crazedmamaof3
New member
I joined this site on January 1st, the day of my new journey. A new year for a new me. I love coming to this forum every day and reading up on everything. It gives me so much motivation to see how well everyone else is doing and find out so much information here. I've been reading the diaries here when I can and am finally taking the initiative to start my own! I guess my first post here will be an introduction to myself! So here I go! I tend to get a little long winded, just so you know, lol...
I'm 29 years old, 5ft 6 1/2" and last time I weighed myself I was at 285. I've been overweight since I was about 5 years old. It started off with a babysitter I had that used to make full course meals at 9pm and would make me sit there and eat every last bite even if I wasnt hungry or just didnt like what she made. That's when I started gaining. My mom was a single mom and we lived on the cheap foods: mac and cheese, hot dogs, grilled cheese, you name it! Since she worked a lot, that also meant a lot of fast food due to lack of time! ANYWAY, I was always the fat kid in school. I was always made fun of and put down since as far back as I can remember. I never had any boyfriends in high school. I was the girl that the guys would come to and ask if my friend liked them. None of the guys ever liked me! I've spent most of my life hating myself and hating my life. Not being able to look at myself in the mirror, feeling ugly and disgusting. After high school, I had a few relationships here and there but nothing serious. About 5 years ago I decided to start working on my weight and ended up losing about 45 lbs (I say "about" because Im not sure of my starting weight, but think it was around 315lbs). I just cut back on what I was eating and did Tae-bo every day. Then I met my would be husband...and kind of got off track with everything. I gained back about half of the weight I had lost. Then I ended up pregnant. By the end of my pregnancy, I was 310 lbs. My husband always treated me like a queen. He is always telling me how beautiful I am and couldnt understand why I didnt feel the same way about myself. After my son was born I immediately went on birth control because we wanted to wait a few years before having any more..well, my doctor gave me the dosage for someone 150lbs and under (which I wasnt aware of at the time)! ..and 4 months after my son was born, I was pregnant again..with twins! I was scared to death of gaining a bunch of weight, but having 2 babies laying on your stomach makes you NOT want to eat, so I had to actually make myself eat for my babies and I ended up only gaining 23 lbs and after I had them I ended up losing 37 lbs. Our twins were born 4 days before our sons first birthday! I went from having no children to having 3 in one years time! It was very stressful physically, financially and emotionally! Fast forward to spring of 2006, my husband and I starting having a lot of problems. A lot of them stemmed from my own insecurities and getting mad at him over stupid little things that werent worth getting mad about. I knew it was a problem, but never did anything about it. We separated at the end of July 2006. I lost 25 lbs after we separated, but not in a healthy way! I decided then that I needed to do something about my self esteem and depression (ive also suffered from depression most of my life) and I put myself into counseling. I've been on an anti-depressant since the end of October, which really does seem to be helping, and Im also doing different things to try and boost my self esteem and confidence. As 2007 grew nearer, I kept thinking what a horrible year 2006 had been for me and just had a very optimistic feeling about this new year and what a better year it is going to be for me. My husband and I have been talking again for a few months now trying to get to the point where we can be a whole family again. I decided that the only way I can truely love myself is to be able to love myself on the inside and out and the only way I can love myself on the outside is to lose this weight that has been holding my down for so many years. i feel like I have missed out on so many things because of my weight and Im mad at myself for not doing something about it sooner! So 2007 is my year! This time I need to do it and stick with it. im not thinking of it as a "diet" but as a new way of life, a healthier way of life. I work 2 jobs from home along with taking care of my kids and hardly have any "free" time, but Im trying to squeeze in work outs when I can every day.
As far as what all I am doing, well, first of all, I had pics taken of me on January 1st and put them on my refrigerator so that every time I get in there I can see my fat butt and it makes me think twice about eating something I shouldnt! I also posted up little motivational sayings on the fridge! I made a list of goals and motivations for losing the weight, which I may post later on when I have the time, to look at whenever I feel like I'm starting to lose my mojo! I have so many reasons to do it, but no reason NOT to do it except being addicted to junk food! I'm trying to keep me calories around 1500 every day, eating 3 meals and 2 small snacks a day, lots of fruits and veggies (which I hardly ever ate before), watching fat and carbs (not going completely no carb or even counting carbs, just cutting back on breads and starches) and drinking lots and lots of water. I dont have time to go to a gym every day but I do a little work out of my own at home, adding more every week. I weigh myself every Monday morning and will measure myself once a month. I lost 5 lbs the first week, which Im sure was mostly water, but Im excited to see what this coming Monday holds for me! It seems like i have such a long, long road ahead of me, but I dont want to give up and go back to that place where i used to be. Binging all of the time and hating myself every day. I've already noticed what a few changes can bring to me, for instances I already feel better about myself mentally and I have also noticed that I dont feel so exhausted mid-day. .... So that's it for my first entry. It's past my bed time! Like I said, I dont have much free time, usually when the kids are sleeping Im working, but I will try to atleast post here once a week, more if possible! I dont know if anyone will read this, but I think it helps just to get things out!
