Couch POTATO to "MARATHON" HONEY! :)

I still can't stop the tears....I drank like a million shots until I fell asleep...but I'm back awake and crying...:cry:
 
Have you got a friend that you can call to come and give you a hug and listen to you talk? It will get better it only seems at the moment as if it won't. It's so sad that nothing any of us can say can help you but believe me you will be happy again. You must be exhausted from all the emotion. I hope that you manage to get some more sleep. We're all here for you so keep writing it down as it will help to share what you are going through and to know that people care :grouphug:
 
Thank you so much! It's so crazy to find amazing people online....I always trip out at how wonderful people could be.

On the same note,....

I can't STOP the tears. :cry: My days are meshing together. It's one continuous pain journey.

When will I wake up? When will I stop crying? WHY me ? I loveeeeeeeeeed that man with all my heart.

He text me and told me he didn't want to lose me and that he is so sorry and how he can't believe he put himself in this predicament and how he wanted to hug me so tight.
:( :cry: I do too....

I text him back yesterday..... just like you said,...."The people closest to you will FUCK you. Trust no one."

{{{{I really want to trust everyone. I love people. I love life. It hurts though.}}}

He said..."Damn....sorry babe. I really do love you though and want to hug u so tight."

....I told him..."Hug ur DICK and your cunt sluts. U make me sick."

:( .......I just want to hold him...and know he's MINE. :( why doesn't he love me like I love him? Why????????????????

When will he no longer be a memory? A reminder to every single place I've ever been to...

Please DEAR GOD,...take me to the land of no tears again....I love that land. That's where I belong. PLEASE...make me happy again. Make me forget and move on. Find me a KING who loves me.
 
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I'm so sorry :( I know no amount of support with make the pain go away... especially when the person that hurt you is someone who meant so much to you. I cannot tell you that you will wake up tomorrow and befine, or suddenly feel great... because this will take time. But, work on YOU, don't let your hardwork and self determination suffer because of a mistake that some idiot made... YOU'RE too good for that. Know all of your friends here will always be here for you.
 
Thank you so much......If I could just put you all in a bucket of Love...I'd JUMP in! I want happiness....I want a hug....:grouphug: I want love. I want him.

I know I have to focus on me. I think a run might be in order. Haven't tried that yet....ur so right. Don't let me down the drain because of him. Fuck him.
 
Alta, I know just how you feel, and although you want to be held by him, never forget that you are above him, and trash does not belong in your life, because you are so PRECIOUS!! No matter how many times he says he loves you, using words means nothing. Emotions and actions mean everything. I wish I could hug you right now. Someone who has been in your position and someone who totally feels your pain. Alta, cry whenever and however you need to cry, because when the tears stop, you will be so much stronger, and have an experience that you will have learned from and built yourself up. Hugs and Kisses Boo.
 
I want to hug you too :( ...If I could hug this screen I would. :( You are right! ....I will be strong.. I want to cave in. I want him to beggggg and I want to take him back.

I know I can't . I know he won't change. I know I deserve better. I want him though...:cry:! Why???????
 
Alta818 said:
I want to hug you too :( ...If I could hug this screen I would. :( You are right! ....I will be strong.. I want to cave in. I want him to beggggg and I want to take him back.

I know I can't . I know he won't change. I know I deserve better. I want him though...:cry:! Why???????
Click to expand...

I can tell you why. Because we women dream about what we want, and as we do, we include those that we love dearly to be apart of that. We think that it is all figured out, and that you know these people (this man) that he is truthful and honest, and that he would never do anything like that to hurt you. And then, it hits you, devastation, humiliation, pain, and all these other emotions that you cannot even describe. While being in this sort of pain, you feel as if everything is ruined, that your dream has been shattered, and he has been hiding in the dark all this time. You don't know him anymore and don't know if you ever did.

We want to hold on to the happiness that we once had and felt. We want to keep this illusion and somehow shut out the pain. We think that if he begs, and pleads for forgiveness and makes all the promises that you know in your heart he can't keep, that it will make things all better. But it doesn't. We have to find ways to cope with it, and remember that if we don't take care of ourselves and treat ourselves better, that we can't expect anyone else to, and allowing someone to treat you like Shit, and Shit on you is UNACCEPTABLE! YOU want that SAME LOVE! YOU want COMFORT, and HE is the ONE who used to be that comfort and open arms. But now he is the PAIN. DO NOT USE THE PAIN TO COMFORT YOU. Keep talking about it, whatever you have to do. In a few days, you will be stronger and you are going to take a run, probably cry doing that to, but I will GUARANTEE that you will devise of pattern and a plan of how you will get over him and be happy again.
 
