Bubbles: The Diary

M

MsBubbles

New member
I confess - I wasn't sure where to put the apostrophe and I couldn't stand the thought of it being wrong for the entire duration of the diary ("Bubbles' Diary"?).

-- How much weight do you want to lose?

25 lb

-- What is the timeframe for reaching your target weight?

2 - 6 months

-- How do you want to accomplish your goal (what methods do you want to use)?

Daily exercise (at least 1 hour), and learning how to eat in moderation again. No counting or dieting, but eating foods I know are healthy that I typically don't overeat on. Eating to fuel my body and brain, not my emotions, not as a 'reward', and not to help me cope with everyday life.

-- Who or what can support you in reaching your goal?

Nobody except myself. I share the love of a particular sport with my significant other, so he can help me get out and get moving.

-- How realistic is your goal?

Well it has proven impossible for me to achieve since 2012, so by that token I'd say 'not very realistic', but from height and weight charts, plus my natural tendency to be at that goal weight BEFORE I had to switch to a full time job SITTING until 5.30pm every day, it's definitely doable. It would be the lowest weight I could be before starting to look gaunt in the face.

-- When will you start?

Today - Nov 25th 2016

I'll start on these questions too:

Current height/weight: 5 ft 10 / 175 lb (I think. I haven't dared to weigh myself in a few days)
Ideal weight: 150 lb
What weight would I like to be 4 months from now: 150 lb
Why?

- Because I'm going through menopause and my waist measurement is more than 35", and I worry about stroke, heart attack and cancer risks. So definitely for health reasons.

- Because I am now making a little bit more money and want to buy and wear fun clothes. I have dressed dowdily now for SO long because I was trying to hide my body, as I have been ashamed of it. I don't want to be ashamed any more. I want clothes and dressing to be FUN. I know I could just stop being ashamed, but why not actually feel healthy and energetic too?

- (To feel healthy and energetic too!)

- I want to stand proudly on a beach instead of cowering and feeling like I have no right to expose my flesh. I don't want to dread yet another summer and spend 4 months cowering, staying indoors and praying for Winter to come.

- I don't recognize my body any more and I want the old one back. I want to feel like myself again.

- To get a handle on my out-of-control eating, my emotional eating.
 
I'm going to go ahead and reply to myself already! LOL.

I have just gone in circles around my kitchen looking for something 'comforting' to soothe myself with. I'm sorry but a bath with candles doesn't do it for me, listicle writers. I attempted to go work out at my local park but only managed 20 mins. Not sure why. Didn't feel right, mentally and physically so I thought I should come home. I may try doing weights later. Anyway, going around in circles in my kitchen, the internal conversation went like this:

- Ohhh! I want to soothe myself with sugary fatty stuff! What do we have?!

- Yes but look at your stomach. Look at your saddlebags. You don't want those, remember? Think of the lovely fun clothes you could be enjoying wearing, and how nicely they'll hang on you once you get rid of these extra tires.
 
Hey Ms! Don't forget to get a glass of water! I know whenever I want that sugary sweet and fatty food, I'm usually dehydrated!

Take care and can't wait to hear about your progress!
 
Thanks, SamanthaMacG! Yes. Especially right now where I live we are really low on humidity with high risk of wildfires and I'm extra thirsty.

I've circled back around to the fridge and ended up a few times with a tiny bit of something comfort foodish but I'm not going to beat myself up. I am almost out of food completely at home and need to go buy some HEALTHY things.

It also occurred to me on the last tour of the kitchen that I need to put the focus back on preparing and eating actual meals instead of endlessly snacking. That would also go under "How are you going to achieve this goal" above. The biggest mistake I've made is not making time for myself to eat an actual meal. Since my kids left I have not done for myself what I did for them all those years.
 
MsBubbles said:
It also occurred to me on the last tour of the kitchen that I need to put the focus back on preparing and eating actual meals instead of endlessly snacking. That would also go under "How are you going to achieve this goal" above. The biggest mistake I've made is not making time for myself to eat an actual meal. Since my kids left I have not done for myself what I did for them all those years.
Click to expand...

