br!na's weightloss diary

There is really no definitive answer there.

If you tell the parents, and they decide just to go and 'confront' her (some people doesn't understand the concept of discretion nor delicacy), things may turn out for the worse. Besides, if she didn't tell anyone else, she will think your daughter told them.

I also remember that, around that period, for some reason, I was extremely aggressive with my family.

For some reason, I think telling the school would result even worse than telling the parents.

I think, you need to evaluate the parents. If they seem caring, decent and discrete people, I guess it would be okay to tell them. On the other hand, If they aren't, I wouldn't tell them, for the reasons stated above.
 
I understand what you are saying athala. I just don't know that I can forget about it. I could try evaluating her parents, I just don't even know who they are.
I was a cutter as a teen. Though I was older than 13. I was around 16-17 and going through some really hard times. I don't know how I would have reacted if my mom had confronted me on it. Lucky for me, no one found out about it at the time. and I worked through it on my own. And by the time I met my wife at 18, I had pretty much stopped. I still have scars that show my mistake.
And I've also thought about the repercussions on my FD. I don't want her friends thinking she's not trust worthy.

Mandy- I agree... I cannot keep this to myself. But what if she's just a teen seeking attention? What if she's just saying she cuts, but not actually doing it? Then my phone call would cause unnecessary drama. Yes, FD knows I do random checks on her phone. I have thought of talking to her about it. But she's likely to cover for her friend and make out like it was a joke, when it could be more serious.

I'm at a complete loss at this point. I've never been in this situation. There are so many ways this thing could go. What if I don't say anything to anyone and she ends up really hurting herself... Or worse. I would feel horrible about that! She said in another text that she's an outcast. Does that mean she's really cutting? No. But she could be depressed. And if she is cutting and doesn't get help, she could progress to something more.

Would I rather be safe than sorry.... Of course! And sometimes that means putting yourself in a situation, even if you don't want to be there. Maybe I should just let the school handle it. Pass on the info, then back away from it. I'm sure the counselor would know how to handle it. She's supposed to be trained to deal with this sort of thing.
I don't know how the parents will or would react to this information. Maybe they already suspect it? But she said she cuts on her thighs so that no one would see. She hides it because she doesn't want people to know.... But then she confides in my FD about it. Which doesn't make sense to me. As far as I know, they aren't even that close. Maybe she hides it from adults, but tells her friends because she thinks its cool? Idk.

I don't know the whole situation. All I know is what she wrote in the texts. But that's enough for me to be concerned. Now, i just have to figure out what the best thing for me to do with this information is.

I guess I will sleep on it. And maybe decide in the morning. It's too late and I'm too tired for this! Thanks for the opinions!! And I'm sorry for all of the rambling! :)
 
Since she has your FD's number they must be decent friends right? Would it be possible to have your FD invite this girl over for dinner some night or to go to a movie or something so you'd be able to meet her to try to get to know her? At least then you'd know if she really is cutting herself or not and maybe you can try to talk to her about her parents or try to find out what's causing her to do it. If you do meet her and you do find out that she is a cutter you could rely on your own experience with it to try to talk to her and help her. Wether or not you want to come right out and tell her you did it to is up to you, but you could always say you had a friend growing up who did it and it was very painful to watch.
 
Mandy- that is a very good idea!! :) and since I still haven't decided what to do, this may just be what I go with! Thank you!

So this mornings weigh in was 187.4. So maybe yesterday's was a fluke? That's what I'm hoping! I didn't get to exercise yesterday. But I did some stuff when I woke up today. Plus I've been doing stuff around the house to keep from snacking! It seems to be working so far! And I'm hoping to have my healthy habits back in no time! :)
 
Sounds like you're doing good. Doing things around the house burns some calories and keeps hands from grabbing at high calorie foods. :) It sound like you already have those healthy habits. :coolgleamA:
 
Seems like I've missed a lot! You have had a very busy few weeks, wow!

