Cate's Diary

Happy New Year lovelies!

"Then sing, young hearts that are full of cheer,
With never a thought of sorrow;
The old goes out, but the glad young year
Comes merrily in tomorrow."
~Emily Miller
 
AHey there Cupcake :)

I am so angry that you didn't get the help and support you needed when you were ill and collapsed!!! Some people are such shitbags!! :cuss: I really believe in carma and i hope they get back what they deserve!!!! :cuss: I really don't understand the human race sometimes, it does my head in that so many people are so self centred and uncaring!!!!. And the doctor!!!! Well, i am sending him a vitual bloody slap, he really shouldn't behave like that......Bastard!!!...... :cuss:
Ok, rant over :)

I want to wish you and your lovely family a Happy New Year :) I wish you all the love in the world. I want to say a huge thank you for being such a dear friend. I am honoured to have (virtually) met you. You're an angel.
Looking forward to us both reaching our targets in 2012.

Lots of love and squishy hugs Cupcake Xxxx
 
Kate- Your lovely post made me feel so good that I had a little cry. I don't like feeling weak & vulnerable but had wished someone was with me at the doctors. That's the trouble when you try to be too strong sometimes. I think you are such a darling. I feel proud of you for the way you are gaining so much confidence & sharing your feelings. It has been like watching a butterfly emerge from a cocoon. It's an absolute delight to see. I love you too Kate & am happy to count you as a special friend. 2012 will be a great year because we will make it that way. We will move closer & closer to our goals and we will enjoy our lives along the way. I love your NY resolutions sweetie. When i'm feeling a little better I'll give mine some more thought & add them. Lots and lots of love, xoxo Cate

PS My mum is ringing each morning & sounds a little less anxious now. My MIL has been ringing constantly as well. It's nice to be loved. Hopefully our OS will call in today. xoxo
 
AHello gorgeous!

Just popping in and saying that I am back with a vengeance, and will be stopping by here much more often to see how you are doing! Sorry to hear you've not been so well... are you feeling better yet? Poor chook!

Down to 70 something.... insanity! I hope it stays there for you, my dearie!

xxx
 
Hi Joh, I have really missed you!! I still have a way to go before I'm feeling 100% but at least I am starting to get better. I think I have had a taste of what it must feel like to have a really serious lung disease. I have never felt this bad. I'm slowly getting there but I am on some very strong & scary medication & my lungs are so congested. I doubt I'll stay in the 70's when my appetite returns. I have been forcing myself to eat 1200 cals most days but there was about 4 days where I couldn't even go close. It can't be a real weight but I sure will try to stay right down. I have learned a very valuable lesson in the past year. As soon as I'm feeling 100% I am ringing up a naturopath that I have been saying for about 3 years that I will go see. I need to build my immune system. I take so many supplements & I'm sure half of them would be a waste. I promise that 2012 will be the year that I put my health before anything else. Sweetie, it's so nice to have you back. I think we have all missed you. Lots of love, Cate

I have been without the Internet for a few days but I'm a bit too knackered to catch up with everyone's diaries. Please excuse me. xoxoxo Cate
 
I feel that I have reached a turning point & actually achieved a few things today. It exhausted me & I had to sleep but mentally made me feel so much better. I might weigh tomorrow as I have been making myself eat 1200 cals a day & I feel what I weigh now should be an accurate weight. I am wearing my size 13 "skinny" jeans & even wore a singlet today. I thought "Dammit, it's so hot that I'll just ignore my "Tuck-shop lady" arms. I'm going to be more adventurous with my clothes & wear more colour. I may even bare my lumpy legs. Who knows. As soon as I'm 100% I'm going to go swimming- in the sea I reckon. No-one should look at me & think "eeeuww" and I shouldn't care. I'll be 59 in May & I shouldn't expect to have the figure of an 18 year old. I'm proud of what I have done. I'm going to learn to be kinder to myself & less critical & more courageous and to love myself just that little bit more. 2012 is here & I am going to enjoy it, as best I can. Lots of love to you all, xoxo Cate
 
