Cate's Diary

I went back to sleep & then, when the alarm went off, could happily have stayed that way. Cooked our OGS's breakfast, dropped him off at the bus stop, came home, did the dishes & then my YGS arrived. I have been playing with play-doh, feeding the birds, driving around playing pretend cars, doing a little gardening(with "help")whilst taking calls from my MIL & making calls re my MIL & I now have my YGS sound asleep. I think I might just go sit in my chair & have a nanna nap! Grand-kids are so good for your soul though, even though I feel exhausted. Our OS, DIL & our GD will arrive about 3.30 so I had better feel a bit rested before then.
One more call to make to the Cancer clinic though as they have left a message asking me to ring. The person must be at lunch now.
Bye for now, Cate. .
 
Hey, Cate! Bit late in the game but I deactivated my FB account over a year ago and never felt happier! :p lol It sucked up a lot of my time, and the people I cared about the most were hardly updating - and if they did, I hated hearing "check out my FB for details" (where they share the same info to 20301 of their "friends"!). Haha I can rant about FB for a while so I'd stop. Now my casual internet time is more constructive like reading this forum. ;)
 
Hi dietgrrl- I have limited my FB to close friends & my extended family & that feels much better. FB can be good for some things. Today I noticed that my YS says he's " In a relationship" so that is a good sign that he is settling down with his GF. I think he was trying to talk himself out of it, rather than going with his feelings. Making an open declaration is a big step for him. I will use FB just for what I want it for which is keeping up with travelling & O/S friends & family (only 44 now). If I want to contact someone I usually ring them or email. I don't spend much time on it now but check it when I log on as I have it as my home page. Thanks for visiting my diary busy lady, xo Cate.

Yesterday-
Well my Nanna nap was a delightful one as my GS woke after only 1 hour's sleep, crying. I was so tired so lifted him out of the cot, lay down on the single bed, put him on top of him & rubbed his back until he went back to sleep. I think I dozed lightly but rubbed his back whenever he stirred & he had about another hour's sleep. It was lovely. When he woke he stroked my face.

Last night-
My LH came home from work reeking of perfume. Their work nurse was clowning around in the morning & squirted him with perfume (J-Lo?). He told her that I am really allergic to perfume & that it might be a problem when he got home. Well, it sure was but mainly because he thought I was just being silly but I was very allergic to it. I asked him to have a shower but he wouldn't. My LH refused to believe that I could smell it. He reeked. It wasn't until bed-time that he budged & got a face-washer & tried rubbing it off his neck. I took his shirt to the laundry. When I tried to go to sleep I couldn't breathe. I had used my puffer 3 times already. I went & got in another bed & was asleep fairly quickly. I waited until I heard him in the shower in the morning & then went in & sniffed the bedding. His pillow case reeked, the sheets reeked & our cotton blanket did too. I stripped the bed & everything is out on the line now. I'll double check the blanket when it's dry & may have to soak it in powdered milk if the perfume is still noticeable. My sister put me onto that trick. I soaked his work shirt in it overnight.
I checked that he had washed his hair (he had) in the shower & kissed him good-bye as he left for work.

Today-
There is a concert in Devonport with Kasey Chambers, Jimmy Barnes, Diesel, Troy Cassar-Daly & others. I would love to go. My LH would have gone with me if he hadn't been working. It's all day & only $25 for me. I don't think I can get the courage nor the energy to go on my own. It feels really lonely going to things on your own & my self-confidence has felt shattered lately. I haven't totally given up on the idea yet & am in the right clothes to go. It would just take a change of jewellery. I'll see.

It's cold today. I may just sit & read a book & relax. I'm drinking a big pot of herbal tea at the moment, instead of coffee. I had better have a good look at the diaries now so will say bye, xo Cate
 
Going out-I think I sounded like a sad sack earlier & I don't feel that way at all. I have always needed company when I go out & love it when I get there. I can then mix & party but it's just the walking in alone that I don't like. I don't stick with my LH when we go out. I move about. I don't have the confidence to ring people up & ask them if they want to go as I am scared I would sound like a loser. That's the truth of it.
I'll stay home & chill out instead. I have a new Donna Leon book to read.
I like the activity in the forum at the moment. It's good.
Cheers, Cate.
 
