Cate's Diary

Wearing colour lifts your spirits, & I find I prefer to wear solid colour most of the time but still with black. I love wearing red. I'm trying to wear clothes with patterns, but after such a long time being very overweight it still feels weird to wear something that seems to draw attention to yourself.
I am feeling mentally exhausted at the moment & a bit down. Anxiety has also crept back in. I'm no stranger to depression and anxiety but hopefully, it's because I'm still not 100% physically. It feels like we have too much happening in the next couple of months, but especially the next week. I'll try to work myself out of it by doing some physical work today. Our OS just called in to return our chainsaw that had needed repairs so now we can get back out cutting up wood.
Tomorrow we are both seeing our doctor for a review & then doing the bar for a luncheon at the golf club. Will be pleased when that's over. Next week we will be going down to Hobart to help get our YS moved back into his house.
The sun is shining so I had better get moving. Bye for now, xo Cate
 
The "job" at the golf club is done & dusted & I do feel a lot better mentally today. Still not there 100% with the bug, but getting there! My doctor has reduced my BP medication! YAY!! But my LH is not so impressed as he is now on some. Boo! There's got to be a joke in there somewhere as we are now on matching medication- BP & cholesterol! :( I remind him that once upon a time people just died from these things.

I'm spending the day at home on my own today, & it will be nice to recharge the batteries & then I am playing golf tomorrow. I haven't played for a couple of weeks! 3 maybe? I'll try to just relax & enjoy it, rather than trying too hard. One of the women players arrived at the club yesterday. She & her husband are English but spend half the year here in Australia. One day while playing golf I said that I would "do a Catherine Tate" i.e. "I can do that!" I love Catherine Tate, the English comedienne & so does she & we had a real crack-up saying "Am I bovvered?" etc. Whilst in England she bought me a Catherine Tate notebook & gave it to me yesterday! I really can't believe that she thought of me & that she did this! I was absolutely chuffed!

I must make myself get out there & play golf each & every week & just get over whatever it is I need to get over with these women. Is it insecurity, lack of confidence, fear? All of those things? I don't know really. I want to play golf! I am going this week regardless as it's also the women's AGM.

I'm glad the forum is back in action! It felt WEIRD not logging on yesterday!
Bye for now, xo Cate
 
Glad you had a good time out on the course.

I too was a bit panicked when the site went down. I was like "oh noes." Fortunately it was only temporary.
 
We played golf yesterday & it was a beautiful day! We have to do so much at the club before & after the game that it is quite exhausting, but in the middle there the game makes up for it. G is club captain & does way too much, virtually without any help. No-one else seems to think of coming early & helping get ready or helping him with cards etc. He's quitting as captain next month & we have absolutely no idea who might take the job on. I'm bar manager & will keep that on & he will help the captain whenever he can. Our club is run by volunteers & most of them are well over 60! There are people on Committee who do absolutely nothing! We really need some younger members, who are prepared to pitch in & help out.
I played with G & a lovely couple our age from the visitor club. She plays off the same handicap as me, which was good. We had a lovely day. I hit some great shots yesterday & didn't get into any serious trouble. I shot a nearest the pin (only 1 metre away) which was for our club, not just the women players :D & was only one shot off getting a prize overall. It was a very sociable & pleasant day. Tradition has you sitting with the people you play with, but unfortunately I was doing the bar & G was doing the presentation etc. Maybe next time we'll organise to pay the barmaid. She is not the most efficient barmaid unfortunately & a lot of my time is spent stocking the fridges & a lot of hers is spent reading a book or magazines.
Time to get moving! Cheers, xo Cate
 
I have had a bloody rough day! I'm OK, but life seems to have gone pretty crazy! Please excuse me. It is way too hard to even try to explain! xo Cate
 
Thanks Jen, Q & Vee. I'm OK. I'm less stressed today & played golf yesterday. We're going to Hobart tomorrow to move our son into his house. I think we'll be moving in before him & I have no idea what we'll be sleeping on, but I'm trying not to give it much thought!
Will try to pop back tonight. Another big day planned today!
xo Cate
 
