Lauren, I just re-read my last night's post & realised it was open to mis-interpretation. I can talk freely here (in the forum) and do! It's at home in Tassie, with family & friends that I have the most trouble opening up & expressing my feelings. I think that they may not want to hear about my insecurities. In the forum I get so much support & encouragement & it really helps me. Before this I used to bottle it up. I have gone off & done things that I was scared of doing because some-one in here has said "Cate, stop thinking so much, just do it!" I am grateful for the push.(thank you!)
My sister used to provide a lot of my encouragement & I guess I have never found a friend as helpful or that I have become as close to. I'll be right soon. I just am going through a stage I suppose. A part-time job will make me feel better & it won't just miraculously appear out of thin air as I was hoping it would. I have never been brimming with confidence.
I know where it comes from & there's not much I can do about it. I was always, at best, second to my older sister when I was a child. I used to feel invisible. My mother puts intelligence or IQ up on a pedestal. Always has. My older sister was very intelligent. She topped her class every year, was dux of the school, got a scholarship to Melbourne Uni at the age of 16 etc. You get the message. I used to be asked by my teachers why I wasn't as smart as my sister. I was largely ignored as a child as my sister was always the main focus. She was also a bit of a trail-blazer & was quite wild. It's a wonder I loved her so much. I always lived in her shadow as a child, but as middle-aged adults we became very close when she was diagnosed with cancer. I always did really love her, even when she was mean to me & admired her. My mum is always saying what an easy child I was & that she never had any trouble with me & she probably thinks this makes me feel good. I get so irritated by her & then feel really guilty about it. I spoke to the counsellor a few months about it & that helped at the time so I might have to go back & re-visit her strategies.
I still weigh 72kg and have decided to almost cut out carbs & am drinking lots of water until I get it back down to 69kg. Now I know how slim people feel when they complain if they put on a measly 2kg. I feel really uncomfortable. I can't believe it really. I tried on some of my husband's jeans that only just fit me when I was 69kg just to make sure I haven't turned into a blimp over night & I haven't. I have actually imagined myself as being obese again. The brain is a strange thing. I will have to get rid of these 2-3kgs quickly as it's affecting my thinking. I am wondering if my chemistry is out of whack & it's messing with my thinking.
The grand-children are coming this afternoon as my son & DIL are going to a wedding. The kids are staying overnight & our OS & DIL are also coming back here to sleep after the wedding. It was their idea as our GD wakes a lot & cries. I said I would be ok but my DIL worries a lot. She is a very good mother so I won't push it. I thought it would be nice for them to go home to a house without the kids for the night but that's ok. It makes it much easier for us. My LH is playing golf & said he would come straight home but will probably forget. Our GD is much easier now she is walking. She is also very used to me now & comes to me even when her Mum is here. She reaches up to me to have me lift her onto my knee. They are both such sweet kids! I will probably have them both on my lap tonight before bed. Luckily we have the recliners. Our GS loves back scratches(& leg & arm..) & never tires of them. Our GD will get up & down, up & down as she's a little live-wire!
My meals these days-
I thought some-one might be curious to know what I usually eat post-Cohens.
Breakfast- Is usually fruit flavoured, non-fat yoghurt. I have to be very careful to read labels & am having trouble at the minute finding a good yoghurt in a re-cyclable container. I love the Vaalia but their containers are non-re-cyclable. Oh to not care like my mother! I don't really mean that but will leave it in! We always share a plunger of real coffee in the morning & I don't have any more caffeine for the day, except occasionally at a cafe (long black only). I drink herbal tea during the day & in the evening. I bought some delicious mixed ones at the Craft Fair. I love peppermint & spearmint tea & hate the fruit ones. Ugh!
Mid-morning snack- Sometimes I have 2 Saladas with just Vegemite, sometimes with a little cheese. An apple or an orange.
Lunch- Tuna, salmon or chicken salad or a home-made soup, occasionally with a small multi-grain bread roll but often 2 Saladas. Fruit salad & yoghurt.
Mid-afternoon- A couple of ginger-nut biscuits with my herbal tea. Sometimes I might have a small hand-ful of bio-dynamic sultanas and/or some nuts.(This could be why I've put on a couple of kg's.)
Before dinner- A few dry biscuits with mozzarella cheese, especially if I feel like a glass of wine or some beef jerky.
I often have a glass of dry red wine before or after dinner. I love a soft, blended red wine with Merlot in it. I very rarely have 2.
Dinner- Usually a stir-fry of beef or chicken, including lots of vegetables like bok choy, celery, carrot etc. Sometimes I will have this with rice. Usually followed by fruit & yoghurt.Lately I have noticed if my husband plates up my meal he is putting as much rice on my plate as his. I will have to ask him not to. Last night I only ate half of my meal & ate the rest at lunch-time today with a bowl of soup. His balance is a high proportion of rice, not much meat & lots of vegetable whereas I would like to stick to the Cohen's balance of meat & vegies with only a little, if any, carbohydrate. I had better have gentle words with him.
Supper- A piece of molasses licorice & 4 squares of dark chocolate. (I know I should cut out the chocolate. I actually love the sugar-free dark chocolate that you get at the health food shop but it is quite expensive.)
I have a feeling it's the snacking that is making the difference with my weight. I will have to try to stop doing it or be more sensible about it. I remember that other years I get unsettled at this time of year. I'm not sure whether it's because of the pressures of Christmas with presents, functions etc or whether it is just a seasonal mood thing like the winter sads. I think there is something in that.
Enough of the babble for today I think. I had better do some more housework before the kids get here (grand-kids) Cheers for now & thanks for the support (& lending your collective ears/eyes!), Cate.
- is she in this crowd partying in the Bahamas, sipping a cocktail or 2 or 3... after winning the 20 mill in lotto?...I bet she wishes!!
around here on the odd occassion. It was deserted here for awhile so it is good to see some of you back. I am still losing week by week albiet slowly. I am so glad you have stuck around I will do my best I have times where I am so busy that I don't even get on the computer.
I certainly take my hats off you.
