Cate's Diary

A good day so far. Gave blood(caught up with an old work-mate & also picked up my holiday snaps of Vietnam. One of the women who works there is going to do exactly the same tour we did in November this year with a group of friends after looking at our photos. Wow!), went to the dentist (no physical pain-just the bill) visited my boss, where I told her how important it was to me that she had given me such positive feed-back the other day, clarified a little bit more & also told her I will be at the Physio meeting tomorrow. I told her that I was calling in to tell her that I would be up a mountain tomorrow, but I was struggling for air, walking around Devonport, which is unusual these days& I think I may have a chest infection after all. I told the boss that I am very sick of the physio treating me like a germ & making suggestions, in front of me that our client does not feel confident to do her exercises in front of anyone else except her physio. This woman has a massive ego. My boss said she would be there & would put her in her place if she was rude.
The air is quite smoky so that may be touching up my asthma. I just checked the news online & the Tarkine rainforest here in Tassie is alight with bushfires. Already 1900 hectares have burned, according to the report I read. How sad. I have made another ap't to see a doctor tomorrow to see if I need anti-biotics. Every winter for the last 8 or 9 years or so I have got at least 1 chest infection. It's a bit early this year but I have had it passed on via work. I really need to build up my immune system. I can't shut myself away from all the allergens that are out there. I must learn to fight the reactions off.
I called in at a health food shop I used to go to & have made arrangements to see a naturopath that visits there once a month. Unfortunately she is there tomorrow, which clashes but I will ring Thursday to make a time for her next visit in a month.
I have bought new scales & will weigh in the morning.
When I asked about diaries (Thanks Sam for your pm) I was wondering about My Space or Facebook & similar & what people's ideas were of them. I am so in the habit of typing most days & enjoy when I do get some inter-action but feel I am at a different stage & not so Cohens focussed. I have Cohens to thank for getting me here but am ready to move on to something else. I like the friendliness of here though & any forays into other forums put me off. I do not want to become obsessed about exercise either. Women's health & wellbeing sounds appealing. I'll do a search.
Cheers, Cate.
 
Hi Cate

I know I misunderstood you about the forum question but I sent you the web address to your email anyway.....just incase.

Sam:)
 
Hi Sam, That's very sweet of you as is your thread congratulating Kannadew. I had seen the photos (not on New You) & I must admit was a bit nervous about you posting the link until I saw that she had posted them on the new you forum. Seeing her reaction to your thread made me feel great. What a girl she is! Good for you, taking so much pleasure in her wonderful journey & pointing it out. She has been so supportive to everyone else & sometimes we all forget that we all need support & encouragement. I am really looking forward to meeting her & have been planning our few days together.
I must go have a look about esp Annie's diary. Hi Annie. LOL at myself- I love being a grandmother & couldn't help sending you that photo! He's so sweet, as all 3 of them are!
Cheers, Cate
 
Aww Cate.... You are soo nice!

I am sooo looking forward to meeting you in only 40 days!

Thanks so much for your continued support and encouragement!

Blessya
Kannadew
 
Hi Kannadew, You are more than welcome. You deserve all the accolades you are getting! I was going to send you a copy of my newish grandson but thought hey, you are going to see them in the flesh before long so didn't. I am such a proud grandma. I just adore my grandkids!
I have to scoot soon as I have a doctors ap't. All of the smoke from the bushfires is not helping with my breathing & I am battling for breath. I think I will need antibiotics, unfortunately & will get this doc to check my asthma.
I weighed this morning after my husband checked the scales & he said they are def 6kgs more. I weighed 78.5 So I have dropped 2kgs this week as I was 74.5kg & freaking out.
I am fine with all of this. This may explain why I was having so much trouble stabilising as I hadn't really got down to my goal weight. I thought I had but.......
I have decided to try to get down to the real 70kg but don't know how hard it will be until I try which I will def do.
It's funny(good really) but I know I can do it.
I got a call from the Physio already & have an ap't for Mon the 31st March. This service is free.
I am going to the client's home today to have this meeting with the Physio, my boss & the other support workers. I feel ready for it! I have some earrings on that my darling, late sister had made for me by some fancy New York artist/jeweller so it feels like she is coming with me. She always gave me confidence & built me up to feel I could do anything & face anything. I still feel she is with me in my soul.
I'll be back tonight. I also am visiting my MIL today so need the extra strength!
Cheers for now, Cate
 
