Cate's Diary

I had a lazy day yesterday & feel sluggish today but in a good mood. We're about to do some outside work. My LH will brush-cut & I might do some raking as that's hard work & good exercise. I went way over yesterday on MFP. Ouch. Maintenance calories. Ouch. Oh well. I'll have a much better day today. We are going out tomorrow night to a Xmas dinner at an Italian restaurant, Tues lunch in town, Wed lunch again.......I will have to eat extra well at home. In fact I shouldn't have any extras at all to try to balance out eating out. Lucky Xmas does only come once a year!

I decided to say to Mum again that she can come with us Xmas day if she wants, but that she couldn't get cross with the noise or all the kids. She doesn't really understand that it's at my SIL's place & that she won't be able to leave when she wants or "go to her room" as she thinks she can, but I'll ask my SIL if she could set up a chair in her bedroom where Mum could go to get away from everyone when it gets too much for her. I suggested she take a book but I'll pop one in the car too. I would have felt bad on the day thinking of her back in the home, without any family. One of my S'sIL is very tolerant & caring, the other not so much. My MIL is the intolerant one & she'll just have to behave. She is like a spoiled only child who is used to being the centre of attention & demands it. She'll have to bend & be more tolerant. I'm always the driver & I will have both our mothers with a 45 minute drive each way. I'm into the Xmas spirit now & feel very generous & kind. I'm so glad I decided to be stronger. I know it's the right decision.

It's time to get moving again. I mustn't be lazy today. Lots and lots of love to all, xoxoxo Cate.:santa:
 
I had a great day yesterday & spent at least 3 hours raking & burning & carting wood & then we made a snap decision, spurred on by our YS, to go listen to live music. We only caught the last hour & a half but in that time I had a ball. I got the giggles with a friend of mine & we both had tears pouring down our faces. I thought of Kate - I had the "proper giggles!" It was over mothers & it was just a bit of silliness but it was so much fun to laugh & laugh. It was a real huggy & fun interlude in my day. Another friend who I have been trying to catch up with also came along & connected with my other friends. They had only half known one another, but after yesterday I'm sure will become good friends. Another friend arrived & then they all ended up chatting to one another & we all laughed about our mothers. I am no longer afraid to be open & silly & say what I mean. I love being my age & I love my friendships! I'm sure my son was amused by it all.

I forgot to say that I had a conversation the other day in a shop with a woman who came along a couple of times to our Tai Chi class but who suffers so much from anxiety that she no longer comes. I admitted to her that I don't have any confidence with attempting anything remotely crafty & she seemed genuinely amazed as she thought I was very confident. I laughed & said I must have her fooled. It was good because I like her & it would help her to know that she is not on her own. She's fairly new to the district & I'll keep an eye out for her & chat to her whenever I see her.

Most of my new friends seem to be arty and/or crafty. It's funny really. Yesterday one of them said I should be selling as I'm so convincing. I was spruiking Territory Jerky as I always try to have some on me as a snack. I was extolling the benefits of it as a good, low-calorie, healthy protein snack & passing some around. I laughed & said maybe I could sell beef jerky. My friends said that I am so enthusiastic that it's contagious & hard to resist. Food for thought (pun intended)

OK- I had better get my a into gear & get showered & dressed. We're going out for dinner tonight with some friends for a Xmas get-together.

Love to all, xoxo Cate
 
Mon- dinner was disappointing as the service was dreadful. At least I didn't have dessert because of it, as they took over 30 mins to clear our dinner plates away. I had said to myself "if they haven't cleared them away by 7.55 I won't have dessert" & they didn't, so I didn't.

Tue- got a call from one of my S's-I-L. The other day she had rung & mentioned that a couple of Muslim students may come along Xmas day(it's at her house) & I had said that would be nice & that it's always good when someone new comes along. Yesterday when she rang she said that "you know how my family show tolerance towards other religions, it would be nice if you all showed some towards mine." At first I thought she was joking but said I would have thought that the family did & that I thought I was a very tolerant person. She became very personal & then directed it at me, saying that I am not at all tolerant & I show no respect for her christianity but tempered it slightly by saying I wasn't the only one. I was dumbfounded. She stews on absolutely everything & I have absolutely no idea what she's talking about it. I told my other SIL later on that day & she was also dumbfounded. She said it's not hard to upset her sister & she usually hasn't a clue what she has said or done either. After my call I felt like shoving Xmas & not going but we are taking both mothers & I can't let them down. I have had quite enough of this SIL. I am seriously pissed off with her. I shook for an hour or so.