I'm no help with the scabies but hoping both you and FD are doing better.

As for the cutting, I cut a bit as a teen on my arm. Not really sure why, perhaps frustration and anger and feeling helpless and outcast by family and friends. I think the fact that you used to do this may help if you were to talk to the girl, but because she has confided in your FD you don't want to ruin that trust. I would talk to your FD first, let her know you saw the text and that you are concerned about her friend. Invite her over and perhaps get your FD's opinion on if her friend is actually doing this or just wanting attention. Either way the friend obviously needs support and help getting through something, and perhaps you and your FD can help her with that. perhaps FD can even tell the friend that you saw the text and want to help because you are concerned about her. Maybe knowing you didn't immediately go to her parents or the school will help her trust that both of you will keep whatever is going on between yourselves. In reality, it doesn't matter if the parents or school never find out about this, as long as you can help her through whatever the issue is. I hope you manage to help her through whatever she is going through! You are a great person and a great mom from what I can see :)

Sorry to hear about the runt not making it :( But glad the rest of the pups and mom are doing well.

As for the weight, seems like it was a random fluctuation. Perhaps TOM is coming or maybe not, but seems like you are back on track :)
 
I've been hiding for a few days. :p I haven't been doing great. TOM showed it ugly head.... So I'm still not working out like I want. Plus I've been in a fibro flare for a few days. It's been hard to just get out of bed every morning. It's probably because of the storms. A tornado touched down right down the road from me the other day. It took out the parkway. And it actually went right across my best friends back yard. Took out her shed and in turn, the shed took down a power line. She had a live wire in her yard for over 24 hours before anyone came out. Luckily, we had her 3 yr old daughter. And my BFF stayed safe! :) we were all pretty lucky!

Puppies and momma are doing fine! There's still one that worries me. He's really skinny, and the other pups push him to the side when its feeding time. But that little man fights his way back in and latches on!! So hopefully he will be okay!

As far as FDs friend goes... I ended up talking to FD. Apparently this girl does not go to school with her. She's a friend from her last school she went to while in her last foster home. Which is about 2 hours from here. Because of this, FD and I decided it would be best to talk to the counselor. The counselor agreed that the girl does need help, and she will be contacting the counselor at the girls school. So, hopefully this girl will get the help that she needs! I've done all I can do! And thank you, Icychic!! I try to be the best mom I can. Some situations are harder than others.
I actually had a meeting with the school last week. A teacher was trying to give FD detention for taking 4 bathroom breaks in the past 4 weeks. I don't believe in restricting bathroom breaks. As long as the student is going to the bathroom and returning to class in a timely matter. Holding it causes UTIs. And what if FD has TOM? Will you really restrict how many times she can go change and clean up? Anyways- I had a meeting with the counselor, only because said teacher was absent that day. And thanks to me, detention will not be served! :) A lot of times, the teachers think they can run over me because I'm so young. But I've proven, I'm not the parent to mess with.. young or not. I will go to the board of education in a heartbeat! I will stick up for FD no matter what! :)

So, I really need to get my butt in gear. I'm not gaining weight. I'm just maintaining. I have been maintaining around 186 for over a week now. And its getting frustrating!! I feel like I've just fallen off the wagon. Because I'm not working out... And I'm not counting calories. Though I still watch what I eat. I'm not ready to give this up! I have a goal and I'm almost 1/2 way there!! There's no way I can turn back now. I really just need to get my mojo back! I'm in a funk, and I've just gotta get through it!!

Because of my wife and FD, our house is already decorated for Xmas. Ugh... And I'm already tired of it! Lol I'm excited about them opening their gifts. But that's about it. I'm ready for all of it to be over. We have some big things coming up in 2014 that will be very difficult. So I guess I'm just ready to get to those things, and get them over with.

Alright.... I guess I should get up and get something done! :) Have a good day everyone!!
 