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Hi Cate
Thanks for your kind words about posting kannadews pictures...I think I got so excited and carried away - like you said she has been such a wonderful source of inspiration not only with her weightloss journey but with other concerns in our everyday life and she has managed to take and make the time for each and everyone of us here oldies and newbies.
I must admit when I opened up that thread just now I was concerned to what her reaction would be....BUT it was a happy and welcome post.
Cate you sound like you are going through some patchy times, hot weather, bushfires and other health concerns. Would you believe up here in Brissie we have had wet and cool conditions..I actually had a jumper on late yesterday afternoon.....Bizarre times.
Those scales are not doing your psycy any good Cate toss them out.....before I started Cohens I purchased a digital scale from the overstocked supplier over the net.
I hope the rest of your day goes well. I look forward to tuning back here tonight to see.
And Cate I am sorry your sister has passed on but how wonderful to know she was such a great souce of friendship and support to you....I also have a sister who is older and supports me and is always there for me, she is my best friend. She has had to contend with more then your average person in her lifetime but she doesn't complain and takes each day as it comes.....she is my inspiration, especially when I am looking for that meaning to life question????? and struggle with the day to day issues.
Take care for now.
Sam:)
 
Hi Sam, Once again I have been as clear as mud! My old scales have gone out but the bad news is I weigh 6kgs more than I thought I did. The new scales are digital & are Soehlne which are a good brand, same as my kitchen ones. My old ones were digital too, but old & inaccurate!!
It's ok. I'll live.
I have been to a different doctor & have a chest infection & have been prescribed the anti-biotics I always need & a repeat. I told her which ones & that I need a repeat because this is about the 10th chest infection I have had.
She has also told me to use extra asthma puffers- not just my long-term preventer as my lungs are battling with all of the smoke.
Send some cool weather down please Sam & some rain. What a world!
News of the day- Kannadew is in the 60's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Woo Hoo!!!!!!!
Well done Kannadew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll come back later, cheers, Cate
 
CATE!! hahah you are funny!

Thanks for sharing my news!! Thats really cool! I cried this morning when I was telling one of my friends that I had hit the 60's!

I am so sorry to hear that your scales have been wrong... but glad to hear that you have a new goal and a plan to get there! Maybe you will be at your new goal by the time I get there? oooooo How exciting!!

I hope the smoke and weather clears up soon for you mate and that you start to feel better!

Blessya
Kannadew
 
Hi Kannadew, Me funny? I'm feeling like I am getting back to being my usual silly self thank goodness. Phew! Maybe this is menopause.
I'm tired tonight & am going to get an early night. The air cleared a lot tonight & it has cooled down a lot. We had a few drops of rain-Thanks Sam! We need much more, but it feels better. My puffer has kicked in also. I try not to use my short-acting puffer much, unless I really need to & I haven't needed it for months. It really has made a big difference to me tonight. Doh!
OK- good-night fellow Cohenites, xo Cate
 
Inaccurate Scales

Hi Cate
This is Jenniwren, thanks for your PM you sound like such a
warm and caring person, my thoughts are with you for the
loss of your sister it must be hard losing your best friend, I to
am best friends with my sister we are 3yrs 3days apart and
she is always there for my little ones and myself.

The scales are a wicked thing I weighed some beef on my scales
(old style) and then thought if I'm going to do this new life
I need new digital ones so I bought kitchen and personal ones,
then thought I better reweigh the beef and it was so wrong like
by 50g. Good Luck with your weigh loss
Cheers Jenni
 
I am too down to write much but I am unable to go back to this job. It has eaten away at me & has done me a lot of harm.
I have to ring my boss in the morning & tell her exactly why I cannot return.
I have made another doctors ap't to see my regular doctor but may not go as I don't feel like leaving my home for a while. I just started crying again just typing that, xo Cate.
 