& I'm even a little bit better today. My head is feeling so much clearer & I no longer feel utterly miserable. It is such a relief. Unfortunately, my poor old Mum now has a chest infection & feels awful, which saddens me. I can't help but feel that this will be her last year as she is so frail & fragile. I am so glad that I moved her near me. It was hard but I will never regret doing what I did. I think feeling so bad seems to have heightened my emotions. I'm well aware of my mortality and am determined to do whatever I can to build my immune system back up to where it needs to be to be able to fight off infections. We are nothing without our health. I have been thinking how I would cope if my LH died & I have worked out that I would. Hopefully we have another 20 years or more together(40 so far), hopefully healthy & happy. If not I think I have already been one of the luckiest women on the planet. He is very healthy & I am not expecting him to die any time soon but I'm afraid I have a vivid imagination. It started with wondering how he would cope if I died from Pneumonia or an Asthma attack one day. Having my sister die such an awful death from Lung Cancer is still vivid in my mind.

I will put morbid thoughts out of my mind & concentrate on getting better! I am not depressed at all, just my brain has been a bit over-active I think.

2012- I'm going to give some thought to my New Year resolutions. I said that I thought I would like to get healthier, to be kinder & more thoughtful etc which I will do but I feel like setting myself a challenge to take on something really different & to expand my horizons. My thinking cap is on.... Sending my love to you all, xoxo Cate
 
A:hurray: :hurray: Glad your starting to turn the corner Cupcake.

I have days like that, thinking about death and people i love dearly going before me. Especially over this last year. It does make you want to live life to it's fullest dont it

Sorry to hear about your mum, hope she is feeling better soon.

Oh, and how exciting about thinking of somethng new to do this year....Can't wait for you to figure out what. I think my extreme thing is aiming to run a half marathon! That freaks me out so much that it is something i would do, let alone want to do.

Love and hugs Xxx
 
I think changing my life around in the last 4 years has also made me more aware of what is important to me. You're totally right Kate, in that we now realise how good life can be & we are more aware of how we should live our lives as best we can. It's not about money or wealth, but to me, the important things in my life, are my health & my family & friends; kindness & compassion, love, especially love.:beating:

I have been thinking of writing a book for years but have steered away from that. One thing I may challenge myself to is writing a short story & submitting it to an Interstate newspaper or a short story competition. First I have to write it. I have a few ideas about stories. I wrote a very long letter to all of our friends & family when we first moved to Tasmania & took over the family pub (hotel). When my grandmother died my mother passed my letter back to me. It's very entertaining & might make a good story. I'll bring it out soon & have another look.

I have also started writing a story about losing weight & changing my life, but with all of the "reality" tv (ho hum :svengo:) we have now I am afraid it might be boring. I think you should write about the things you know & I would have to write how I type in here for it to be even faintly interesting(truthfully & how I talk). I don't know about anyone else but I loved Bridget Jones' Diary. I thought it was a hoot. Mine would be a diary without her sex life & without the drunken binging. Probably boring to most. The theme behind my book would be that if I can do it, ANYONE can! I live a good life & am happy with my lot. Would anyone be interested in that? I'm not sure.

My challenge may be something totally different but I am going to allow January as my thinking about it month & then Feb 1st I have to start actually preparing for it & doing it. It may be some form of new exercise or sport. It's fun thinking about it any way & I will challenge myself. I have avoided joining anything & really fear speaking in front of others. Now that would be a challenge that would give me nightmares.

Selling on eBay after thinking about doing so for about 10 years, that would be another. Making jewellry & selling it at the market, that's another.............Hmmmmm.....

Lots of love to you xoxo Kate, & To anyone else reading my diary, xo Cate
 
WOW! I just got offered a part-time job! 5th Jan- a JOB offer! Now that is a challenge! My heart is racing & I'm a little bit shaky at the thought. I'll talk to my LH when he gets home as we've been offered the job either separately and/or together. One of our nieces' husband just rang to offer it. He thought that she had spoken to us already about it on xmas day. I don't think that I can do it as it entails working in a confined space serving tourists as I'm allergic to fragrance of almost all kinds. I would love it though if I was physically capable of doing it without having an asthma attack or passing out! It would be cash money. Perhaps my challenge might be finding a paid job that I can do. There is also a market option, which may tie in with my market idea. Hmmmm. Food for thought. Scary!
 
