Cate's Diary

Hi Cate,

Wow your day just makes me tired reading it :) and very glad to hear you are feeling great...

I can so relate to when you speak to your husband about weight and he gets a bit ratty about it, think my bf must be tired to death with it and the road is only just starting for me, hehehe, so he better just deal with it till i get there :)

Hope the rest of your day has slowed down a bit and you are getting some rest at least!!

Have a good one.

xxx
 
Hi Angela, I'm so sorry I missed your birthday yesterday! A big belated Happy Birthday !!! My day did not slow down. We went out to 8-ball tonight & I did the bar! No pay....Mad! I'm off to bed now though. My LH is watching a thing on John Lennon, but as much as I loved John Lennon, I need my beauty sleep. I'm up early to go swimming at 8am. One of my S's-I-L is coming out to join me swimming. Nice!
Night folks, xo Cate
 
Hi folks,
I just got home from our local town. I was at the pool at 8am & got in almost 2 whole hours of swimming. My SIL & a friend came too & it was lovely. They are both very big but braved it which was great. Her friend had to be seriously coaxed though. My other SIL didn't show.
I waited until they had been at the MIL's for an hour or so & then I dropped in. Her friend is a nursing sister & my SIL had some news to talk to the MIL about & it helped to have her there. They also didn't tell her that we had been swimming together for some reason so I had to be careful not to say anything. My MIL seems fine with everything which is good. I'm left with yet another chore though after their visit as I now have to go back & clean out a freezer. It may wait until tomorrow. I'm not sure if I have to go back into town with my GS yet to take him to Taekwondo. I think I might go sit down for a while & read some of my book & probably have a nanna nap!
Cheers for now, Cate.
 
Yesterday-
I ended up picking up my GS, taking him to Taekwondo, back to the MIL's, cleaned out her deep freezer & put the prepared meals in it, then we went shopping for the golf club(supermarket & bottleshop,)back to Tae., then out to the golf club, unpacked it all & put the drinks in the fridges etc. A bbq was happening out there so we cooked a couple of sausages for our GS & had a quick cold drink & then back to MIL's to pick up my car. There was a piece of paper stuck to my windscreen so I quickly went upstairs to my MIL. Change of plan for today! By this stage I had a splitting headache!
I was sooo tired last night that I went to bed at the same time as my grandson at 10.30 & was out like a light when my LH went to bed about 11.15. I didn't wake until 7.20am!

Today-
I am dropping my GS off at swimming, picking up my MIL & also a friend of hers who is visiting(no car), taking them down the street & dropping them off. Then I'll go back to swimming & at 1.45 go pick my MIL & friend up, after my MIL's hair ap't, drop them off at her place. After that I'm driving to my DIL's, exchanging swimming bag for an overnight bag & then taking him to his friend's house where he is staying the night & then I'm coming home.

This week-end-
Is time out for me!

I adore my GS and love being able to help out whenever I can. I love his company. The combination of the stress of my MIL's Cancer & all of the driving has made me aware that I need to protect myself and take some time out. I will let my MIL know that I'm staying home all weekend. She'll be fine with that.

Family-
Monday night my husband's family are coming out to our place & having dinner & a big talk & then going in to my MIL's house to all have a talk. That will be exhausting & very stressful.
There is always something happening that you are not "allowed" to tell her- ie someone visits you "But don't tell Mum." I'm quite sure I get on so well with my MIL these days because I'm honest with her & tell her what I think. She seemed happy that everyone is coming in to see her together but would be upset to know that first they are getting together without her. I don't like subterfuge or deceit.

OK- Time for the dishes. Another full-on day today. I'm actually feeling pretty damned good- considering!
BTW- I got asked to work in the op shop yesterday by the new manager.
I forgot to say also that on Wednesday when I went back to the cafe, after having my short haircut, that the 'girls' admired my hair & commented that I had a lovely shaped face & could carry off a short haircut well. No-one has ever said that before! The hairdresser had just said something similar. I can't possibly convey how good that made me feel after what seems like forever feeling fat & ugly. That is (was) the honest truth!
I'm feeling really good in my skin. I showered & changed in front of my SIL & her friend yesterday without feeling shy or ashamed. My body is far from perfect but I'm proud of who I am & what I have done.
Sending you all lots of love, xo Cate.
 