Hi Cate

I read your post earlier and wasn't sure what to say....and I have just revisited it to see if maybe you had come back with a reply but you haven't.
Cate there is not much I can say except to believe in yourself....I know it sounds corny but listen to your heart, body and mind and you will make the right descion for you.
I will check back tomorrow to see how you are getting on. If you want to send me a pm here or email me at home you are very welcome too.
Hope you have a restful night.
Sam:)
 
Thanks Sam for caring & making the effort for me. Thank you very much Kannadew for calling me. I really appreciate & cherish my forum friendships. I tell it how it is in here so to make strong connections, when you hear my innermost thoughts, whinges, gripes etc means a lot.
I do feel much better now that I have made the decision not to go back to this house. I will try to articulate the reasons without going into too much detail.
The main reason is that I feel that anything I or others try to achieve is undermined & I don't think the client's interests are being served at all. There is too much confusion, lack of direction, conflicting interests & basically the person who is missing out is the client whose best interests should be the main priority. The main aim is for her to become independent. That's totally independent on anyone.
I lose sleep over this & it is consuming me. I have trouble switching off. I have not been able to.
Basically my health has suffered, both mental & physical but I have decided, with a lot of help from my lovely, caring GP that I cannot "save the world". Instead I will get out before I totally fall apart at the seams.
My husband says money is not worth it. I know it's not but I was staying because I did not want to let the client down. I care- too much probably. I cannot switch off as I hate seeing what is happening.
I also don't blame my employer & want to stay on their books for other jobs but I will be very careful. No-one had any idea about the home or the family dynamics when I took on the job. I probably would never have gone there if I knew they smoked in the house & cats lived inside as I have strong allergies & asthma. It would have saved me a lot of grief.
My employer has lots of people on their books who need to be picked up & taken to doctor's ap'ts, that sort of thing & elderly people who need a little help around the house.
I am not going to go on about this as I'm sure it won't serve any purpose other than for me to wallow or stress about it still. The main thing is I'll be ok & I have made a decision to get out before I get worse. It has been depressing me slowly since I started & just came to a head the other day.
I have a certificate for 2 weeks & will not get paid at all but it will give me a chance to re-group & calm down enough to find the right words & the right way to extricate myself from this particular placement without offending anyone so I need to articulate the reasons clearly. A little difficult. I think I will probably end up saying it was affecting my health adversely & try to leave it at that. As my doctor says "you can't change the world, let it go". She also thinks that once I know I am not going back I will stop worrying about her & I hope she's right. I must start fishing out relaxation notes, tapes, music etc but think the main thing to do is start doing the things I love again like..........
Bush-walking, gardening, playing with the grand-kids, reading books, to name a few.
I also have to get over the feeling that I have failed. Quit! Again!
Next chapter of my life-
I can do it. Losing 36kgs last year has enabled me to know that I can make drastic changes. I am strong & determined. I will just take care of myself & re-build my self-confidence & see what comes along.
I might come back tonight but feel like paying my husband a little bit more attention. He is a lovely person & deserves attention. I'm positive he will be relieved to not hear about this job anymore as he certainly has heard about it too much! We'll miss the income but, not to worry. I'm a committed op-shop shopper now & don't need much for Winter, in the way of clothes. Back to the drawing board re ways of making money, but not just yet! Relax first.
OK- I'm moving on folks. I'm not going to talk about the job anymore or in particular my reasons for leaving. I have to ring Monday to let them know my MC is until the 4th April. That's all I'm going to say for the moment. I'll save the "not going back there" until the boss is back from holidays I think.
No tears today. The decision is made, xo Cate
 
Hi Cate!