Very true that. Well done beating the cravings without burying yourself in calories!
 
Thanks, LaMaria!

I just weighed myself and I think my scales need new batteries because I got a different reading each time I got on them. It ranged between 171 and 173 lb. So I'm going to go with 173 lb and buy new batteries.
 
Hi Ms B & welcome to the forum. I find I eat WAY more if I don't eat properly proportioned main meals. Your goals seem realistic & it will be your determination that gets you there. I'm not into the bath with candles kind of thing either. If you feel like eating something you shouldn't distract yourself somehow. It will be much better when you clear your place out of unhealthy food. We have a small fruit platter after dinner each night (& sometimes after lunch) & that satisfies my sweet cravings. Once upon a time fruit just wouldn't have done it. Habits are just that, & can be changed. Welcome to our little part of the world. Cheers, Cate.
 
Thanks for the comments LaMaria and Cate!

I thought the scales were on a flat surface but I can try to put them on a board first. I think the batteries are on the way out. I got 168 this morning but I really don't know why! Although I think my appetite is settling down again and I'm able to eat normal amounts again instead of overeating.

A big problem I have is losing my mind when it comes to food when I'm around other people. When I'm alone I can focus on my food and how I feel. When I with others I am completely unable to tune in to this. It's so strange. I've thought about counting calories or something when I'm around other people but I find counting calories (or counting anything) to be triggering (to binge eat). If I could keep it to just meals when I'm around others, that'd be fine, but I actually eat 24/7 without knowing why. I guess that's what I should do the next time someone comes to stay: Stick to 3 meals a day, at amounts I can eyeball as being what would usually satiate me without being overstuffed.

I have been too busy to work out (full time job + a 4 hour daily commute - it's temporary). I've been too busy to really do anything. I think I have actually eaten LESS naturally because I have been so busy. Maybe I really have lost a little weight.
 
:( I´m sorry your job has you on overload right now! It´s interesting that you should overeat when other people are around: for me it´s exactly the other way around. I guess I´m trying to keep up my civilized facade when out and about and go into cave-mode at home :p
 
Four hours of commute sounds quite tiring! :eek: Perhaps you could try maintaining a log or food journal of sorts? To prevent eating even when you're around other people! Whenever i've kept one, it's helped me, but over a period of time I stop writing in it because I'm lazy like that.
 
MsBubbles said:
but I actually eat 24/7 without knowing why.
Click to expand...
It is maybe time you got some help with working out why you do this. Have you attempted to write down why you think you might? Some of us eat instead of dealing with problems, to mask anxiety or awkwardness..... There are so many reasons we do what we do & often it's really hard to work it out. Just try to write it down & see what you come up with.
 
Thanks for all the replies!

Yes I'm sure it has something to do with a certain problem I am not facing and am not doing anything about. I have tried to do something about it but in the end the problem didn't go away. It's too personal to write about here though. Perhaps just facing up to that will slay the 'stuffing it down with food' monster!
 
I know the feeling... And you definitely don't have to tell us everything. But reminding yourself regularly might be helpful. Crappy food may dull the fear/frustration for a while but the next morning we're just more beaten down than before. Best of luck!
 
Thanks, LaMaria.

Scales this morning said 170, so I guess I'm 5 lb down from about 2 weeks ago. I don't think it'll be much problem for me to get to 165 without resorting to austere measures or triggering myself into a binge. I worked out at the park for about 1.5 hours yesterday (brain needed it). Once I can get to a point where I have those extra 4 hours/day back in my life I should be able to get back into a good workout routine. This will make me want to eat more healthily without me having to get into any power struggles with myself about it.
 
Well done on the 5lb loss MsBubbles :)
I have always liked this quote re emotional eating or trying to eat away our problems-
~If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.~ Just recognising why you do something can help. All the best MsB xo Cate
 
Is there someone you could talk to about the problem you're facing? A friend or family member?

Working out in the park sounds great though! Fresh air and exercise always make my problems seem a little bit smaller.
 
Working out in the fresh air is the best!
 
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