Cate's Diary

It is much easier to give advice than take it. Worry & stress are insidious. We are both struggling to sleep & not worry. We could be the sort of people who just don't care, but we're not & never will be. Hopefully it will be OK & we are worrying unnecessarily. I have been taking lots of deep breaths & distracting myself. I'm aching all over today.
The blood bank would not take my plasma today as the specialist hasn't returned the clearance form :( I'll chase it up myself. When we went there today we found out that one of the staff, who had just been diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer then, died the week before Christmas. She was our favourite & was absolutely lovely.

Whenever I hear of someone else dying of Cancer It puts problems into perspective.
 
cate said:
The stuff he wants is the stuff that we have already given him over the years, but which has disappeared into the ether.
Click to expand...

:eek: Ether seepage seems to be catching :eek:

One of my clients died of cancer three days ago. I´d been to see her the day before and I´d seen the signs but it´s still always a shock. She was a darling too.
 
I almost forgot to say- We're going down to Hobart today, after watching D, our OS, play in an 8-ball money match in Launceston. Tonight we are going to see Tex Perkins play at the Republic Bar in Hobart, staying with R, our YS & then being there with him at his future cafe (note the non-usage of the inverted commas ;) ) staying another night with him, & hopefully will manage to have a good talk with him. We both feel that we need to tell him that we can't cope with too much more stress. Yesterday we were both in tears. Once it was while G, my LH, was on the phone to a friend. We will always love him & he knows that, but it has got to the stage where we feel really nervous & uptight whenever he rings & it is affecting our health. I don't think it is helping him in the long run constantly "lending" him money (here you can note the use of " again) and it won't help him to get organised if he is constantly ringing me for his own details, doing his banking online etc. He is planning on getting a business loan & he really has no idea about planning ahead. I doubt I will be able to approach him this trip re getting medical help. I feel like I should suggest my concerns, but don't want to put him on a downward spiral. :eek:
I think we'll just go down there, try to be gentle, helpful & loving, but let him know that we can't cope with too much stress or anxiety. Did I say try? We'll TRY!
I will be gone until Monday, xo Cate
 
It's not good news I'm afraid. We came home early as we just could not cope at all. He has not thought any of this through & the place he has leased is absolutely not suitable for a cafe. I cannot begin to tell you why not as there are so many reasons! I am now so sure that he is Bipolar. He needs help. It felt awful walking away but I told him that we just can't pretend to be positive about it. We said goodbye & my husband was crying within a minute. We both feel totally useless at the moment. I don't know of anyone who thinks this is a good idea, except our son. His housemate thinks he'll get thrown out soon. He has been sleeping there & spending quite a bit of time sitting outside over the front awning. Downstairs is a hairdressers, with steps leading up to the area he has leased. It's all open. He blocked off the stairs yesterday so no-one could go down there. I think he must have put his clothes etc down there as they weren't in his house & they couldn't be seen upstairs anywhere.

We both think the best outcome would be him being thrown out, before he books up too much on credit. I really don't think it is possible for it to go ahead.
After we left & went back to his house to drive home his next door neighbour's door was open. He's a doctor in a hospital & I thought I would give him my number. We had a brief chat & I told him we think R might be Bipolar & did he know of a good GP to recommend. He had been wondering as well & had started thinking he may be taking speed. He was about to go out & a cab arrived, but he took my number first. He said that he would need to get on a mental Health plan which entitles you to 10 free psych visits. I think that he will give it some thought & be in touch. he's a really nice guy.

R's house was an absolute tip & that was after a major clean-up apparently. His housemate is also a drunk. I won't go into the details there, but it all is pretty grim.
I managed to actually get a good night's sleep last night, but woke up early in an absolute panic & then started bawling my eyes out. We are going to ring today & let him know what we think about it all. I wish we had felt up to staying there yesterday so that we would have been able to try talking to him today in person.
 
That really stinks Cate! I'm so sorry that things are that bad. Walking away shows that you aren't supporting his bad decisions. There really wasn't anything to be done. I hope he realizes his need for help soon. You can't help anyone unless they want help. So prepare to offer what support you can and try to help him realize he needs it.
 
Thank you Q. Thank you for trying to help & support me. I appreciate it much more than I can possibly say.

Walking away had much more to do with us personally, not being mentally able to cope emotionally with his irrational thinking, due to what really must be a serious mental illness. Mental illness sucks. I really, really wish I was able to be stronger emotionally. I cannot get over the feeling that I am seriously letting him down by not being able to express my worries to him clearly & succinctly. He so needs emotional support & help. I am not strong enough, but I will never stop loving him.

