Crazy's diary, here we go

Ay up Karl, always good to see you and thanks for the hug.

20/10/2009 - 164.4lbs

Still aiming for 140-147lbs but I am going to break it down into smaller chunks for now, see how that goes. I have had my request to reduce my hours at work accepted, just waiting for a date so all in all, time, tiredness and general motivation may well be helped with this. Excuses excuses all the same they are excuses.

So my first goal is 160lbs which I know I can get to, when i first joined here I wrote everything down and had a daily plan of where I wanted to be, I lost a stone with few problems. I am a visually/chart motivated person and as soon as I stopped posting daily and watching my weight it all went a bit tits up.

I know counting, monitoring is not necessarily the long term answer, but I feel this is ok whilst trying to get to the bottom or just simply breaking these bad eating habits I have developed. I pig out at work but I dont at home generally, weird and my job is pretty busy too.

Anyhow onwards and upwards to my first goal.
 
Well second time on here today and felt the need to come on and say Ive done so well today, I planned ahead, I did the simple plan from when I lost my stone when I first joined and I stuck with it. The key on this plan although its shakes, bars and snacks with a good meal for tea, is it allows me 2 really nice treats which I enjoy in the day and they are really satisfying.

I can have fruit snacks too and look forward to a healthy evening meal of my choice which fits in with the family too. So today, i feel good and I shall go and plan my food for Wednesday, its 8.30pm and chores never end, even so kids tucked up in bed, the new puppy in his bed and me here again just trying to work it all out. I am going to get there in the end, there has to be a way to not pig out when the going gets rough. I have not faltered once today and feeing pretty on track for a change. I never give up at anything unless of course its worth giving up on. Pilates done too and planning on walking to work in the morning to kick start the day.
 
Kick ass!

Good to see you in here and following a plan. It seems to work better that way most of the time... Glad you had a good day.
 
02/11/2009 - 163.2LBS
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This eating habit, where I am up and down, binging, not binging, I am starting to realise there is a little more to it than just 'be good' 'dont be good', a bit like the other addictions we have in our lives. I cannot even look at this as an addiction as I have a limit of weight I get to and never ever go over that weight but I seem to hover around a certain weight and do not have the strength to fight to get to the weight I was this time last year.

Excuse after excuse, my age, having kids, metabolism etc etc etc and whilst all these factors may contribute, last summer proved that I can get to a really happy healthy weight and I felt and looked good. I realise that getting to the weight I was in my teens 110lbs is neither realistic or a want so I do not think that 147lbs is such a big ask of myself.

Why then, did I start a full time job and everything go tits up, why now do I look at this as an excuse, is it an excuse or do I really not have time to cook, write healthy shopping lists etc etc etc. I do think I put things off a lot but I do have two very young kids, work full time, travel and have a husband who works 4 nights out of 7. We had a really good chat yesterday about how we get the budget back on track with food, the eating back on track and both of us stop using excuse after excuse although I admit, he is so very tired after having kids all day, school runs and working nights.

At the same time I think f**k it when I get home from work and its me and the kids. I cannot be arsed. We have been through a pretty tough time over the past 2 years with my addiction and pulling myself out of a financial hole and I am pretty proud of that. BUT, everyone has problems and plenty more than I do so what the f**k am I using them as an excuse for.

This attitude isn't right but its the truth and it needs addressing and I really do try so very hard. One of the biggest problems I have is my diet coke habit which I am so hard trying to address, kind of hooked up to that since giving up the booze and coffee too. It is causing stomach problems and read that diet sodas are the biggest contradiction ever as they make you crave sweet things and stodgy food. I can relate to that and even the doctor said jack it in when I went about a health issue earlier in the year. So all these bloody things to think about and the only thing that will work is if I get my act together and stop procrastinating, making excuses and feeling sorry for myself.

I am set to go part - time in November hopefully so routine should be better and my poor husband can get normal hours as he is pretty much at his wits end. So anyhow, just laying my feelings out to myself today and trying to get a grip.

I've made a promise to myself today to not drink diet coke after work and try and wean myself from this as I am definitely using it as a pick me up. The budget should benefit too as it does impact when buying it in large quantities. If I can give up booze i can knock this on the head but I have to say maybe because its not entirely killing my days, I think its ok. Its not, its crap and gone are the days of the odd glass here and there. Crikey what is wrong with me.

I know I will get there its just getting past that trigger point. Thanks for listening.

Thank for the support Karl and to the forum in general, it helps a lot. I do aim to read a bit more, when I have more time. For now, off to do the pack lunches.

Ps. Just done a 20 minute work out on my lateral thigh trainer and feeling pretty good, planned the meals for today which include veg to dip and a couple of light treats.
 
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11/11/09 - 165.6LBS
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So I have nicely gained some more weight and losing the plot along the way. Absolutely binging on crap food and no real explanation why other than cannot get focused. What infuriates me is I know how good and confident I feel with just 20lbs off, like a new woman, head held high yet I walk around with the 20lbs + making me feel like crap and the food/caffeine intake not doing much for my moods, self esteem or tiredness. Catch 22 as I then use them as a pick me up during the day.