Touch wood!
I don't know but my coping skills are increasing.
I did all that & got home about 3.30. In that I fitted in a 2.5 km fast walk & helped my MIL with some shopping. I have vacuumed the house, done some ironing, some reading & had a 30 minute nanna nap and I'm feeling really good.
Once again, touch wood!
I love it!
xo Cate
 
"Roll out those lazy, hazy, crazy days of Summer!"
Today is one of those! It rained overnight & was a little steamy. It's overcast today, the birds are partying & I'm still in my pj's and cruising! Ahhhh.....Summer! Love it!
This is coming from someone who used to dread Summer. I couldn't hide behind lots of clothes, but still tried to & I used to sweat a lot & feel so uncomfortable- Eeeuuuwww!

Still feeling really good. I'm 55mins up in exercise credits so might do bike & weights today(60 mins) & stay 55mins up going into my last day. Sounds like a plan. Or I might go for a walk through the bush, seeing the grass will be a bit flatter. Maybe not-still a little nervous about tiger snakes!

Have invited our OS, DIL & the GK's for an early dinner tomorrow evening. That will be lovely! My LH is hardly seeing them as he is working most days.

I have sent the forms off to cash in my super. A Honda Jazz really takes my fancy. There is however some 'tidying up' to do with our sons & my MIL (block of land next to one son she owns & our other son borrowed some money from her to travel) & it would tidy things up a lot if I used the money to fix that up. Logic tells me to do that but my heart says buy a car! I'm very tempted but it would leave nothing for us at all out of it. I think I'll talk to her about it. While typing this an idea came to me & I'll put it to her. She is very keen to tie up loose ends as she now knows that she will not be around in 6 months time. The next few months may be very difficult. She is also starting to really play on it. It sounds mean saying that but I know her very well! She will probably think my idea is a good one I think. I'll leave this paragraph in just to explain how typing in here really helps me to think more clearly about most things. I'll ask my LH when he gets home what he thinks of my idea.

I'm off to have a shower & get moving.
Enjoy your week-end, xo Cate

 
Exercise today-
I did about 30 mins of vigorous gardening & then went for a walk through the bush. I felt too nervous about snakes & won't go back there until after Summer/snake mating season- March?
I have done enough exercise to have tomorrow off if I wish.

Murder-
A 27 yr old tourist from Coff's Harbour was killed in our local town. My LH came home from work & told me who he had heard had been involved. We know of all 3 of them- not closely. They would be about 18 I think or a bit younger. It may not be the truth at all but unfortunately it would not surprise me about any of them. There was a drunken argument at about 4am in the local caravan park & this young tourist was hit by a lump of wood & died later in hospital. I was in exactly the same place yesterday. It is right near our local pool & is where we do Tai Chi in the holidays. A beautiful spot, right near the Meander River. Our YS is 27. There goes another young man in the prime of his life. Violence is abhorrent.
Our community is very small & it is in shock. It's very sad.
Take care everyone. Tell the people you love how much you love them & look out for your friends, xo Cate.
 
Murder-
My LH just rang me from work to say that 1 of the 3 is in court at the moment being charged with murder & there is another in his 20's being charged as an accessory. He is almost 18. We know his parents & all his aunts & uncles. How horrible for them all. Worse for the 27 year olds family of course. It's very sad & very tragic. Young people just don't think about the possible consequences of their stupid drunken behaviour.

Today-
I slept in after my LH went to work. I am going to do my weights before our older son & his family arrive about 4'ish but mostly I'm having a lazy day & relaxing. I'll prepare a salad & maybe make a dessert for tonight if I can think of something very simple. Cooking is not my forte.

It is a glorious day today. It's only about 23oC, sunny, still....ahhh..lovely!
Bye for now, Cate.
 
It got worse re the murder. The older boy, who was charged with being an accessory is his brother!