So maybe I didn't go to the concert but I also didn't sit around wallowing. I just got back from a 90 minute walk. That made me feel so good. Even getting caught in the rain didn't bother me. Now for that book! :D Cate
 
haha, Cate, whenever someone asks me out to hang out with them, I'm usually more flattered than thinking that they are a 'loser'!
 
I know, dietgrrl, me too. I would be flattered. I wish I could be more confident. It really holds me back. I got a text message tonight from my Tai Chi instructor just saying "Keep smiling" & a xoxo. They were so sweet with me on Wednesday & so caring. I really value friendships. I must make some calls this week & get back in touch with a couple of women that I like. One of them would have loved that concert today but I haven't been in touch with her for years. Nor her me I suppose. We used to be close when we worked together.

AFL football-
My team, the Saints are playing against the Swans tonight & we are really enjoying the game. I love the Saints. It's a great outlet. We both yell & clap & get into it. Our dogs don't like the noise one bit. Time to go back to it. Enjoy your week-end everyone, xoxo Cate
 
Footy-
The Saints beat the Swans in a great match. I got a really good night's sleep & have woken feeling refreshed. It was cool enough to pull a doona up this morning & I went back to sleep when my LH left for work.
I'm drinking herbal tea all day from now on after my shaking episode the other day.
Weight-
I have stabilised 2kg below what I have been for months so that feels really good. I'll have another crack at lowering it again after Easter. I have too much on this week to start & also our Good Friday lunch. My MIL starts chemo Tues & I am going in with her. I am currently 4kgs over my GW range & want to get down to it before our trip to Cairns in May. It's only 6 weeks away! Unfortunately it coincides with the last week of my MIL's treatment but I had booked & paid for it long before we knew she was having any treatment.

Today-
Is really overcast. I will wash the car as it's covered in insects & my neighbour is going to polish the mark back tomorrow for me. I might do my weights this afternoon.
I also must make some calls.
Bye for now, cate

 
So far today-
I washed the car thoroughly. It looks really good & the mark is nowhere near as noticeable. I tidied up my garage & did washing, cooking & have read part of my book. I'm about to finish it before my LH gets home. We are having roast chicken, sweet potato & green beans for dinner. Although these were not on Cohen's I find I can eat them on maintenance, without putting on weight, which is great. It will be different for everyone I think. Others can eat bread.
My timer is bipping so I'll head for today.
Cheers all, xo Cate
 
Hey Cate,

Thought I would pop by and say hello! Sorry I haven't been a very good forum reader lately. Glad to hear that you have stabalised 2kgs under what you have been for awhile, and that your car is looking better. Also, 90 min walk! Wow you're motivated :) thats great. You must feel so awesome after a big walk like that.

I'll make an effort to reply to posts a bit more this week :)
Talk soon and keep up the awesome work!
Kristy xoxoxo
 
Hi Kristy- Sweets if you think I seem motivated that's good. Truth is I've been struggling to get out of a fog for quite some time. I know it's depression but I'm just trying my hardest to get myself out of it on my own & with a little help from my friends. I had really cut down my exercise as I thought I was becoming obsessive about it but now that I'm out of the daily routine I'm aware that it was really helping my mood. Now I have to get myself back into it but it will be a long haul again. The 90 minute walk was a real push! I felt so much better after it. Yesterday I just tidied up my garage & pottered about a bit but didn't do weights. My exercise log will have to be started anew I think. When I look back at last week it ended up being 66mins per day but that was because of our wood gathering day-180 mins! You have been doing so well with your exercise. I need you to encourage me to get back out there.
Good for you Miss Jogger!! :D xoxo Cate

Today-
I feel like c*#p really but have to get out there & I'm taking my MIL to the doc for a blood test & will make some calls for her. I have been at home on my own mostly for 3 days & need to get out. She said she'd be ok but I know I need to so will head soon & do some shopping first. When I get down I turn into a hermit. I have not had any caffeine until this morning for 3 days.

Good Friday-
I have changed to having the lunch at my MIL's as our sons want my LH to go to an 8-ball Calcutta late afternoon & he has decided he wants to go too. I rang my MIL last night to ask if that was ok & she seemed relieved. I am too. She is more comfortable at home. I was starting to worry about perfumes etc in our home. She starts radiation tomorrow. I have just finished ringing the family to tell them the change of plan & found out one lot are not coming anyway & another lot are. Crazy family. We will have to leave by 3.30pm. We will go in early & I will wash all the plates & cutlery & set the table. My MIL has Macular Degeneration as well so the dishes etc. are rarely clean. Everyone brings something & I have told them to only bring stuff that does not require any cooking at all.

