Cate's Diary

Hi Kristy-That sounded like how I feel usually. I'm happy if everyone else is happy! You're a real sweety I hope you know! xoxo Cate.

Dealt with!!!
My husband was satisfied with the results he got from the letter we wrote. They called a special meeting of the relevant staff & they all got a big apology & had the new direction clarified better. All of the staff had the letter taken from their personal files & they got my husband to stay back & then apologised to him properly & discussed it all to his satisfaction.

I spoke to my MIL on the phone to read her an email & there was a chance to bring up the issue that I had with her gently. Then later on while our older GS was at Tai Chi I went to the doctors' first & then I called in & went over it again in more depth. She apologised for putting me in a hard place & we cleared the air.

New doctor-
My doctor has moved to NSW so I had to see a new one. I chose a doctor who I had heard was very well qualified. I just needed my scripts & a referral to a podiatrist. He seems pleasant enough. My old (young) doctor was lovely and I miss her but am still in touch.

Friday is younger grandson day
but not today as our son has the day off & will stay at home with him instead while my DIL takes our GD to pre-kinder, fairy ballet & tap(te he- I am so not into girly things!)
I'm quite happy about that as I need a nurturing, taking stock day. I picked up a book yesterday that I had on order from the library so I think I know what I'll be doing today...ahhh *sigh*

I got up early this morning & have already done the dishes & tidied up so my lovely day stretches out longingly in front of me. I'm relaxed & feeling more like me! It has rained heavily overnight & is still raining lightly so I can't get out & madly cart rocks. My washing is drenched but it can stay there. Lazy day coming up.... *sigh*...... Lovely! xoxo Cate.

 
Day 1 of the rest of my life!
I am starting afresh.
I just rode my bike for 15 mins but, instead of staying inside & doing my weights I saw the sun was shining so I put my newish Tatonka "bumbag" on & went for a 1 hour walk. Phew! I'm out of condition! It felt great, except for the 4 dog noise attack. I won't go right up up to their gateway again as the little rats were circling me. I picked up a stick & frightened them away but I'll steer clear in future. My heart doesn't need it.

I came in here to say that it has improved my mood considerably & now I can relax in my chair & read my book without feeling totally lazy.
Cheers all, xo Cate
 
aw cate, that sounds good...i love that feeling after a good walk outdoors....have a beautiful weekend. :O
 
Thanks Geo. I had got out of the habit in the heat but it improves my mood so much I should make it an everyday thing, without fail. I put pressure on myself all the time by setting standards like a minimum of 6o mins a day exercise, weights 3 times a week.....Instead I should say exercise minimum 30 mins a day & then when I go over that it's a bonus. I'll try to do that from now on. Exercise should be enjoyable. I had got to the stage where I was doing anything just to get that 60mins in my exercise log & it was starting to feel like a chore.

I think I still have some sorting out to do & some more calls to make but the worst of it is done. My husband is working all w/e but has Monday off. We think we may visit a friend of his who has cancer. We went to his farewell in November last year when he was given 3 months. We have heard he's not too good so would like to see him again. You don't want to live your live with regrets if you can help it. I said that to my husband last night & he rang him. He has trouble coping with stuff like that & was very nervous. He felt much better for talking to him.

My SIL, who I love, got tangled up with the problem with my MIL & I told her how angry I was with the MIL (ie her mother) but not with her. I think now she is angry & upset with me so I have to sort that out. I was entrusted to read a letter from a niece to her grandmother (my MIL.) She specifically asked me to ensure that no-one else read it as it was very personal. My MIL insisted on keeping the letter at her place. I stressed how important it was that it remain private & read parts of the niece's letter to me. The very next day when my SIL was there my MIL got the letter out & asked her to read it out loud to her. My SIL rang that morning & mentioned the letter & when I said how the niece insists it not be shown to anyone at all & said I hope that she didn't show you she didn't let on at all.
That night(Friday) when my husband came home from work really upset & with his letter from work he told me that his mother had just told him that she got his sister to read the niece's letter. Friday night was not a good night. We were both really angry & upset. I shot off a message to my SIL saying that I realise that her mother probably swore her to secrecy about the letter but that she then told my husband anyway & that I was furious with my MIL, but not her. I have angered her though now. I have tried apologising & saying I should never have said anything to her but I am sure she's mad with me so I'll have to fix that if I can. I felt like ringing my MIL & telling her what I thought but took it out on the wrong person. That is never good.

