Cate's Diary

Hi Mystic & LaMa. I'm not really sure where to start, so I may just skip it for the moment. I wouldn't swap lives with anyone as I love my sons & grand-kids, but life would be easier without them it's true. To anyone reading who has little kids, that strong feeling you have when they are born, stays with you forever. There is no love like the love you feel for your kids, whatever their age. It can be really draining and wonderful at the same time. At the moment it's a great big weight.

I'm going to garden today to distract myself. G is at work today, Wed & Thursday. He only works very occasionally so it will be a bit weird, but I will get lots done.

On a good note I lost a little bit of weight. I had gained a kilo last week :( , but have lost it plus another half. It's nothing to get excited about, but if it continues to go down then I'll be happy about it.

Trying not to worry & not succeeding. If I tell you all about it, I will only get worked up. Basically our YS son has taken a lease on a place & is setting up a cafe with no money. We don't have it to lend him & he hasn't asked. It could be just the thing to keep him busy and focussed. I can only hope! Fingers & toes crossed!

Coffee is made & I am then off into the great outdoors. I'm going to attempt to cart a whole heap of topsoil into a garden. It may be too hard, but I'm going to have a crack at it! Bye for now, xo Cate
 
My own son just went through a messy break up over the holiday break...its so hard to see them hurt. I am hoping him headed back tomorrow for spring semester at college will help keep is mind off of it. So hugs to your son and you. Us Moms feel it too!

Congrats on the losing and sending good vibes for the cafe to be a big success! :)
 
tetemcg said:
My own son just went through a messy break up over the holiday break...its so hard to see them hurt. I am hoping him headed back tomorrow for spring semester at college will help keep is mind off of it. So hugs to your son and you. Us Moms feel it too!

Congrats on the losing and sending good vibes for the cafe to be a big success! :)
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Thanks tete. We Mums sure do. I'm sure there are lots of parents who don't care about their kids, but you & I both, sure are not like that at all. I love so much that it sometimes hurts.
You're a sweetie & it is lovely having you back. Hugs right back to you & your son xoxo
 
Cate- I hope everything with your son is all good. I can imagine kids are a big source of stress, haha my poor mum worries about me when I haven't texted her for a few days. Probably because I live so far away though!!

Well done on the loss, I gained about a kg last week to so I'm hoping to do what you did and drop it plus a little extra!!
 
Man, sounds like you and your kids are going through a stressful period right now. I'm sure your OS will eventually find someone he loves as much or more than her. If he's honest with himself, he's probably not remembering all the reasons they broke up in the first place. It's easy to idealize a relationship after the fact.
 
Hi Cory, Unfortunately I think the main reason they split is that he has 3 kids & that is sad. I still think she mustn't love him enough or she would to deal with that. She's also very ambitious, very independent & wants to travel. Hopefully he will find someone to love as much or more, but, of course, it may take a while. In the meantime he's hurting. There's nothing we can do about that except for doing what we do already & give him love & support.

Had a really good, physical day yesterday. I dug up 2 big loads of dirt & transported them in our old Ute & filled up a space behind a rock wall, ready for planting out some ground cover Grevilleas. G was suitably impressed when he got home from work. I was knackered! Was very tired last night, but am OK today. Woke heaps though, worrying about R & his cafe & then making myself stop.

Off to town today to do the bar for G's golf day & do some shopping, visit Mum etc. Did I say that I took our little dog & the 3 GK's to see her on Sunday? That was nice.

Bye for now xoxo Cate
 
Color me impressed too! Monotonous physical work is a good way to free your head (for me, at least). Hugs LaMa
 
Thanks Mystic & LaMa. It helped me get through the day, that's for sure.
I had a very sleepless night again last night. I was in the check-out yesterday & D, our older son called in on his way home from staying with his brother. I asked him to lunch at the deli & heard more about the cafe. It made me feel physically & mentally sick. In the middle of the night, the only way I got to sleep was after convincing myself that I just will have to get our YS to a doctor.
He had taken out a 1 year lease on a part of a property, but has extended that to 3 years. It is going to be a cafe, but there is no kitchen, no equipment, no licence to trade, he has no money & is buying stuff on credit. Rent is quite expensive (as much as his home mortgage.) He is not sleeping, is spending impulsively & unnecessarily on things that he does not need(a $800 Go Pro), offering jobs to start before he has any income or even is able to trade. He has signed a lease as far as I know, without checking to see if he is legally able to have a cafe there.
His flatmate has just lost his job in the pub our son worked at until recently. His boss mentioned a FB post by our son which hinted at his lack of integrity. He said that he was retrenching him because he was no longer needed(that was to cover his arse legally) but basically blamed R for him losing his job. R has offered him a "job" without any means of paying him. You can see why I am so worried. He is so set up for a major crash this time.
We are going down this Sat night & I am so worried that I feel sick. He is having live music on the Sunday, which was going to be in his back yard, but is now going to be in the "cafe."
If anyone has any suggestions on how the hell I am going to talk to him about getting him to see someone, without him taking it as a personal criticism I would greatly appreciate it.
I'm not going to golf again today as I just don't feel like trying to put on a "it's ok" face. I just couldn't face the women today.
I will eat healthy & get on my bike later. I feel like I'm back into the swing of things that way at least.
D, our OS, thinks it would be best that we don't offer any money or it would just be wasted, especially after R bought the camera. He, too is worried sick, as are R's friends.
I spoke to one of the golfers yesterday, who is bi-polar and I do feel quite sure that R is too. He is on Lithium & said it took 7 years, a week in a psych ward & shock treatment, before he was diagnosed! :( :eek:
Don't be afraid to say what you think folks. I won't be offended. If I keep my nose right out & leave him to crash on his own & then try to pick up the pieces, I fear there may not be any to pick up & then I would feel like I have failed him as a parent. It's scary!
(
 
I'm afraid I don't have much to offer. The article above seems sound and offers further help.

