Cate's Diary
- Thread starter Cate
- Start date
Cate
Long term member
I feel like I have been through hell & back this last week but things seem to have settled down & perhaps life can get back to normal. I can't share it with you all but I feel emotionally drained & tired but life looks more optimistic again. I'll be back soon. Take care in the meantime, much love, Cate.
Mands
New member
Hi Cate
I'm so sorry that you had bad news. I'm praying for you to get over this and remember God never gives us too much that He knows we can't handle. He is there with you and maybe there is something to learn and take away from the situation.
We are here for you and you are a strong woman that can overcome anything.
We love you and care for you Cate.
We will wait for you when you ready.
Hugs
Mands
I'm so sorry that you had bad news. I'm praying for you to get over this and remember God never gives us too much that He knows we can't handle. He is there with you and maybe there is something to learn and take away from the situation.
We are here for you and you are a strong woman that can overcome anything.
We love you and care for you Cate.
We will wait for you when you ready.
Hugs
Mands
Oh Cate
Sorry to hear you are going through a bad time. Glad it has settled abit though. Life is never easy...that is something I have had to learn alot about this year, but these upsetting times does over time make us stronger.
But like the others have said we are here for you when you are ready.
All the best now.
Samx
Sorry to hear you are going through a bad time. Glad it has settled abit though. Life is never easy...that is something I have had to learn alot about this year, but these upsetting times does over time make us stronger.
But like the others have said we are here for you when you are ready.
All the best now.
Samx
Cate
Long term member
Thank you Mands & Sam. I really feel that although we may not know one another personally that we do provide a loving & caring environment for one another in this forum. I have not told any of my friends outside the forum about what's been happening so have appreciated knowing that people care about me. I'm here if anyone needs me but for the moment I am needed more elsewhere. I feel loved & also lucky to be in such a strong, loving marriage. My LH & I are providing one another with lots of mutual love & support which makes us both stronger.
I know how lucky I am.
I am eating very healthily & following Cohen's maintenance guidelines. I did eat a Mars bar the other day & didn't enjoy it one bit. No-one's perfect. I'm so glad I found it sickly & not at all delicious. I had it put away for our OGS. I won't buy any for him either again. There's usually only dark chocolate in my pantry & we have only a little as a treat on Sunday nights.
It's time for my lunch. I am not faintly hungry at the moment but am making myself eat healthily. I have not been walking outside much or doing my weights lately so must get back into that lovely habit. I have been madly cleaning cupboards etc as a reaction to the stress. I would much prefer to have untidy cupboards I think but at least I was active. I feel much more in control again. Well, that's as much as you can be in control of other people's lives. Not really at all.
I choose to be strong & reliable. I am a rock to my family. I am loved & loving.
On that note, it's time for lunch. A salad I think.
I choose to treat my body with the respect & love that it deserves.
Bye for now, sending you all my love, xoxo Cate
I know how lucky I am. I am eating very healthily & following Cohen's maintenance guidelines. I did eat a Mars bar the other day & didn't enjoy it one bit. No-one's perfect. I'm so glad I found it sickly & not at all delicious. I had it put away for our OGS. I won't buy any for him either again. There's usually only dark chocolate in my pantry & we have only a little as a treat on Sunday nights.
It's time for my lunch. I am not faintly hungry at the moment but am making myself eat healthily. I have not been walking outside much or doing my weights lately so must get back into that lovely habit. I have been madly cleaning cupboards etc as a reaction to the stress. I would much prefer to have untidy cupboards I think but at least I was active. I feel much more in control again. Well, that's as much as you can be in control of other people's lives. Not really at all.
I choose to be strong & reliable. I am a rock to my family. I am loved & loving.
On that note, it's time for lunch. A salad I think.
I choose to treat my body with the respect & love that it deserves.
Bye for now, sending you all my love, xoxo Cate
Cate
Long term member
Thanks Angela. This rock is a bit of a marshmallow at the moment. I can't see things getting better for a while, if at all, so I'm going to have to adjust & find some strength. I thought I was doing ok, until yesterday when I turned back into a balling mess. It's going to be a rocky time for a long time I think. I thought it was being sorted but it seems the inevitable is just being delayed. I might have to try to draw back a little to protect myself even though I know that I am needed. Tough call but I can't take much more.
Last night I couldn't take our GS to Taekwondo because I was a mess.
Yesterday I was sorely in need of some exercise to try to lift myself out but instead was called on to help with the GK's for a short while which ended up being all day.