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That's great to hear that your FD's friend will get the help she needs. You're right in that you did all you can do at this point. You brought it to someone's attention and now the ball is in their court. Hopefully she'll be alright. Your FD is very lucky to have someone like you in her life. Getting detentions for having to use the restroom is ridiculous! That teacher definitely has something wrong with her. I have all the respect in the world for teachers as a whole, but there are definitely some who should not be in that field of work.

I hear you about Christmas. I'm not in the Christmas mood either. None of my family is after what we went through this year. I'm buying things for people because it's expected, but aside from that I'm already looking forward to 2014. I will say that I'm a part of another forum about dogs where we're doing a Christmas card exchange. I got mine all printed and they should be here next week. That did boost my spirits a little bit. Love my dogs to death! LOL

I'm in a bit of a funk too with food and exercise. I had a horrible, horrible weekend, but I'm picking up the pieces. Exercise hasn't happened since Sunday for either because my hip is bugging me. I'm not giving up either. I can't. Just like you. You can't either! You have come very far and you owe it to yourself to reach your goal. Hang in there. We'll both get back on track soon! :)
 
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You are doing great! I don't understand getting detention for going to the bathroom. Unless she was gone for a really long time, or they found she didn't go to the bathroom, that is just sad. Especially like you said, it can cause UTIs, and if she is on TOM sometimes you need to go 3-4 times a day on heavy days. Yikes! Glad you got that settled!

You will get back on track with the exercising. Be happy you have been maintaining and just keep trying to squeeze in that exercise. You've been a very busy lady!
 
Confused by my weigh in this morning. At first it came up as 184.2 three times in a row. Then I decided to jump in the shower after I took wifey back to work. I still hadn't eaten, so I decided to reweigh. Only because I was skeptical about the 184.2. And its came up as 183.8 three times in a row. So I'm not sure which one is right. But I'm going with the 184.2 just to be safe. Either way, I'm very happy that it dropped quite a bit once TOM went away! :) this is the motivation I needed to do more! Maybe I will make it to the 170s by thanksgiving afterall. :)
 
Nice drop Br!na! You said "wifey" in your post and that made go read your first post. I guess I hadn't read it before. I imagine it is difficult being a lesbian in the rural south? I noticed a big change when I moved back to rural east Texas from Seattle (duh). Not just homophobia, but bigotry in general. There is a quote that I found amusing that I've seen accredited to various folks in slightly different forms like the following.

"I don't know why they call it homophobia. They aren't afraid of anything, they're just a**holes!"

Anyway, I also wanted to say that your FD is very fortunate to have you. I have 2 nieces that went into foster care today while they await adoption. I hope they find someone that will fight for them the way you do for her.
 
Haha Quercus, I love that quote! :)

It's actually not that difficult for us in this small town. There are quite a few lesbians here. So people tend to keep their mouths shut. Lol FD does get picked on a little though. The kids tell her that she will be a lesbian because we are. She also gets called a witch because I'm Wiccan. But she deals with it quite well. I feel bad that my lifestyle falls back on her. But I can't stop it.

Thank you so much! We try our hardest for her. She's had such a bad life, and we just want her to know that her life doesn't have to be that way anymore. And that she's worth so much more than her past makes her think. Foster children don't deserve the cards they get dealt. No child asks to be born into this world. And they especially don't ask to be born into those horrible situations. I just want her to know that none of it is her fault.
In no way are we perfect. And no, we aren't a "normal" family. But we have plenty of love to give. And she knows that she is a part of this family and always will be. :) and she knows that I will fight anyone over her... Even her biological mother. (Which i almost had to do once. Lol) she's safe here, and that's what really matters.

And as far as the "normal" thing goes.... I tell FD all the time that what's normal for the spider is chaos for the fly! :)

I hope that your nieces get into a great home! There are plenty of them out there! But I hope they are old enough to know not to settle. There are some bad foster parents out there too. And if they aren't happy where they end up, they have every right to be moved!
 