Try not to weaken as you will never be able to trust him again and that lack of trust would ultimately destroy the relationship. You deserve so much better and when you are healed and ready you will find better. I've been there before more than once and then decided not to settle for second best but to wait for somebody who wants nothing more in the world than to make me happy. Believe me it's so worth holding out for the best.
Hugs
Val
 
Hey Alta, this is not good to hear since I know how nasty the feeling of breaking up is but you seem to have been betrayed too which must make it all the more worse.

When you say your days seem to be meshing together in to one I can complete relate. Since last Wednesday I have felt like I have some sort of hangover. I feel cloudy and like there is something my mind doesnt want to think about so its not letting me think about anything. I decided to try a last resort yesterday and spent the day drunk and baked. I awoke this morning and feel like a new person. I feel like I am ready to take control and feel like the pain was me learning a valuable lesson.

I dont even know you but I can tell you that you deserve more than a person that will cheat on you, everyone deserves more than that.

Keep your chin up and keeping fighting the fight.
 
Hi Alta

Really sorry to hear of your troubles.

Maybe things happen for a reason...maybe you can find something positive in all the negative.

I hope you get thru this. You are such a bright ray of sunshine in here that without it, I think everybody feels your pain.

Take care and hang in there. Maybe this happened so that your real prince you are about to meet has an opportunity to be with you. Who knows.

Good luck (((((Alta)))))
 
I just want to drink and sleep...

I came home from work. Couldn't take it. My mind is cluttered.

I text him, "I'm sorry for hitting you." ...(I couldn't control it at the moment)

....He text me back "Babe, I deserved it. I love you. I'm watching the laker parade on tv."

It seems like his life just moved on, like I meant nothing. Fuck him. Or maybe he doesn't think it's over. Whatever it is...seeing him, or hearing him,..be so non chalant about it all is HELPING me. My tears have stopped. Thank God. I hope they don't come back. I'm just gonna keep thinking how I didn't matter and how simple it is for him to move on.

Glad I found that out. It's making me just realize THIS MOMENT only. It's actually such a beautiful day outside. I'm listening to reggae, gonna take a shot, and smoke a joint and watch tv....then sleep.
 
Each and every one of you is helping me SOOOO MUCH right now. :beating: Thank you!!! God bless you guys and women :grouphug:

I am reminding myself, that the LOVE we shared is because I HAVE LOVE TO GIVE! BECAUSE I GAVE LOVE, BECAUSE LOVE IS ME. LOVE WILL FIND IT'S WAY TO ME AGAIN. BECAUSE I WILL NOT EVER STOP LOVING LIFE! I LOVE ME!!!!!! THE LOVE WE SHARED CAN NOT BE TAKEN AWAY BECAUSE IT WAS INSIDE OF ME. BECAUSE I GAVE IT!

I hope he recognizes one day, the amazing person I am, and that he misses me. Misses me for the rest of his life. I hope. I'll miss him forever...(at least it feels like that now)

...tears are back. Fuck.
 
Alta818 said:
I'm listening to reggae, gonna take a shot, and smoke a joint and watch tv....then sleep.
Click to expand...


now you're talking! I sat on my balcony last night with a couple of candles lighting, got lit and drank some beer, watched a deep documentary on nuclear weapons which totally took my mind off everything and I went to bed happy.

Hey... once you get toasted watch this video and smile :)

 
I fear that he will not recognize how wonderful I am..
I fear that I will never find another love..
I fear that I will not be happy..
I fear that all men might do me wrong..
I fear that my love will die for him.
I fear that my mind will never let me forget him.
I fear that my years were wasted.
I fear that he will find someone and be happy.
I fear that he just doesn't want me.
I fear that I am not a desirable woman.
I fear I will not ever find happiness.
I fear that my future husband (which I thought before) is slipping away.
I fear he will never fight for me.
I fear that I am not that valuable to fight for.
I fear that he was always wanting this.
I fear that I am not a beautiful person. Inside and out.
I fear that he will be able to move on faster than me.
I fear that I will always look at the scar on my leg from his dog and always remember him.
I fear that I will lose my motivation for life without him.
I fear that as time progresses I'm going to realize how much more he didn't fight for me.
I fear that he has been always doing this.
I fear that he will go off and marry someone else.
I fear that he will give MY love to someone else.
I fear that my friend is gone.
I fear that my thoughts are going to swallow me up.
I fear that my happiness relies on him.
I fear that I will go back to him.
I fear that I will not value myself.
I fear that he will not ever value me.
I fear that my dreams for the past years were a waste.
I fear that everything we wanted to do together will never happen.
I fear that I will not find another love like him.
I fear that I will be alone forever.
I fear that life will swallow me whole.
I fear that it's going to be so easy for him....and not me.
I fear that I loved too much.
I fear that I gave too much.
I fear that I attracted this.
I fear that karma kicking me in the ass.
I fear that I will miss him forever...
I fear my life is blue and empty without him.
I fear being alone
I fear myself getting lost...
I fear so many things...


