bluehats diary

size32someday said:
that's one of the problems with this forum. anyone on the net can access your posts.
Click to expand...
Yes
 
So can't get back in the other group again.
Update for here--
Did my 6 songs on my bike today
Got some aspirin for the leg pain.
Hoping it makes the bike easier.
Not sure what my food plan is yet.
Going to be just liquids so my mouth won't hurt so much. But what I'm not sure.
 
Not much new I guess. Bad health report today but to be expected when I only had a phone dr who could not measure blood pressure. It's uncontrolled said the nurse or whoever I saw. But nothing was done about it. I'm used to that.

So anyway onto weight stuff.
I will continue to do my 7 bike songs and pain free liquid diet. I honestly see no differences if I do these things or not but whatever.
Too sad right now. Too tired.
 
Went to lab as requested by a Dr I saw. And I didn't know a heart test was ordered and had to strip down to wear nothing. And when I took off my coat I still had my nightgown on. Horrifying. I'm so so tired from pain and no sleep I forgot to put my shirts on.
Then when I tried to walk home from the lab on my injured toe I got lost. That's not really normal for me but I'm exhausted and in pain. So I wandered around for awhile until I saw a familiar store then went home from there.
Then the Dr said I had to go to this place down the street that I'm humiliated at. About being poor. It's a good center but the professionals aren't. And if I didn't t go he would not give me my blood pressure pills. The center is a diabetes centre.
It's not anything weird. I don't want to go but need my BP pills. I don't want to go.
I don't want to be humiliated more.
Bad bad day. I've been binging badly now for a few hours.
And of course my legs hurt worse from the extra walking and my injured toes screaming.
 
So now I'm totally bloated feel sick and am sugar wacked.
Not good as a diabetic.
But I tried I really tried to get the help I needed for my pain.
I don't feel well now. I think I had too much sugar.
 
I survived my sugar binge.

Did 6 bike songs
Did 8 dancing songs extra fast
Drank 1 cup sugar free almond milk
1 scoop of protein powder
Ate nothing
 
Bad digestive issues still. So I've been trying out different foods and drinks. So far I've come up with ensure/boost and sugar free juices. At least that will help with my mouth pain and digestive issues.
I hope. Cause food doesn't cut it, doesn't work. I'm a freak!!
 
Was only able to do 3 songs on my bike today.
Likely from being too tired and the digestive issues. Which suck everything out ( the runs). Sorry if that's tmi
 
Unable to do any cycling
Something is wrong
My legs are worse
I hope I can still keep walking
I went for help
Nada none
:(
 
So since no cycling due to to pain I am going to try marching on the spot.
My goal is still 10 songs. I managed 1 today. 😕 but still something anyway.
 
I'm still going to be forced to do the humiliating appts to receive my much needed blood pressure medication and my polyp medication.
I'm not able to be forced.
So I have to take control somewhere else.
Since that choice is being taken away.
So no food or liquid food for 5 days per appt. So I had the first one a few weeks ago and couldn't eat for 3 days so I'm owed 2 more days on that one.
My next appt there is in July.
Inside I'm screaming.
 
My purging has began again.

My family says just go to the humiliating appts. And say what they want to hear. To just lie. I told them the truth but it wasn't HEARD so I guess they prefer lies.
So I'm working on the food diary they expect. It's completely fake but my real one elicited criticism and I won't put up with that in addition to the humiliation.
I might need a numbers diary too which is harder as I have a numbers issue.
And don't even allow weight to be taken.
I mean I'm fat . OK. So what does knowing the number do? Just freaks me out more.
The only thing I can't figure out how to help is that my blood pressure goes into triple digits there. Maybe a few beer before I go in? Or a pot smoke?
So today is my first of the 2 days fasting for the first appointment there few weeks ago. I did 3 already.
Then I work on July appts. 5 day fast.
I'm very sad.
 
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