Hi Cate my name is Natalie..I read your post and couldn't help but feel that your were writing about me..my whole life has been a battle of the bulge..it feels like a second full time job to stay slim..at the moment I weigh 96.5kgs..I started my weight lost journey on 1/1/2012 weighing in at 100.9kgs..I have a long way to go to get to my goal of 60kgs, which is what I weighed only 2.5 years ago on my 40th birthday..I felt good being slim and I loved the way I looked..my weight goes up and down so rapidly and I want that to stop for good..I need to learn how to maintain my goal weight, getting it off was easy its always maintaining it that I find a challenge..I have the motivation to do it, its time that is an issue for me. I am a single mum of three and I work a 40hours week in a call centre for a busy bank in Australia..I am totally exhausted from work when I get home all I want to do is relax but who can relax when you have to do the house duties as well as be a Mum..I am going to try to overcome this fatigue eventually for now it is such a struggle..feel free to talk to me anytime and feel free to talk about your diet, I wont find it boring because dieting is all I ever talk about too lol..
 
Hi Natalie & thanks for visiting me in my diary. I feel that I am winning the battle of the bulge but now know that it must be an holistic approach & a major change of lifestyle. I think I will always be tweaking what I do & I don't think we should EVER think we know it all. I certainly don't. I do seem to have my life & weight back in some sort of a balance. I know that I am much more accepting of myself & the 'flaws' of my body & I'm also more patient now & can accept slowly dropping my weight until I am happy with it- another 3-5kg will suit me. I am what I am. My wrinkles & dimples are like a road map of my life. I am one very lucky person. I feel that I have been given a chance to grow into my old age being fairly fit & healthy. At the moment I just have to overcome a serious bug that knocked me for 6 for the last 2 weeks. We are nothing without our health. It has made me very much aware that I must build my immune system right up to where it can fight infection. I worked in a call centre for a couple of years & found it did not suit me one little bit. It is a very unhealthy environment & you are usually surrounded by sweet biscuits, cakes etc & have very little opportunity to move. I quit that job when I had shed about 20kg. I think the job was the heavier of the 2 burdens. I hope yours is better. I think that you are a very good chance of getting back to your weight of only 2.5 years ago. The fact that you loved how you were then & it's still very fresh in your mind will help spur you on. It is the maintenance that is the hardest thing. It is a waste of time losing weight & getting to your goal, if you then go back to eating whatever you want, when you want it. I will NEVER do that again. My eating is now controlled. I chart everything I eat. Some days I will go over my allocated calories for the day, but that's ok. It is not mindless eating. If I ever start eating mindlessly again I'm going straight to a psych! It's a form of self-loathing which has no place in my life or anyone else's. We all deserve to be healthy & our bodies truly are our temples. Kind regards Natalie, xo Cate
 
Nuts and dried fruit for lunch? WHAT!! I just felt like them so ate them & now I won't actually eat what I would consider a proper meal. I must say that I really enjoyed them, but that would not be a good habit to get into. I was up so early & the day seemed so long that I thought I would try to some housework this morning & had to give up after about half an hour as I was literally breathless. Oh my, feeling good is going to be WONDERFUL! Bring it on!


Our OS just visited & stayed for over an hour & we had a lovely talk about lots of serious things. Both our sons are such lovely, kind & caring men. I am so proud of them & love them more than I can put into words. Having our younger son living nearby now, has been really good for all of us & has brought us even closer. Our 2 sons have always got on well but the last 6 months has brought them even closer again & they have re-connected as adults & we are all expressing how we feel about one another. It is very special. I will enjoy it while I can, for as long as I can.


I weighed 80kg this morning & am quite happy about that. I will work on gradually getting my weight down a little more, perhaps to 75 again, rather than 77kg. There's no hurry. I like the fact that I am doing this slowly & am making myself accountable for what I eat. I'm sure that it's sustainable. Tracking is the key for me & feeling in control. Even while I was eating the nuts etc I was counting them & it was planned. Doing it this way I shouldn't feel that I am depriving myself.


My Mum is not well at all & the nurse wants to put her in hospital but Mum is resisting strongly. I will let them sort it out. I'm sure that I will get a call if they need my help. Good for her, resisting, I say. She can be very strong-minded & that's not such a bad thing. I'll try to visit tomorrow. I haven't felt up to even driving. Our OS is calling in to see her this afternoon & dropping off some fruit for her that I put together- strawberries, raspberries & apricots. Fruit is what has got me through the last 2 weeks- that & strong medication(times 3) I'm glad I'm off the Cortisone & one of the antibiotics has finished. Mum is now on the same 3!