I had better get moving. I am a bit shaky after my calls as I know that they much preferred having the lunch here. I had one cup of coffee this morning & that will do me for another few days I think.
I'll be back this afternoon. My car is being done this afternoon which will be great. It doesn't look anywhere near as bad after washing it thoroughly.
Bye for now, Cate
 
Getting out & about picked me up a bit & being useful to my MIL really helps as well. We walked to the doctor & she had her blood test. The clinic had not faxed the report through but I was able to get the schedule out & gave her the number of the woman who said she'd faxed it & her direct number. When we got home I rang the Dep't of Vets Affairs homecare boss to say that Wed am will not suit my MIL as she will have chemo for the next 7 Wednesdays. I told her that any other morning is fine. I put on my P.A. voice or tried to sound very business-like & firm. Instead of the woman arguing with me she said she would see what she could do & ring me back & got both my numbers. My MIL was quite surprised. She wanted to take me out to lunch but I said I wasn't hungry & she had lunch ready in her fridge. I went & did a little shopping, dropped some stuff back to her & she was sound asleep in her chair.
I have now dropped off my car, had some yoghurt, fruit & muesli for lunch (at 2.30pm), rung my husband's sisters & will now sit & put my feet up & read the paper. Dinner is cooked already. Same as last night.

Doing stuff like making calls to bossy people gets my heart-rate going a bit but makes me feel better when I sort anything out. I couldn't do it for a living though I don't think. I have to stop feeling sorry for myself as I have no idea how long Menopause might last. I have been having really severe hot flushes lately as well. They are quite over-whelming & then I itch all over! Hopefully the E.P.O. & the mega B kick in & make a difference soon. I don't like not feeling cheerful.

Bye for now (again!) xo Cate
 
Hi Cate

dropping in to say hi. I am back and I thank you all for all your good wishes.
Will do a quick drop into my diary and let you all know what has been happening these last few months.

sorry I am unable to catch up on any diaries yet but will do so in due time.

take care and all the best - Samxo.
 
Hi Sam- I just typed in your diary. Wow-Melbourne! Good for you! Your Dad will come visit & it will be good for him as well. I think you will love Melbourne. The zoo is wonderful. I love trams & St Kilda FC, Lygon St, ...... so much about Melb. I lived there for 15 years from the age of 17 to 32. Will catch up with you again soon, xo Cate.

My car-
The mark is barely visible & my neighbour refused to take any money for it. In the end I suggested a bottle of red wine & he agreed to that so I'll get him a good one.

MIL-
Her cleaning lady is now coming on a day that suits her. Excellent.

I had a lovely, relaxing evening with my LH & a good night's sleep. We are both off to the Cancer clinic in the taxi with his mum for her first radiation treatment today. I have a birthday call to make now so had better scoot. Cheers all xo Cate
 
Yesterday-
What an exhausting day. I didn't get a chance to do all of what I wanted to in my MIL's first day of radiation because my 2 sisters in law came along as well & one was angry with the other apparently but I had no idea if she was angry with me or her sister or her mother. She is not at all good at articulating her feelings. She gets really angry & you rarely know why. I think she just isn't coping very well with her mum's illness & doesn't know what to do & anger seems to be her first response.
I did manage to have a good talk to the taxi driver & he is going to ensure that all taxi drivers take my MIL right into where she gets her treatment. When she finishes if they call the cab the driver will come in to get her as well. he was really nice & very helpful. So much changed yesterday. The head sharang has decided that she should not have any chemo as she's too old & it would knock her around too much. All the changes that had been made re her house-cleaning etc then were no longer necessary. It was a relief though.
Last night after we had dinner/lunch(lunch went by the wayside) & a bottle of sparkling shiraz (delicious.) I then thought to ring the woman who was coming early to shower her & tell her that she didn't have to go in so early. When I told her that chemo was cancelled & I had told the cabbie, I then said to her that I hoped he had passed it on to the company or a cab would turn up in the morning to get her, instead of the afternoon for radiation. She said they had to give them a days notice of change & sounded really worried. I was on a roll so I said "Well I'm her daughter-in-law I can't get into trouble. I'll ring." Lucky I did. It was funny actually because the guy who answered the switch as soon as I said my MIL's name then said "Yep, yep, I know all about it. It's all organised." He meant that she will be taken in & picked up from inside each time. He didn't know that the cab was no longer needed at 8am. he said I can ring any time with any changes.