Its 05.30 here in the UK and I though I would get my backside on here to take a look at what is happening and muster up some resolve. I know I have the ability to do this but why have I just simply sat back and accepted my weight 2 stone over my comfortable weight I will never know. Like I have said before I dont want to be skinny, just comfortable in my own skin like I was the summer last year, I felt great and real and very much alive. Having excess weight makes me feel low in energy, frumpy and generally like eating more crap. I am so very annoyed with myself as even my interest in cooking has gone.

Oh well, 18 months sober so that is something to be really proud of, at least I don't touch that stuff anymore. Just got to crack the 'normal' eating habit. Come on girl, you know you have the ability and and you will get there.

I am drinking herbal tea instead of reaching for that first caffeine fix so that is a start. I will also have some fruit and a yogurt for my breakfast I think. I hear fruit is a great starter for the day. I may have a slice of wholemeal break and Jam and then I have had a really good start to the day.

For lunch I have carrot sticks, fruit & a flavoured rice. I have to learn to stop delving into work colleagues biscuit packets every time my eye catches them. How to say no? how to say no?

Is there such a word as no. I am very much afraid that I am a person who has to have goals and thrives on goals although part of me wishes I could just take it as it comes, it healthily and let the weight drop off. This is not something which will happen if I dont make the effort.
 
11/11/09 - 165.6LBS
12/11/09 - 164.0LBS (-1.6)

Feeling better about things today, possible through to less caffeine and crap food yesterday, slept better too. Going to sort out my food for the day ensuring there is fruit for luit and snacks. May even manage a short workout before I head off for work.

Here is to a good day.
 
hey crazymaizy!
just wanted to say thanks for passing by my diary while i was away. hope you've been okay? just read your two last long posts, i can totally relate with alot of things on there. i don't know why life has to be so difficult sometimes. and sometimes it's like you decide to focus and take charge of your life and your able to succeed in some aspects but in others your still sortof left trailing behind. i don't know, am i making any sense? i guess in my case i had started the year well taking charge of my weight but things started to slowly crumble along the way and came to a grinding halt so now trying to pick it up again.

will keep checking in on you to see how your doing. i can't believe we have only like 6 weeks left to the end of the year! i am so not near where my weight goals were supposed to be...but i guess we just keep have to keep trucking on no matter what.
 
Hi Cherry

Thanks so much for the understanding words, it means a lot & I am going to try not be so hard on myself, I don't think it helps long term although probably not a bad idea a swift kick from time to time.

I am going to start weighing myself in stones and pounds and I am currently:

12 stone 0 lbs which shocked me I thought I would be more. I am going to monitor my waist size as well as that and my belly all roll into one and I never actually know where my waist is exactly but one can guess I suppose.

My goal is as it always has been and that is to get to 10 stone and 7lbs or whatever comes first ie comfortable and fit, I don't mind really as long as clothes fit and I dont feel like crap.

Gone part time now at last so much more walking and general organisation so have to pull myself out of these silly habits Ive had of late and get my mind set on all the glorious water to be drank and healthy food to be eat.

So I shall class this as day 1 and here we go.

9/12/09 - 12 stone (waist 39 inch)
 
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Ok, I shall start my day 1 as today I think as today is when I am going to knock the diet coke on the head and plan to eat a little better.

10/12/09 - 12 stone exactly

My first goal is to get to 11 stone 7lbs, so 7lbs for my first healthy chunk of weight loss. See how this goes, Im not waiting until the new year as there will always be an excuse.

Got a meal out tonight so shall try and take it steady with that too.
 
Ok, not been here for a while but I said I would never give up until I get to the bottom of this yo yo dieting. I have started the valentines challenge and hope so much to stick with this, its not rocket science, I eat healthily = lose weight, exercise more, simple.

09/01/2010 - 12.5 (173lbs)
 
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09/01/2010 - 12.5 (173lbs)
10/01/2010 - 12.3 (171LBS)

LOSS YESTERDAY = 2LB - TOTAL LOSS = 2LB

1st goal is the valentines challenge to lose 12lbs - 2 down 10 to go.

0 0 I I I I I I I I I I

Off to a good start then and feeling pretty determined to crack this and learn how to eat sensibly and keep the weight off. I realise greatly that the major issue for me is not monitoring my weight weekly once its lost. I suppose you forget the scales but its got to change. No harm having a treat but its got to be a treat and not a daily thing.

I am trying to visual where I want to be as I felt fantastic in 2008 got really fit but lost the plot when I went back full time in the winter and things have spiralled since then. Put well over a stone on with the new job and its got to change. Suffered some joint problems and I know that losing this weight will help greatly. Not giving up.
 