Last night-
We had a lovely night & ate Atlantic Salmon, chips(8 for me) & salad(lots) & home-made bread(not me.) We were all too full for any dessert, except for my OGS who had fresh mango & icecream & the 2 littlies who had an icecream in a cone. Our GD got ratty about 7pm & I said to my DIL that she could stay the night with me if I could talk her into it. I suggested bathing her & her brother, which my DIL did & then I asked her if she would like to stay the night with her Nan so that we could play with the dolls house & she said yes. Our son put her to bed at 7.30 & then they stayed until about 9.30 which was lovely. The youngest had a big sleep during the afternoon so he was right. Our GD didn't wake until 7.30am.
She & I played all morning & until 2pm when our OS picked her up. They had a lovely morning getting things done. The 2 boys (10yrs & 2 years) played separately without any arguing while they prepared vegies, made zucchini pickle etc. A very productive day!
Nan is exhausted though, but that is as much to do with the family 'meeting' planned for tonight. I'm feeling a bit stressed about it. My SIL has plans which she wants to talk about. I have an idea but will tell you more tomorrow when I know for sure. I'm going to my MIL's house with all of the brothers & sisters because I am as much involved as anyone & I certainly don't want any plans that will include me being made without me being there to state my opinion.
I have not done any exercise today except playing with my granddaughter. I think I'll make up for it tomorrow.
Wish me luck. I think I'll need to be calm but strong tonight & I don't feel that I am. I'm very tired. Bye for now, Cate.
 
cate said:
Hi Angela, I'm so sorry I missed your birthday yesterday! A big belated Happy Birthday !!!
Click to expand...

Hi Cate,

Sorry i didn't reply earlier, been having a crazy couple of days. Thank you so much for the birthday wishes i really do appreciate them..

Had a quick read through your diary and just feel tired for how busy you have been and oh my word cannot believe the drama.

Seems like you have an absolutely amazing time with your grandkids :)

Hope you have a great week ahead and get some time to rest :)

xxx
 
Hi Angela & thanks for your visit & kind thoughts. I love my GK's & love being able to help out whenever I can. Impromptu things like last night seems to be more fun than planned things. Isn't it the case often! They are lovely children & much easier one at a time. Each then gets lots of attention- hard in a 3 child family. They are so affectionate toward us & we share a beautiful love. Our son was really affectionate when he picked our GD up, which was also really nice.

My MIL-
The evening went ok. There was no news as such but there was also no harsh words & we all got along well. I think my other SIL had a chance to speak to her sister about how she felt & there was no mention of any of us living with their mother. It was quite a pleasant get-together really so no harm was done & I think some good came of it. My MIL now knows that the whole family will support her choice.

I am really tired tonight & will stay home tomorrow.
No exercise today so had better try to catch up tomorrow.
Bye for now, Cate.
 
Hi Cate!!
Hope all is well with your mother in law and your family!! I'm so happy too see your family gets together so well.. For me it's so hard with just my sons father that I feel like leaving him so many times.. If we can't get along why be together right?? Life is hard with weight and then just life in itself.. ugghhghgh!!:( regardless cate I admire your diary.. it's amazing what a close knit family you have made for yourself .. it makes me think I should really leave my son's father. I don't feel we will ever be where I want us too.. I am living in fantasy which is making me drink more alcohol than I should.. therefore Ishould leave him and stay healthier..:grouphug: it's 2010 and i have strong decisions too make for myself .. money aint' everything sometimes.. just walk broke and the lord will help you.!!! :grouphug: thanks cate for all your inspirarations.. sometimes life is a lot deepr than just weight .. I'm a confused person but my weight changes dramatically with my confusion.. that's the root of my problem.. thank god I have learned how too face it now instead of run.. I think I need too leave for him good.. and tomorrow might just be the day.
 
Hi beatiful Cate!!! :grouphug:!!! I've been so busy lately, but I wanted to tell you love, that I've been thinking of you every time I open the closet and the stationary bike is there growling at me!! :reddevil:!!! hahah!!! :D!! I think of you and your amazing biking skills ;)!!! I did whip it out the other day too, just thinking of you!! hahah!!...Thanks for the inspiration love! & I hope all is well with you this new year!! 2010!!! You are amazing!!!! Hugs and Best wishes to your family and friends!
 
