Cate's Diary

I just couldnt go to sleep without saying Happy Birthday to you my dear friend!!!!

WIsh you many many more and health and love and happiness to always be in your life!!!!

HOpe you had a good one!!!!


Lots of love and wishes!!!!:grouphug:
 
Thank you Rachel, Rox, Princess & Jess for your birthday wishes.

I have really over-consumed the last 2 days. My birthday was Friday & it's now Sunday morning here in Aus. Friday I went over by almost 1000 calories, due to the amount of red wine & mulled wine I drank & yesterday, while I didn't feel hung over, my body craved carbs & I let it have them. I went over yesterday by about 450 I think, which is round about maintenance cals.


Back on track & determined to lose this last bit!!!

Losing the last bit is by far the hardest. I feel good about myself & think I look healthy & my LH thinks I look great but all the info says I should be about 5-7kg less than I am to be in the "normal weight" range. I know that I would look really slim (but maybe thin?) if I lost any more than 5kg so I'll stop at that, but first I have to get there. I know going back on Cohens would get me there in a flash & I wonder why I don't just do it. I think I know the answer. My lifestyle & diet now seems "normal" & I don't want everyone thinking I'm obsessive, even though deep down I think I may be so. I also wonder if I'm not hanging on to that last little bit so that I don't lose a sense of purpose. I know that is weird but I think there is some truth in it. If I got down to 72-75kg & weighed myself once a week & made adjustments to my diet appropriately I should stay slim for the rest of my life. I think that I may be afraid of having that "freedom" & I also worry that it would all just go back on if I relax my vigilance!

Just a thought really. I find typing my thoughts & then sending them out there helps me to think them through. I'm sure that is the biggest advantage of writing a journal, especially one that you then share.

Instead of waffling on all day I had better go hop on my exercise bike & get moving. A healthy eating day coming up, plus I am going to wash my car as it's a disgrace!

Love to all xoxo Cate.
 
Aoh Cate, we are in the same boat! Losing the first 40lbs is easier than losing the last 20. I am still on Cohen but finding myself relaxing a little bit. I eat Cohen meals but find myself drinking coffee w/milk and relaxing rules like that. I have been deviating for 2 weeks now and I have lost 1lb in that frame of time. Completely off track. BUT! having said that, I have re-focused. I made my lunch for the week last night and I am determined to get back on track.

I completely understand the sense of losing purpose. To be honest, I miss the thrill of stepping on the scale and see it go down continuously, almost on a daily basis, It is such a high and gives me something to look forward to. I look good now (family and friends say I no longer look overweight) and I fit into medium sizes now and I thought about pacing the last 20lbs until Dec. But I realize NO. If I do that, for sure I'll just maintain at best. I need to be 100percent on the program to achieve success. I need that focus. Besides, when I deviate, it just goes all downhill from there.

Re-focus and renew your commitment. We will get there :). xx
 
AHeya Mum :)

Totally understand where you are coming from. I've been even worse. I have decided to shake things up a bit to hopefully kickstart me back into wanting to get to my target cos being happy with how i am now is not keeping me as where i am now!!!! I've gained 11lb!!!!! in the last few months!!! not good.

We can do this sweetie, we can.

Love and squishy hugs Xxxx
 
I aGRee with all that you said.

Its thoughts that i have had as well and you will make it,you will.Youhave changed your habbits so much and are looking and feeling so healthy there is NO going back to unhealthy tired person again.It will take time and ups and downs but you will control the damage and will workout asmuch as you feel you can.as you have said to me before its a lifetime thing thats happening here.That is really what scares me.

The overeating/drinking calories days are behind you and a new week is here.What realy matters is that you will try to make better choices and exercise.

If the kilos arent coming off really fast thats fine.As long as you are working your way there.And whenyou get there you will know if you are good there or looking thin.


As Kate said Feeling good at the weight she is isnt getting her any closer to her goal instead feeling so good had made her loosen up/We will try all together ok?and we can make it through.


Its times like thhis that i just feel soooooooo unlucky to not be a natural born slim woman that doesnt really take any notice of her food.....................awwwww
 
Rachel, Kate & Jess- Yes, we know what to do & sometimes we rail against it but deep down I know that I am a healthy & happy person & I will never let myself get fat again. I'm ok with the fact that I'm not the sort of person who can eat lots & be slim. I'm not so sure that they exist really. Most really slim people work at it.

Rachel- When I was doing Cohen's I got to my goal weight, without any deviation, did "re-feed" & stuck to the maintenance guidelines for about a year. If you can get back on track & do that you should never have to count calories again. It's only when I slipped back into old habits & ignored the guidelines that I put some weight back on. I'm currently 5kg above what I got down to.