Quite often I put my thoughts down in here & that makes me think more clearly. Then I often go back & delete half of my post. I won't though. My sister helped me to get a way around the problem with my MIL & gave me a good approach. I should have said to my niece that I cannot be responsible for what my MIL does as I can't. There was really nothing in the letter that would be a problem for anyone else to read but that is not the point. I will tell her & the rest of that side of the family that I can only say that I will try but cannot promise anything. They can email me letters perhaps & I can read them out to her on the phone. This niece's father & my husband's other brother went into business together & had a major falling out & have been "at war" ever since. We have never taken sides. I have been trying to keep the other side (O/S) in the family loop for years & to try to heal the hurt they felt. They even left the country. I think I need a personality change. It is too hard to be an intermediary or a bridge-builder.

I will ring my SIL in about an hour or so when I know she won't be asleep. She works half the night.

We have to vote today in the State elections. It has been very grubby. It's only the second time in my life where I don't feel like voting for any of them. I have voted for the same party all of my life, except for the once. You actually get to know a lot of them in such a small place. It becomes a matter of voting for the lesser of the "evils."

For someone who says she's feeling ok I have had a rant & a rave today. Sorry folks!
More than enough for now. I'll be back later today. Hope everyone has a great week-end, xo Cate

 
glad to hear that all is well, cate..about the exercise, i used to go about it the same way as you....30 mins...read somewhere that the actual fat burn occurs after 20mins into the exercise....so if I did 30mins that'll be 10 mins of fat burning...that made me wanna do 40 mins and then 50mins and then 60mins...
 
Geo-The more exercise I do the more I want to do. It's very hard to stop! I have to make myself stop. Trouble is it makes you so hungry! Today I ate really well, even after carting rocks for an hour. It is very physical & it was quite hot. I also cleaned very vigorously for an hour or more. I'm very happy with my day. Except for our State election. I used to love politics but now I loathe it. We have had a very grubby state election campaign & I must say the party I have voted for all my life has been the worst. I have been disgusted with it. If we win this election I have decided to actually join the party & let them know what I thought of their campaign. A scare campaign is so negative & lacking in integrity.
I'll come back tomorrow as it's quiet in here. Cheers, Cate.
 
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Elections-
Hmmm- it looks like it will most likely be a hung parliament. That's the trouble with making strong statements! LOL at myself yet again! If I joined a political party then I would have to be prepared to air my views & have them more out there in the public eye. I like to keep some things private- my political & religious views included. I can, however, let my feelings be known to the party I support. I will try not to be so single-minded in my beliefs though as blind faith is not using your intelligence properly. I can see a vision of Tasmania in the future but don't see either of the major political parties sharing my view. Perhaps it's time I got over my personal opinion of some of the Greens party reps & listened more to their views. I dislike being labelled though. Hmmmm.
Tuning out from politics is not taking any responsibility for our grand-kids future & that would be remiss of me.

Relaxed again-
So why have I volunteered to have the family to our home for Good Friday? Crazy woman!!!
I can't remember when I had my MIL to our place for a meal & it will probably be her last Easter. My husband works the rest of Easter. It will be bedlam depending on the number of nieces, nephews & great nieces & great nephews that will come along. There's a horde of them. I've lost count! Hopefully our sons & GK's can come too & then it will be more enjoyable bedlam. Hmmm. That's if my MIL can be civil & pleasant for a day. These gatherings bring out the worst in her. I might suggest to our OS that he just call in to say hello to them all so that he or our DIL won't suffer. They don't like family bedlam.