I'm 29 years old, 5ft 6 1/2" and last time I weighed myself I was at 285. I've been overweight since I was about 5 years old. It started off with a babysitter I had that used to make full course meals at 9pm and would make me sit there and eat every last bite even if I wasnt hungry or just didnt like what she made. That's when I started gaining. My mom was a single mom and we lived on the cheap foods: mac and cheese, hot dogs, grilled cheese, you name it! Since she worked a lot, that also meant a lot of fast food due to lack of time! ANYWAY, I was always the fat kid in school. I was always made fun of and put down since as far back as I can remember. I never had any boyfriends in high school. I was the girl that the guys would come to and ask if my friend liked them. None of the guys ever liked me! I've spent most of my life hating myself and hating my life. Not being able to look at myself in the mirror, feeling ugly and disgusting. After high school, I had a few relationships here and there but nothing serious. About 5 years ago I decided to start working on my weight and ended up losing about 45 lbs (I say "about" because Im not sure of my starting weight, but think it was around 315lbs). I just cut back on what I was eating and did Tae-bo every day. Then I met my would be husband...and kind of got off track with everything. I gained back about half of the weight I had lost. Then I ended up pregnant. By the end of my pregnancy, I was 310 lbs. My husband always treated me like a queen. He is always telling me how beautiful I am and couldnt understand why I didnt feel the same way about myself. After my son was born I immediately went on birth control because we wanted to wait a few years before having any more..well, my doctor gave me the dosage for someone 150lbs and under (which I wasnt aware of at the time)! ..and 4 months after my son was born, I was pregnant again..with twins! I was scared to death of gaining a bunch of weight, but having 2 babies laying on your stomach makes you NOT want to eat, so I had to actually make myself eat for my babies and I ended up only gaining 23 lbs and after I had them I ended up losing 37 lbs. Our twins were born 4 days before our sons first birthday! I went from having no children to having 3 in one years time! It was very stressful physically, financially and emotionally! Fast forward to spring of 2006, my husband and I starting having a lot of problems. A lot of them stemmed from my own insecurities and getting mad at him over stupid little things that werent worth getting mad about. I knew it was a problem, but never did anything about it. We separated at the end of July 2006. I lost 25 lbs after we separated, but not in a healthy way! I decided then that I needed to do something about my self esteem and depression (ive also suffered from depression most of my life) and I put myself into counseling. I've been on an anti-depressant since the end of October, which really does seem to be helping, and Im also doing different things to try and boost my self esteem and confidence. As 2007 grew nearer, I kept thinking what a horrible year 2006 had been for me and just had a very optimistic feeling about this new year and what a better year it is going to be for me. My husband and I have been talking again for a few months now trying to get to the point where we can be a whole family again. I decided that the only way I can truely love myself is to be able to love myself on the inside and out and the only way I can love myself on the outside is to lose this weight that has been holding my down for so many years. i feel like I have missed out on so many things because of my weight and Im mad at myself for not doing something about it sooner! So 2007 is my year! This time I need to do it and stick with it. im not thinking of it as a "diet" but as a new way of life, a healthier way of life. I work 2 jobs from home along with taking care of my kids and hardly have any "free" time, but Im trying to squeeze in work outs when I can every day.
As far as what all I am doing, well, first of all, I had pics taken of me on January 1st and put them on my refrigerator so that every time I get in there I can see my fat butt and it makes me think twice about eating something I shouldnt! I also posted up little motivational sayings on the fridge! I made a list of goals and motivations for losing the weight, which I may post later on when I have the time, to look at whenever I feel like I'm starting to lose my mojo! I have so many reasons to do it, but no reason NOT to do it except being addicted to junk food! I'm trying to keep me calories around 1500 every day, eating 3 meals and 2 small snacks a day, lots of fruits and veggies (which I hardly ever ate before), watching fat and carbs (not going completely no carb or even counting carbs, just cutting back on breads and starches) and drinking lots and lots of water. I dont have time to go to a gym every day but I do a little work out of my own at home, adding more every week. I weigh myself every Monday morning and will measure myself once a month. I lost 5 lbs the first week, which Im sure was mostly water, but Im excited to see what this coming Monday holds for me! It seems like i have such a long, long road ahead of me, but I dont want to give up and go back to that place where i used to be. Binging all of the time and hating myself every day. I've already noticed what a few changes can bring to me, for instances I already feel better about myself mentally and I have also noticed that I dont feel so exhausted mid-day. .... So that's it for my first entry. It's past my bed time! Like I said, I dont have much free time, usually when the kids are sleeping Im working, but I will try to atleast post here once a week, more if possible! I dont know if anyone will read this, but I think it helps just to get things out!
