"Big Girls (You are Beautiful" <-- Mika's song: Nataliejo's Diary.

nataliejo

nataliejo

New member
Hello everyone,
I am new here, and desperately need to lose weight.

I am 299-300 pounds and need to lose to 285 pounds by Sept fifth.

"Big Girl (You are Beautiful)" is a song by the band Mika.

Everyone should check it out ..lmao
I love it.

When I was 165 I thought I was fat, distorted huh ...

so I became anorexic and would not eat for a while and than I would binge a whole lot for a week and gain double the amount of weight back..
"Way to Go NatJo!" ugh

so that was a bit sarcasm.

But now I know almost what I need to do ..excersize and eat a balanced meal...
so that is my goal to reach the point where I feel comfortable going outside for a bike ride or walk ..
on the weekends I will do a 15 mile bike ride with my bf, which kills me ...I am so worried someone will see my on the side of the street and think ...or yell anything .. they can think... but when they hoot at you it hurts ...

My sister says I need to shut them out
and I realize the only way I am going to lose weight is if I get out and do it all ..do what I like ...bike ride and walk .. I love activity .. I thrive off of it .. I thrive when I excersize ...its not just a chore ...bike riding and walking are fun ..especially bike riding .. I love it!!!

today I am taking the
Water Challenge and
Summer Challenge ..
fifteen pounds by Sept fifth, that when I see my doctor, and he says .."doctors orders, twenty pounds by Sept fifth" I have lost five ...but I am having a hard time going below it ..
I have lost twelve pounds.. I used to weigh 312 ...
so its a start ...but now I need to do the next 15 ..
ahh ...

Thanks for listening ..
I am not sure how I am going to do this
any advice would be great :)

NatJo
or natalie jo
 
Twenty minute walk, a start! :)

So I have been afraid of going outside, in fear that people will make fun of me and what not ... there are these kids ...yes ...even kids can get to me... how sad is that ...anyway they were making squeeling noise in a horn that projected through out the neighborhood ..and my bf and I were the only people on the street ...so I felt

horrible! so ugly, so desperate to lose weight, so sad, so angry ...every emotion was on ...and my bf ran in front of their house and starting yelling at them, but they wouldn't stop ...so I dragged my bf to the car and we just left the neighborhood ..for the day ...

it was ..utterly embarrassing .. humiliating ...

but anyway ..they are not doing that anymore ...
but now I need to start walking out of my house and actually moving my butt to make progress ...more progress ...the diet is starting to work otu ..now its time to get the body in gear..

Anyway ..
thanks for reading ..

always
natalie jo
 
Welcome to Weight-Loss Fitness (WLF)

Hi Natalie-Jo; welcome to your diary. There are several people here in your weight category and several others who used to be there and have lost mucho weight. And no matter how much any of us have to lose, we all face the same challenges in changing our lifestyles and adhering to healthy eating and regular exercise, so welcome, welcome, welcome. :)

I'm sorry you have to deal with kids behaving in such a rotten fashion, but how great you have a bf that stands up for you. And it's so positive that you love exercise too! Hey, way to go on losing 12 pounds so far...that's a great beginning. I don't see why you wouldn't be able to get to your goal of 285 by September. What kind of eating plan are you using to lose weight?

I hope you find this place as rewarding as I have. There's lots of support and you'll find the more you post in your own diary, the more others will post in it too. Another thing you might find helpful is to read other people's diaries so you can see what they're doing and see that you aren't alone.

Again, welcome!
 
hey nat...

just start with small walks around your neighborhood - you don't have to go far -each trip go a little father and you will find your confidence improving.. it does get better... i promise...

everett is a beautiful place :) I hope you enjoy it there..
 
