Cate's Diary

That's either the cutest picture I've ever seen or something out of a horror movie (is that just me?). Sorry to hear about your mom but - working in geriatrics - I can absolutely see what you mean. Hugs for warmth inside and out.
 
I do agree, LaMa, but knowing how placid they really are, it's not scary. Thanks for the hugs hon. I think I'm going to need them. I'm preparing myself for the inevitable as I feel sure Mum does not have much longer. It was lovely to see her & tell her again how much I love her & to hold her hand & kiss her. I'll go in again tomorrow & the next day....Tomorrow I will ring my sister while I am there so she can tell Mum too. It really doesn't matter how old Mum is or how old I am when she goes we're orphans. I have been very fortunate to have had this special time with her.
xoxo
 
Thank you WLF & LaMa. I felt that I wanted my forum friends to know what was going on. I got a call from the home at 5.55am & was there by 6.30. Mum died at 3.10 this afternoon. It is almost impossible to convey the emotion of it all & I won't go into the nitty gritty of it all. It was nice to be there but it was also tough & a bit gruesome & it was very sad. I watched her fade in front of my eyes & I recognised it when she was almost at the end. I am so grateful that I was there for her last breath. It was a very emotional day.
My husband was a rock. He came & went with coffee etc, came home & cooked dinner & came back & was there at the very end. I have rung everyone I needed to(I think) & am now on my own at home, having a glass of red wine. He & our older son had to go out to 8-ball. G messaged one of the others & they are being picked up & don't have to drive. It will be good for G to go out for a few hours. I will ring & have a good talk with my sister again soon. I am very much aware of being the older sister & it will be hard for her not being able to have seen Mum. I rang her this morning & held the phone to Mum's ear. Poor H. She didn't know what to say, but I said say whatever you like. She told Mum she loved her, which is what I wanted her to say. I knew it would be important to her later, knowing that she said it.
I will have things to do tomorrow organising Mum's cremation etc & may not find time to get around the diaries.
Sending you all my love, xoxo Cate.
 
Hugs, hon, lots and lots of hugs. And my condolences, of course. I am so glad you have such a wonderful family to share things with.
 
Thank you LaMa- very much. I have woken to snow this morning. It was magical. I feel relief that Mum has had such a peaceful, painful death & that I was with her. I have had such lovely messages from friends & family & feel genuinely loved & supported. I'm a very lucky person.
 
Sorry for the passing of your Mum. Im glad she passed peaceful.

Also feel that by realizing how lucky you are with the love, support, family, friends. more is really a great frame of mind to get you through this time.

I just had a few family losses and the realization of how blessed I am has really helped (even though I have a lot of issues and whine a lot, I do know Im so lucky to have my family, friends, opportunities).

Also know the people Ive lost would have wanted me to be happy, to celebrate the positive time they had with us and not be sad for their loss, but to look at the amazing qualities they have and implement them into my own life.
 
Thank you WLF & Julie. I'm fine. It was her time. G & I decided to go into town to sign the papers at the funeral directors. We only just got back. I thought I had things sorted, but just got a call from my brother & Mum's will is nothing like she said. He's ringing me back. It's quite weird.
Hopefully it will all be sorted.
Time for a glass of wine.
 
O dear, I hope so too, it´s so unpleasant to have to worry about something like that at a time like this.
 
Thanks LaMa & Hana. I have just been in to empty out Mum's room & have done so. I have just emptied it all out & will sort through it another day. I called in to the local solicitor & Mum made a new will after the one my brother was given yesterday. This one was made 5 months after my sister died, so should reflect what we thought all along. I won't find out for sure until Tuesday morning, but I am feeling reasonably confident. Luckily I had not broken the news to H, my younger sister. Phew. My brother's lawyer (Mum's old one) is incompetent. He had sent her paperwork over here, with the new will, but kept the old one, for some reason & gave that to my brother & caused us both a lot of unnecessary angst. I hardly slept last night, worrying about how I was going to break the news to H :(

G & I are both really exhausted. We went into town early- him to a working bee at the golf club, me to empty Mum's room. What with the lack of sleep last night & the stress of the last few days, we are both feeling knackered. We have just sat down & are about to have a pot of herbal tea. *sigh* Hopefully the phone won't ring!

I'm not bothering about fasting at all this week. I have been doing my squats though, even in Mum's room, while she was still alive (& I felt stiff & uncomfortable.) Feeling better now I'm sitting down, feet up. Looking forward to wine o'clock.
 
Get some sleep, Cate, that´s the most important thing right now. If the phone rings: let it. You´re due some rest. Even if you knew it was coming and even if you know it´s for the best and all that... you still just lost your mom. So be gentle with yourself.
 
I'm sending lots of love and hugs your way. I am sorry for your loss. It sounds like you really appreciated her and that she knew you were there for her at the end.

It is hard to watch someone literally fade away, I was 12 years old and holding my great-grandmother's hand when she passed away. But it is beautiful to see the sweet peaceful state that you know they are now in. Thanks for checking in on me and my diary, it is amazing how much you still have to give, even through such a rough time. You are remarkable.
 
You're right LaMa. I have had a very peaceful, relaxing afternoon & evening & will go to bed earlyish. I will be gentle with myself. Thank you xoxo
Hi Anke. Thank you honey. That is very sweet of you xoxo
 
Condolences on your loss, Cate. Sending the biggest virtual hug I've got. You got to be with her toward the end, which is at least a little silver lining in a very dark cloud. She probably was in and out of it for a bit, but I'm pretty sure she knew she was loved.

:cry:
 
Thank you, Vee. I am really glad I was able to be with her at the end. She was a big part of my life & it will take time for me to get used to not having her around. It was well & truly time for her to go, though.
I have not worried about what I have been eating this week, but will be back on track Monday. I haven't over-eaten though.
 
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