OK- I well & truly had a week-end off but did ok yesterday. I went under but was not in a good mental place with food & diet etc.

I'm back!!!

Starting again today I'm back to staying under my allotted 1420 cals per day. Every day.

Thanks for all of your encouragement "girls." We can do this & we will!

Lots of love, xoxo Cate
 
I'm feeling really down & out of sorts today & think I have

"Seasonal affective disorder (SAD)

Definition

By Mayo Clinic staff

Seasonal affective disorder (also called SAD) is a type of depression that occurs at the same time every year. If you're like most people with seasonal affective disorder, your symptoms start in the fall and may continue into the winter months, sapping your energy and making you feel moody. Less often, seasonal affective disorder causes depression in the spring or early summer.

Treatment for seasonal affective disorder includes light therapy (phototherapy), psychotherapy and medications. Don't brush off that yearly feeling as simply a case of the "winter blues" or a seasonal funk that you have to tough out on your own. Take steps to keep your mood and motivation steady throughout the year."


The weather is truly awful & I have no energy & my arms feel like lead. I just woke up feeling this way & my day has been spent in a real funk. I went to Tai Chi, shopped , saw both mothers & am about to sit in my chair with a cup of tea. I feel crap! Someone backed into my car today & didn't even get out to have a look & even that didn't even get me slightly angry. No damage- just got my number plate. A shop-keeper wrote down her number plate. I am meant to be going out with my LH to 8-ball. If I stay at home I know I would be sorely tempted to binge so will go. Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow. I am very hungry & could eat a big fat juicy steak but am having chicken soup for dinner, perhaps with some toast. Bye for now, xoxo Cate
 
I have kept myself really busy today & have got myself out of my fog. It comes & it goes & I know that. I am back to feeling totally under control with my eating & have decided to focus on that & not put my exercise into MFP as I was using it as an excuse to eat things I really shouldn't. I have eaten more for lunch & suffered no cravings at all this afternoon. I snacked on some raw vegetables as I prepared them & have felt really good as the day has gone on. I'm sorry if I haven't felt like commenting in diaries. Sometimes it's best I don't.

I get serious side-effects from reactions to chemical exposure & think my aching all over & feeling totally out of sorts, resulted from excess cleaning. I had used Jif (strong liquid cleaner) which I had stashed away in a cupboard for emergencies & I KNOW that I should NEVER use it. It explains my head-ache for the last couple of days as well. I have thrown it in the bin. It's very hard to get things clean with carb soda & vinegar but I will keep trying. Nasty strong chemicals work, but at the expense of my health so will have to manage without. I only use fragrance-free things around the house but they are not easy or cheap to buy. Just when you find a good product they drop it or start adding bloody essential oils, which have the same effect on me.

Our YS arrives tomorrow morning & I am looking forward to seeing him & spending time with him before he heads for Canada, possible in about a month's time. His GF is staying with us I think for a few days, which will be nice. My LH & I will be away for most of the week-end at a pool comp so they will have the place to themselves, which I'm sure will be good for them.

Lots of love, xoxo Cate
 
Our YS is here & sitting in my recliner, about to start reading Lance Armstrong's "It's not about the bike." I have been telling him about it & he is a huge fan of Lance Armstrong & saw him ride into Paris in 2009. He was on the ship The Spirit Of Tasmania last night, which travels between the Australian mainland & Tasmania. He & his mate had a great trip camping along the coast of New South Wales but he seems glad to be back home. I don't know how long he'll be with us before he heads for Canada, but he has to wait for his work permit.

I feel really good after 2 days of eating really healthily & without any snacks. I feel slim again & much better mentally. I have to feel that I am in control of what I eat & when I start snacking, I feel I'm losing it. I know that sounds really obsessive but that's how I am. I ate fairly large meals(for me) yesterday & felt satisfied but not over-full all day & didn't snack once. I didn't even eat a piece of fruit or 1 solitary cracker between my meals. Not once! I think this suits me much better & means that i am not thinking of food all day & feeling deprived.

I cooked bacon, eggs, mushrooms on home-made toast(which I make for my LH-German grain) for our YS & his mate & then I had 1 slice or organic oat toast, 1 egg, 1 slice lean short-cut bacon with all the fat cut off, 2 mushrooms & 2 little tomatoes. YUM! I cook in a wonderful Baccarat non-stick, fry pan with a little olive oil only. Great hearty start to my day & 268 cals. YES! My usual breakfast is way too many cals so I am going to keep switching my breakfasts around. I'm almost ready to tackle porridge......shudder.....cereal.....but I will give it a go very soon. Maybe tomorrow! I'll have to go back & search for where Kate told me how she has it. :blush5:

The last couple of days I have not put my exercise in MFP & it has been incidental only, but mostly fairly vigorous housework. I am going to go for a walk today & will ride my bike but will start putting my exercise down in MFP just as a note I think to keep track.