I was a bit MIA this past week and I'm catching up on all the activity of the past week now. I wish we were living close to each other so I could at least come, bring you a flower, or potted plant and a good bottle of red wine and a long hug :(

I'm really glad you've come to a pro-active decision. It already sounds like you are on the path of feeling less down and negative :) You're an amazing person and just from being on the forum and having had your amazing support for the past 2 months I know you're not a quitter, so don't be hard on yourself. I don't know all the details but from what I do know I'm completely sure that you've made the right choice.

I hope your weekend is really nice and relaxing. Take a good book and lose yourself in it for a couple of days.

Big hug :grouphug:
Esthee
 
Esthee- How sweet of you! I felt that hug even though it came all the way from SA!
I feel so much better, just having made that decision not to go back. By that I also mean not go back to negativity, including comfort eating or stress eating. I ate chocolate 1st night (1 rich Easter egg that my MIL made) chocolate again last night (1 yoghurt frog + dried sultanas & cranberries + a slice of a rich, home-made Easter egg) & woke up this morning, decided to look after myself, weighed , felt ok about my weight & am focussed on my health & well-being again.
Life is all 1 step forward & 2 steps back sometimes but I am normally a positive person. I have always joked that my middle names are Never Say Die! I am really enjoying today. I have rung my DIL & had a good chat to her. I have been doing housework which, in my home I find an absolute joy. I call it pottering. I have done a little gardening & polished off a book I started yesterday. I have actually read 3 books in as many days. It's what's called putting your head in the sand but it's worked. Escapism.
I have a plan.
I am going to ring work on Tuesday & let them know I have the medical certificate until the 4th April & ask when my boss will be back from holidays. I need to explain to her why I cannot go back to this placement. She will understand as I have been very honest with her all along.
On Wed I have a vein ap't & I am going to visit my SIL as she is working in the office of my employer. I will have a chat to her & explain what has happened & say that I am available for occasional shifts if they have someone who needs help, especially out my way (but obviously not the current client). If they do not want to keep me on the books that also is ok. I will leave it up to them. I have had nothing but positive feed-back from my immediate boss. A couple of weeks ago I called into the Launc office & was chatting to my SIL who had rung me to see if I could see another client who needed to be taken to a doctors ap't. I had a chance to chat to her boss, who had interviewed me initially for this job. My SIL & I told her how depressing the situation was with this client & that I didn't think I could do it for too long & I said to her that I thought I was more a carer than a support worker. She said to me that they had plenty of clients needing care, especially elderly & to sing out if I wanted work with them. She seems lovely & they do seem better organised that way. I'm not in a mad rush to do anything too challenging yet though.
I know I am really sensitive. I can't change that, unfortunately but feel I still have a lot to contribute. I will tread carefully though. My SIL can be like a bull at a gate so I must be careful or I will working every day again & travelling too much.
If I could work locally it would be best. I'm sometimes think it would be nice to be in a business with my husband again but then I remember the hardships.
I'll just try to stop worrying. At the moment I'm sorting out a lot of paperwork. I went desk hunting last week but didn't find one to suit so I am sitting on a bench seat at the moment tidying up & throwing stuff out. I love throwing stuff out!
I'll pop back tonight maybe. I have had a lovely, healthy Cohen's maintenence day-
Breakfast-2 eggs, mushrooms & tomato with Saladas. Fresh coffee- 2 cups, whilst finishing my book.
Lunch-Cold chicken with fresh lettuce & parsley from my garden, tomato, Lebanese cucumber, celery & a Balsamic/Mayo dressing, followed by Vaalia Lemon Cream yoghurt.
Dinner tonight- will be cold Tiger Prawns with a Vietnamese sauce, followed by West African Chicken with a stir-fry veg & a little rice. I will have 1 glass of a dry Rosemount Rose with dinner with my LH.(lovely husband)
No chocolate tonight. I am ignoring all Easter eggs! I will have some fresh fruit salad with yoghurt after dinner if I feel like it.
Cooking-
I am cooking Pho Bo at the moment. I loved the food in Vietnam & especially loved their traditional soup, Pho. This one is beef. In Vietnam it is mainly eaten for breakfast, but, because it is eaten with noodles I won't have it for breakfast a la Cohen's maintenence advice(no carbs at breakfast). I have invited our son, DIL & gk's for lunch on Easter Monday so we will have it then, with some other dishes. I have to go do a bit of shopping first though so that will get me out of the house for a while tomorrow. I do need to have some motivation.
I've exhausted myself with all this typing so will head.
Just wanted to let everyone know I am feeling much better. Thank you for caring about me, xo Cate.
I have drunk 2 litres of water already today. I've been drinking too much water again, while stressed. It's better than drinking whisky though! I'm trying to keep tabs of how much water I drink to reduce it!
 
