cherry garcia's diary

Hi Cherry

Just noticed that wonderful post of yours from December. I decided to get my act together and come back and grab a bit of support, Im pleased I did.

Well what can I say, hope you had a good time and I loved that post. You know when we have what seem like huge mountains in front of us its so easy to say sod it and walk away, you know I felt that way about another addiction. Its self sabotage at the end of the day and learning to love yourself for you is one of the best gifts you can give yourself.

Looking at your stats, you have shifted a huge chunk of weight too and I sincerely hope you continue this as things will only get better and better and better and your confidence will grow.

We know its not all about being stick thin, I don't even wish to be thin, its about how you carry yourself, how you feel inside, how your clothes fit (even if still a little outsized), how you perceive yourself. How you smile, how you look after yourself and I think you are getting there. Certainly from what I read of you last Christmas, you have come so so far.

So just wanted to say keep this up and I know life and your self esteem will just continue to grow. Best of luck.
 
this is crazy...i've been on hiatus from my weightloss journey for way to long...i keep trying to get back up but i keep falling even further....i've got to get my act together...tomorrow i HAVE to get back to the gym.
 
Cherry,

Pick yourself up and keep going. You know what you need to do, and if you want it, I know you have the tools to do it. Looking back at your journey... there were many times I would read about your workouts and feel motivated to push myself further. For me, I spent so many years putting life on hold, not doing things I wanted to do, yet never believed that I could do anything to change my situation... It is very powerful to realize that we do have the control to change these things. I believe in you. Keep going...
 
cherrygarcia said:
this is crazy...i've been on hiatus from my weightloss journey for way to long...i keep trying to get back up but i keep falling even further....i've got to get my act together...tomorrow i HAVE to get back to the gym.
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First off, its great to see an old fimilar face around here. Welcome back!


Second, everyone, EVERYONE hits bumps in the road. The way I think about it is that you only truly fail if you give up.

Time to get back on board!
 
Cherry

Thanks so much for what you put on my diary, really understand how hard this is when you fall off the wagon so to speak, I feel Im no further forward almost a year down the line. Will check out that link for defo.

Get that motivation back there girl as you were doing so so well and get in those 200's will give you so much motivation. Good luck in a major hurry cos I sat here before work thinking what will give me motivation, logging on here definately has. Anyhow, one thing to be proud of, almost 2 years without booze so at least I'm doing that bit spot on.
 
Cherry,
Don't give up, are you keeping a diary of what you're eating and are you keeping active 30 mins to an hour at least 4 times a week? When you can't get to the gym what other exercise do you do - I workout on my steps for 10 - 20 minutes and build it up. You'll be surprised how steadily and effectively you'll lose weight when you get your heart rate up by doing weight bearing exercises (exercises that bears your whole weight).
 
thankyou all for passing by and for encouragement :)

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I haven't posted on this forum for a while. it's been a few weeks and i'm afew pounds heavier :( but now on day 2 of trying to sort things out foodwise and exercised for the first time this year (on sunday) by taking a walk at a beautiful park near my house. i've had lots of start/stop moments this year with the weight programme...but hoping i can get back in the game for good.

Today morning started my day off with another banana/spinach smoothie (banana, spinach, some oats, some flaxseed, some honey)...this time i decided to dip the spinach in boiling water for 30seconds to semi-cook it then removed the leaves and added to the blender. So i can gladly report i don't have any discomfort now like i did yesterday with the raw spinach so will be doing it that way. So i liked it because i had a decent amount of greens and goodness in a very tasty way! Once upon a time you wouldn't have paid me to have a green smoothie but now i'm really loving it! I'm still intrigued that it just tastes like banana and can't taste any greens whatsoever.

Yesterday i also bought lots of carrots and some casserole veges too...i intend on blending those and drinking as vegetable juice...much cheaper than v8 i might add and fresh too....i'm not looking as forward to those because they won't have the yummy factor like the smoothie, but they shall be in place of my salads which i don't quite enjoy eating, i'd much rather chug down the vege juice than have to eat the salad. My aim for now is basically to increase vegetable or fruit intake per day, and with this method i shall be able to EASILY make and exceed the 5 a day fruit/veg portions YAY!

So for now my mini goal is to simply increase my fruit and vege intake per day no matter what other foods i've eaten for the day....and i can say already it's motivating me to want to make other healthier food choices too. I'm not counting calories for now, but just striving to make sure the total foods i eat are human size portions and at the end of the day are 80% healthy and with an allowance of 20% unhealthy.

