Bubbles: The Diary

Thanks LaMaria. Yes, it's a case of just keep going. :)

Cate: I had a bit of an aha moment on fear this morning. It always sneaks up on me, kind of like a slow boil so I don't notice. Making a point today to address fearful thoughts head on and at least just be aware that's what I'm feeling. Right now, it's totally understandable.

My three meals thing is coming apart a bit in the evenings because either I eat too early then get hungry by bedtime (which means I won't sleep) or I eat too much too late and get acid reflux (which also means I won't sleep). Trying to find the balance of the right foods and quantities. But honestly, aside from thinking vaguely ahead about the next meal, it's not at the forefront in my mind so I probably could throw some more thought at it and solve that problem. Of course a snack or some peanut butter or something always works to shut my stomach up but I have to watch that I don't morph that into another meal or too much food. Maybe I should include a little PB or something else fatty right before bed.

I just moved so I threw away a lot of old clothes, especially some that didn't fit me. I need to find or buy some smaller shorts because whenever I sit around in the ones with the gaping waist band I feel all skinny and oddly enough it makes me believe I must be hungry. :ambivalence:
 
MsBubbles said:
I need to find or buy some smaller shorts because whenever I sit around in the ones with the gaping waist band I feel all skinny and oddly enough it makes me believe I must be hungry.
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:rotflmao: Are you me? Well done tackling your fear head-on. Still working on that one as well.
 
What happened! I had a bit of an anxiety-producing event that stopped me eating which perpetuated the anxiety and then I came back from that, was sluggish from not working out so I overloaded on caffeine to get my brain going and gave myself a three day migraine from it. :mad::mad::banghead::banghead:

So, steering myself away from self-hatred...

Recovering from the migraine and thought to check my belly button measurement and found it's exactly the same as it was 4 months ago. Ok sure, it's good that it's not worse. But :oops::(. I thought I had made progress. I just want to either be ok with it how it is right now for the rest of my life, however long that might be, or not be ok with it and make it into something else. But these endless promises to myself, carrot on a stick but never getting there is just really making me angry.

Anger doesn't help! My weight is right around the same as it was when I started writing here, however many weeks ago that was. This is not disastrous but I don't think I've made any improvements. My '3 meals only' quest has morphed into 'Breakfast, lunch and then endless snacking starting at 3pm'. But I liked how that worked when it worked. I just need to sort out my post-lunch routine.

:confused:
 
Migraine sucks and I'm sorry you have to deal with it. Beating yourself up really doesn't help but it's hard to stop sometimes. Have a hug in the meantime :grouphug:
 
Moving is very stressful. Now you can settle down & make new habits. Be kind to yourself hon & back to 3 meals a day. Hugs from me too if you would like then xoxo
 
Hey Bubbles, I went back to your first posts, if you are 5 ft 10 inches and 175 lbs that is not terrible. You are just barely out of the healthy BMI range and no where near obese. If your waist is still more than 35 inches, that is something I would be more worried about, but I bet its not much more. So being happy where you are is a reasonable option for you, you should feel good that you have maintained.

If you think you will be healthier and happier losing a few more pounds, then you should. Migraines and the stress of moving have not been helping you, but it has not kept you from maintaining. Hang in there, if you want to I am sure you can lose a bit of weight, just keep at it.

Good to see you posting again!
 
Talking of which...measured around my belly button this morning and it's down 2" in a few days. What did I do? In addition to my three meals guideline, I monitored calories too. This approach has a limited use and I can only do it for about three days then I have to go a while without doing that. I am still eating plenty of carbs and bread though, lol, so it's not a Wheat Belly thing. Just less intake in general. I wish I could do this until I reached my goal but I simply can't and I'm done trying the same things, expecting different results.
 
If you´re eating less volume that alone would shrink your waist measurement and that´s a loss that´s physically limited to... well, to a completely empty stomach/gut. So don´t feel bad you can´t keep doing whatever you were doing: even if you could the efficacy would be limited. Still: great job on those inches!
 
Thank you for speaking sense, LaMaria!

I've come here this morning as I'm a bit frustrated again. I'm glad I haven't piled all the weight back on (total of 25 lb more than what I weigh now), but it's not going down and my stomach still sticks out. Yes, I know all about fitness and sports and being in shape, blah blah. I just have failed to stick to a routine that works for me. There are coaches available for $XXX/month (o_O) that help women in their fifties and up get some really great physiques. I have been tempted but I cannot afford $XXX/month and actually think if I were filthy rich all of a sudden, would still not WANT to spend that kind of money on a 'coach'. There HAS to be a way *I* can do that for myself, even if it is just a Reddit/r/goals thing.

I think I have the eating part down - MAYBE! As a former binge-diet-binge-dieter, it's always precarious and binges might return any minute, so it's definitely a 'one day at a time' thing. One meal at a time. But I'm always grateful for knowing I have the freedom to eat whatever I want to, and that I can and will eat slowly, and stop when I'm full. I am worried that if I paid for someone else to tell me what to eat, that 1) they wouldn't possibly be able to accommodate my food allergies and preferences, and 2) I would rebel pretty hard and quickly against it, and view it as someone else trying to control me rather than help me. Even though I'm conscious of this, I still do it! :oops::rolleyes:.