The cabbie was so nice yesterday that I had even given him a copy of her schedule & he is going to try to do the run as often as he can. It would be cruisy for him( 2x 120km return drives with an elderly lady) but also better for my MIL as she would become more familiar with him & be more comfortable.

Today-
Is Tai Chi day. Because of the tension & distractions yesterday I told my SIL (1) that I could come in again today after Tai Chi because it's a late ap't time. She has her grandkids for the afternoon but was going to go pick up her mum after chemo, take her back to her place & then drop her back for radiation. My other SIL said she was busy with work. I said that if she wanted to still come in late then I wouldn't but thankfully she said no & seemed grateful that I was going to. I need to get a copy of a couple of things & also get them to sign an attendance form for her. I am happy to be her PA (her eyes) but it's hard when you have to worry about treading on daughters' toes.

I am quite tired today but feeling pretty good really. I was pleased with how I coped with the day as it was so full on. When we got back to my MIL's we then had to take her down the street where she proceeded to embarrass the living daylights out of my LH who usually isn't with her when she shops. Picture a Diva. She is very hard to explain to anyone without sounding really rude. I'm not looking forward to seeing her in a few weeks though as she may be diminished by it all & that is a worse thought.

Suffering from over-use of my typing fingers so had better go.
Lunch after Tai Chi then up to my MIL's & then travelling by cab to the clinic. Another long day but not as stressful, I would imagine.
Ahhh Tai Chi.... Cheers, Cate
 
Yesterday-
Ended up ok really. Radiation was ok. I feel that I can leave my MIL to go in & she'll be fine. She got me to go shopping again afterward but she was ok. I'm more used to her. She seemed very grateful at least. When my MIL dies I won't have any regrets about not doing enough to help her.

Today-
I woke up feeling really rested & with lots of energy. I decided to visit my DIL & the 2 littlies. I ended up staying there for about an hour & a half & it was really nice. I took their Easter eggs, some shortbread & a bottle of Sparkling Burgundy. I picked my OGS up off the bus this afternoon & took him to the supermarket with some money we have been putting aside for his Mum & Dad for a Christmas present & we bought a Lindt bunny each for them. I have told him that he can call the littlies into his room on Sunday morning & they can give them to Mum & Dad together. We have wrapped them up in a box, disguised. It should be fun & be a bit of a reversal. Our OS really gets into the Easter egg hunt in a big way. He's a big kid really.

Tassie schools still have only 3 terms with an extended Easter break. Our GS is having a later night than usual & he has picked up my word puzzle & is trying to find another word. I have been doing a nine letter word puzzle each day to challenge my brain. You know the one when you have to use the middle letter & also one word that uses all the letters. He is determined to find just one more! I was up to the very good but am determined to reach the genius mark one day. Ha ha! Excellent is as good as I have got so far.

I have a very full on day tomorrow for Good Friday. Early start, lunch at my MIL's where we will wash everything & set the table etc. Our YS & his GF are also coming which is great. I hope that my MIL can be nice to her! Fingers crossed! She is one very strong girl & hopefully she can be a match for my MIL. She's no door-stop! Our YS will sweet talk the MIL as he always does. My husband's family are very full-on. We & they will have to leave by 3.30pm as we are then going to an 8-ball calcutta up the NW coast where our other son will also be. It will be a very big day/night. I love having both sons together.

Time to go. I hope everyone has a lovely Easter. Be safe.
xoxo Cate
 
hey cate, just popped in here to wish you...have a great day ahead...got up and remembered your Good Friday lunch....have a glorious day with your family. muacks!
geo
 
Oh dear! I answered the phone hours ago & all that I had typed in here has gone. The computer re-started to update & I hadn't submitted my post. Ouch!

Geo-
The most important thing that I said was that I thought it really sweet that you thought of me on GF. We both have had MIL problems.

My computer update has saved you all from hearing about my day as I won't repeat it now because I'm over it!

Our YS & his GF came up & had lunch at the MIL's. Brave girl in more ways than one. She & our son are getting on really well. Cate = :D I love this girl! I will not be her MIL from hell.