I hope at the end of the day when i report back that i'll also have managed to incorporate some exercise...i have no excuse because even if it's been raining the last two days and hence can't walk in the park, i still have the home vids and exercise ball so have to do at least something.
 
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okay, so it's the end of day and i have good news to report (it makes me so happy to write that since i've been having such a tough time lately). so i mostly ate healthy today and even went above my target and managed to get in 6 portions of fruit/veg for the day YAY! i haven't done that in goodness knows how long. the blender has become my best friend for now because i'm being able to go through lots of fruit and veg and loving it! i actually feel more energised today and not lethargic like i have been due to the usual crap i've been eating. the fruit smoothies are heavenly however the blended/juiced vegetables are another story...it doesn't taste great but it's a great way to get loads of vegetables in my daily intake plus the benefits far outweigh the taste so i'm definitely sticking to it.

exercise...well, it was another rainy day and just didn't get the urge to do the workout video. HOWEVER i told myself i have to do at least something, so i made use of my exercise ball and resistance band and did squats, lunges, and some arm resistance exercises. I used to be able to do squats and lunges with such ease but today it was TOUGH and my body feels so stiff since i haven't exerted it in anyway for such a long time.

all in all, i'm really glad about today overall, heck i'm ecstatic...i like the idea of daily/weekly mini-goals and breaking up the whole process into much smaller pieces so that i can feel more accomplished about what i've done and actually appreciate it.

on the flipside weightwise i'm back up at 322 pounds...10 pounds heavier than when i last weighed about a month ago...when i say i've eaten a whole lot of crap this month i really mean it, i looked at my bank statement yesterday and was shocked by the amount i'd spent on food. but i can't be looking at the past or what i can't change...what matters is the way forward and what i CAN change.
 
cherrygarcia said:
on the flipside weightwise i'm back up at 322 pounds...10 pounds heavier than when i last weighed about a month ago...when i say i've eaten a whole lot of crap this month i really mean it, i looked at my bank statement yesterday and was shocked by the amount i'd spent on food. but i can't be looking at the past or what i can't change...what matters is the way forward and what i CAN change.
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I am SO with you!! Last time I weighed myself was in January, and I was almost out of the 300's at that time!! It is SO easy to rack up the calories (and the debt, that hits home with me too!!) in a short period of time!!

Kudos to you for getting back on the wagon! :hurray:
 
thanks ladyfoodaholic for passing by :) i'm with you on that, mid december i reached my lowest weight of 306 so feel like kicking myself for that...but we've just gotta move forward, no looking back right?

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okay today was another good day YAY! i've eaten healthy and again exceeded my daily mini-goal of over 5 portions of fruit/veg per day. I really hope i can stick with this for the long term because my body feels so alive, for the past i don't know how long i've been finding myself napping in the afternoons which is sooo bad! but now i feel all energised and not tired all the time like before.

today was another lousy weather day (and is forecasted for the week too :() but when it wasn't raining decided to go walking in the park, my target was to do 30mins but only managed 20mins because the rain started coming down hard! i was dissapointed but proud that i actually got myself to do some form of exercise. when i got back to the house i did some resistance exercises, squats, lunges and did loads of stretching....my body has become so inflexible and the stretching should help with that.

i don't plan on weighing everyday but was glad to see the scale go down 1.8pounds YAY! i know it's all just water weight since i've cut out loads of crappy foods but still feels good :)

30/3/2010: 321.9 pounds
31/3/2010: 320.1 pounds

PS: i decided for motivation to start watching the biggest loser...i'm in the third episode of the current season. I have to say i cried like a freakin baby for the entire first episode!!! and keep randomly bursting out into tears every now and then. their stories hit so close to home, same struggles in life, same health issues, same regrets for not being able to do things they want to do and the list goes on and on. as much as i disagree with the methods used, i have to say it's always interesting to see the body transformations from beginning to end in the short span of 6 months...and seeing people who are even bigger than me train the way they do and see them shrink week by week i think is quite amazing.
 
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Hello Cherry,

Just read your diary in bits and pieces cause there is alot, but it is great to see someone so motivated and also encouraging. I'm new to this, and glad to have stopped by your thread. Good luck on further progress.
 