Our OGS has only just woken up now so I have to go cook his breakfast. (No school today) Will probably come back tonight. I've been falling asleep in the early evenings & waking lots during the night but also then sleeping in. I so need to exercise. Hopefully today! Much love to all, xoxo Cate
Last night I couldn't take our GS to Taekwondo because I was a mess.
Yesterday I was sorely in need of some exercise to try to lift myself out but instead was called on to help with the GK's for a short while which ended up being all day.
Our OGS has only just woken up now so I have to go cook his breakfast. (No school today) Will probably come back tonight. I've been falling asleep in the early evenings & waking lots during the night but also then sleeping in. I so need to exercise. Hopefully today! Much love to all, xoxo Cate
Cate
Long term member
read bawling mess!
Today has been much better thank goodness. I went for a 3.7km walk this morning with our OGS & my LH & I have been getting wood this afternoon. It feels much better to have been physical & active. No crying today. I may not let anyone know what has happened & that is unlike me I know. I am struggling with depression because of what is happening & don't see am easy solution. One day, hopefully I'll look back at this time & wonder why I had so much trouble coping.
In the meantime I'm eating reasonably healthily. I think that's my default now! I want to go back on Cohen's soon so that I am back to GW before our 2 week trip in October. If anyone can inspire me to do that I would appreciate it! I feel like my basic foundations have been taken away & any support would be appreciated.
I can't think of anything else to say so will go. i won't read this again as i know that I sound needy. I feel needy.
Love to all Cate
Today has been much better thank goodness. I went for a 3.7km walk this morning with our OGS & my LH & I have been getting wood this afternoon. It feels much better to have been physical & active. No crying today. I may not let anyone know what has happened & that is unlike me I know. I am struggling with depression because of what is happening & don't see am easy solution. One day, hopefully I'll look back at this time & wonder why I had so much trouble coping.
In the meantime I'm eating reasonably healthily. I think that's my default now! I want to go back on Cohen's soon so that I am back to GW before our 2 week trip in October. If anyone can inspire me to do that I would appreciate it! I feel like my basic foundations have been taken away & any support would be appreciated.
I can't think of anything else to say so will go. i won't read this again as i know that I sound needy. I feel needy.
Love to all Cate
Cate
Long term member
Well I guess my diary is just for me so I'll get back into the habit-
Today-
Nothing has changed really & I don't know what will happen but I must do what I can to look after myself. I am lucky that I have such a lovely husband & he thinks he is lucky to have me. We live in a beautiful part of the world. We can't change the world & what other people do. We can try to set an example but that is the best we can do.
My coping strategies-
Healthy eating & regular exercise. Compulsory!
Meditation- slowing down & concentrating just on my breath & what I am doing at that very moment. Being in the moment.(as often as possible-especially when I am having trouble sleeping).
Tai Ch'i as often as possible to help me slow down & relax.
Cuddling my husband as often as possible. I don't think we have cuddled as often as we are now. He is very special.
Doing my weights 3 times a week & walking as often as I can.
Today-
This afternoon I rode my stationary bike (5km), did 240 reps of my weights & then another 2km on my bike & then went for a walk through the bush for 20 minutes. I feel much more positive.
I am trying to inspire myself to get back on Cohen's 100% to get back to my Cohen's GW. It's not crucial as I want to before we go to Sth Australia in October & it will only take me 2 weeks to do it. I need to feel in control of my life again first. Mmmm
Ok. That will do for today. Thanks Stacy for your support & for caring.
xo Cate
Today-
Nothing has changed really & I don't know what will happen but I must do what I can to look after myself. I am lucky that I have such a lovely husband & he thinks he is lucky to have me. We live in a beautiful part of the world. We can't change the world & what other people do. We can try to set an example but that is the best we can do.
My coping strategies-
Healthy eating & regular exercise. Compulsory!
Meditation- slowing down & concentrating just on my breath & what I am doing at that very moment. Being in the moment.(as often as possible-especially when I am having trouble sleeping).
Tai Ch'i as often as possible to help me slow down & relax.
Cuddling my husband as often as possible. I don't think we have cuddled as often as we are now.
He is very special.Doing my weights 3 times a week & walking as often as I can.
Today-
This afternoon I rode my stationary bike (5km), did 240 reps of my weights & then another 2km on my bike & then went for a walk through the bush for 20 minutes. I feel much more positive.
