Cate's Diary
- Thread starter Cate
- Start date
Wow, Cate, so sorry. It seems like classic narcissistic behavior - they project and accuse the people around them of what they do to others. Please don't take them seriously. They are incapable of seeing other people as having feelings because they are so focused on themselves. Definitely not worth your time and energy!!!
Cate
Long term member
Thanks, Tru, Petal, LaMa & Marsia. I gradually calmed down last night & slept well. Last night I had wished I hadn't gone to the meeting at all & hadn't spoken up. This morning I am no longer angry & glad I said everything I did. The gang of 3 are narcissistic bullies & are not worth my time & energy. I don't think I will go to any more meetings and will say that my doing so is a waste of time. They seem to be nastier to me since I came back to the club & I think that is because I won't put up with any bullshit any more. I have until the end of the year to decide whether I will stay.
When asked if I would be the bar manager for the women I said that I would prefer not to as I am obviously not trusted to have a key or a security code to lock up & am being told not to tidy up behind the bar "or you'll just get into trouble." I think that shook them up a bit. They said that they would have to ask the general committee for permission. 5 minutes later one of them offered me a key on the sly & I said "Nope. Go through the channels." I was so mad at them. I won't go on any more about any of the stuff they said as I just looked at my left hand & it was shaking!
G & I are about to head off to buy a couple of venison.
When asked if I would be the bar manager for the women I said that I would prefer not to as I am obviously not trusted to have a key or a security code to lock up & am being told not to tidy up behind the bar "or you'll just get into trouble." I think that shook them up a bit. They said that they would have to ask the general committee for permission. 5 minutes later one of them offered me a key on the sly & I said "Nope. Go through the channels." I was so mad at them. I won't go on any more about any of the stuff they said as I just looked at my left hand & it was shaking!
G & I are about to head off to buy a couple of venison.
I think you did great speaking your peace and then not reacting to their awfulness. I think that carries a lot of weight being reasonable in the face of someone being a total jerk. I'm so glad you didn't fall for being the bar manager there, and hope you feel really proud of yourself on all counts!!
Happy venison!
Happy venison!
Offering a key on the sly! That says it all to me - they know it's wrong, they haven't got the gumption to face it or to change it. You spoke out and gave them the chance to take a step - that they didn't seize that chance was their decision and they can live with the consequences - and you can probably live very well without them.
Cate
Long term member
Thanks, LaMa. I wish I did. I hate conflict. I have given them a reason to be nastier behind my back. I wish I had thick skin! Anger & conflict just make me suffer.
I know, Amy. I don't need these 3 women in my life. I'll just take it one week at a time & not put up with any bullshit. I'll consider my options for the next few months. I really love a few of the women & would miss them. I rang one this afternoon (the one with lung cancer- (she had an ap't yesterday & missed the meeting) & she was cranky that no-one else spoke up. She's as strong-minded as me but says not to let them worry me. I said she'll need to give me lessons on that.
Petal001
New member
Cate I think you should just play golf with the ladies you do like , don’t be the bar manager and don’t go to meetings . Did anyone else agree with you or were you left to carry it alone . It will get easier as week goes on so don’t overthink it .
. I cut a so called friend out of my life a good few months ago for exactly this reason. Life much better without.
Be proud of speaking your mind it’s better than bottling it up .
.
. I cut a so called friend out of my life a good few months ago for exactly this reason. Life much better without. Be proud of speaking your mind it’s better than bottling it up .
alligatorob
Respected Member
Hey Cate, sorry to hear about your struggles with the club. You are a very nice person surely there are a lot of other nice people in Tasmania who would value your friendship, you probably already know a lot of them. Can't you just drop the club and socialize with others? I know that's probably easier said than done. Just try to keep it from interfering with your eating, good that it didn't drive you to drink.
I am not sure refraining from swearing is always necessary. I believe swear words have a place, and this sounds like it might be one of those places. Of course I don't know Tasmanian customs, I grew up in the deep (US) south where swearing was very rare (it was then, not so much now). My father lived to 85 and I never heard him say a single swear word. When I was 16 we moved west, where swearing was much more common. I was kind of shocked at first, all of these good Mormons swearing, but I overcame that pretty quickly and picked it up. In the right situation it seems to help. A kind of visceral release. And this audience doesn't sound like one you were trying to impress with your gentility.