Lots of love, xoxo Cate
 
AHey Cate! Thanks for keeping me straight on mfp! I know exactly what you. Dan about the snacking thing...it's a slippery slope for me, and the only way I've been able to get around it is to have a lot of fresh fruit around to snack on. Blueberries and bananas seem to quench the hunger. So far so good! Thanks again!
 
AHey Mom :)

I'm catching up again (i never manage to keep up with everyone these days :( )...... Talking about S.A.D......I totally suffer with that. I don't know what it's like in the winter over there but here it's still dark at about 8.30am and dark again by 4.30pm and it really gets me down i hate going to work in the dark and coming home in the dark too.

Glad you're feeling out of your funk now hun. And well done on being back in control :) I am OCD about being in control too, especially now. I worry that if i lose control with what i'm eating for more than a day or so then i feel i am going to spirial.

Regarding the cleaning products, have you tried masks? We use them at work, you could probably get hold of some quite easily. I don't know if they would help but you see chinese people wearing them all the time on TV.

I used to be the same with putting my exercise into MFP. I do put it in there now but try and still keep my cals to what is says BEFORE it adds all the others.
I'm liking your idea of cutting out the snacks. I think i am going to only snack on fruit or veg this week :)

Hope you have a lovely weekend away sweetie :)
 
SNACKS?
Didn't have much choice over the week-end as we were in a venue that only had crap food & wouldn't let you bring anything in so did resort to snacking on GF muesli bars & bananas. It was much better than eating pies, pasties, white-bread sandwiches or hot dogs! UGH! Yesterday I took in 2 slices of GF bread & had a sandwich made up & toasted which was a much better option.

I feel slimmer but didn't weigh this morning as I was really hungry & decided to have my shower later. I never weigh after I have eaten. Ever.

I'm feeling very tired after the week-end. I walked miles & miles on Saturday, but not much yesterday. My LH was trying out for the Tasmanian 8-ball team & played about 36 games over the w/e. It is amazing just how tiring even watching is.

Sarah-

Fruit is good to snack on & so are vegetables. It's the cookies etc that are the big trap I reckon. Once I start it is a slippery slope! So glad you are having such a good time & can't wait to hear about the family get-together! xo Cate

Kate-

I find it best to avoid the chemicals all together & am trying to put off wearing masks as long as I can. I think snacking on fruit or veg is fine, but I let the other snacks build up if i start so am much better off leaving them well alone, unless there is no other option, like at the w/e. I think we're doing fine sweetie, I really do! xoM

Princess-

Thank you sweets. Well done on finishing your exams. That must feel really good! xo Cate

Time to go have a shower & face the world. I'm enjoying having our YS home for a while & am taking him to the dentist today. He will probably be here for another month or so.

Lots of love, xoxo Cate
 
"My heart is open. I speak with loving words."

I like this & have it as one of my affirmation cards, which I haven't looked at for ages! I'll leave them handy & find a card each day that best suits how I feel. Sometimes I pick them randomly, other days I need something specific. I have them in a little index card box. We can all do with some positive reinforcement & I must look at them more often.

I like Kate's idea of thinking of something to be proud of so I will start doing so too. It's a great idea Kate :beating:

Something I am proud of today-

I have delightful grandchildren who really love me & think that I am a great nan. Our YGS is with me right now as his daycare was cancelled this morning. It was meant to be my Tai Chi day but I am getting used to going with the flow & making changes all the time, although it can throw me into a temporary tailspin. I will stay home all day now & won't go out to 8-ball tonight either. I need a day at home so will look on it as an opportunity. I rang my Mum & explained why I'm not coming in & am taking her out for morning tea tomorrow instead.

Younger son-

Will be gone in a month or so, so I will make the most of the time spent with him as I really don't know how long it will be before I see him again, when he goes to Canada. He is a little out of sorts & is inclined to get down very easily, like his Mum. I will try to get him being positive about his future. He is a lovely young man who is very well liked but takes things very hard & worries a lot. He has such a bright future ahead of him, but needs to have strategies to fall back on when things don't go 100% his way. Sounds familiar? That's me. I so love my boys. They are so different & I love them both very much.

Mothers-

Having a w/e away from both of them has helped me to de-stress about them. It can just be too much at times & I need to step away a little & have a day or 2 off totally each week.

It is time to go spend some quality time with my little man. Maybe turn the tv off now as my brain will turn to mush if I have to listen to one more kid's show.