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Hi Cate:)

you sound so much better and i am sure you feel it as well and what a wonderful day you've had pottering round and reading etc....it's the sort of day I enjoy but don't get that often.
I am also sure that something will come along that will suit you work wise.....but in the mean time relax and enjoy the break.
I also hope your legs are on the mend.

Bye for now
Sam:)
 
Hi Sam, My "pottering" around the house was a good thing as we had unexpected visitors who we invited to stay for dinner. They are also Saints supporters & we watched the match together & ate a delicious dinner & drank wine.
This morning I was going to go shopping but I was a bit shaky & felt very ordinary. It didn't twig for a while what the matter was. I thought "am I having a heart attack?", is this nerves..... & then it dawned on me. OMG a hangover of course. It has been years since I had a hangover & the amount I drank last night would never have given me a hangover before. I didn't have a head-ache or feel sick but I was not good.
Subsequently, come lunch time I had a piece of home-made toast with vegemite instead of a salad, drank a large pot of peppermint tea & curled up with a murder mystery.
This afternoon, after finishing the book I did some gardening,
My husband laughed when I told him & is currently sitting in his chair, sipping on a glass of champagne that had been opened last night but not finished. I declined which made him snigger!
I'm not 100% certain the family are coming for lunch tomorrow. I had better ring soon to make sure. If they are we might both go do some supermarket shopping. If not we'll make do & I'll shop on Tuesday. I have been a hermit for the last few days.
I had better have a quick look about the diaries. I haven't felt like saying much. Bye for now, Cate
 
Hi Cate'

I've been a hermit too.....I actually watched some tv this afternoon and hubby took the boys out it was great having the house to myself. And Cate I also love the murder mystery books what are you reading at the moment? Yesterday I did all the ironing while watching a rerun of midsommer murder....I also love the english murder shows.
Sitting here watching bugs bunny with the boys before they go to bed soon.
I have a nice night.
Sam:)
 
Hi Sam, I read so many different sorts of books. I like to escape to books occasionally but have not had much time to read for the last few months or been able to switch off enough to concentrate. I have made up for it the last week.
Today I finished "A grave talent" by Laurie R King. It wasn't bad. I don't go for the forensic pathologist gruesome murders. I have read quite a few but find them too depressing. I like female detective stories, like Kerry Greenwood's Phryne Fisher series or her Corinne Chapman books. I have read every one of those. I love books set in places I have been, like Melbourne or Baltimore in the US.
It's time for bed I think. We are having the grandkids for the afternoon tomorrow & then the family for dinner. I had better go re-charge my batteries!
Cheers, cate
 
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What a day we've had. We did a quick shopping trip & came home to prepare for tonight's dinner before the grandkids came for the day. Our son & DIL went to a barbecue. We had a full on afternoon & then bathed them, cut their finger nails & toe nails, fed them & got them ready for bed & then had a dinner party with our son, DIL when they arrived. We had Pho Bo that I cooked & pizza, my husband cooked. There's nothing like mixing your cultures. My Pho is quite authentic.It brings back wonderful memories of our holiday in Vietnam.
I am very tired tonight & still have this chest infection/asthma so won't be going bush-walking tomorrow. I struggled to walk around our block today so don't want to put myself at risk with my asthma.
I must weigh tomorrow. I do feel chubby which is not good. Fingers crossed, Cheers, Cate
 
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