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I strongly believe there is no such thing as "normal". And showing your love for your FD the way you do means so much more than being "normal" any day. Kids need to know they are loved and have someone supporting them. You hear so many horror stories about foster homes where the parent(s) are in it for the money and care nothing about the kid(s). It is so sad because you are right, they had no say in how life started for them and they deserve a chance to build a good life for themselves.

Q: I too hope your nieces find great homes.
 
The thing I don't understand is when people use religion as a way backing their hatred and racist views. If they're really *that* religious shouldn't they know that it's god (whichever god they follow) who makes the final judgement? I mean who are they to say someone is not as worthy as someone else or that not all people are worthy of giving and receiving love? It's sad really. There's just way to much hatred in this world.

Anyway, very nice drop on your weight! If you hadn't eaten anything between your first weigh in and the second it's possible both weigh ins were right. I've had the same thing happen to me, but once I eat or drink, it goes up again. :)

And, one other thing. In a way, it's good, IMO, that your FD has to face these challenges. It'll teach her to stand up for herself and with you guiding her she'll most likely grow up to be a determined and strong young lady like yourself. :)
 
Thanks so much you guys! You make me feel so good about what I'm doing. While most of the time, I don't even think about it. I just do it. :)

My weigh in today was 183.8. So, I'm not giving up on reaching the 170s by Thanksgiving! Maybe that's a realistic goal! :) I'm really going to try to workout today. Although, right now, im just laying on the couch. It's rainy here. And the rain makes my fibro flare. But it won't stop me from trying!! I'm so close to the 170s. :)

That last sentence blows my mind! I know I probably go over it way too much on here. But trust me, I go over it a lot more in my head. It's constant. I started my journey at almost 220 lbs. And now I'm sitting here saying that I'm close to the 170s. That's just crazy to me!! I know that I still have a long way to go. I haven't forgotten that! But coming down from 220?? I'M PROUD!!

Okay, I will shut up now! Lol :)
 
br!na said:
Thanks so much you guys! You make me feel so good about what I'm doing. While most of the time, I don't even think about it. I just do it. :)

My weigh in today was 183.8. So, I'm not giving up on reaching the 170s by Thanksgiving! Maybe that's a realistic goal! :) I'm really going to try to workout today. Although, right now, im just laying on the couch. It's rainy here. And the rain makes my fibro flare. But it won't stop me from trying!! I'm so close to the 170s. :)

That last sentence blows my mind! I know I probably go over it way too much on here. But trust me, I go over it a lot more in my head. It's constant. I started my journey at almost 220 lbs. And now I'm sitting here saying that I'm close to the 170s. That's just crazy to me!! I know that I still have a long way to go. I haven't forgotten that! But coming down from 220?? I'M PROUD!!

Okay, I will shut up now! Lol :)
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Wow! br!na! That's amazing! And so inspirational to read, it made me smile and think I want to do that too! Congratulations, and keep up that hard work, sounds like you have another big milestone coming! :)
 
Okay you guys... This post isn't going to be about my weight. Yesterday was a cheat day and then I had a very stressful night and early morning. So I didn't even weigh in this morning. I figured it would just upset me more. So I'm sorry, but I really need to vent and obviously can't do it on fb.