Ivette-
I didn't know quite what to say when I read your post last night. I'm sorry that you are not happy in your relationship. I would hate to think that my happiness might make you compare yours. Every relationship is different. I don't think it helps anyone to see their weight as a separate issue as that gives it more power than it should have. Sometimes we blame others for our feelings about ourselves or take it out on those we love or are close to.
A criteria that I have always used when any doubt came into my mind about my husband & our relationship & future was "Do I want to grow old with him?" The answer was always a sound yes. I don't like the thought of not having him in my life. If anything our love has grown. Yours may too but the relationship must have strong foundations.
I'm no marriage or relationship expert sweety & I won't try to pretend otherwise. I'm just a very lucky person. Take care of yourself Ivette & try to work on building your self-esteem. It is not up to others to do this for us but is within all of us. You are worth loving Ivette, xoxo Cate

Alta-
I think we've all been busy sweets. My bike has been calling to me lately that it's lonely & feels unloved! Thank you for your best wishes. My family & I are good! Life is full of happiness, sadness, death, life......but life is great!
Once we learn to accept that bad things just happen and that life goes on regardless it becomes easier to accept illness & death. I can cope with it better than many I think but I thank my sister & her husband for that. Plus I do have an optimistic nature. My MIL is quite philosophical about her Cancer at the moment & we'll face whatever is down the track as it comes. She has always said that she thinks people live too long these days. I have been reading your diary & keeping up with your busy life but have been more of an interested observer lately for some reason. Know that I'm always about. Thanks for your visit my sweet friend, xoxo Cate

Exercise yesterday- Ooops! Zilch!

Weight-
No idea. Scale obsession being put in it's place. I'll weigh Fridays from now on & no more than that!

Today-
Is a free day- totally free. No visits to my MIL, no trips to town, nothing in particular needs doing. Maybe a nice, long walk!

Murder-They have charged 2 more, who I also know, through my last job (brother of a person I worked with amongst her family) & the other is his best mate. I used to leave my handbag in the boot of my car & a note in a purse with small change in it, in my backpack "His name, If this money disappears I know that you are the only one that could have taken it & will tell the police." I won't go into any detail about what I found out about him while I was there but I knew to be very wary of him. I was so happy when I tossed that job in. I was never frightened of him though & he helped me if I ever asked. We have a connection with all 4 charged. Not a close one thank goodness. I must say I am not surprised about any of them. With most of them you can look at the parents & see where the blame lies. It's very sad & tragic. I must try to stop thinking about it too much. It is just that our local town is small & it is, of course, the talk of the town. Plus where my LH works is tied up with it all. It's very hard to ignore. It has really shocked him to the core.
Bye for now, Cate.
 
Wow love!! :( I'm sorry to hear about the loss in your life! It truly is a shame when there is illness and passing. You are lucky like you said to have such warm people that make it easier to cope with in your life! I love you Cate! Stay strong my dear! :grouphug:!!!
 
Hi Alta- My MIL has just been diagnosed with bladder cancer & probably does not have many months left. There was a separate incident in our local town where a young man from interstate was murdered & we know the young boys involved- not closely thank goodness. Life is crazy but still good xo Cate
 
Exercise today-
30 min walk, followed by a tuna salad, then an apple, followed by a Nanna nap, followed by 5km on bike, followed by 3 sets of weights!
2 hours exercise today so I have caught up with my credits. Now square! Phew!
Feeling strong! Feeling good!
Cheers, Cate
 
I had trouble sleeping last night but that could have been because of my huge sleep the night before. When the alarm went off this morning I was out to the world but made myself get up. Sleeping in makes me feel sluggish for the rest of the day.
I have Tai Chi at 12 today & am picking up some shopping (4 dozen oysters!) for my MIL beforehand. She may skimp at buying some things (like birthday presents etc) but sure doesn't skimp on eating well, so that's good.
We'll probably go out for lunch after Tai Chi (hopefully as that's always fun- such good company!)