I am trying to inspire myself to get back on Cohen's 100% to get back to my Cohen's GW. It's not crucial as I want to before we go to Sth Australia in October & it will only take me 2 weeks to do it. I need to feel in control of my life again first. Mmmm
Ok. That will do for today. Thanks Stacy for your support & for caring.
xo Cate
Cate
Long term member
Yesterday-
I did some shopping in the morning as it was an absolute emergency. NO FRUIT!!! That is serious stuff! My LH was meant to run the Sunday golf comp but it was raining & the few that turned up decided not to play. He beat me home. I had wandered around the supermarket day-dreaming(& consequently spending lots of money). I looked at my trolley at one stage & went "Whoops!" I had grabbed someone else's & was in the next aisle. When I got back to the previous aisle another woman was pushing mine, trying to find me & we both had a good laugh. I told that I'm 57 & that's a 1st!
We had a lovely relaxing day which was excellent. Last night I slept really well.
Today-
My LH went off to work today & I am looking after our YGS, while his sister is at childcare & his brother at school. His parents have gone bush-walking for the day. That will do them both a lot of good. I had offered to give them a free day together & they decided to take me up on it.
We have had a lovely time & I have him down for a nap. We have fed the wild birds & gone for a walk through our bush, clearing a path for him, played with cars and balls & had lunch.
Weight-
Is good. I decided to "diet" today & am going to stick to Cohen's only food & no alcohol for the week & see how I go. I started off .5kg down from last week. I am 5kg over my Cohen's GW.
Outlook & mood-
Much, much better. I'm working my way back to my normal, happy self. I can't change the world & can't live other people's problems for them. I know that. Worry creates more worry & solves nothing.
Interesting news-
I got a call today saying that both my husband & I are entitled to play in the Australian 8-ball singles titles in October as
a) We both tried out for the state team &
b) We will both be there.
My LH can also play in the Aust. masters singles. He will & also thinks I should too. I must admit the idea is exciting.
Bye for now, cate.
I did some shopping in the morning as it was an absolute emergency. NO FRUIT!!! That is serious stuff! My LH was meant to run the Sunday golf comp but it was raining & the few that turned up decided not to play. He beat me home. I had wandered around the supermarket day-dreaming(& consequently spending lots of money). I looked at my trolley at one stage & went "Whoops!" I had grabbed someone else's & was in the next aisle. When I got back to the previous aisle another woman was pushing mine, trying to find me & we both had a good laugh. I told that I'm 57 & that's a 1st!
We had a lovely relaxing day which was excellent. Last night I slept really well.
Today-
My LH went off to work today & I am looking after our YGS, while his sister is at childcare & his brother at school. His parents have gone bush-walking for the day. That will do them both a lot of good. I had offered to give them a free day together & they decided to take me up on it.
We have had a lovely time & I have him down for a nap. We have fed the wild birds & gone for a walk through our bush, clearing a path for him, played with cars and balls & had lunch.
Weight-
Is good. I decided to "diet" today & am going to stick to Cohen's only food & no alcohol for the week & see how I go. I started off .5kg down from last week. I am 5kg over my Cohen's GW.
Outlook & mood-
Much, much better. I'm working my way back to my normal, happy self. I can't change the world & can't live other people's problems for them. I know that. Worry creates more worry & solves nothing.
Interesting news-
I got a call today saying that both my husband & I are entitled to play in the Australian 8-ball singles titles in October as
a) We both tried out for the state team &
b) We will both be there.
My LH can also play in the Aust. masters singles. He will & also thinks I should too. I must admit the idea is exciting.
Bye for now, cate.
Hi Cate
sorry for not coming in more often but my thoughs have been with you. Infact I have not been using the computer much at all.
I am glad you have a focus to take your mind off whatever has occurred in your life. And looking after yourself is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. Believe it or not I am only understanding that now myself.
I know I do not come in here often but I know you know I am here for you whenever you feel to off load.
But I also understand there are somethings that are too personal to devulge. I went through a bad family issue when I returned to Brisbane for the last School break and I have told a few friends etc...but otherwise I keep it to myself and have worked it out through talking to my husband who like yours is a great support system.
Anyway i am glad you are feeling less like bawling but sometimes that can be the best rememdy to off load.
Take care now - Samx.
sorry for not coming in more often but my thoughs have been with you. Infact I have not been using the computer much at all.
I am glad you have a focus to take your mind off whatever has occurred in your life. And looking after yourself is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. Believe it or not I am only understanding that now myself.
I know I do not come in here often but I know you know I am here for you whenever you feel to off load.
But I also understand there are somethings that are too personal to devulge. I went through a bad family issue when I returned to Brisbane for the last School break and I have told a few friends etc...but otherwise I keep it to myself and have worked it out through talking to my husband who like yours is a great support system.
Anyway i am glad you are feeling less like bawling but sometimes that can be the best rememdy to off load.
