bluehats diary

Had Md foods today
Very yummy
And a beer and a hard root beer which btw helped my leg pain
Uh oh a slippery slope maybe?
So I will try that 5th day of fasting tomorrow
Then 5 in July for July's appt
 
And tomorrow I start the spot marching again.
I'm up to 3 songs out of my goal of 10.
 
Well I'm awake. It's shortly after 6am and the cats done her duty of trying to drag my a-- out of bed.
Fasting starts now til tomorrow shortly after 6 am.
Going to try for 4 songs marching on spot today.
And when I get to my goal of 10 songs I'm going to make it harder by lifting my knees higher rather than increase the time.
Tomorrow I will eat the Md leftovers. They should be good still. The meatballs and sauce and cake and pizza and soup and cheese flavored wood chips. It's going to be a long day waiting!!
 
Blew it. Ate some food and feel fat, disgusting, and bloated not to mention the digestive issue. ):
I did my 4 songs tho at least.
 
And decided that for my forced appts. I'm not faking diaries and numbers. I'm just going to say I'm only here for the dr I'm not interested in sharing or hearing what they have to say.
 
My family and friends don't understand what im saying or how I feel about the forced appts. If a person doesn't have the support of family and friends they have nothing.
 
Depressed. No exercise.
No fasting. Just eating and beer.
One night had a pot smoke outside.
Nothing's worth it.
 
I swore to myself I would not become my mother and die from an addiction.
So I'm laying off the booze.
As soon as I'm done my chip binge I will come back with my new plan.
 
My eating is
Omad/modified adf
When I'm successful with that and used to that
My eating will be
500 Cals. Every day.

I'm not sure about exercising yet. Still trying to figure it out around leg pain.
 
My last few safe foods got me. Now I have 1 left and it's so hard to control my consumption of.
I take them to bed even. I'm referring to nutritional drinks.
It's the 1 thing that hadn't got me. ( got me means given me the runs).
But only 2 brands don't.
it's going to be pretty easy to do a 500 calorie thing.
But I really want normal food. And I have a bag of frozen meatballs yelling at me from the freezer.
They need used. They are all frosty. I guess I can make them and just suffer thru til they are gone then just consume my safe foods. Which isn't food , a drink really.
I like slow cooking them in pasta sauce
If I cooked the whole bag in 2 cans of the sauce I have and divided the recipe by 3 each would be 500 calories. They will last in the fridge that long?
Still don't know what to do for exercise. I don't do it for calorie burn. I gave up on that idea years ago. I do exercise to keep my legs moving.
 
They tasted awful.
Having trouble getting in the site.
Probably just going to disappear.
Because I get on the new one thru a msg on this one that has a link. I will try to keep coming back.
 
I got in.

Today's a low calories of 500.
I'm gradually lowering the other day lower until they match. I'm so excited and can hardly wait to get there.

It's the dam legs. They've betrayed me. It just hurts so much to use them.
Part of my 500 today will include a labatts blue.
 
Looking forward to my trip in June. Going to spend 6 nights with a sibling and the bears. They don't really bother people there if your careful with your food.
 
Still no exercise. It's so hard to get back into it. I should have at least kept up with one song at least to keep in the habit.
Food intake is a disaster. I have to do something or my smaller clothes won't fit. And I got down to 1x from 5x.
What's the matter with me? My bodies telling me not to eat. It made me have no teeth. It gives me the runs when I eat. And gave me diabetes. What's it's going to do next? But I still eat .
 
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So about those forced appts. I figured out why. Because I use insulin. So I will remedy that.
So in my understanding it's sugar and carbohydrates that make you worse. Even fruits. Because the body does not see the difference. It's still a form of sugar. I don't like fruit anyway so.
So this all means that i go off the insulin and avoid the humiliating forced appts I just stop all carbs. And tell them where to go.
 
So I had a can of ham with the cat. She only had a tiny bite. Then a few protein drinks.
Probably less than 10 grams of carbs.
 
Stupid insulin makes me so hungry.
And since I stopped biking thru the leg pain the stairs make me out of breath and are real hard to get up and down.
Darn me stopping the bike for pain. It was helping me with the stairs. But I didn't know that.
I will try real hard to do 1 song tomorrow.
It's so cold I need mittens in bed.
And I ate food today and had my digestive issue. It's hard to just drink my calories.
There's not enough flavors. I have vanilla and strawberry and an overwhelming chocolate flavor.
The other flavors cost too much.
I have blueberry juice.
And my BP is very high. I wonder if the bike was helping that.
 
Binging on mini chocolate peanut butter cups.
My family worries that I will go into a diabetic coma.
But I lost my diabetes meds today.
I will try to be a better girl tomorrow.
 
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