Cate's Diary

Cate!!!!! {{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}} :grouphug:



Wow, did I come in here at just the perfect time to remind you that the WHOLE WORLD would miss you. I would miss you!

A good friend always tells me when I think crappy thoughts, "You better SLAPyoSELF". That's the truth, Cate! I know that you are going through some pretty rough times right now, and I can't even begin to understand or be able to coomprehend how deep it really runs. What I do know, is that "all emotions" are passing. You are SUCH A LIGHT of a woman who has the power to touch hundreds of thousands of lives without even knowing it.


Those feelings that are draining are all passing, love. You are valued! I know it may feel like your husaband at times is more valued or appreciated but the truth is that you are a GOD SEND to the light of the internet. You have a divine prescence and only God moves through your words. Everything you are and you bring to this world is MORE THAN anyone can possibly ever try and match up to!


Seriously, Cate. Push those thoughts SO FAR. Your kids would miss you, the world would be sad, and the thought just rips a peice of my soul. How could it be? Because YOU ARE ONE OF THE BEST PEOPLE THAT ANYONE WILL EVER HAVE THE LUXARY OF EVER EVER EVER meeting!! I've known you now Cate for years. You are my Kuala and I love you!!! Feel better love, and a person that loves you, knows and stands by,


"No Judging." ... I'm here for you, doll. :hugs"
 
Ava- Thank you so much. That is very sweet of you & I really do appreciate it. I'll check out your diary too. Depression sucks but I know I'll get through it, this time with some chemical help, rather than just waiting for it to pass. Thanks once again, xo Cate


Alta- You are such a darling. I do love you, you know that don't you! I'll get there Alta & I know it will pass like it always does, but this time it was taking too long & has been a bigger struggle. So much has happened in the last year & I seemed to lose my bounce-back-ability! I cannot even start to thank you & Kate & Jess & Sarah & Ava for your support & love. My brain was not working as it should last Thursday in particular & it did scare the wits out of me! Thank you darling Alta! I have missed you! Lots of love, xoxoxo Cate


Still feeling queasy & light-headed & have no appetite(but am eating healthily anyway) but am emotionally feeling stronger. Hope these side-effects go away soon. I am not even thinking of having even a sip of wine! Our younger son is flying to Canada on Thursday & is feeling very positive & happy, which is great! He will be staying & working for one of my nieces & her husband in British Columbia, which will be really nice. He is talking all the time about when he moves back here & he is planning on buying land up near us & his brother & building a house & settling nearby. While we have had our share of heartaches & worry the last year in particular, it has also brought all of us much closer & we are more open with one another. He is very much like me. I love my family so much & would never do anything to hurt them. I do know that they love me & would miss me very much. Thank you my friends for really showing that you care. It's hard to know what to say to someone who is depressed but you have really helped me & I appreciate it. Much love, xoxo Cate
 
ASo glad you are "coming out of the fog" Cate. Take the Dr's advice and don't collect other people 's garbage! Easier said than done I know! Maybe the allusion to "water off a duck's back" can also be helpful ...imagine all the problems of your making and especially those of others are rolling off of you like water rolls off a duck's back! May be the fat will roll off too! (well, we can dream!)
Continuing to pray for you my dear!

Sarah
 
Thanks Sarah. I like the image of me being a duck, rather than a rubbish bin!! I'll use that one instead, for sure! I might even shake my tail feathers soon :D I am coming out of the fog but while my defenses were down, a chest infection has hit me. I had been short of breath for a few days & thought it was side effect of the medication. I have a lot of muck on my chest & having trouble breathing, a sore throat, headache......but other than that I'm ok. It sounds worse than it is. I'm not feeling miserable so even a chest infection is an improvement on how I felt last week! I am drinking this disgusting herbal mixture that I got off the naturopath before she went away & it fixed me last time, when 2 doses of antibiotics didn't. I have another doctor's ap't on Friday morning & will get anti-b's if I feel I haven't improved any.

I feel quite slim & am starting to tone up a bit more, from riding my bike. Even when I have been feeling really bad or lacking in energy or even motivation I have still been hopping on my bike.

Our son heads for Canada tomorrow & is pretty much ready. I helped him pack yesterday- rolled up all his clothes & helped him sort out what to take, what to leave etc.

Oooh Kate. I have just started reading "50 shades of grey" This is going to be a very interesting read! :blush5: Might go read for a while in my recliner!