I'll be away until Monday night & won't be on here at all. I'm going to be very busy getting our son's house ready to live in (& partying hopefully). I'll eat well & be very active. I think he is starting to get a little enthusiasm about moving in. I'm seeing signs anyway. We have swapped cars with his brother & I have to go pack it tonight (& iron etc) & it will be full of basic cleaning items, food, toilet brushes, some bedding, potted up herbs & who knows what else I'll fit in. I am going to make a guesstimate of what I have spent on him so that I can adjust our little family ledger. We have kept track roughly on what we have spent on each of our sons & do a little evening up when we can. Our bad day the other day included our older son finding out the bank would not lend him the money they said they would to pay out his wife. He already owes us something like $28,000 more than his brother so the scales are about to be tipped much more than they should be. This was not meant to happen. It was meant to be balanced out. It is just lucky that we will be able to help because of coincidence (shuffling superannuation policies) because my LH is older than me & if it's in my name it's not counted as an asset yet. Money seems like such a fleeting thing to us. We glimpse it from a distance..... anyhow it's only money! The new car might not happen anytime soon....*sigh*

My horrible day the other day was a day where nothing went right & the money thing at the end of the day capped it off.
Today, however, was a bloody good day!
Life is like that!
We must always remember that life is good mostly. It really is.
Wish me some luck with our big week-end. Here's hoping that our son will reach a turning point & that life will look up for him. I hope so! Love to all, xoxo Cate
 
Thanks folks. I did get some partying in on Friday night & ended up dancing, listening to live music until kick-out time, but since then it has been very full-on, hard physical work & also very stressful. Our son is no better mentally. We transformed his house & achieved so much I can hardly believe what we did really. We are both absolutely exhausted! I mean REALLY knackered!We moved furniture, cleared out a shed, removed rubble, built garden beds & planted a vegie garden (or 2) & worked like labourers & shopped & shopped & I think I might just have a little "nanna nap" right now & pop back later. I'm too tired to think straight! xo Cate
 
While I was trying to post MrVee said the exact same thing I wanted to say:

But look from the good side – you got in some pretty good physical workout! :)

And hope your son gets better! Good luck Cate!
 
You know, I don't think we can do much more than we already have, & now it's time our son really started to look after himself. I would like him to start doing some of the things he knows he needs to do & letting us know when he does so that we can stop worrying so much about him. He needs to really take control of his life, take steps to overcome his depression & if he can't do it on his own then he needs to see a doctor & get some chemical help at least for a while. His Dad & I can't fix it. His house is lovely now, his new housemate seems like a nice guy & should be easy to share a house with, he has a nice back yard, its' walking distance to everything in Hobart, including his work, he has lots of lovely friends & we are into Spring now & the weather is warming up. With all that he should start to feel better. If not he needs outside help.
There is a smallish job that needs doing to his house that will greatly enhance its livability. There is a lean-to over the back of it, which needs re-doing, but we are prepared to pay for that & he needs to get a couple of quotes. Regardless of whether he stays in the house, rents it out, or decides to sell, it desperately needs doing & will greatly improve the house & his wellbeing. It would provide a sheltered & private space out the back of his house for just sitting & eating, having friends around for a barbecue, having a dry area to leave your shoes or golf clubs etc. I think for about a $2,000 outlay it would increase the value of his home by about $10,000 so would be well worth it. I have half organised one of his friends to call in next Saturday & asked him to give some advice about it(& hopefully be able to actually build it.) He's a great guy & is a very handy builder & a very good friend. Our son needs to be more open about his struggles with his really good friends, rather than risk their friendships by hiding away from them when he's down.
I had better stop as I think I could go on & on forever. I guess I'm clarifying what he needs to do to get himself out of this deep rut so that I can try to convey that to him.
Thanks for your support folks! Yes I sure burned some calories over the week-end!
On another note, my LH is losing weight unexplainably & that is a slight worry. We'll have to keep an eye on that. He's the lowest ever in his adulthood. (77kg) He has always been between 80-84kg.
OK- I had better go! Bye for now xo Cate
 
You're a great Mom Cate! I wish your son the best. Hopefully your husband's weightloss isn't a big deal. He should check to see if he still has his butt as he may have worked it off with all of the stuff you two got done.
 
Thanks Q. It's really hard coping with his depression, but we do the best we can & that is all you can do. I have been very shaky today! We have other stresses as well (as everyone does) & have been trying to sort out a lot of those today. We took our BP this morning & it was elevated for both of us. No surprise there! My husband has to quit his job as captain of the golf club as it is taking his toll. He gets little support (except from me) & it is an incredibly full-on, thankless, stressful job. We are both similar in that we take a job on, pay or no pay we do it as best we can. It's time to start relaxing more, before we have a heart attack.
I think I'm looking forward to escaping to Darwin for 2 weeks! We just have to feel ready.
 
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