I'm going on a quick beach trip at the end of next week and woke up this morning with a couple of thoughts:

1) Congratulations - you managed to ruin yet another summer being 'fat' (meaning not feeling comfortable in shorts and tight fitting tops that tend to look better on me than baggy ones, and definitely not feeling good about walking down a beach in a bathing suit or bikini).

2) What if...just WHAT IF...you could ACTUALLY be HAPPY about the way you look right now?! You're probably in better shape than most women your age, you idiot.

God, give it a rest, Bubbles! :smilielol5:
 
MsBubbles said:
I am worried that if I paid for someone else to tell me what to eat, that 1) they wouldn't possibly be able to accommodate my food allergies and preferences, and 2) I would rebel pretty hard and quickly against it, and view it as someone else trying to control me rather than help me. Even though I'm conscious of this, I still do it! :oops::rolleyes:.
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Hell, I even react like that when I make the rules myself! Humans are weird.
MsBubbles said:
1) Congratulations - you managed to ruin yet another summer being 'fat' (meaning not feeling comfortable in shorts and tight fitting tops that tend to look better on me than baggy ones, and definitely not feeling good about walking down a beach in a bathing suit or bikini).
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I was going to comment on that but then I read ahead and saw:
MsBubbles said:
2) What if...just WHAT IF...you could ACTUALLY be HAPPY about the way you look right now?! You're probably in better shape than most women your age, you idiot.
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So if this summer was ruined by anything other than the plague it was maybe by you being too hard on yourself? It´s hard to be nice to yourself when the whole loud world wants you to feel bad so they can sell you things. (Diet plans, exercise plans, training sessions, make-up, contouring tutorials, liposuction, lash extensions, spanx...) But it´s a thing we need to learn, I think.
 
MsBubbles said:
1) Congratulations - you managed to ruin yet another summer being 'fat' (meaning not feeling comfortable in shorts and tight fitting tops that tend to look better on me than baggy ones, and definitely not feeling good about walking down a beach in a bathing suit or bikini).

2) What if...just WHAT IF...you could ACTUALLY be HAPPY about the way you look right now?! You're probably in better shape than most women your age, you idiot.
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Good observations, in number 2 anyway...

You know most people in their 50s don't look like models or movie stars, but most are happy (I hope). At your weight I am sure you look fine, maybe not as trim as you'd like but just fine. Even if you are not comfortable in a bathing suit I am sure you can go to the beach in shorts and a loose shirt. Then dash to the water if that makes you feel better. But my guess is you look just fine in a bathing suit. I am sure you have no need for liposuction (does anyone?) or lash extensions or any of that nonsense. I have always liked best people who just look kind of normal, a few pounds one way or the other matters little.
 
I read your post #110 & started to think what I was going to post & then read LaMa's & I think mine would have almost have been word for word.
 
Thank you for the replies! :beerchug:

That's funny Alligatorob - the biggest problem at the beach is dashing from the deck chair to the safety of the water. LOL. The first time I did that 2 weeks ago (I'm not used to swanning around in a bathing suit), I scuttled along the back of everybody's beach set-ups, towels, umbrellas, etc. parallel to the water, until I got to a space where there were no people, and cut 90 degrees and ran straight to the water. :rotflmao:

This journal/journey this time around has been a stop and start, user-friendly, completely real life, totally nondescript 'weight loss program'. In other words it's been anything other than a program. But I'm consistently staying around the 71-72 kg mark, which I'm happy with. I am still trying to get closer to 68 kg. But more so, I would like my waist to reappear like I know it can. I'm not far off. I guess there's an inch or two on each thigh I'd be happier without, too.

I'm noticing how I feel in response to certain foods. And for the sake of my ever-present but low key anxiety (causing some nonsense thoughts I could really do without), and my various food allergies and sensitivities, my 'diet' is starting to be more consistently supportive of my getting through the day, instead of thwarting it. I had to do it this way around though, not the other way around of laying down the law to myself via calorie/carb/fat/macro totals, etc., or no this, or no that, allowed. This means I'm mindful of too much sugar/carbs and the ensuing crash, and I've basically almost completely eliminated wheat products (bread, pasta, cookies, cakes). Along the same lines is my daily need for exercise. Too much sitting around does indeed make Bubbles a dull girl (complete with Jack Nicholson hatchet-through-the-door style craziness). So at this point I feel good about my muscle tone. That it would be pretty well defined with a thinner layer of fat on top of it.

This is just about the most mediocre and unspectacular weight loss journey ever! LOL. I'm just glad for any bit of success.
 
MsBubbles said:
This is just about the most mediocre and unspectacular weight loss journey ever! LOL.
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Unspectacular, maybe, but definitely not mediocre! You're beating every single fad dieter out there by a mile AND you're seriously improving both your quality of life and your relationship with food.
 
Yes. Thank you ! That was the condition early on. To be able to lose weight but have a healthy relationship with food. I guess everybody wants that.
 
Everyone who's aware of the reality of diet and weightloss, that is. It's hard to do though, so great work so far.
 
It is really good to hear your healthy attitude towards diet and weight-loss. Nothing boring or mediocre here.
 
Thank you ladies!

I'm here today because I ran myself off the rails! I've had four days of utter irresponsibility as far as being a caretaker of my body goes. Whoo boy. I won't go into it because the 'what' or the 'how' isn't really the point. Honestly sometimes I think that I just WANT life to be difficult. That I'm too afraid to reach these fitness goals. Ok - back to being more responsible again tomorrow.

Just need to be gentle with myself.
 
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