Lots of love, xoxo Cate
 
AOoooooooh, 50 shades is awesome!!!!!! I have read the first two but am saving the last one for when I go camping (hopefully) on 1st aug. it was so hard to not go straight onto it.

Enjoy lol it does get ya into a bit of a fluster and I felt really embarrassed reading it when other people were about, convinced that they could see what I was reading!!!!!! You will love it!!!!!

Xxxxx
 
AHeya sweetie :)

Glad you are feeling better mentally, sorry you have a chest infection although i am glad that it isn't a side effect from your meds.

I'm loving the fact that you are still going for it with the exercise and eating well :) great motivation my lovely :)

Yay!! :hurray: to feeling slim and toned. I love feeling toned, it gives ya a much better shape. :)
 
Hi sweets, I now know why a young friend just gave me a funny smile when I said that I had heard that there were some good sexy bits in 50 shades! Pff! I reckon! - a FEW? It's mostly sexy bits. It won't hurt this old girl, that's for sure. I don't think anyone's pretending it's high-brow literature, but it sure is entertaining, to say the least. I too will have trouble not reading the others straight away & I haven't even finished the first. I did feel a bit strange reading it in front of our YS. Congrat's on your 10k run sweetie! You ROCK!!! xoxoxoxo

No exercise today really as had company farewelling our son, for both lunch & dinner. Ate healthily but went over just a tad, which is ok. Not drinking any alcohol makes it easier to keep the calories down of course. I am not feeling so bad tonight with the cold/chest infection etc. Maybe it won't bowl me over this time! I'm drinking the horrible mixture & also taking echinacea.

Very tired though & should go to bed soon. Our son will be leaving in the morning & my LH & I will take him into the airport. He seems nervous but good!

Lots of love, xoxo Cate
 
Kept within my calories today, without any exercise though as I have a rotten cold & possibly a chest infection (AGAIN!!) Maybe that's why i felt so rotten last week. I am no longer having awful side-effects from the meds & the nausea has gone. I have a 10am ap't with my new doc tomorrow & may go on antibiotics again. Bugger! It hurts so much when I cough as I have an awful sore throat. Enough whinging!! I feel good mentally & that is more important right now.

Our son has gone to Canada today & we had our grandson for the night. We are having serious computer problems. My computer had been infected by some horrible virus & I have managed to fix it, I think. Boy do I need a new computer!

I am heading to the doc & then lunch with Mum as I have neglected her this week really. We are all going to miss R. His brother called up again tonight & said he is really going to miss him & how much we have all enjoyed having him back near us for most of the last year. I think he will come back & he says he has plans on buying land nearby & building a house. That would be lovely!

Hopefully my computer will be ok tomorrow & if it is I will post in the afternoon. I'll be away again at the week-end for 8-ball, if I am well enough to go. The venue is freezing.

Lots of love to all. Please excuse me not posting in diaries. I'm so tired xoxo Cate
 
Thanks Tru, I'm trying very hard to look after myself. I'm dosing up on Echinacea & drinking the horrible herbal concoction the Naturopath sold me (*shudder) & I don't feel REALLY awful, like the last time. My body is trying to fight the infection at least. I will see what the doc says but may get a script & get it made up, just in case I feel worse tomorrow. Our local chemist is not open over the week-end. I have been awake since 5.11am & almost feel like a nana nap already! Since I stopped taking Phenergan at night I have been sleeping well but when I awake in the morning I am AWAKE & that is it. I'm sure I'm better off without it.

I had better go shower & get on the move. I feel like hopping in my chair right now & snoozing zzzzz Lots of love Cate
 
Hi cate!


Hope you get to feeling better soon! :) You deserve to just curl up and take a good long nap. Anyways, just stopping by to check in! Hope you have a fabulous weekend coming up!!


~Ava
 
Thanks Ava. Today was mixed, that's for sure! I saw my new doctor this morning & I am booked in for some counselling in a few weeks. She is very helpful & understanding & seemed genuinely relieved that I was mentally much better. I really like her. She is very good to talk to & very intuitive. She checked me out & I do have a chest infection & Bronchitis so am on antibiotics again. I told her that the side-effects from the anti-depressants had faded & that i would continue on with them as last week's episode frightened me. She wants to see me again in a couple of weeks.

