Cate's Diary

Love the article, LaMa! Though I would probably never get a tattoo (except maybe a small friendship tattoo), I love seeing how happy it makes people when I appreciate theirs.

Cate, I was thinking about going with the flow of things, and this may sound trite, but now that I have more energy I am trying out what I want to use it on, and what has been happening is that I want to do unexpected things, like I expected I would do art, and instead I am really getting into gardening. Found a gardening show and it is making me so, so happy watching it that I then go burst with energy and enthusiasm in my garden! And I thought I would get creative with the house, but instead I am really into making my relationships harmonious. Along the same lines, it seems like your son is just doing random, very spontaneous things, but he seems to be happy doing them, and maybe following his heart is what he needs to do at this point (and I know this is mixed with possible mania, and don't mean to dismiss in any way the worry you have because of that). Anyway, it seems like you could use some of that, too, that following your heart. For instance, you keep getting roped into things you don't really want to do. Maybe instead of worrying so much about your son, you could do with following what you would really like to do with your time now, even if it's things that seem a bit tame and boring on the outside (like my interests at the moment - they aren't boring, but they do seem that way at a glance) or things that don't seem practical. Maybe the golf club being a pain in the neck is a sign to go off and do your own things more?

Anyway, just my random thought of the day! Hope you find a way to really enjoy your retirement so much that you don't have time to worry over your son very often! I was even picturing you going and camping on his land with him to really see if you could help him in some small ways and to put your mind at rest as far as seenig if he is taking care of himself or not. Ok, that's my last random thought of the day!! Hope it's a good one!!!
 
I have got too far behind with my diary I'm sorry. I have been reading all of the lovely, helpful comments, but have been unable to answer them as I have hardly been home this weekend. I'll try to address each one-
Jen- R's tatts are an integral part of who he thinks he is, but each time he gets another I have to adjust to it. It takes time as each time I feel a little bit as I felt with his first one. His history & his pain is mapped out on his body, even down to the dates that he saw a psychiatrist, who helped him come to terms with having Bipolar. There isn't much space left :( I'm afraid his tatts are not small or unobtrusive. Just thinking about some of them makes me teary. His heart is on his sleeve literally. So are G & I. He has a memorial chest & once I said to him that I didn't want to be on there, the next time we saw him our names were on his arm.
Marsia- I am going to get help as I know I need it. Your insights really do help me a lot. I know that I should be doing things that I enjoy more & I am going to try to find a new hobby. I have been gardening today & I have decided I am going to have a go at sewing. I'll go get my sewing machine out when I put the laptop down. I first have to work out how to put a new needle in & thread it. It has been SOOO long. I found some material I have had for about 20 years & I also have been looking at patterns for drawstring bags made from old t-shirts etc & I'm going to start playing. I was the only one in class to fail sewing in my first year of high school, but I'm not going to let that stop me.
Your ideas are always good ones, thank you, Marsia, xo
Thank you so much LaMa for all of those hugs. I needed each & every one. I am going to persevere with getting a referral to a psych as I know that I need to. Kindness is making me very teary, but I really do cherish it, xo.

I actually had a fun day yesterday & had lots and lots of laughs. I played with M, the only other woman who plays regularly in the social golf club we are in. After 9 holes I travelled with her in her ride on cart & apparently there were jokes made about us laying eggs. It was good medicine! I invited her & her partner to our house in a couple of weeks for lunch as she hasn't seen it yet. I really like her. We get on really well. She said I would love her club but it's too far to travel to & the course is very difficult. We are going to play together in a National tournament in March though. She has convinced me that I will enjoy it & said she'll rig it so we play together so I can travel in her cart. I would never be able to do it otherwise as it involves playing Mon, Tue, Thu & Fri in the one week! There's also a bbq the Sunday before, to register. We'll travel home that day. Then a dinner after golf on Monday (we'll stay at G's sister's that night). Tuesday night we'll come home. Maybe stay in town again Thu night & Sat night too when I think there is another dinner. There's plenty of time to sort all that out, but we have paid for it already, so we're doing it.

On the drive to golf yesterday we had a conversation about travel & money & we have both agreed that the trip to Greece will most probably be our last big one. Instead, we are going to make a point of making more short trips in Australia, including going to the golfing nationals each year with this group as we enjoy their company so much. I feel relieved that we have made this decision. We only have so much money & not much income so it is sensible. Our biggest asset is our home & we want to stay here as long as possible. We also have lots of friends who live in Victoria who we rarely see & would love to see more often. Tasmania is beautiful & we don't get around it enough. That is going to change. G & I are going to get away more often on small road trips.

Anyhow. I had better get up off my butt & get this sewing machine out.
Marsia- I think I'm going to try 16:8, starting tomorrow.
Thanks for all of your love & support, xoxo
 
Sewing sounds wonderful! I was the same way with art. In grade school they gave the scissors that worked well and the non-broken crayons to the "good" art students, and the rest of us were stuck with the rest of the supplies. But my family all loves to draw, so I did that with them, and wound up loving doing art. Because it was hard for me, it was so much more satisfying when it came out well. In art school the students who already drew well didn't tend to stretch themselves and try new things, whereas the rest of us who struggled to get what we wanted on paper really progressed rapidly with all the instruction and practice. It was sort of the opposite of what most people believe, that you have to have inborn talent to do well with art and with crafts. Now that YouTube exists, I bet you will have a blast learning to sew!

I agree with LaMa about the little trips being as interesting and more relaxing than big vacations often. We always love our local trips and discover new things here all the time. It's wonderful being a tourist who can just drive to the comfort of home at the end of the day!

The tournament sounds like a really great goal to work up to, too. You are going to get in such great shape, I bet, preparing for an entire week of golfing!!