Phone call from a stranger-
I answered my mobile phone last night, thinking it was a call from our YS. A guy called Liam had found the phone in a pub & must have found "Mum" in the contacts & rang me. How nice is that? I asked him where he was & he told me. It was the Irish pub where our son is now working. I thanked him & asked him to hand it over to the barman & told him our son's first name. I wish that our son would learn to be more careful. I have a feeling it won't happen. He's 28 this year! His phone is linked to our credit card & in our name as he couldn't get one in his name when he got back from O/S. I think I might insist on him having it changed this week if possible. He would probably have to sign a new contract though.

The day-
Is a beautiful Autumn day. It has been raining but blue sky is appearing now. It feels fresh. The rock work I did yesterday looks great. I'll take a photo & post it this week. I need to do some more planting to fill the gaps between my plants. Ferns have come up between the rocks & they look so good that I'm going to go down the bush & dig some more up & re-plant them all along the double bank. I would like to replicate nature & from now on I won't plant symmetrically. I have that sort of a brain but will resist. Our OS said it looked so good that I should continue the garden right down to the other end. He's right. Sounds like a good project for me. It used to be our family joke getting it finished but I am actually doing it. You never finish gardening & that's a good thing!

I'm going to make some calls today & re-connect with some friends. It's easy to be slack & easier to type online. I don't want to lose old friendships & that requires more effort. It doesn't matter that some make little effort because their lives are probably busier than mine. It's important to me so I make the effort.

Hope you are all enjoying your week-end. If you are on Cohen's & being 100% that is fantastic! You are doing what you can to be slim & healthy. I admire your determination & commitment. Good for you!
Cheers, Cate.
PS. My current profile pic was taken from our decking & was very early in the morning as the sun was rising. I don't often see this as I am not a morning person. It is almost worth trying to become one though to see more of these! I think if I died & went to heaven it would not look any better than this!



 
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Facebook-
I just de-activated it! I've been thinking about it for a week & just did it. It feels quite weird though but empowering! I want to feel that my life is real again. This forum is real for me though. It's my outlet for my feelings through my daily diary :eek: & a way of helping others by offering unconditional support. :beating:
xo Cate :)
 
Hey cate, I've been on Facebook (FB) for over 3 years now. It was on FB that I discovered the Cohen's Lifestyle Clinique...A friend of my friend's posted pictures of herself...i sort of knew this girl from my college days and I tell you, her weight shedding progress was amazing So amazing that it made me surf the net to find out more about the programme and of course i discovered this wonderful forum as well. I think now I spend more time on this forum than on FB...but I still love FB...enjoy
 
:smilielol5:
I lasted one hour & then re-activated it. I think I answered my own question about whether I could live without it or not! I just will have to learn to limit it. During the week I deleted about 60 friends. Now I had better set my new criteria & hope I haven't offended too many people. I would never have accepted any friend requests from people I did not like but had felt it was out of control. I'll just have to start over I think. I was hardly typing anything in it as I was wondering why the heck all those people would want to know what I was doing anyway. It felt weird. I'll just cool it a bit I think. I wonder why I feel this is more real when most of you don't know who I am. Perhaps it's because I am more open here because I know I can be. I think that's it.
Sometimes I wish I was different & could just stop analysing everything!
Bye for now, cate
 
Ahhh. A day home with my husband. He is going to do some brush-cutting & pottering about. I'm showered & in my work gear. My arms & wrists are aching a little after about 1.5 hours rock carting yesterday. I got out in the afternoon with my trusty new wheelbarrow & started on the next section which has huge rocks that I would like moved as they were blasted & don't look natural. I managed to roll one onto the wheelbarrow & then rolled it off elsewhere & re-positioned it, but, in the process I have dented the wheelbarrow. My LH would have a fit if he saw which one. I'll probably have to tell him when he sees the dent or he may insist on me returning it. I did say in the hardware store that I do rough work & need a really tough wheelbarrow but my only limit is whether I can actually do something or not, not whether the tool is up to the task. I should maybe take it back. I got the builders one, which was the most expensive. I would then make sure I don't try move a rock that size again.