I took both mothers in & met up with my lovely SIL for lunch. She then took my MIL to the doc, while I took my mum to buy new shoes & then we met up at the docs & I drove the 2 mothers home. I did a little shopping afterward to save me having to do it today, on my Tai Chi day.

Today- I am about to go the primary school as our OGS is getting a special surprise award. I'll tell you about it later. He's in his last year of primary school & is off to a much bigger High school next year 40km away. He's such a lovely kid & he'll be chuffed with getting an award.

Lots of love to everyone, xoxo Cate
 
Yesterday- Our GS got a consistency award from his class teacher(2 per class) & I'm sure would have been thrilled. He's at the age where he's just on the cusp of becoming a teenager. He looked really embarrassed to see us all there ( his Mum, Dad, 2 siblings & 2 grandmothers) & quickly turned away when he saw us sitting there. It was quite funny. I remember it well! I got to Tai Chi for the last 15 mins, helped her pack up & went up the street & did a little xmas shopping. I took a jar of boiled lollies & gave it to the women at the op shop. I told them that it's my favourite shop. I love calling in there as they are a lovely lot. Called in & had lunch at the Bush & chatted to our YS for a couple of hours as it was quiet. Our OS, the 3 GK's & our YS are coming out xmas night :santa: so on the way home I called in to pick up our hormone-free ham & got some extra provisions. Our OS doesn't eat poultry. They are staying the night & I will look after the kids on Boxing Day so our OS can work & get 2.5 times his usual pay. I offered. It will stop a bit of nagging by his ex as well so that's good. Our YS rang last night & asked if Sam (the Indian 'cook') could come too & I said yes.

Today- we are staying at home & pottering about- my favourite pastime. We may even have a relaxing, quiet day.

My weight has stayed the same but I have been going over the MFP cals. Yesterday I stuffed my face in the mid afternoon. No excuses. I craved sweet things & ate dates & raisins & 10 of the GK's lollies. 10!! I had forgotten to take my vitamins in the morning, incl. my blood pressure pill & felt out of sorts. I must remember every morning, without fail as this has happened before. Still no excuses. I chose to stuff my face. That was yesterday.

I am going to be as careful as I can between now & xmas day & then eat what I feel like on the day. After xmas it's time to keep within my cals every day & then drop them down a bit again in the new year.

Lots of love, xoxo Cate
 
Did I really say "We may even have a relaxing, quiet day." That's funny. I rang the fire department & got a fire permit & we raked & burned leaves & bark for about 4 hours. My right arm is aching like crazy & I have blisters. It was great though. I really feel like I have made up for yesterday. I ate the same for dinner as I had for lunch- just crackers, cheese, avocado, raw carrot, celery, olives & that's about it I think. Neither of us cared what we ate really. It was such a good day. Our driveway looks so much safer- less of a fire hazard & less places for snakes to hide. We ate lunch sitting on the grass, keeping an eye on the fires. We also had a cider with it. It was fun having a picnic.

I got a message from my ex DIL asking if we could have our older GS for the night. I'm not sure whose idea it was but I think she just has heaps of trouble coping with the kids. She tried palming all 3 of them off onto us when she brought him out. I have a full-on day planned tomorrow with shopping for both mothers & us for xmas. I also don't have car seats or anchors for them in my little car.

It's almost time for Graham Norton so will scoot for now. I am knackered & will sleep well tonight. Bye for now, xoxo Cate
 
I am really sick unfortunately. What a time to get sick! I have an awful sore throat, splitting head-ache, horrible cough & feel like death. During the night last night I had convulsions which gave me a fright. My LH slept through it. I have been taking paracetemol every 4 hours, even during the night, & drinking lots of fluid. I haven't felt like eating at all. I just had a juice for breakfast & some mango & yoghurt for lunch. The only thing I have tackled today is hanging out one load of washing. I have mostly just drifted in and out of sleep. I do feel awful. I have tried finding some cold & flu pills but we don't seem to have any. I think I have seen them somewhere, maybe in our YS's stuff. I'll have a look soon. I still have to wrap up presents. I'll do that later. I'm heading back to my chair for another nap. I don't know what I'll do if I wake up xmas day feeling like this. We are picking up both mothers & taking them into xmas lunch at one of my S'sIL & then we're back up for xmas night with both our sons, the GK's and the Indian cook, Sam. My brain is exploding just thinking about it. I haven't done any house cleaning so they may have to take the house as it comes- tidyish but in need of a vacuum & mop. Oh well.