So, my mom took our truck to work this morning. She has to leave around 4am. She called me at 4 and said she was stuck on the side of the ramp, right down the road. Our truck had overheated, and she thought it was about to explode because of the way it was acting. I couldn't do anything. That's our only vehicle. I felt bad. I mean, it was 4 am and 18 degrees outside. And my mom was stuck, freezing. Luckily, my sister works overnights at the jail. So she got her relief to come in early and she headed this way. Meanwhile she called the police here in town to pick momma up and take her home. (Which I wasn't aware they would do.) I was pissed. Not at anyone, but at the situation. It was no ones fault, but no one wants to get bad news like that at 4 am. The cop said the radiator blew out. All I could think was... GREAT! Like I really have $130 to shell out for a new one. Then my sister got her friends husband to come out and move my truck off of the ramp so that no one would hit it. It did not overheard with him. He ended up just driving back to our apt. And the only thing wrong was the heat wouldn't work. So he said that it was just the thermostat. Okay, better. That's only about $10. I can handle that. But just to be safe, when I actually got back out of bed around 3 pm. (I was exhausted. Had taken something to make me sleep, still didn't get to sleep until 2am and then was back ik with this crap at 4.) I texted a called quite a few people to see if they would come out and look at the truck. I wanted.to get a real idea of what was wrong. Instead of buying random parts only to find out that wasnt the problem. But no one would respond to me. I was ignored by everyone!

Now, i like to think I'm a good person. I will help anyone I can at the drop of a hat! I don't hold back when it comes to helping the ones I love. And no, I don't expect a thank you or payment for my actions. I do it because I love them. BUT- I would like to know that when i need help, these people would do the same for me. So when I get ignored while I'm in need of help, it does hurt my feelings. I'm tired, overwhelmed and hurt at this point. So I did post a status on fb about how its hard to be a good person sometimes. And don't expect the people you help out to come running when you need them, because they won't be there.

Then, I have a friend comment on this status. And she just pissed me off even more. Now, anyone that knows me will tell you that I am open minded, and I try my best to respect everyone and their beliefs. so please, i don't want anyone to get offended by what I'm about to say...
This friend of mine started basically telling me that I'm a bad Wiccan because of my post. That I should never expect anyone to do anything for me. Now, this girl is an Atheist. And I have absolutely no problems with Atheists. But how is this girl going to tell me that I'm a bad Wiccan, because of my fb post when she doesn't believe in anything? She quoted the Wiccan Rede to me. I know what the Rede says. And I try hard to live by it. How foes she have the right to say anything about how I'm not living by the Rede?? So I had it out with her. and probably pissed her off quite well. Because she hasn't responded yet.

I'm human. No matter what our religion, or beliefs... Underneath it all, we are all human!! I'm allowed to get overwhelmed. And yes, sometimes I let my emotions get the better of me. And yes, sometimes I explode when I'm hurt and fed up. That's what humans do. It would be different if this were a one time thing. Maybe I wouldn't be so upset. But we have bad luck with vehicles. Every few months its something new messing up. Radiators, tires, water pumps, fuel pumps... You name it, weve probably had a problem with it. So finally, we gave in. We went to a car lot and are now paying every month for this truck. Plus paying the guy back for making our down payment for us, because we couldn't afford it. We have only had this truck for about 6 months... If that. and something goes wrong with it. It just feels like we can't catch a break. And yes, I'm overwhelmed and fed up with it. But just because I get emotional, doesn't mean I'm a bad person. I'm just human. We all have good and bad in us. We just have to learn to balance it. And sometimes, that can be hard. You just have to learn as you go.

I'm sorry for this long post that has nothing to do with weightloss. I just really needed to vent. And you see what happens when I vent on fb. If any of this post offends you, I'm sorry. It was not my intention.
 
Oh, I’m so sorry to hear about your truck and all the troubles you’ve been having lately. You’re definitely not a bad person at all. You’re right in that we’re all human. We all have our breaking points. I don’t care who you are, what religion you are, or if you believe in anything. At one point or another we all have our not so pleasant moments. I have several family members who are lieutenants with the Salvation Army and I’ve even seen them lose their cool from time to time. It’s just a fact life and nothing that you should feel bad or guilty about.

What your friend said was clearly very insensitive and clearly not thought out before it was posted. Either that or this person simply doesn’t care what impact it might have had on you. The best advice I can give is to try to just block her comments out and to not let it get to you. Easier said than done, I know.

On a happier note, congrats on your continued progress in losing weight. You’re on a roll! You have EVERY right in the world to feel proud of yourself. Keep it up!
 
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