I agree with D about not offering money. It will only allow him to extend his episode or get himself into deeper trouble. Sorry I am not more help.

I would say to start with some tiny point that is easy to show as wrong and address it being careful not to blame. Something to go in the right direction even if it is tiny might lead to a tiny bit bigger point and hopefully snowball from there. It sounds like he needs more help than you can give so the ultimate goal is to guide him to that realization. If you can great and if not you tried. This sounds blunt, but he may have to crash to realize he needs help. I hope not for both of you, but it is a scenario that you need to be prepared for.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and will share if I think of anything at all.
 
Thanks Q. I had actually read that article before & it is helpful. I'm going to try to find a way to tell him that I think he needs help & that he may be bipolar. I'm quite sure he is. I have read so much about it over the years & the more I have read, the more convinced I am. I think he may have to crash again before he does something about it. Hopefully he will get help. I find it much too stressful to cope with personally. He rang me last night(this would be about the 6th time I have sent it to him) to get his Tax file number etc for the new job & I could hardly talk to him. I felt really down & teary.

I have spent hours sorting out my photos on my laptop, renaming them. putting them in folders etc & that has helped me chill out. I have done housework, including some cooking, had a very healthy tuna salad for lunch, followed by a little Mango sorbet & an apple, drunk lots of water & am no longer shaking & feeling like a heart attack waiting to happen.

Thanks once again for your support Q xo Cate
 
:( Don´t know what to say. Have you been to see a health care professional yourself? Maybe if you explain what is going on they can help you figure out your best course of (un)action. Sometimes letting someone crash is the only way, but even then you need to prepare the road for some people to be able to be willing to ask for help and not just feel ashamed and desperate.
Great big hugs.
 
My doctor has moved away & I have not been to see another since she left. I spent quite a bit of time online today & chatted to a counsellor online. I will do a little more work online tomorrow & might ring around. It would really help if I knew someone who had got help & could recommend someone. I might search some forums. I'm used to that! Thanks for your support LaMa xoxo
 
Went out to 8-ball with G last night & had a pleasant evening & then got a really good night's sleep. I'll do some gardening today & get some stuff together to take down. R wants me to take as much stuff like glasses, edible plants etc for the cafe & my brain was telling me that this will be a disaster & that it will not go ahead. I have to try really hard to be positive about it & still find some way to talk to him about getting help. I don't feel so sick about it. Luckily he can't use his house as collateral because he is only a part owner. I will stop "talking" about him as it only gets me worked up.

Yesterday I spent hours sorting out online photos, renaming them, putting them in folders etc. I would like to do more today as I want to get a heap printed up & a couple blown up to put on the walls. I should get moving & pot up herbs though first. Actually I'm going to make another pot of coffee & do some sorting first. I don't even have my photos saved on a USB at the moment!
 
I am sorry things have been rough for you lately, and hope they smooth out soon.
I desperately need to go through my photos and organize them! Could you come over here and do that for me? Please!
 
I did some Mystic, but not many! What a job! I will keep going though. It's a good way to chill out, but I don't think I will have the ones printed up that I planned. I was going to do a whole album of our Italy, Switzerland, France trip in 2013. Instead I'll select photos that I think it would be nice to have up around the house or give people.

Had a really good day today. Sorted photos & potted up lots of herbs for R, our younger son. I had so much trouble getting motivated to do something for his "cafe", but thought that, no matter what, herbs wouldn't go astray & it was very therapeutic!

Eaten very healthy & had a productive day. I think I did well not to stress too much. I won't say I didn't stress at all, but I did pretty well, considering xoxo Cate
 
The stress isn´t just going to go away, so well done taking care of your body and mind so they can bear the load.
 
Thanks Q & LaMa. I asked G this morning if he keeps having worrying thoughts out of the blue like has our son thought about Insurance & Workers Comp & does his lease have an opt out clause if he can't get approval etc & he said "all the time." He just doesn't talk about stuff much. When I find myself panicking I make myself chill out, usually by thinking of the GK's. Distraction is the key.
We are going to give blood today & dropping our GS off at his GF's & picking him afterwards. We need to buy a present for our YGS who turned 7 recently. When we get home I'll sort out some more stuff to take with us tomorrow for R's "Cafe." The stuff he wants is the stuff that we have already given him over the years, but which has disappeared into the ether.

Anyhow, almost time to scoot. I give plasma as I am AB+. They wouldn't take it until I got a clearance from the heart specialist, so I'm glad they will again. It takes a lot longer to donate, but it is much more useful to them as AB+ blood can only be given to other AB's. My lucky husband is O-, the "universal donor" so he is done usually in about 10 minutes!
xoCate
 
Ha, I know you are worried about it, but I have to laugh at how you've put cafe in inverted commas. I don't have any advice really. I guess you'll just have to wait and see how it pans out. Every time you start to think about it, stop, take a few deep breaths, and focus your attention on whatever you happen to be doing at the time. It's so easy to dole out advice, a lot harder to follow I guess!
 
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