I know that these are all passing. Oh well, if they are true. My fears are not based on validity and I know this. I know I am great. I deserve greatness. I just have to keep reminding myself....
 
ForRealThisTime said:
now you're talking! I sat on my balcony last night with a couple of candles lighting, got lit and drank some beer, watched a deep documentary on nuclear weapons which totally took my mind off everything and I went to bed happy.

Hey... once you get toasted watch this video and smile :)
Click to expand...
I wish you could come over...
 
I fear that I will never find another love.. you know thats not true
I fear that I will not be happy.. It is not in your nature to be unhappy
I fear that all men might do me wrong.. Do not judge all people by the actions of a few
I fear that my love will die for him. Your love will grow or die based upon his actions, it is not something you can control
I fear that my mind will never let me forget him. Time plays a big part in this
I fear that my years were wasted. Every experience in life builds towards the person you are, time is never wasted
I fear that he will find someone and be happy. Focus on things you can control and influence
I fear that he just doesn't want me. You cannot control that
I fear that I am not a desirable woman. Bullshit
I fear I will not ever find happiness. Of course you will, you need to be happy with yourself first though
I fear that my future husband (which I thought before) is slipping away. Marriage is not everything
I fear he will never fight for me. Dont fear what you cant control
I fear that I am not that valuable to fight for. Bullshit, if that was the case you would just accept being treated wrongly and wouldnt have fought for yourself - you did so you know you are worth fighting for.
I fear that he was always wanting this. Maybe - but you cant control that
I fear that I am not a beautiful person. Inside and out. Rubbish
I fear that he will be able to move on faster than me. you cant control that, move on at your own pace
I fear that I will always look at the scar on my leg from his dog and always remember him. You might find someone else with a vicious dog that gives you a bigger scar to look at ;)
I fear that I will lose my motivation for life without him. Nah, I dont think thats possible
I fear that as time progresses I'm going to realize how much more he didn't fight for me. Or you will be too busy getting on with your life to worry about that
I fear that he has been always doing this. Possibly but does it really matter?
I fear that he will go off and marry someone else. And he will then be someone elses problem
I fear that he will give MY love to someone else. And will possibly give your pain to them too
I fear that my friend is gone. You could potentially remain friends once things calm down
I fear that my thoughts are going to swallow me up. Only if you let them
I fear that my happiness relies on him. Not true
I fear that I will go back to him. You will if its what you are meant to do
I fear that I will not value myself. That is concerning, people will only value you as much as you value yourself
I fear that he will not ever value me. His problem
I fear that my dreams for the past years were a waste. All life experience
I fear that everything we wanted to do together will never happen. Of course it will
I fear that I will not find another love like him. Time will tell
I fear that I will be alone forever. Nope
I fear that life will swallow me whole. Only if you allow it to
I fear that it's going to be so easy for him....and not me. You can control that
I fear that I loved too much. You can never love too much
I fear that I gave too much. You can never give too much
I fear that I attracted this. Impossible, you cant control what others do
I fear that karma kicking me in the ass. Maybe, but at least thats one thing you dont have to worry about getting kicked with in the future
I fear that I will miss him forever... time heals
I fear my life is blue and empty without him. Get stoned and make it Green
I fear being alone - you're not we are here with you :)
I fear myself getting lost... sometimes when you get lost you find new interesting things. The road least traveled is often the most interesting.
I fear so many things... We all do, but if you can turn fear in to another emotion it is easier to deal with.
 
Wow :cry:!!!!! You are amazing. That was very necessary! :cry: Right now, I really needed that. It feels good to know people in the world have enough love to give, to be able to sprinkle me with some.

Wow!...You are beyond amazing...You all are! Every single one of everyone's posts have made me reflect in such a different light.

I thank you all....
 
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