I rang one of his really good friends today, to get his view on it all & wept on the phone :eek: He is really worried too. He rang me back, after speaking to his GF, who is a psych. She suggested just mentioning that he should find out the regulations re setting up a cafe & making sure it's possible, rather than mentioning his mental state. It's good advice.

I sent him a message today saying -
" Hi sweetie, Dad & I have confidence in your ability to do whatever you set out to do & you know we love & support you. Before you spend any more money on this project we think you should get someone from Council to come & look at it & say exactly what would need to be done to get approval, if it is possible. If so, then it really needs costing. This is not in any faint way a criticism of you personally. If you want to call we're not going anywhere, but know that I will probably cry. We're both a bit of a mess. We love you very much, xo Mum"

I didn't hear back, but I think he has seen it.

Our son, D, is coming soon, for dinner tonight. :beating: Being a parent can be the best thing in the world, but it also can be so heart-breaking. I have no regrets about having children still. I love them both so much!

Love to all, xo Cate

 
LaMa, just saw your post & shed another tear or two. I nearly sent you a message saying I really needed a big hug & one just came, unasked for. Thank you sweetie xoxo
 
I´m so glad you don´t have to go it alone and have someone who knows her way around mental trouble to advise you. No lay person is strong enough to handle these things and even professionals can get in deep water very quickly when loved ones are concerned. You are not failing him in any way just because you´re human and I think your message was spot on.
More hugs in case the other batch ran out.
 
I'm sorry it didn't go well. Though it sounds like you have some qualified people to talk to about this that are helping you figure out what to do, which I'm sure is at least a bit helpful.
Hope things settle down for you.
 
LaMa & Mystic- thank you. I am really, really concentrating on chilling out. He thinks he has it all worked out. We will be there to pick up the pieces. Most of his friends are too scared to alienate him by saying what they think. I think he has to work his own way through this. Every time I start panicking I quickly switch to something distracting, like picturing our youngest grandson playing with the Lego we just gave him for his birthday or me brushing my grand-daughter's hair or ......... whatever I can think of, but not him. So far today, so good. I have not cried once today.

On another note- today I did what I have not done for SO long. I ate a Mars bar & a packet of crisps, instead of lunch. It's done. I did not get any pleasure from it. It won't become a habit (again). I will not let it. Tomorrow is another day & hopefully I'll get the strength to go play golf with the women :eek:

xoxo Cate
 
You, lady, are one admirable woman. Have fun playing golf or kicking annoying-golfing-woman-butt, whichever is more doable ;)
 
Oh LaMa I'm unable to even contemplate having fun at the moment. I'm at home. I just couldn't face them. Thanks for being sweet xo Cate
 
Mars Bars= sugar & fat.
Having a Mars Bar & a packet of crisps= stuffing your face.
I am over it, but am also not happy about it.

I was not up to going to golf yesterday, but had a day without tears. We gardened, cut down some pesky little trees that grow like weeds, read a book & went out to 8-ball last night & we won & are in the finals.

Today my LH went to work & I cooked, tidied & vacuumed & kept myself as busy as possible, but did shed some tears.

Worrying does not help anyone, but I am finding it very hard not to. I'll keep trying!
 
Reporting in that I am feeling much better. I have a very tidy house, have done lots of gardening, read a few books, eaten well.....Even when I have thought of our son I have not been panicking & felt calmer. Not having any contact with him has helped, but I have felt the odd bit of guilt about that, but reminded myself that it is self-preservation. I think, as a parent, you sometimes forget that you are important too.

I am about to head to the Farmers Market & will visit my Mum. When I get back home I am changing into my exercise gear & hopping on my bike to warm up & then doing at least one set of weights (to music). My favourite weights track is James Brown's "Funk soul brother". Yes, you can laugh! I use light weights & I don't do them slow enough. It's more an enhanced sort of dance, with weights. :blush5: but it is high time I got off my butt & started feeling like I'm myself again. I'll have to re-ignite my spark. I have taken much more pleasure from small things the last couple of days & have really got a few laughs in here.

I realised a few years ago that typing in my diary is the best therapy for me. It's such a help with clarifying my thoughts. Thanks for all your support folks. I'm getting back to feeling like me again. In the back of my head is a little voice telling me to at least have February off drinking any alcohol. I don't drink to excess any more, but have a couple of wines at the end of most days. I know it is a habit & it is stalling my weight loss. That little voice is getting louder every time I read Q's diary & Han's.....& Vee's.....& my son is having a couple of months off. Today is the last day of January.......

Anyhow, lots of love to all, xoxo Cate
 
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O Cate I´m so happy you´re feeling (a bit) better! I´m not laughing about your choice of music either, I love that song :) You know I´m all about that bass... (But that´s another topic entirely).
Anyways: great work at the eightball and I´m sure no-wine-february will help on the scale!
 
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