Hope everyone else is happy, healthy & organised. Love to you all, xoxo Cate.
 
I have slept for almost all of the last couple of days. I wouldn't have thought it possible. I couldn't eat anything else yesterday (436 cals for the day!) & I think I will end up just eating salad today. The thought of eating any meat makes me shudder. It must be a bug. I am amazed that I just wasn't hungry in the slightest. I forced the yoghurt & mango down but didn't enjoy it at all.

A friend of mine died on Friday morning. She's been fighting breast cancer for a few years. Her husband rang & left a message that morning, which was really sweet of him. My friend Kaye was one of the nicest people you could ever hope to meet & I am very grateful to have had her as a friend. She was very special. I sent her a letter last year telling her how I felt about her & got a beautiful letter back.

I hope everyone has a lovely Christmas. I think I'll be ok as the day goes on & when I get home I can just collapse in my chair.

Love to all, xoxo Cate
 
AMerry Christmas Cupcake!!!

So so sorry to hear you have been so unwell :( Hope you manage to have a lovely christmas.

Thank you so much for being such a dear friend. You are such a wonderful, kind, loving and supportive person. Love you.

Wishing you all the happiness in the world for 2012.

Xxxxxx
 
Merry Christmas everyone, albeit belated!

You are such a darling Kate & I love you too & am very happy to be your friend. Through this forum I have made lasting, precious friendships. I really value my friends & family. I am very lucky. I have the grand-kids here now & my lovely husband is also sick. Thankfully I am on the mend. As Xmas day went on I felt better & we had a lovely night last night with our OS & the 3 GK's, our YS, his current GF(Canadian back-packer- she's lovely) & Sam. Sam rode his motor-bike home & the others all stayed & we have had a delightful day today with our YS, the GK's who have driven him nearly crazy & my poor sick husband. It has been full on but nice. I told our OS that I would have the kids today as he can get paid 2.5 times for public holidays.

OK- better scoot- these kids are getting really ratty.

Lots and lots of love to everyone, xoxoxo Cate
 
happy holidays!:santa:

sounds like you had a warm loving day with your family!

sorry to hear about your friend,how are you taking it?



sounds like you had a virus now that your husband is sick too.

wish he get over it real soon


loves and hugs :grouphug:
 
Hi Jess & thanks sweetie. I'm sure it is a virus. We both have it now & although I feel much, much better than I did a few days ago I have coughed half the night & have a chest infection. It's because I have Asthma that I get them easily. I guess my lungs have been damaged. I'll ring the doctor in the morning. Xmas day ended up nicely. We all decided xmas night that we would start a new family tradition, that wherever we go for xmas lunch we end up at our place for dinner & everyone stays the night. It was lovely having our 2 sons & the grand-kids. Xmas lunch is usually just too hectic for me. There is usually someone upset with someone else (usually my MIL) & it is an exception that all goes without tears. I stayed well away from her on xmas day as I had my mum with me & my MIL was surrounded by her family. I figured that was fair enough. We drove her in & home. My mum really enjoyed her day. She basically just sat there smiling, watching everyone. I won't ever mind who is there or who is not there or what happens, if our own family is going to be up at our home that night. It's a lovely thought.

Jess, I was shattered when I first heard, a few years ago now, that my friend Kaye had breast cancer. She & her LH visited us & she told me. No body deserves cancer but she would have to be one of the nicest people I have ever known. I wrote to her last year & told her what her friendship meant to me & how I always was waiting to find some flaw in her character as she seemed too good to be true, but that none ever appeared. I told her how much I loved her 7 that if they ever needed me I would come over & help. I was really grateful that her LH rang me to tell me not long after she died. It takes great courage & strength, I would imagine to be able to do that. I hope I have the same strength that they have had, when I need it. I feel that we grow stronger & braver through the examples of our friends & family when they fight these things with courage & dignity. I feel that they pass the baton on to us all to live life to the fullest on their behalf. It has helped me cope with the loss of my sister & brother-in-law and also with the loss of my brother over 30 years ago. I was not as strong then but the lesson I have taken from his death is to always listen & try to help someone who you think is troubled(with the proviso that you can't always fix everything). The main thing though is that suicide may solve your problem but it ruins so many lives & breaks so many hearts that it is not an option. There is always help, always a solution, always love & support if you look for it & you always get better.