I enjoyed reading about your mulch, we could use a load! The picture of your yard was nice, we see a lot of old farm machinery in yards around here, I like it, kind of a connection with our recent past. We have an old plow in the flower garden. Do you have a walnut tree on your place? Our neighbor has one and he tells us we are welcome to all we want, so we get a few fresh ones. They can be hard to crack.
Thanks for your nice words on my diary, always good to hear from you. Oh, and my stepson could use a Cleaver Greene right now!
I am not sure refraining from swearing is always necessary. I believe swear words have a place, and this sounds like it might be one of those places. Of course I don't know Tasmanian customs, I grew up in the deep (US) south where swearing was very rare (it was then, not so much now). My father lived to 85 and I never heard him say a single swear word. When I was 16 we moved west, where swearing was much more common. I was kind of shocked at first, all of these good Mormons swearing, but I overcame that pretty quickly and picked it up. In the right situation it seems to help. A kind of visceral release. And this audience doesn't sound like one you were trying to impress with your gentility.
I enjoyed reading about your mulch, we could use a load! The picture of your yard was nice, we see a lot of old farm machinery in yards around here, I like it, kind of a connection with our recent past. We have an old plow in the flower garden. Do you have a walnut tree on your place? Our neighbor has one and he tells us we are welcome to all we want, so we get a few fresh ones. They can be hard to crack.
Thanks for your nice words on my diary, always good to hear from you. Oh, and my stepson could use a Cleaver Greene right now!
Hi Cate. I think there is such a thing as being too nice. Sometimes when people are taking advantage of a situation, if you capitulate and are always stuck in nice guy mode, they don't respect you. I think it's better to stand up to injustices when you really feel called to even if it makes you unpopular, and usually bullies leave the people alone who do stand up to them. Also who wants to tiptoe around a club run by bullies? I think it's better to ask for what you want and if it doesn't happen, you have feedback that the situation won't change, and you can adjust accordingly.
I hope you can try to do lots of active things in the next few days and get back into your body and out of your head!
I hope you can try to do lots of active things in the next few days and get back into your body and out of your head!
DietAccountability101
Active member
Thanks, Tru, Petal, LaMa & Marsia. I gradually calmed down last night & slept well. Last night I had wished I hadn't gone to the meeting at all & hadn't spoken up. This morning I am no longer angry & glad I said everything I did. The gang of 3 are narcissistic bullies & are not worth my time & energy. I don't think I will go to any more meetings and will say that my doing so is a waste of time. They seem to be nastier to me since I came back to the club & I think that is because I won't put up with any bullshit any more. I have until the end of the year to decide whether I will stay.
When asked if I would be the bar manager for the women I said that I would prefer not to as I am obviously not trusted to have a key or a security code to lock up & am being told not to tidy up behind the bar "or you'll just get into trouble." I think that shook them up a bit. They said that they would have to ask the general committee for permission. 5 minutes later one of them offered me a key on the sly & I said "Nope. Go through the channels." I was so mad at them. I won't go on any more about any of the stuff they said as I just looked at my left hand & it was shaking!
G & I are about to head off to buy a couple of venison.
Sounds like you are doing the right thing. I find that having a good night's sleep to let perspective sink in does the world of good - no point feeling crap when it's them who are the crap ones!
Cate
Long term member
alligatorob- Thank you. I do swear & it can be a great release. I felt better about not totally losing my cool & swearing though as that would provide them with more ammunition. There are just 3 of them who are really mean & the rest are good people who would have been horrified if I had really lost it & said exactly what I thought, with swear words included. I am starting to get over it now.
Marsia I know that you are right & I'm feeling ok now. I just hope they are not even meaner to me now. I'll go along next Wednesday & try to continue on & see what happens. I think I got so upset with myself for feeling so angry & almost out of control. I will say hello to everyone & be friendly like I always do & try to enjoy my golf. I wish I did have a thicker skin. Getting back into my body instead of my head is the best thing I can do for myself. Thanks, M xo
LaMaria Good point, LaMa & "Yes, dear". You are spot on. Meditating went out of the window. Today, I promise. That's a promise to both you & to myself. "Self-care is not selfish". Today I am going to be busy and I'm going to meditate.
DietAccountability101 Thanks 101. I think that's the thing with anger that it only hurts yourself, rather than the people you are angry with. I don't think they give 2 hoots. I have to stop dwelling on this as I start to get shaky again. They are not worth it.