Take care now - Samx
.
Cate
Long term member
Hi Sam, Thanks for that. I was wondering where everyone was! I have only told 2 people, other than my husband, what has been happening & I don't think either of them thought it was such a disaster, which surprised me. I'll keep it to myself now. I'll reverse the saying & say "Where there is hope there is life." Hope you're ok Sam. You & I are worriers I think & worry only hurts us- it certainly does not make life easier or help anybody. Sending you some love Sam, xoxo Cate
Today-
I have taken my MIL into Launceston to have a medical procedure to check out her bladder. One of my S'sIL came too & the 3 of us went for lunch after. I just got home.
Tomorrow-
Is Tai Ch'i day & then I am taking her back to Launc. to see another specialist. I think both S'sIL will be there tomorrow. One is getting very crabby with the other but won't talk to her about it. It's time to. Hopefully they will get on tomorrow. I'm not going to worry about them though. Their problem!
I ate cake after lunch today- big mistake as it wasn't even very nice. Dessert looks so good but is usually no-where near as nice as it looks & makes you feel blah afterward. The apple I ate immediately after that was much nicer. I drank 2 water bottles on the drive home. BIG MISTAKE-get over it!
I'll pop back tomorrow morning I think so bye for now, xoxo Cate
Today-
I have taken my MIL into Launceston to have a medical procedure to check out her bladder. One of my S'sIL came too & the 3 of us went for lunch after. I just got home.
Tomorrow-
Is Tai Ch'i day & then I am taking her back to Launc. to see another specialist. I think both S'sIL will be there tomorrow. One is getting very crabby with the other but won't talk to her about it. It's time to. Hopefully they will get on tomorrow. I'm not going to worry about them though. Their problem!
I ate cake after lunch today- big mistake as it wasn't even very nice. Dessert looks so good but is usually no-where near as nice as it looks & makes you feel blah afterward. The apple I ate immediately after that was much nicer. I drank 2 water bottles on the drive home. BIG MISTAKE-get over it!
I'll pop back tomorrow morning I think so bye for now, xoxo Cate
Cate
Long term member
Well!-
My MIL's cancer has gone!! All gone! The wonders of modern medicine....
Me-
I am feeling much better. I am not worrying about other people's problems. I can't solve them. Professional help is required. I can offer moral support & other forms of help & support but I can't fix the world. I am concentrating on looking after myself & thinking positive thoughts. It's working.
Today as I was leaving for Tai Chi I got a call telling us that one of our 8-ball friends collapsed & died last night. We went to her 60th a few months ago. She has had heart problems for years & had not looked after her health at all. She smoked & drank a lot & used to toss down her heart medication with a beer. She went out with a few GF's last night, had a big night, walked out the door, took a few steps & collapsed & died.
When I got to Tai Chi I was told that a fellow we all know committed suicide. I was not particularly close to either of them but it is a reminder that we must live our lives as best we can. Life is precious. We are lucky.
I am not back on my original plan yet. It's only a matter of time (2 months time I must be 5kgs lighter!!)as I want to go to the 8-ball nationals feeling slim, not slimmish.
I might be back later but maybe not. Tomorrow I will be home most of the day as my LH has been called into work & I changed our appointments. I must take our GS to Taekwondo this week as I missed last week due to bucket loads of tears.
Bye for now folks(assuming you are out there somewhere) xoxo Cate
My MIL's cancer has gone!! All gone! The wonders of modern medicine....
Me-
I am feeling much better. I am not worrying about other people's problems. I can't solve them. Professional help is required. I can offer moral support & other forms of help & support but I can't fix the world. I am concentrating on looking after myself & thinking positive thoughts. It's working.
Today as I was leaving for Tai Chi I got a call telling us that one of our 8-ball friends collapsed & died last night. We went to her 60th a few months ago. She has had heart problems for years & had not looked after her health at all. She smoked & drank a lot & used to toss down her heart medication with a beer. She went out with a few GF's last night, had a big night, walked out the door, took a few steps & collapsed & died.
When I got to Tai Chi I was told that a fellow we all know committed suicide. I was not particularly close to either of them but it is a reminder that we must live our lives as best we can. Life is precious. We are lucky.
I am not back on my original plan yet. It's only a matter of time (2 months time I must be 5kgs lighter!!)as I want to go to the 8-ball nationals feeling slim, not slimmish.
I might be back later but maybe not. Tomorrow I will be home most of the day as my LH has been called into work & I changed our appointments. I must take our GS to Taekwondo this week as I missed last week due to bucket loads of tears.