@njoyabl: thanks for passing by my diary, i'll need to find yours and stop by sometime as well :)

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okay so today was one of those days when i wake up on top of the world then out of nowhere i'm reminded that i'm obese and can't do things that normal sized people can do....i HATE days like these :( ironically it's days like these that make me want to just stuff my face instead of wanting to work at loosing the weight. thank goodness for the love of family and friends because i came home and have since cooled down from the stupid incident.

so what is this incident you may ask? this is what happened...

so after watching a few more episodes of biggest loser for motivation, i decided to get my butt out of the house and do some exercise. it was going to 7.00pm but still relatively bright outside so figured i'd do a one hour walk in the park. so i went and walked round and about looked at my watch and only 30mins had passed:toetap05: so i walked round and about somemore till i'd walked for one solid hour YAY! i was so proud of myself for the days accomplishment despite the fact that it was now dark. and was also slightly a little spooked since it was now dark and since i thought i was the only one left in the park and thought it rather odd.

so after feeling ontop of the world and triumphant i decide to leave the park and alas...the gate is closed? hmmm, so i walk across to the other end of the park where there's another gate and it's also closed, luckily there's a family of 6 who were also there puzzled that the gate was locked, so we all decide to walk to the the third gate and we find it's locked!...i tell myself don't panic because there's other people with me.

and then what happens? a guy walking his dog out of the blue in the park appears from like nowhere and it turns out there's a tiny space between the gate and the fence, and so he squeezes through the tiny gap to get out of the park, and the family members one by one also squeeze through the gap, the said mom and dad don't even look at me or talk to me they just leave THEY JUST FUCKING LEAVE knowing that i can't fit through the space, it's dark and i'm the ONLY one in the f*cking park and i'm starting to freak out....so i ask the dog walker (who is now on the other side of the fence) i ask him what time the park closes and he tells me 7.30pm (and at this time it's 8.00pm) and the conversation ends there, he also starts to walk away not giving a flying f*ck that i'm all alone. so i shout "excuse me" and ask him if he knows if there's another gate and he says to maybe check the gate he came in through which is yet again on the other far end of the park...and he turns without hesitation and walks away :nopity:

so again i repeat it's DARK and i'm ALONE in the park, and by this time i'm freaked out as i walk to the other end of it praying the gate will be open and looking around like a crazy person to be sure there's no murderers, or psychos around...it's just me. as i approach closer to the other gate i finally see through the dark abit of a gap and i start to feel a tiny bit of relief...and almost break out into a run (which i haven't done since like high school)...and was ECSTATIC to find out that the last and final park gate was still open. it is at this point where i saw the ever so tiny sign that states park closes at 7.30pm. i thereafter walked home almost in tears. almost in tears because those b*stards literally left me for dead and didn't even hesitate. what has become of this world? am i over reacting? or am i looking at it all wrong? maybe according to them they just think it's my fault i got so fat so too bad i couldn't fit through the gap in the fence? is it okay to leave me for dead? what if there really was some lurker? would they the next day look at the papers at a story saying girl killed at park and what would their reaction to that be?

the reason i'm rambling on and on about it is because writing it here makes me feel like i can tell the world about it. because in real life when i came home all i told my brother was that i went for a walk in the park and found out that the park closes at 7.30pm and so had to find a gate that was open and finally did. i OMITTED to tell him the VERY IMPORTANT part of the story that states that since i'm sooo fat i couldn't fit through the hole that everyone else left through and they left me without hesitation...i was too embarassed to tell him that because i was ashamed of my weight.

i HATE days like today i really do, because i wake up feeling like i can conquer the world but instead the world knocks me back right down.

tomorrow is another day, i just need to forget the crap of today and remember that tomorrow is a new day.
 
Cherry, I only have four words for you.

YOU CAN DO IT! ..

Okay so maybe i have a few more words. LOL..

I fell off the wagon too.. For MONTHS i didnt care about anything.. Then I noticed i was Getting closer to my original Start weight again and it made me sooooooo depressed.. but honestly, since i started my routine again, it feels like the weight is coming off EASIER then the first time. Im down to my lowest weight in just a few short weeks! :biggrinjester:

And BTW- Those jerks from the park are nothing but a sad excuse for human beings. NOthing but a bunch of asshats I tell ya. Screw them. Karma will get them someday.. And THEY have to live with themselves in there tiny little messed up world in which they only care about themselves. Their day will come. I can't imagine that anybody so, selfish and arrogant could possibly live a happy life. So screw them and their horses they rode in on.
 
cherrygarcia said:
i HATE days like these :( ironically it's days like these that make me want to just stuff my face instead of wanting to work at loosing the weight.
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I totally and 100% relate to this. I don't understand why or how, but being upset that I am too fat to do things is the biggest reason for my compulsive eating!! :piggy:

And those stunning examples of humanity that left you... Seriously, it takes all kinds to make the world go around. You should not be ashamed of what happened, but they sure as hell should be!! You know you're overweight, and you're addressing the issue. They sadly have no idea that they are complete and total, ignorant bastards... Therefore they'll continue on that way until they piss off the wrong lady!!! :flame:
 
@babymomma: great to see your back :) glad to know we both found our wagons and hopped right back on them. as for those jerks, wish you were there with me to kick their asses lol!