I did a few simple things but had promised Mum that i would take her to lunch so went & picked her up. She seemed very shaky & frail today. we had lunch at the deli & she said she wanted to buy a couple of macaroons so I went up to the counter for her. When I got back to our table she was quietly vomiting. To cut a long & gruesome story short I got her cleaned up in their staff bathroom & got her back to the home & got the nurse to see her. I rang the doctors & they were booked out all afternoon but the receptionist said for the nurse to ring them as there was more of a chance of her being seen that way.

The nurse rang me back later to say that the doctor had not been but she was monitoring Mum carefully & she thought she seemed a lot better after a few hours. She did have high blood pressure & a temp. I'll ring first thing in the morning & find out what is happening with her.

My LH is going to the 8-ball comp on his own tomorrow as I am not well enough to go. It will be a very long day & the venue is freezing & uncomfortable. Unless Mum really needs me in there I will stay home & take it very easy. I don't feel anywhere near as bad as I did when I was sick at Xmas-time though. Hopefully I can shake this, with the help of the antibiotics. Poor old Mum though! She was so grateful that I was with her. She said "What would I have done on my own?" Poor thing. When I got her back I helped her change & she was just like a little child. I told her that she had done it so many times for me in my life-time & now it is her turn to get looked after. There is not much more I can do really so will not stress too much tonight. She is old & she is frail & nothing will change that.

It will be strange not going with my LH tomorrow!

I came on here tonight as I am trying to stay awake until it is a reasonable bed-time. I will have a quick look about but be back tomorrow. Lots of love, xoxo Cate
 
AWow Cate, when you go sick, you really tie one on! I'm so sorry to read you are now physically sick in addition to coming out of the depression fog. Definitely saying a double prayer for ya! And your mum being sick at the same time...you do have a load. I know you miss being with LH, but from the sounds of it, you need to stay put and get well girl. Sending you lots of love and hugs!:grouphug::grouphug:
Sarah
 
Thanks Sarah. I'm not too bad really, especially compared to how I felt over Xmas/New Year! If the venue was nicer I would have gone along anyway, although I wouldn't want to share my germs with everyone. Because of my underlying asthma when I get a cold it usually goes to my chest & almost always ends up in a chest infection. I think my immune system is doing a better job of fighting it this time though.

I just rang Mum & she feels a lot better today & the doctor is coming to see her today. I made a joke with her & told her that just because i was sick she didn't have to go out in sympathy with me. I'll ring later & speak to a nurse to see what the doctor thought. I think she may also have a chest infection. There is a history of Bronchitis/Asthma in our family.

I woke up hungry this morning for the first time since taking the ant-d's but did not feel like my usual breakfast. I ate more bread than normal (not the only one lol Kate) & even had some home-made apricot jam. Oh my, that was good! Will take it easy food-wise for the rest of the day as I went well over yesterday (maintenance?) I'm not missing wine at all though! It will be good to have a break anyway.

I finished fifty shades yesterday & have ordered the next one from the library. I think it's trash writing, but it is sexy and enjoyable reading, even if it feels a little like a sauced up version of my grandmother's favourite Mills & Boon rubbish books. Sometimes it's good just to have a little escapism. It won't sink the planet or anything!

I'm reading something totally different now "The Blessing" by Nancy Mitford. Talk about opposites! I follow recommendations by friends & it leads me down some varied but interesting paths!

Back to this quaint, old-fashioned one. Lots of love, xoxo Cate
 
Oh Cate! Your depression suddenly lashed at you just as I was disappearing -- I've been offsite for over a week (except I came in quickly to register my weight gain onthe July challenge last Tuesday). I'm so sorry that I wasn't here to be one more voice to say you are a very valuable person (as a human being, let alone in all your many roles interacting with others, of which this site is just one).


I'll head off and look for a song to send you! :hug2:


Okay, I'm back... panting and with a record in my hand! Here it is: a song for you! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPwRnS7ZEA0&feature=relmfu
 
AHello my lovely :)

Sorry you've been feeling proper crappy with your chest infection :grouphug: Glad your side effects have settled and you are feeling better mentally and that's really good that you get to see someone in a few weeks. I agree with sarah, you made the right decision to stay at home and get yourself rested so you get back to your awesome self (moving one wheelbarrow of wood is really pathetic :smilielol5: I love that you actually logged it on MFP bless you) Seriously thought Cupcake, take it easy and get better :grouphug:

Awwww sorry to hear about your mum :( bless her. You, my dear friend, are just a wonderful daughter and your mum knows it and really appreciates you :)

Regarding '50 shades of Grey' I loved her 'inner goddess' and 'conscience' and the emails made me laugh with their 'SHOUTY CAPITALS' lol I am reading a book by Dawn French called 'Dear fatty' I assume you have heard of her she is really famous here especially for 'French & Saunders' Anyway it is really funny (i actually shorted laughing out loud readin it), sad and moving, i am really enjoying it.