I ate some toast (Bergen) last night with some soup & once again am bloated & uncomfortable. I'll have some occasionally just to see but I think it will always be the case. I decided soup would do as my LH was tired & couldn't be bothered cooking.

I am going to clean & clean & clean for the next 2 weeks as I want our home to look really good for the Good Friday lunch. It looks pretty good now but I'll have it spiffy!

Bye for now folks, xo Cate
 
3 hours hard physical work raking & carting wood & building big heaps & setting fire to them. I am so exhausted I can barely even type, let alone walk! Phew! What a great day. It really tidied up a big section that you drive past to get to our home & it had looked ugly. My hands really ache! I feel great! I am so hungry I could eat a dinosaur though! My LH is in the kitchen now whipping up some beef rissoles & a stir-fry veg to go with the carrots & sweet potato that we already have cooked. Yum! I'll be asleep in my chair early tonight I bet!

I showed him the dent in the wheelbarrow & he doesn't think it's worth taking it back. I know now not to cart such huge rocks. I want a small bull-dozer or back-hoe or whatever they're called. I would be in my element with one of those! I think I'll ache so much tomorrow that I may not be doing much rock work. I may go somewhere & look at some garden furniture. Time for some more plants I think as well. I need a chair or bench or two so I can sit back & look at my handiwork in the garden. Photo to come, I promise!

I may be back later, depending on TV. xo Cate
 
Yesterday-
I sat at the highway intersection & chose right instead of left at the last minute & went to Devonport. I tried on some clothes but my heart wasn't in it. I bought a few little things incl. some perfume-free shampoo & conditioner, prunes etc from a whole-food place in Devonport. The woman who owns the business is married to an old friend from Melbourne. She's lovely & I like to call in & get some things from her when I'm down there. I realised I hadn't had lunch so bought a small gluten-free cookie & 2 apples from her & sat in the car to eat them. I got out again & stood on the footpath to eat the cookie as I realised it would make a mess. As I was standing there eating it I glanced at my car & saw a mark. I went to wipe it off but then saw that it was a graze. I had just been to K-Mart & someone must have had opened their car door onto my passenger side door. They didn't leave a note, not even to say sorry.I then looked at the packaging on the cookie & nearly had a fit at the number of killerjoules! (I stole that term from another forum-love it.) I threw 1/2 into my car rubbish bin & then decided to head home via the long way & to a nice vegetable place in Spreyton where I was so miserable I told a total stranger about my car & she walked out with me & showed me hers. The same thing had happened in the same car park. Hers was much worse. I drove home with the sads & when I got home I came in here & then had a look at Facebook where I saw a friend of mine was caught in the massive storm in Perth. It took her 1.5 hours to drive home 8km in it, through hail the size of golf balls. Poor thing. Their house & yard were also damaged & they are about to rent it out & head overseas for 2 years. What's a little scrape on my new car in comparison?

Menopause-
I have always tried to ignore the word & to use it as an excuse for anything. I won't take anything for it but I think I should acknowledge that I am probably going through it. My emotions are so close to the surface. I anger easily these days after a lifetime of very little anger. It's a feeling I would rather never have. I am very sensitive to what others think about me & take offence easily. My motivational sayings are directed at myself as much as anyone. I react much stronger & much quicker to almost anything. I used to be such a contained person. I used to be able to step back & consider my thoughts. It can be quite scary.