Petal001 I will make a point of having a relaxing, but energetic Friday, thank you Petal. G & I have lots of rewarding plans for today.
Our weekend just changed a lot as we were going to have the GK's tonight & tomorrow & tomorrow night as well, but they have gastro & are staying with their Mum. G & I are going to do lots more gardening, which makes us both happy. The first "job" is to try to remove a tree fern that is growing up under our decking & pushing the boards up. We are going to transplant it into the middle of our dogs' burial site in the middle of the bush just over from our house. I told G that's where I wanted to be buried(my ashes anyway) but he has his heart set on putting the fern there, so I'll let him as I think it's sweet.
Something funny happened this morning when I woke up. G was reading & he said something (?) that included the word "things". I was still half asleep & half sang "Things- like a walk in the park. Things..." G said "like a kiss in the dark" Me "Things...." & so on. It's a golden oldie by Dean Martin, called Things & we both had a laugh. I said, "We are really lucky?" It was a nice way to wake up. Earlier in the week. G had said to me as we were both waking "How lucky are we?"
It's time I made the most of this lovely Spring day. Housework can wait- the garden & the great outdoors beckons
Marsia I know that you are right & I'm feeling ok now. I just hope they are not even meaner to me now. I'll go along next Wednesday & try to continue on & see what happens. I think I got so upset with myself for feeling so angry & almost out of control. I will say hello to everyone & be friendly like I always do & try to enjoy my golf. I wish I did have a thicker skin. Getting back into my body instead of my head is the best thing I can do for myself. Thanks, M xo
LaMaria Good point, LaMa & "Yes, dear". You are spot on. Meditating went out of the window. Today, I promise. That's a promise to both you & to myself. "Self-care is not selfish". Today I am going to be busy and I'm going to meditate.
DietAccountability101 Thanks 101. I think that's the thing with anger that it only hurts yourself, rather than the people you are angry with. I don't think they give 2 hoots. I have to stop dwelling on this as I start to get shaky again. They are not worth it.
Petal001 I will make a point of having a relaxing, but energetic Friday, thank you Petal. G & I have lots of rewarding plans for today.
Our weekend just changed a lot as we were going to have the GK's tonight & tomorrow & tomorrow night as well, but they have gastro & are staying with their Mum. G & I are going to do lots more gardening, which makes us both happy. The first "job" is to try to remove a tree fern that is growing up under our decking & pushing the boards up. We are going to transplant it into the middle of our dogs' burial site in the middle of the bush just over from our house. I told G that's where I wanted to be buried(my ashes anyway) but he has his heart set on putting the fern there, so I'll let him as I think it's sweet.
Something funny happened this morning when I woke up. G was reading & he said something (?) that included the word "things". I was still half asleep & half sang "Things- like a walk in the park. Things..." G said "like a kiss in the dark" Me "Things...." & so on. It's a golden oldie by Dean Martin, called Things & we both had a laugh. I said, "We are really lucky?" It was a nice way to wake up. Earlier in the week. G had said to me as we were both waking "How lucky are we?"
It's time I made the most of this lovely Spring day. Housework can wait- the garden & the great outdoors beckons
Wow, I love your description of your morning! I would love to wake up singing to each other - that's like out of an old time musical! You are so lucky!
If the old bats at your club give you grief, just tell them you were only suggesting a change, and since no one else spoke up, you won't pursue the idea, no hard feelings. I think if you keep being reasonable, they won't have anything to fight with. But you should secretly end all your sentences to them with "you old bat" silently in your head!
I adore tree ferns, and I forgot to mention in another post about the lovely African seeming plant you mentioned, at least I think I have seen it in a botanical garden in the African section. You get to grow the most wonderful plants! Happy gardening!!!
If the old bats at your club give you grief, just tell them you were only suggesting a change, and since no one else spoke up, you won't pursue the idea, no hard feelings. I think if you keep being reasonable, they won't have anything to fight with. But you should secretly end all your sentences to them with "you old bat" silently in your head!
I adore tree ferns, and I forgot to mention in another post about the lovely African seeming plant you mentioned, at least I think I have seen it in a botanical garden in the African section. You get to grow the most wonderful plants! Happy gardening!!!
Ab-so-lutely!It's time I made the most of this lovely Spring day. Housework can wait- the garden & the great outdoors beckons
Marsia, you are very wicked and I like you! Endorsed, totally!