I'll try to do something else for a while I think. Baby steps!

Lots of love to all, xoxo Cate
 
A:) Cate, it is so beautiful to hear the way you speak about your sons, and about the kind of lovely men that they are. This is so lovely to hear a mum say! But reallllly - with you as a mama, what other choice did they have? ;)

Also great to hear that you are happy about your 80kg, and about the fact that you are doing it slowly. It really worked for me!

That little fruit package you put together for your mum sounds YUMMY! Feel free to send some over for me! Hope she's better soon....

x
 
AHeya Cupcake

:iagree: It's lovely reading what lovely things you say about your family. I am blessed with Jack, ok he has his moments but as 13 (next month) year olds go, he is awesome. I am so grateful for my wonderful family and amazing friends, not everone is as lucky to be blessed with what we have.

I am a self pitying, grumpy cow today so i don't really have anything to say but didn't want you to feel that i was ignoring you. So.....Hi :) Hopefully i will get over it soon and will ramble my usual rubbish soon.

Sending you and yours lots of love and hugs Xxx
 
cate!you always have something loving to say about others!

i imagine you as a quiet,person,doing things in your own time,enjoying each moment.i would use the word peacfull to describe you,and caring.!maybe u could be a pieces?

great about the job offer!its a lovely suprise right at the start of the new year!

hope all good things come your way cate!


slow and steady is the best way!plus that way makes the weight come off!
 
:blush5: I don't know what to say! :grouphug: You girls rock! I know that I'm one of the luckiest people on the planet & I think a little ageing has helped me put my life & my values in perspective. There's no point saying I should have been more like this when I was younger as I think you do have to learn by experience, unfortunately.


Joh, Kate & Jess, I love what we have here in the forum. It's a special friendship forged through HONESTY and OPENNESS. The best kind! It's how we should be in "real life."

You three would love my husband & our 2 sons. I know you would. They have such good hearts & souls. Lucky, lucky me.:beating: Thank you so much for saying such kind & generous things about me. I'm getting a little better at compliments but my first reaction was to get the heck out of my diary as I just didn't know what to say. My emotions are very close to the surface these days & kindness shown toward me overwhelms me a little. By that I don't mean that I don't like it. The opposite is true. I think it is lovely. Our OS said that he knows how much of a toll the last 6 years has taken on me, especially the death of my sister & BIL. He really has noticed it & is so very caring & considerate.

I think being kind & caring are my strengths. Being so caring can also leave you open to being overwhelmed so I do have to try to protect myself & not take on too much. It's good to be self-aware. Jess, I'm a Taurean. Almost everything you read about Taureans, I am it. Stubborn, determined, loyal....you name it! Our OS is a Libran, our YS & my LH are Scorpios. I don't hold much sway with horoscopes, but sometimes they can be a bit of fun. It never hurts to laugh. Actually that's not true. Laughing makes me cough at the moment. I got Mum laughing today & then we both coughed our heads off!

I managed a trip into town on my own(22km return) visited Mum for half an hour or so & sat outside with her (she's not too bad really) & then managed a bit of shopping.

I put the shopping away (exhausting) & have had my new usual once a day meal of gluten-free toast with fat-free mayo, asparagus & 1/2 an avocado & am now going to sit in my chair with a pot of green tea & do NOTHING for the rest of the day. I am really tired but am definitely getting there! YAY!!!

Lots of love to Joh, Kate & Jess & a big HI to anyone else reading my diary, xoxoxoxo Cate
 
AHeya Cupcake :)

I too have found age has put things into perspective. Life experiences do that to you, I have found certain events over my life have made a massive difference to me. From a good friend taking a fat insecure me clothes shopping for a wedding i was dreading going to and it making such a difference to my confidence at the wedding, to working in Africa. Everything we do over our life shapes us. And yes, i agree, we get to be the person we are by learning from life. I look at photo's of fat me 'back then' and i think that i had to be that person to become who i am now. Life is a journey :)

You definalty seem to be getting better...Well done on going into town etc. I did giggle when you wrote you and mum had coughing fits when laughing....That's sweet, i can imagine you laughing at each others coughing :)

Thank you again for your wonderfully kind words on my diary, you always manage to say just the right thing, especially when i am having a meltdown :blush5:

Love and hug Xx
 
Kate sweetie, you're welcome! We look out for one another. That's what we do. We are also quite hard on ourselves so it's good to have that support & encouragement. I wouldn't bother typing in my diary if I thought that no-one was interested or cared. It makes everything worthwhile. Diaries are excellent therapy. I love you visiting mine as I love reading yours.