Staying at home-
I really feel like staying at home for a while again. I know that it is hiding from the world but I feel so safe here. I'm not scared of people so much as I'm scared of my reactions to people. I think I might try to have some sort of routine that will work ok for me & monitor it. Perhaps it's time I saw a Naturopath or tried to find a group of women at a similar stage in life or maybe another visit to a psychologist. I know that I feel that when I'm home & doing basic stuff like gardening I feel really comfortable. Whenever something goes wrong I fall to pieces easily & get really down & anxious. Medication leaves me with too many side-effects but I do know that I have been down for a while. I have lost my spark and I want it back!

Today-
is Tai Chi day & I am telling my instructor that I am not going to the Tai Chi camp at Easter. I step outside my comfort zone & then really regret it so will have to say no up front from now on & explain that I want Tai Chi to be a once a week thing & by committing myself to extra things that it takes away from my enjoyment of my Wed Tai Chi. I didn't go last week partly because of this but also that my LH & I had to find a way to deal with his work & me his mother. I want TC to be every Wed & be a time of peace & friendship but don't want it to be a pressure thing. I know that my teacher loses face when she doesn't have many people turn up for these extra classes but I really don't want to go. It has caused me a lot of anxiety for weeks & I have regretted saying yes & have been trying to talk myself into going. Anxiety is awful & I don't remember suffering much from it when I was younger. Perhaps it's just that I analyse things these days as I have much more time to do so. Who knows but it sucks!

MIL-
My MIL got a call late yesterday to say that her chemo/radiation starts next Tues & although she was really impatient for it to start, she is now very anxious about it, as anyone would be. I woke up this morning thinking of her & feeling a little the same. I hope she copes ok. I'm going in with her in the taxi first day to show her around & hopefully will be able to organise for the taxi driver to go in with her & come back to get her as she cannot see much at all. There is a 20 minute drop-off park at the door. With any luck it will be the same taxi driver each time. I know a few. My husband may come in too.

Time to get on the move. I got up early this morning. I have been waking early & then not being able to get back to sleep. I also have been having trouble getting off to sleep. Hmmm. Time for something but I'm not sure what. I'll do some homework.
Bye, cate
 
cate, i can understand how you feel about that car door...last november when i was out camping with my pupils at an outdoor adventure centre, someone grazed the front of my car near the right headlights! it's about 30cm long....still haven't gotten over it though...and of course, there was no note of apology either...i just tell myself "what goes around, comes around" to console myself...
i hope your friend in perth is coping well...i've never experiences a hail in this part of the world where i'm from...but i can imagine the damaged caused...
my mum experienced menopause a few years ago and that really put a strain on our relationship...i guessed as much it was that but didn't have the opportunity to tell her...in any case, our relationship was strained then. at least you are aware of it, my mum wasn't and it was difficult for all of us esp dad. she was easily irritable...a friend of mine suggested the evening primrose oil capsules...i bought her that (of course i had to disguise my intention! LOL) i suggested that she should get some exercise and go for brisk walks...the evening primrose oil and the brisk walks helped her big time!
anyway, time for my massage now, you take care and have a fruitful day... :eek: geo
 
Yesterday-
I had an anxiety attack & was shaking so much I couldn't do up a bracelet. I made myself go to Tai Chi & when I got there they could tell I wasn't good & asked me how I was because I missed TC last week. I ended up telling them & crying & it was probably a good thing to do because I got lots of love in return. Love & understanding & support & hugs. I have made at least 3 really good friends from Tai Chi. True, caring friends. Ones you can open up to & not feel judged. They make me feel so much better about myself.
Tai Chi was lovely when I could just relax & not think. Afterward I felt a lot better. We went to lunch & I ate my usual spinach & fetta quiche with salad but had a peppermint tea instead of coffee. I had thought that maybe the coffee in the morning was not a good idea. When my LH works early I often drink the small pot of plunger coffee on my own. I think that may explain the uncontrollable shakes. D from Tai Chi says some of her friends take Maca powder for their Menopause symptoms so I got some from the wholefood shop. I just reminded myself. I had better go take some!