It's such a shame that we don't have more love & support in the world & more compassion. I don't like the materialistic world very much. I don't like the obsession with so-called perfection. I think that's why i get upset & annoyed with the talk of cosmetic surgery for minor "imperfections." For me, it's time to take stock. I think twice about everything I spend now & spend much more of my time & effort connecting with people. By that I even mean walking down the street & saying hello to people. I smile at strangers & make eye contact. I chat to the librarian, I use their names, say thank you & try to be cheerful. If I'm really grouchy I try to stay home & exercise.

If I was to have a New Year's resolution this year it would be to continue what I have been doing & to never give up on anyone. Have more kind thoughts, be less critical, more supportive. I think that I am a much better person than I once was. (I don't think I was ever a bad person though.) I think I am more thoughtful these days( having more time helps.) I know that I am more aware of & grateful for how good my life is and how well loved I am than I used to be. I think having grand-kids is one of the best things that can happen to you. I am not self-centred but have learned to love myself. I can now type that & not feel embarrassed & actually know that is true.

I had better stop now as I feel that I could continue for ages. I couldn't get back to sleep as I was coughing & coughing & wanted my lovely husband to be able to sleep. I hear him getting up now. He's a darling.

Lots and lots of love to each & everyone of you,

xoxoxo Cate
 
Most of the time it takes something bad to happen to us , to realize what you wrote above...............

I myself always wish for money,a good job....but i stop and think that worring about all the problems that life has given us , i am loosing life itself.its just passing me by.....

I also want to be less critical and more supportive to others.I do try to everyday,not always doing it though.


HOw are you feeling today?is the coughing stopped?
 
AHeya Cupcake.

Glad you are feeling better and it didn't ruin your christmas with your family.

I had a really good think about what you had written when i read it this morning and you know what??.......For the new year I am going to try and love or at least learn to accept myself. I think i am a kind person that puts everyone else first but i do it too often and won't say no because i dont want to upset others. I need to learn to put my own feelings, thoughts and self first sometimes. I'm also going to make more of an effort to enjoy the simple things in life and appreciate everything and everyone i have.
You are suce a wonderfully kind, caring and wise person and i aim to be more like you :)

Wishing all the love and happiness for the new year.
 
Hello to you two lovelies. It's good to reflect on life & this seems to be as good a time as any. Instead of unrealistic & self-defeating New Years resolutions, that are usually doomed for failure, I think it's a good idea to instead reflect on what is really important in our lives & try to make small but meaningful improvements. We are all better able to help others when we first look after ourselves.

I'm still feeling sick & quite exhausted so will go sit in my chair & read for a while. Too tired to go to the doctor even, too tired for Tai Chi. Both require a 22km return drive, which I am not up to. I shouldn't be happy under the circumstances, but can't help myself-

79.5kg!!!!!! 2kg lost this week, after being 81.5 for a month. Every cloud has a silver lining!!

Exhausted after "yelling" that!

Lots and lots of love xoxoxo Cate
 
Still feeling really awful & my wheezing is getting to me (all day as well as all night) so have rung & booked in to see my doctor. I can't get in until 12.15 tomorrow (Fri). I feel really exhausted & a bit teary today. My LH isn't much better but at least he doesn't have bad Asthma so will mend faster. We are starting to annoy one another a bit. It's hard to be cheerful when you feel so bad. I can't imagine how good it will be to feel better again. As I said to him yesterday "Imagine how bad you must feel when you're dying."

I know I will get better so will try very hard to cheer up. My poor mum has been really worried about me & had one of the carers ring as she couldn't get through. I don't know what she does when she rings but the phone is fine. I could barely talk when she rang. Poor old mum. I told her I'll survive it. It's nice that she cares so much for me.

I'm going to really work on building up my immune system when I am better. I don't think I can eat much healthier than I do but have decided to eat much more fish & much less red meat. It has been a strong bug. I haven't done any exercise for a week & am looking forward to feeling like it again.

Still 79.5kg & am going to try like crazy to keep my weight under 80kg. I have been eating things I don't normally, like ice-cream with my fruit & having a Multi-v juice in the morning with my vitamins. I still can't believe I have lost 2kg in the last week. Feel like crap, but hey, 2kg is 2kg!!

Lots of love to everyone, xoxo Cate
 
Quick report. As the day has gone on I have felt a little better. We are even tackling a sparkling rose! I'm also hungry( snacking on 5 smoked almonds & 20g Territory Jerky as I type. Frittata & salad for dinner tonight. With any luck I'm going to wake up feeling lots better in the morning!

xoxo Cate
 
Well done on the weight loss!!!Isnt just great when you leave 80 and go on to seventy something????????????!!!!

Hope ypu are feeling better today!What is a frittata???
 