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09/01/2010 - 12.5 (173LBS) - 20 minutes step routine
10/01/2010 - 12.3 (171LBS) - 20 minutes step routing 45 minute walk.
11/01/2010 - 12.1 (169LBS)

LOSS YESTERDAY = 2LB - TOTAL LOSS = 4LB

1st goal is the valentines challenge to lose 12lbs - 2 down 10 to go.

0 0 0 0 I I I I I I I I

Feeling really good today, getting moving more.
 
09/01/2010 - 12.5 (173LBS) -
10/01/2010 - 12.3 (171LBS) - 20 minutes step routine 45 minute walk.
11/01/2010 - 12.1 (169LBS) - 20 minutes step routine 45 minute walk
12/01/2010 - 12.1 (169LBS) -

LOSS YESTERDAY = 0LB - TOTAL LOSS = 4LB

1st goal is the valentines challenge to lose 12lbs - 2 down 10 to go.

0 0 0 0 I I I I I I I I
 
09/01/2010 - 12.5 (173LBS) -
10/01/2010 - 12.3 (171LBS) - 20 minutes step routine 45 minute walk.
11/01/2010 - 12.1 (169LBS) - 20 minutes step routine 45 minute walk
12/01/2010 - 12.1 (169LBS) - 45 minute walk
13/01/2010 - 12.0 (168LBS) -

LOSS YESTERDAY = 1LB - TOTAL LOSS = 5LB

1st goal is the valentines challenge to lose 12lbs - 2 down 10 to go.

0 0 0 0 0 I I I I I I I

Just 7lbs to go until the valentines challenge and boy can I tell Ive lost this 5 already, giving me a real boost, I dont wish to feel bloated and frumpy anymore my body hates being over weight and so does my mind.
 
09/01/2010 - 12.5 (173LBS) -
10/01/2010 - 12.3 (171LBS) - 20 minutes step routine 45 minute walk.
11/01/2010 - 12.1 (169LBS) - 20 minutes step routine 45 minute walk
12/01/2010 - 12.1 (169LBS) - 45 minute walk
13/01/2010 - 12.0 (168LBS) - 45 minute walk
14/01/2010 - 12.2 (170LBS) -

LOSS YESTERDAY + 2LB - TOTAL LOSS = 3LB

1st goal is the valentines challenge to lose 12lbs

0 0 0 I I I I I I I I I

I enjoy weighting everyday but one of the downsides of course if if you weigh more yet you didnt do anything different the day before. It can be a bit of a shock BUT not a reason to give up. Its a must to keep going, its why I like weighing everyday as it keeps me on top of things and picks up on any little errors I may have made. See what happens tommorow.
 
09/01/2010 - 12.5 (173LBS) -
10/01/2010 - 12.3 (171LBS) - 20 minutes step routine 45 minute walk.
11/01/2010 - 12.1 (169LBS) - 20 minutes step routine 45 minute walk
12/01/2010 - 12.1 (169LBS) - 45 minute walk
13/01/2010 - 12.0 (168LBS) - 45 minute walk
14/01/2010 - 12.2 (170LBS) - 45 minute walk
15/01/2010 - 12.1 (169LBS) -

LOSS YESTERDAY + 1LB - TOTAL LOSS = 4LB

WEEK 1 - LOSS 4LBS

1st goal is the valentines challenge to lose 12lbs

0 0 0 0 I I I I I I I I
 
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Week 1 09/01/2010 - start weight 173 - finish 169 - loss 4lbs
week 2 16/01/2010 - start weight 168 -

16/01/2010 - 12.0 (168lbs) - loss 1lb

loss yesterday 1lb - total loss 5lbs
 
Week 1 09/01/2010 - start weight 173 - finish 169 - loss 4lbs
week 2 16/01/2010 - start weight 168 -

16/01/2010 - 12.0 (168lbs) - loss 1lb
17/01/2010 - 11.13 (167lbs) - loss 1lbs

Lost 6lbs altogether and feeling really pleased about this. Just goes to show what can be done when you put your mind to it. Ive not felt particularly deprived either and have been doing some general exercises each day.
 
Week 1 09/01/2010 - start weight 173 - finish 169 - loss 4lbs
week 2 16/01/2010 - start weight 168 -

16/01/2010 - 12.0 (168lbs) - loss 1lb
17/01/2010 - 11.13 (167lbs) - loss 1lbs
18/01/2010 - 11.12 (166LBS) - loss 1lbs

Total loss 7lbs and really feeling it, so pleased.
 
Week 1 09/01/2010 - start weight 173 - finish 169 - loss 4lbs
week 2 16/01/2010 - start weight 168 -

16/01/2010 - 168.0 LBS -1lb
17/01/2010 - 167.0 LBS -1lbs
18/01/2010 - 166.0 LBS -1lbs
21/01/2010 - 168.2 LBS + 2.2 LBS

Ok, moving on nicely weight fluctuating a little but all Im looking for is a loss by Saturday, even 1lb will do nicely.
 
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