Last night-
My LH's team won their Grand Final in the 8-ball last night. We were lucky to be there & beat a much better team last week to reach the GF. Last night we beat the team who had been well on top all year by far. 2 of our players are 1st year players. My LH played as well as he ever has. It was a fun night. We went back to someone's place after & got home about 1.30am. I drank light cider. We slept in until 9am. I think I only woke once. Even though it was a good night I am aware that my spark is missing though. A wife who has never been to watch 8-ball before came along last night & was so rude & painful

I have to go. A friend of my MIL just rang & she is not answering her door or her phone & she was expected. Bye, Cate
 
but we waited ten mins & rang again because the friend was late. Knowing how impatient my MIL is I thought she may have headed off on her own & she did!
 
Menopause-
This just has to be it! Today I found myself wishing my husband was at work. I get so cranky over nothing. So teary over nothing....Time to do something about it. More research coming up. I have started taking the Maca powder as of today & found that you must start little & increase it slowly. Worth a try. Perhaps Evening Primrose as well. I used to take it religiously for PMS when I was young. I'll look up some sites I think, right now. This is not me.
Car-
I rang the insurance company regarding my car & lodged a claim. If it's <$400 damage I ring them back & fix it myself. If it's >$400 I pay the 1st $400, they'll pay the rest. I need to get it fixed as my new car does not feel new any more.
Our older GS is staying tonight as he always does on Thursdays & I take him to Taekwondo & then let him use the computer so may not be back.
Bye for now, Cate.
 
My car-
Called in to my mechanic neighbour's place on the way to the school bus to show him the damage to my car & to ask him how much he thought it would cost at the panel beater's. I think he picked how I felt about it as he seemed really sympathetic. He can be a bit of a tough nut but I get on well with him. He said he could polish it back in an hour! He even offered to do it instantly but I couldn't leave it there as I had to go pick up our GS & take him to Taekwondo. He will do it early next week instead. Nice. I rang the insurance company & cancelled my claim. It was such a relief. I must tell myself constantly that it is just a car.

Menopause part 2-
I dropped our GS off at Taekwondo & dropped into my MIL's & had a herbal tea with her. I did lots of research today on Menopause & I am really going to limit my coffee even more & continue with my exercise program. I had called into the chemist's & picked up some Evening Primrose Oil (thanks Geo!) and some Mega B. One of the women who works in the chemist is delightful & she also is suffering badly so I asked her what she thought I should take & we then spoke to the woman chemist who is probably in her early 60's. Between us we worked out the EPO & the mega B was the way to go. Anything is worth a try I think. I don't like feeling so out of control & so not like my true self.

Taekwondo-
I love watching! Our GS is doing really well. His best friend has a brown belt & his older brother has a black belt. Their father has a brown belt. They are so funny to watch sparring. I can see our GS & this mate being friends forever. They are such a nice family! It is such a good, strong friendship. I love my role as grand-mother. It's so much easier & more natural than being a mother. The old saying is you should have your grand-kids first! I'm teaching him things like it being time to start wearing deodorant etc. & can get him to do things without argument that his parents battle with. It's lovely & so rewarding.

I must weigh myself tomorrow. I have relaxed about it lately and by doing so hardly eat anything I shouldn't. I have our YGS in the morning which will be nice. I hope it's not for the whole day but I'll survive if it is. My LH says that I am establishing a good strong bond with him so that's worth it. He's right, as usual.

Time for an early night I think. Good night friends, xo Cate


 
I woke at 4am & I could not get back to sleep.This has been happening a bit lately. So I am here with a chamomile tea next to me. I have made our GS's school lunch and am starting to yawn now so hopefully will be able to get back to sleep. I didn't go to bed early either-11pm. This must be menopause. Either that or I've lost the plot! Aaarrggghhhhh!!!!
I do have a bit of a sore throat & am snuffly though. I might just go take 2 Panadol & crawl back into bed. Bye, Cate
 
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