Doing the extra set of weights yesterday was probably not so smart because of doing Tai Chi today. I might have trouble sitting "in horse position." I may have to sit in "high horse" rather than low. LOL! I'll have to do them more often than I have been. I'm thinking that I probably do too many at once so may pick some out to do every second day but then once a week do all of them. I'll think about it. I love my walks & they have become more enjoyable as I get fitter. It can get a bit lonely though walking on my own. I rarely see anyone, except cars going by.

YS- younger son-
Has not settled back home very well & hasn't even started looking for a job yet. The s... will hit the fan very soon I think. We are going down to visit on the 13th Feb when my LH has 5 days off in a row. He is working way too much at the moment, but the pay will be nice. He just finished 6 days straight, had one day off for golf & is now working another 6 days straight. We don't know what is down the track with his job. He may go back to very casual hours in a matter of a few months & be looking for a new job. I hope not! I try hard not to worry about money or anything really & we'll always be ok. We don't need a lot to live on but having an income sure helps.

I had better head & put my washing on the line.
Bye for now, Cate.

 
Mixed day-
I have felt exhausted for most of today & also have been swollen(inflamed) & feel really fat & horrible. Everyone is talking about the murder & so many young people were involved, both personally, but also afterward. There are serious repercussions & a very large ripple effect is being felt through the community. It's very depressing & disturbing. It is growing all the time as you hear more & more details.

Fright today-
When I called in at my MIL's the wire door was locked & I could not get her attention. After 10 minutes I went around to the front of the house & let myself in with my key & she was just sitting on her bed listening to a hearer book. I din't tell her but I had felt quite sick thinking that I would find her dead. It happened once a long time ago with my LH's great-aunt when we lived in Melbourne. I rang the police when I got there & couldn't get in & they broke into her flat & we found her dead on the floor. I had to wait with the body until the undertaker came. It was not pleasant. It shook me up today. Perhaps I am not as prepared, nor as strong as i think I am.

Out of sorts today-
I din't go with my LH to 8-ball. I felt close to tears all afternoon. I think I overdid the exercise yesterday(again) plus someone said something to me about putting on weight today( a tactless man who goes to Tai Chi).
So what did I do tonight? Ate some lollies that had been in the cupboard for months. Does it make any sense? No. Do I feel worse? Yes. Not physically though thank goodness. Chocolate or icecream would probably have made me feel sick as well as disappointed in myself.
I need to go back on Cohens to get myself feeling like I am in control & in balance. Something I am eating is upsetting my body. The swelling is very uncomfortable. I won't weigh tomorrow as my day is so full-on.

Tomorrow-
Swimming from 8-10 in our local town(10km away).
Taking my MIL to Launceston(60km each way) & meeting one sister at a bank, then lunch, then to the specialist where we are meeting the other sister. My MIL has to let the specialist know her decision re treatment (or not.)
Taking her home then back home briefly, picking up my OGS & taking him to Taekwondo (10km each way) then bringing him back home to stay the night with us.
I'm exhausted thinking about it all.
Then Friday I'm back in town with my GS taking my MIL down the street for her weekly hair appointment. I wish someone else would volunteer for that one.

Weigh-in is Friday. D Day!
Goodnight folks. I feel very ordinary today but who knows what tomorrow will bring. Sometimes what we dread ends up being ok. xo Cate

Taking her home
 
Oh Cate, Im so sorry to hear you had such a horrible day....and wow yes that does not sound pleasant at all finding your LH's great aunt when she had passed away. I do not know what to say =o( *digital hugs*

Don't beat yourself up about the lollies. Pre cohens you probably would have gone for the lollies & ice cream etc right? Keep in mind how much you have changed and it could have been a whole lot worse I bet :) You know in yourself that you're not feeling the best you could be and you are definately strong enough to get back to where you feel at your best! And you will do it Cate! We all have faith in you and are here to support you, just like you have done for us through our journies.

You're day sounds really really busy tomorrow. I hope it all goes to plan and you manage to have a good day in between it all.

Sleep well Cate, thinking of you and talk soon.

Kristy xo
 
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