@ladyfoodaholic: sometimes i wish in real life i could just say what's on my mind...i'm sooo not like that, i'm never able to think of a comeback quick enough, and only when i get home i'm like i should have said this or that. hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, i should have turned medusa on their asses lol!
 
Hey Cherry :)

Thanks for visiting my diary and welcoming me back. I've been reading through your journal and I can definitely relate to a lot of your struggles you've been going through lately. It's just so tough. But I'm glad that you're getting back on the wagon.

That park story really touched me, because I know exactly how insensitive people can be. Recently, I was grocery shopping, minding my own business and I'm feeling happy and pretty confident. And then I hear this lady whisper to her daughter "That's what a fat person looks like, Shhhhhh" and she's holding her arms out wider than I even am.
She thought she was being quiet and when she seen me staring at her, she looked all sheepish. I wasn't hurt, I was just shocked. 1. I was shocked that this grown woman was whispering something so immature to this little kid that had to be only 1 or 2 years old. I mean, why would someone teach their child that? "Oh look honey, this is the color red, this is a shoe, and that's a fat person!" Ugh... And 2. I just can't believe people can just be so cruel. What satisfaction does she get by talking about someone like that? I didn't have the words to say anything to her. But later I came up with a 1000 comebacks that I wish I could have said.

Anyway.... I just wanted to tell you that little story... People just pretty much suck. But I kept my head up. I'm a big girl, but I know that I'm cute, fun and smart... but most important I'm a member of Earth and shouldn't be treated like an alien or something hideous. It's like we have to just keep continually fighting. Fighting through ignorant people, fighting ourselves when our brain wants us to do something else... just keep fighting.

Sorry for rambling. lol. Hope you're having a great day.
 
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CRAZYMAIZY said:
We know its not all about being stick thin, I don't even wish to be thin, its about how you carry yourself, how you feel inside, how your clothes fit (even if still a little outsized), how you perceive yourself. How you smile, how you look after yourself and I think you are getting there. Certainly from what I read of you last Christmas, you have come so so far.

So just wanted to say keep this up and I know life and your self esteem will just continue to grow. Best of luck.
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Wonderful advice, and absolutely true. :)

Good luck, Cherry, and God bless you!
 
thanks everyone for the words of encouragement after that really bad day i had. i've since put that behind me thank goodness.

@dreamingblue: i'm so sorry you had to go through that experience at the store. why do people have to be so damn mean! sometimes it makes it all the more harder to keep going! but we shouldn't give such ignorant people the satisfaction and just keep going on our goals.

@paulito: thanks for passing by, long time no see :)
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otherwise i'm doing okay, i kindof lost my grip over the holiday...the mind is such a powerful thing and all it kept telling my body is that i should eat the foods i'm craving...that war went on long enough and i finally caved in on monday/tuesday where i had a whole lot of really bad foods. i really wish i didn't have to be constantly going forwards then backwards over and over again.

anyway, as of today i'm back on top of things and started my day with a banana/spinach smoothie and new that was the start of good things to come for the day. it was a BEAUTIFUL day out so i went walking to yet another nearby park which has a really large pond with ducks and swans swimming. the park was pretty packed with moms and their young kids, dog walkers, and teenage kids too who i think may have began their holidays.

anyway, i managed to stroll for one and a half hours which i thought was really good, and just breathing in all that fresh spring air was just heavenly. i got a great park bench spot and had my lunch there too.

i have discomfort around my archiles tendon which is why i've been strolling (walking slowly), every time i try to so much as pick up the pace the discomfort turns into pain. which is why i'm starting slow. i know without a shadow of a doubt it has to do with my level of unfitness so i'm hoping i can keep that up together with stretches to hopefully become a little more mobile/agile.

well, all in all i'm really glad with today...goals for the day accomplished YAY. hoping tomorrow will be just as good if not better

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here's a picture of the park i walked at today,
 
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Hello Cherry Garcia,
The park is beautiful, I see what you mean.
Well done on not giving up and as you level of fitness improves so will your health.
It seems that you gave into a craving which is natural, but over did it, which is also natural. Have you spoken to your GP and or checked on line for anything missing in your diet that can help keep the cravings down?

You're right to start slowly with your exercise have you checked out the (link removed)'Effective weight loss exercises' link in the Improve Weight Loss website under 'Diets and weight loss'? See if it's of benefit to you, you've got nothing to lose, if you don't like it look elsewhere.

Take care and take it a meal at a time.
 
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