Hope you and mum are feeling better asap. Sending you lots of love and gentle, kinda from a 'eww i dont to catch anything' distance hugs :)
 
Hello to you, my lovely friend. I wasn't quite so smart today & went in. Not clever! I don't think I've done any damage but it wasn't wise. I had woken up feeling so much better so decided to go, but went downhill fast about 1pm. I'm OK again now so should be fine! I thought my whole 10 mins, wheelbarrow-load of wood would give you a laugh. I can tell you it felt pretty damned pathetic at the time as well! No exercise today either but I did keep under my calories! BY ONE!!!! Talk about funny. ONE!! Tomorrow I will stay at home, but attempt some bike riding & maybe a short walk outside, if it's not raining still. The muck is clearing on my chest thank goodness.

Dawn French is wonderfully funny & I must read her book. Recently we have had her advertising Coles supermarket "Fly Buys" relentlessly. I loved The Vicar Of Dibley, especially when she was madly in love with that gorgeous guy who played Sir Guy of Gisborne in Robin Hood. I just looked him up- Richard Armitage.

I might open up my diary tomorrow for a week, like I said I was going to. It will help me be stricter.

I love your humour Kate. Even when you're shirty with yourself you're cracking funnies. I just sneezed on you!! Gotcha!

Thank you Kate for saying that I am a good daughter. I hope so. I try & I hope I succeed.

Lots and lots of love, xoxo Cate
 
AHeya Mom :)

Tut tut on not doing as you were told. You are forgiven though :)

:hurray: :hurray: :hurray: YAY!! Under by one calories....that, my lovely, is great planning :smilielol5:

I am in awe of Dawn French. I always loved her and found her so naturally funny. Also admired her ability to make fun of herself and her size and chocolate addiction. But i have a whole new admiration for her, reading her book. She is a truly awesome person. I loved 'the vicar' too and Richard Armatage is so yummy (sigh)

Oooooh, can't wait to see what you eat. I forget that i mine is up there every day.

Glad i can make you laugh sweetie. You alway make me giggle, to the point where Mark looks up with that 'what's so bloody funny' look. I can say Cate did this, or said that and he knows who you are. Just like any of my 'normal' friends. He knows who you, Sarah, Jess, Joh and Ruthie are. I talk about you that much :)

As for you being disgusting and sneezing on me.....well, i've wiped it off and smeared it down your cheek :smilielol5: right back at ya babe :)

You ARE an amazing daughter, mother, grandmother, wife and friend (Ooooh, and forum mom :beating: ). You really need to see yourself as others see you cupcake. You are such a wonderfully warm, caring, kind, loving and clever human being.....FACT!
 
Eeeuwww! Got me alright! I should have known better than trying to sneak up on you like that with my filthy germs! Way too devious for me! You're the only one who makes me laugh out loud :smilielol5:for real & you're "Kate from England" as my LH can never remember who Kate is. I'm going to meet you one day :biggrin: & so will he.

"You ARE an amazing daughter, mother, grandmother, wife and friend (Ooooh, and forum mom :beating: ). You really need to see yourself as others see you cupcake. You are such a wonderfully warm, caring, kind, loving and clever human being.....FACT!"

Ohh Kate!! Do you know, that thanks to you mainly, I did not even blush when I read that. I didn't think "rubbish!" I felt really good & I FELT REALLY LOVED. Thank you so much sweet, loving friend xoxo

PS My diary is now open. I haven't actually eaten my breakfast yet as I have to wait half an hour after taking my antibiotic.

PPS My throat is a bit sore, but I'm not too bad & I stayed up & watched the end of the Tour De France last night. Some idiot had thrown tacks on the road & there were lots of flat tyres & chaos. I LOVE the tour.

PPPS I got my son to leave his Avanti bike at our house while he's away :driving:I'll have to learn how to change all those gears- 30?!!!

PPPPS Just kidding. I'm gone!
 
Yes, stinks about the tacks on the road -- maybe someone trying to win a bet, I'm thinking.


But what with you two and all the sneezing and worse ;) that's going on around here... I think I'll skedaddle!! :leaving:



(only kidding -- it's great to see you two being such terrific support and friends to each other! It's what being human's all about.)
 
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