I'm heading back out to do some rock work. My BIL & SIL called up yesterday after the lunch to get some rocks for their place & we left them here to go the 8-ball calcutta. They started a little job I have been wondering how to go about doing. They did a rough set of steps which must have taken them considerable effort. It looks great & I am inspired to continue with my huge job. It has also changed my plans considerably. I got such a shock when I looked out at lunch-time & saw it. I rang her up so excited to say how wonderful it is. I do feel inspired by their effort. I'll quickly post this now just in case. I may be back later but if not you can picture me falling asleep in my chair exhausted but happy!

Cheers, Cate
 
Fresh eyes!
It sometimes takes someone else's eyes to make you see things differently. I have been wondering how I was going to do the stone steps in this big area I had mapped out. I have had lots of trouble thinking how I was going to do it so that it looked really good. It was going to be a huge job!
Then along came my BIL & SIL who roughed up a set of stairs further along & they look sensational! I rang my SIL up when I saw the steps yesterday. I was so excited & thrilled. My SIL was worried that we wouldn't like them or that my LH would be crabby about them doing the work at our place but I told her that they are wonderful & that I love them and that I love her! We laughed about her brother & how he gets funny if anyone offers advice or offers to help & we both said "He'll get over it!" It made my GF lunch debacle fade into nothing. It made my Easter!

I worked on the steps fine-tuning them for about 2.5 hours yesterday afternoon & was as happy as the proverbial pig in you know what! Now I have to go buy some plants & complete the landscaping in the same vein as the rest, up to the new steps. Well there is a massive rock between this area & the steps. There is about an area of 12 square metres that will require many rocks & about 2 plants & then lots of ferns to fill up all of the gaps along the whole retainer wall. My SIL will give me some cuttings of succulents to put next to the steps in the cracks between the stones plus I will put some herbs. Photos will have to wait now. When I complete this section & plant it out I will take photos. Actually I'll see how the ones I took the other day are & may post some of them.
Stone steps rock!

MIL-Was bleeding yesterday but I have rung her up this morning early & she says she passed a clot during the night & is now fine. I was going to take her to hospital if she was still bleeding. I told her to ring me if she passes any more blood or she wants me to come in. It's a bit sad but I think the more I do for her (& I do a lot) the more she does expect & she may be taking me for granted but when it comes to the crunch she knows that she can depend on me & does seem to appreciate that.

Today-
I'm getting into my work gear soon & .....back into the rock work! I'm on a mission! I don't know if any nurseries are open on Easter Monday but I may try to complete the stone work first & then plant out. It's more logical. Gardening is so good for your soul! I haven't been doing weights lately as my weights have been rocks!

Cheers for now, Cate. :D
PS Geo I think the EPO & super B are kicking in. Mind you, GF I didn't think so, as I really felt like committing a murder :cuss:. LOL!
I think I'm calming down quicker though :eek:



 
Oh my!
I did rock work for about 5 hours! I got interrupted plenty of times with phone calls but that's nice anyway. I broke the furniture trolley moving a very big rock & then when I got the wheelbarrow to roll it in to that I didn't quite get my fingers out in time. It didn't stop me though. Nothing would have stopped me yesterday. I was on a roll! When my husband got home he could see the row of big rocks that I had placed along the bottom of the new section(that was going to be the stairs.) By this stage I was trimming some large shrubs down our drive. He just pulled up, wound down his window & said "You're mad!" and laughed. He was very impressed with my handiwork.
I don't think I have ever done anything as rewarding as this stone work/landscaping. I can't tell you how much I love it & how good it makes me feel!

Purple finger-
Is now turning a deep red. It's the middle finger on my right hand-main typing finger. It's not too bad.

Today-
I have promised myself that I will have a day off stone work but even typing this makes me have second thoughts. I'll ring my MIL & see if she's doing anything today & if not I might go in there for an hour or 2. Races are on today & my LH's horse(syndicate) is racing but he's working. I can't be bothered getting dolled up & going & I never ring anyone to ask them to pick me up. It's a bit pig-headed I know. They probably don't even realise that my LH is working & will more than likely just expect us to be there.

It is always hard to adjust when daylight savings ends. here I am at 8.05. I'm showered, dressed & have had breakfast. Is this the new Cate? A morning person? I also couldn't get to sleep last night & got out of bed & had a chamomile tea with honey. I think that I sleep so soundly after a hard day's work that i wake more refreshed in the morning.

I will pop back this afternoon. I am dying to buy some plants now. I might try posting some photos in the next hour.
Cheers for now, Cate.
 
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