Bye for now folks(assuming you are out there somewhere) xoxo Cate
Luvbug
New member
Hi dear Cate!
Wow! I'm so glad to hear the good news! I haven't been to forum in such a long time, because of tinternet problems... So looks like I've missed quite a lot... I'm sorry for the bad time you've had.. *HUGSSSS*!!!!
Good luck with the 5kgs! It'll fly
Mwaaa!
Luvbug xxx
Wow! I'm so glad to hear the good news! I haven't been to forum in such a long time, because of tinternet problems... So looks like I've missed quite a lot... I'm sorry for the bad time you've had.. *HUGSSSS*!!!!
Good luck with the 5kgs! It'll fly
Mwaaa!
Luvbug xxx
Cate
Long term member
Hi Luvbuggy, sweet friend. Thanks for the big hug...I was missing the love! The 5kg I know I will shake but first I have to shake my derriere into 100% Cohen's action! I've missed you, xoxo Cate
Today-
Is free until 3.30 this afternoon when I pick up our OGS off the school bus & have him for the night. There will be no tears tonight & I will take him to Taekwondo.
It's a bleak day- cold & rainy. My LH went to work early (7am) & I had a sleep in. I must make myself a coffee to warm/wake myself up.
I'll pop back later.
Cheers, Cate
Today-
Is free until 3.30 this afternoon when I pick up our OGS off the school bus & have him for the night. There will be no tears tonight & I will take him to Taekwondo.
It's a bleak day- cold & rainy. My LH went to work early (7am) & I had a sleep in. I must make myself a coffee to warm/wake myself up.
I'll pop back later.
Cheers, Cate
Hello Cate
Just a quick pop in to see how you are today.
Sorry to hear about your acqaintences who have passed on.
But you are right..life is not to be taken for granted....especially when we have others who care and love us.
Getting hit by a bus we can't prevent but looking after ourselves we can.
You have a great day now Cate and glad you feeling in postive frame of mind.
Samx
Just a quick pop in to see how you are today.
Sorry to hear about your acqaintences who have passed on.
But you are right..life is not to be taken for granted....especially when we have others who care and love us.
Getting hit by a bus we can't prevent but looking after ourselves we can.
You have a great day now Cate and glad you feeling in postive frame of mind.
Samx
Angel_sa
New member
Hi Cate,
Just wanted to pop in and say hi, we are out there somewhere and I make a point everyday to log in and read your diary.
Was off sick yesterday with terrible period pains, oh how it bugs me once a month.
Glad to hear things are looking up and congratulations to you and you LH on the 8 ball competition. I'm sorry to hear about the losses as well, and as you and Nan have said "life is too short to be taken for granted"
Hope the weather is a bit better and not so grey and you are having a good day.
Lots of love and hugs.
xxx
Just wanted to pop in and say hi, we are out there somewhere and I make a point everyday to log in and read your diary.
Was off sick yesterday with terrible period pains, oh how it bugs me once a month.
Glad to hear things are looking up and congratulations to you and you LH on the 8 ball competition. I'm sorry to hear about the losses as well, and as you and Nan have said "life is too short to be taken for granted"
Hope the weather is a bit better and not so grey and you are having a good day.
Lots of love and hugs.
xxx
Cate
Long term member
Hi Angela, Thanks for thinking of me I have had quite a good day today. The weather is bleak & not a lot has changed but my outlook is better. What will be will be. Once again we have had a lovely evening with our OGS. Tomorrow I have our YGS again for the day. My life does not feel like my own any more but I love our grand-kids & if I can make their lives happier & their parent's easier then that's good. I will have to do my weights tomorrow while he's asleep. My exercise has not been up to scratch lately & I must fix that. Thanks for the visit sweets. I appreciate it. It does feel that I'm talking to the wilderness sometimes & I have been feeling very sensitive lately. I think most people don't know how to deal with other's problems but it's important to care about others & to let them know. xoxo Cate
I have had quite a good day today. The weather is bleak & not a lot has changed but my outlook is better. What will be will be. Once again we have had a lovely evening with our OGS. Tomorrow I have our YGS again for the day. My life does not feel like my own any more but I love our grand-kids & if I can make their lives happier & their parent's easier then that's good. I will have to do my weights tomorrow while he's asleep. My exercise has not been up to scratch lately & I must fix that. Thanks for the visit sweets. I appreciate it. It does feel that I'm talking to the wilderness sometimes & I have been feeling very sensitive lately. I think most people don't know how to deal with other's problems but it's important to care about others & to let them know. xoxo Cate