Love to all, xoxo Cate
 
Today-

Have had another really good day, both eating-wise & exercise-wise & am feeling mentally good. I dropped my LH off at the golf club & was invited by the Women's captain to an invitational day, for me & 2 other beginners & we will join the women on their competition day & will play 18 holes. That will be my first time.. They are going to have soup & a sandwich afterward,so I said I'll take my own GF bread & would be there. They sure are being very encouraging & friendly so it will be a good opportunity to see if I will fit in & enjoy it. If I don't like it I don't need to go back again, but hopefully I will.

I took Mum down the street, after visiting my MIL briefly. I took her for a walk along the river-bank in our local town. I have a spare rollater & am encouraging her to exercise a little more each time. We did some shopping & had morning tea & she was in really good spirits.

This afternoon my LH & I went & did some work on our block & got another ute load of wood & lots of tidying up.

Ex-DIL-

I had a very stressful conversation with my ex-DIL yesterday when she came to pick up C. She is re-writing their history I'm afraid & says she wants to get back with our OS. I tried being very diplomatic & succeeded fairly well but she is making out that it was all his idea to split & is blaming his current GF, who she says she really dislikes. I had to listen for quite a while but had to stop her when she started to tell me TMI. I said that we have had enough stress in the last year & that their personal life together should stay that way. When I said that she will find someone nice again she said she will never find someone as good as our son. She has had a few disastrous relationships in the last year & has a very low opinion of men. It was a very hard conversation & I do feel sorry for her but I'm also sure there's no going back. I hope she does find someone who will really love & care for her. I really, really do.

Today a couple in a local store asked me how they were going & if I thought they would ever get back together again. It's weird but all along the possibility of that happening has not entered my head & it feels really strange even contemplating it. There is way too much water under the bridge. I told her that I think it's wonderful that they are not being nasty to one another & how important I think that is for the kids sake & that I admire them for it. I also told her that our son NEVER criticises her at all. She is upset that he has this girlfriend but that is not fair as she has had at least 3 relationships that I know about, but they have not worked out. I am not certain that our OS's will either but I think that he is going into the relationship with open eyes & is being careful.

Anyhow enough of that for now.

It's time for a glass of wine. I have hardly had any wine lately & actually haven't noticed at the time.

Have to go find a skewer!

Love to all, xoxo Cate
 
Hopefully this diary post is on a new page because I need it to be. A couple of days I had some very sad news that has rocked me to the core. There is so much sadness in the world & I think I can cope with most of it, but when it's strongly connected with the ones I really love, then I struggle. Our YS is in deep emotional pain & I feel for him. We wept when he told us all about it.His GF has been through a lot ( a really traumatic experience) & had just told him that she is not ready for a relationship. It is too private & personal for me to share with anyone but is really very sad & quite tragic. I knew there was something wrong but thought our son was feeling strange about going over to Canada & leaving us & his brother & nephews & nieces. My trying to reassure him about it this poured out. For months he has been offering his support & trying to help her get over her experience. He obviously loves her deeply. He is still going to go to Canada & will work with my niece for a couple of months, while she spends time with her family, & hopefully gets some professional counselling. He is very much like me I know. He won't give up when it's something or someone that he really loves. I will not give up hope.

We are going out tonight with our OS & his GF, T & our YS & his GF,K & now my SIL,W is coming along too. My husband's brother is in a musical & I organised tickets for the 6 of us a few weeks ago. It will be a strange night I think & K is staying at our home tonight. I hope I don't start crying again! I have been liking (loving) this girl a little more each time I see her. She's lovely & I really feel some of her pain. I don't know if our YS has told her that he has spoken to us about it or not, but will find out today so that I feel a little bit prepared. I would like to be able to reassure her that her experience doesn't put me off her at all (without actually talking about it). I think she's afraid of being judged, which is very, very sad. I feel so sorry for her & wish I could make things better. I am going to be hopeful that they end up together & be very happy. It's my only way of coping. I don't want to think of the alternative. Our son is absolutely heart-broken I know, but also determined to give it his best shot.

I have not eaten anything mindlessly & have not snacked on anything but fruit, have not lost control of my eating & am feeling physically healthy. I am about to hop on my bike & do about 5km & then some housework. Yesterday my LH & I walked & walked for about 90 mins around the beach, filling in time, while his car was being serviced. We both feel helpless about all this & also heart-broken. we have been reaching out to hold hands a lot in the last couple of days & just sighing. It's painful for us, but absolutely nowhere near the pain our son must be feeling. Being a parent can be agonising along with the joy.

Off to distract myself,

xoxoCate
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top