through my body/physical abilities.

But I have a horrible feeling that I'd just end up doing whatever I could in a sad attempt to derive some form of pleasure out of the pathetic excuse of a life I had left.
 
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Chris is absolutely suicidal. I don't even want to mention how many times I've convinced him not to blow his head off. It's too depressing! That's why I hope a focus on climbing again, or at least helping teach me, will give him more of a will to live.
 
Curvie Girlie said:
Chris is absolutely suicidal. I don't even want to mention how many times I've convinced him not to blow his head off. It's too depressing! That's why I hope a focus on climbing again, or at least helping teach me, will give him more of a will to live.
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I'm not surprised, Val. I sure think I'd be teetering back and forth and flirting with suicide if my life had gone to hell in a hand basket like his has.

You really are an angel, Val. I think there is a reason you two found each other ... I don't know what it is right now, but eventually we'll find out ;)
 
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