AHeya Cupcake

Oooh yeah, i forgot to say congrats on your weight loss, but you were cheating :eek: lol

Glad you are on the road to recovery.

Sending you lots of love and hugs Xxx
 
I am on the way to recovery but it sure has been a battle. I have a bad chest infection & probably pneumonia & the doc has put me on 2 different antibiotics, & cortisone & said to not doing anything much at all for a couple of weeks. I had a bit of a melt-down yesterday & don't much feel like sharing it. I collapsed a couple of times and could hardly walk. I felt so bad I really don't want to describe it. I had a melt-down at the doctors(he kept me waiting ages. I fell asleep a couple of times & after about 45 mins I asked at the front desk if he had gone home for lunch & forgotten me. I had seen him walk off to the staff room & walk out munching on food & then headed off somewhere & had been gone for over 30 mins. When he did see me he had a smart alec grin on his face & was really unsypathetic & scoffed when I said I had convulsions one night. He was a lot better when he listened to my chest & realised how bad I felt but I am going to see a different doctor next time- maybe the owner) I had a big melt-down in the chemist( a really rude person sprayed Arpege perfume right behind me & then had a go at me for being in a chemist when I'm allergic to fragrance. I had been feeling barely able to stand when that happened & collapsed on the way out. She walked past & rolled her eyes at me.) I broke down into tears at the aged care home(I didn't go inside but my LH had bought Mum some fruit & she came out to see me) & worried my mum sick in the process (BIG mistake.) So many people walked straight past me without asking if I needed help when I collapsed. It was the chemist staff who were really sweet & got me a water & offered to find my husband & then a very kind couple offered to walk with me to the supermarket where my LH was doing our shopping. It was a truly awful day & one I want to put right behind me.


Last night someone was shooting until about 1am. My LH rang our neighbour this morning & it wasn't him. He said he heard about 40 shots. I rang the police before & they said we shouldn't have to put up with that & to ring when it happens again & I will. It was really upsetting as not only did I feel really sick & it kept me awake but I could picture someone systematically shooting wallabies. It was awful.

OK.-enough of yesterday.


Today I am a little less mucky & slightly more human. It is going to be so good when I feel better. I am going to do whatever I can to build my immune system back up to where it needs to be.

Thank you so much Jess & Kate for being so loving & supportive. It really does help a lot. Thanks Kate for making me laugh. Jess- next time my LH makes a frittata I'll take a photo of it for you. It's a bit like an omelette really but you put everything into a frypan & finish it off in the oven. It was full of lovely cooked vegetables & fresh herbs & a little gluten-free pasta (pre-cooked) & a little ham & was delicious. He also made a gluten-free, mostly vegetarian lasagne yesterday afternoon & it was beautiful. I'm struggling to eat 1200 cals at the moment but my appetite is coming back. I'm forcing myself to eat. Luckily we had our fridge well stocked for xmas as neither of us could have shopped in the last week. We were meant to be going on an annual bus trip to a picnic race meeting on New Years Day, with his 8-ball team & being picked up on a bus, with everything being provided. When we got home from the doctors he rang to say that I am too sick to go so he would go on his own. I felt so sorry for myself & hurt, but didn't say anything. Last night he said that he would go to golf today & was that ok. I just feebly said "I s'pose so." I sure had a case of feeling very sorry for myself. I think that's why he was cooking so much. He says I look really skinny & I feel it, but it's just that I have been so sick.

This morning as he was heading off he said to ring him if I felt really bad & he would come home. I said if I felt that bad I would ring an ambulance. He said not to do that as he would come straight home. I don't like feeling sorry for myself.

My sister has been very anxious & worried about me. It is good to feel so loved but I don't want to worry people. I wish she lived in Tassie as she would just come around & sit with me & read. I do miss her. She can be exhausting but we are usually on the same wave-length. If my LH dies before me I will ask my sister to come stay with me & see how we get on & maybe move in with me. Tassie would be much better for her health.

It's time to head back to my comfy chair & have another nap & more water. I have been drinking copious quantities of water!

Lots of love to everyone, xoxo Cate
 
For Jess
smile.gif
& anyone else that might be interested. I have at least one of these, with variants, every single day.

I ate this after first having my lunch, which comprised 2 small slices gluten-free toast, spread with a little fat-free mayo, topped with 1/2 an avocado & 4 asparagus spears. This has been my saviour the last few days & will become a firm Summer favourite. I have just been using canned, sugar-free asparagus so that is squishes well & I have had it in the pantry for a while. Topped with cracked pepper & cracked sea-salt. Love to all, xo Cate
 
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