It's really good to hear you are refocusing on your happiness and even more of your interests!!
 
Thank you, Marsia. I really do appreciate my WLF friendships. Day 1 of 16:8 & I started off hungry. It's only hunger. I'm drinking black coffee. :)
I weighed myself this morning & regained 1kg in the last 2 weeks. I'm ok with that. My weight fluctuates all the time. I'm feeling confident.
Funeral today. G is a pallbearer & is saying a few words on behalf of the vets. Tonight we'll relax as we can't get anything else done for Thursday's tournament until tomorrow night.
My 12 o'clock "lunch" is some yoghurt, rhubarb & strawberries & I have a GF cereal/nut mix to sprinkle on top. We're meeting the family at D's house at 1. We organised a 9-hole comp so that the vets could still get a game in & still go to the funeral. One of them complained to me the other day that they could still have played 18 holes & started early. Really? What a grouch. Everyone else thought it a great idea, including his family.
I didn't mention it to anyone on the day, but last Thursday was the anniversary of my brother's suicide aeons ago. It was in the general mix of stress, without me dwelling on it.
I'm feeling stronger today. Refocussing on my happiness & well-being is going to be a high priority from now on, xoxo
 
Hi Cate! Glad your first half of 16:8 went well, and hope the last half did, too! Please let me know - I'm so excited you are doing the same IF schedule and am really crossing my fingers that it works!! Really sad to hear about your brother. Big hugs!!

I hope this can be the year we all take extra great care of ourselves!! I think that is a big part of getting healthy again!
 
Hi, Marsia. I think 16:8 will be much easier than 5:2 & I really do hope that I lose some weight. It can be as slow as it likes ;) Even just not gaining anything would be good. I swear I look at food & gain weight.
Thanks for the hugs re my brother. It was such a long time again. Suicide is always bloody sad. There is always the what ifs, but I'm over that now.
We absolutely need to look after ourselves & we will. We must.
Today has been a crazy flat out day. I have been "as busy as a one legged arse kicker".
Opening up clubhouse for Vets golf/filling fridges for Thursday's tournament/banking/shopping for said tournament & for us/bar/meeting with late vets family before funeral/funeral in the rain, with G as a pallbearer/wake at a club/G giving speech on behalf of the golf club/picking up our OGS taking him to work/shopping for us/back home/have to pick him up again at 9 pm.
Our YS, R may be coming up for a visit on Thursday for a couple of days. He doesn't know but we have the 2 youngest GK's during the day on Friday. He would love that. I just let him know then as he's messaging me on FB.
I had better go have some dinner. I have to remember- nothing after 8!
 
Wow, you need to clone yourself and send at least 2 of the clones to the golf club for you! I bet you will find the 16:8 a lot easier, and for me, about half the time mine turns into an 18:6, which really helps for dropping the weight! I don't think you will have to worry about gaining!!
 
Hi, Marsia. I think I will find 16:8 easier. Funny thing I don't usually wake up really hungry, but today I did. I am meant to be playing golf with the women today but may just wash all the coffee cups out there & get everything ready for tomorrow. I asked for help yesterday & the women are happy to help me out, but I don't know that I have the energy to get around 18 holes & then do the work. I might just play nine if someone else wants to just do that. I'll see what happens. I'm taking some carb soda & vinegar to soak the mugs in.
Hi, LaMa. I do too. It's my favourite of the "busy" ones.
"Busy as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs." (G's contribution)

Day 2 on 16:8.
Breakfast-Black coffee.
Lunch-Toastie( sourdough oat bread, 1/4 avocado, a little hot salami, some chilli, tasty cheese & spinach) & a banana.
Dinner- will be baked venison & veggies, followed by a small fruit platter.
 
cate said:
I think I will find 16:8 easier. Funny thing I don't usually wake up really hungry, but today I did.
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It´s good to keep trying new things. Unlike washing other people´s coffee cups you never know what you´ll learn :p I do feel sorry for that poor cat!
 
LaMa- I played 18 holes of golf as it was a sponsor day, so I would have felt guilty if I hadn't. By the time our group got in last, most of the cups had been washed & put away. Then the 2 women I played with helped me do the rest- filling the urn, filling the salts & peppers & setting up. I asked for help & I got it.
I also won Div 2 & won the putting so was quite happy with my game. It wasn't great but was much better than I have been playing. I did not stress. I also stood up for myself when being pressured to do something that really isn't my responsibility. I said I had enough on my plate.
I also fasted until 1 pm & have finished for the day at 8 pm, so that was good too.
R is arriving tomorrow for 2 nights. We have the GK's on Friday as well so that will be lovely.
 
Thanks, hon xoxo

It's not 7 am yet & we will be leaving soon to go out to the club. This will be a big day, but we have done it plenty of times before. There are 88 players booked to play. Showers are forecast, but hopefully, that won't deter them. We both feel reasonably relaxed & under control.
 
Hope the golf went well . Glad to see you are processing things Cate hope you continue to feel better . Think that's sensible about the holidays . Money runs out quick doesn't it .
 
The golf day went well. We were there at 7.40 am & didn't get home until 6.40 pm. It was exhausting! R arrived off the bus 30 mins later. It has been total bedlam. A & GK's & D for breakfast at 8, GK's for the day, dropped R off in town, with A, our older GS, who is working, D for dinner with the GK's & now a brief lull.
We balanced the books for the tournament today & are very glad that day is over!
It was good to talk to R tonight at dinner. He thinks his brother will be ok. We have to stop stressing.
Day 4 of 16:8. I'm liking it. I'm eating less & hopeful that I will lose weight.
 
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