Today- I am probably not as well as I thought I was & the 3 grand-kids are pushing my patience to the limit. :smash:

My LH is just sitting in his chair reading a book :sifone:

& I'm doing everything so far. It's very tiring as they argue a lot. :boxing:

The grand-daughter is always dobbing on one of her brothers for tiny little things.:svengo:

The younger GS is becoming quite naughty & our older GS probably is a bit like us, in that the younger ones are relentlessly irritating & he gets crabby with them. :toetap05:

Thank goodness it's only until tomorrow lunch-time. Our GD has swimming lessons every day & her Mum wants her back a day early. :biggrin:

I'm on the computer tuning out! :chillpill:

C'mon bed-time for kids! :cheers2:

Speaking of which, I haven't had any alcohol at all since the 26th December, when I drank most of a yummy bottle of Henkell Trocken, my favourite dry, German bubbly. I feel quite self-righteous. It started because the medication I was on initially, specifically said that drinking alcohol with it could have dangerous side-effects plus I was not to eat any salty food or take Vit A or calcium supplements. They were quite scary instructions so I followed them to the letter. Now I have decided to not have any alcohol at all until I feel that I have got rid of the bug totally. I feel that it's a good way to start the New Year.


New Years Resolutions.

One of mine is to drink alcohol less often & to be more selective. I never drink too much any more but I am going to drink less often.

At least 2 days a week, without any alcohol at all.

I am not going to drink diet soft drink at home again. I will drink it only occasionally when out but it will never be any diet Coke. Disgustingly unhealthy stuff!

I am going to really minimise gluten- I have given our OS my crackers & have bought gluten-free.

I am going to try to make my own gluten-free bread.

I am going to chart my food every day for the whole year. So far I think I'm up to about 75 days straight on My Fitness Pal.

I will let myself go over my cals at least one day a week.

I am going to get down to 75kg & I am never going over 82kg ever again.

I am going to drink green tea every day.

I will have no more than 2 caffeinated drinks a day.


I am going to aim for 45 minutes of exercise every day. I'll start that when I'm feeling better. Not quite yet. I'm going to Tai Chi on Wednesday, whether I feel up to it or not.

I'm going to run this year. I won't set a challenge in kilometres. I'm just going to give it a go.

You're right Kate. I'm not too old! If it hurts me I'll stop.


I will be kinder to myself & less critical of my body, especially my legs.

I am going to learn to LOVE my legs.

I am going to try some floor exercises, like Kate's crunches to see if I can get rid of the little "apron" I have left where once was huge amounts of fat.

I'm going to remind myself every day of how I once looked & how much better I look now.

I am going to give myself lots of credit for shedding that weight.

I am not going to stress out if I put on one lousy kilo, even 2 & not panic.

I am going to look in the mirror each morning & say "I love you. You're a good person" to my image.


I am going to listen more to other people.

I am going to be more tolerant of religion & people who are religious.


By the end of 2012 I will have either booked an overseas trip or had one.

(I have to as the voucher our YS gave us means that we have to book a trip before the end of the year. WOW!)

I am going to continue to change my life & those around me for the better to the best of my abilities. I will be kinder, more considerate, more tolerant etc.

In there I will become as healthy as I possibly can, without being totally obsessive and self-absorbed.

Life is a balancing act. My life will be as balanced as it can be.

I will not worry unnecessarily. Worry only causes more worry.

I will meet any misfortune as strongly as I can.

Whatever I have in store for me I am one very lucky person.

Life is GREAT!! It's to be enjoyed.


Lots of love to you all, xoxoxo Cate


PS The kids are sitting contentedly watching a nature programme. :grouphug:
 
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