Hi
Thanks to you both for your advice ...
I have a midterm today, I plan to get out friday and either bike ride or walk ...but I think I am going to bike ride, because my bf will want to go bike riding on
Sunday and I should be prepared ... he picks out fifteen mile bike rides and I am slow ... so slow ...but I do it ....almost barely .... lol

it just sucks ..because I don't get out everyday ..
yesterday was the first day I have ever went for a walk in my neighborhood or gotten out of the house to excersize ...I go to school, go to my mom's work, go to the library to volunteer, because I am getting my degrees to be a librarian in a public library, or city library ...
but I finally went out yesterday and it was a 40 minutes walk with my sister ...it was good ... I loved it ...just walking and talking

I need to get out there by myself ... because she only has one or two days off ... so I need to learn to be able to shut those people out and just walk ...once I get off the two streets of the neighborhood ..it so nice ...

it will work out I am sure..
I just hope I am able to lose fifteen pounds, or close to it by September fifth ..

thanks guys for you vote of confidence ..
always
natalie jo
 
Way to go on getting a walk in with your sister, Natalie Jo. You'll get to the point where you don't care what others think. Life is too short to be worried about that.

Would you believe today 3 Indian guys were walking past me, looking a little worse for wear and one of them piped up and said "hey lady, whadduya think of THIS" while grabbing his package. I looked deadpan at him and said in a monotone voice "oh my" and kept walking without breaking a stride. I heard them laughing, but I was too damn tired to care if it was at me. I thought it was likely at my nonplussed reaction. Buncha nutbars!

You have the power to change circumstances to your favor. If children behave inappropriately towards you, try genuinely smiling at them and saying are you having a good day guys? It completely takes the wind out of their sails. They absolutely don't know what to do with themselves if the person they are trying to hurt is being kind to them. For them to talk that way to you, someone has shown them mean-ness. You can turn the circumstance around by showing them kindness. That's one of my little tricks with kids anyways. Adults need different handling often times. For the drive bys...sigh...there truly is nothing you can say to them, because you don't even have the chance. Except there is something you can say inside your mind to yourself, if anyone does that to you.

Man, every time I see a large person out walking or exercising, cycling or jogging, I am so damn proud of them. Because I know they are caring and doing the right thing, and displaying courage and being strong. Remember, there are many people who are thinking like me, they're proud of you...they just don't stand out like the goofs.

I think that's way cool you are becoming a librarian. I hear a person needs a lot of schooling for that.
 
Today was hell ... lol ..no ..it really was...

Hello... :)

So today was the day from hell ..sometimes I suffer from depression ..I definately did today ... ugh ...

I take meds for it.. I used to take meds that make you gain weight...
between the birth control pill and the meds ... I was destined for greatness, in body mass index anyway ... lol
ahh ..at least I can joke about it now ..for a while I just absolutely couldnt stand my psych doctor ..lol than I finally told him ..we are doing this my way ...so we did

and it was fine up until last year when things started no being so fine ..
granted I have alot to be stressed about ..school ... resume building ... at the library ... they won't hire you coming out with a bachelors unless you possibly worked in a library in some way ..so I volunteer and they are building my resume ... its all good ..
but the new class I have been taking has declined in nature .. I am taking the midterm Thursday of next week and the week after I am taking the final ...but I shall do it .. I usually pull through academically ...
I have so much to fit in ..in my day ..
and doing exersize can be hard to fit in ...
but .. I am fitting it in ...it actually lifts my depression ... so I know I need to do it ...physically and emotionally it will help me

but today was hell ...
my boyfriend is getting constant calls from a stalker who stalked the last lady who had the phone ... I didnt know this ...
so the phone was ... disabled ..lol so I am freaking out all day ..thinking my bf got fired because I call him too much ... ugh ... lmao ..at the same time

so I call him tonight finally ..after a whole day ..that I am innocent ... but what a day ...thinking that your bf of four years is gonna break up with you and you made him lose his job ...what a weight

the weight has been lifted ... and this weekend is on ...
he is coming up tomorrow night .. I am going to have dinner ready for him .. I just eat the veggies and meat ..small portion of meat ... bigger portion of veggies ... especially the green ones ...
but anyway ... so he gets the rest of the pile up ..with potato included ..
I am a pre diabetic because of my weight ..so I take metaformin ... 1000 mg a day ... to control my sugar ... it releases insulin ...so it can absorb each mg of sugar
I take in at that time .. I take it when I eat ...

so I am back on my diabetic diet ..or getting there slowly ..
I get crusty eyes and get really emotional on up and down days with my sugar levels ..
so I try to take in no sugar ..and I am trying to cut how much caffiene I take ...because the meds work better with out caffiene ... so I make decaf sun tea ..put it in the back yard on the porch ..its done by the end of the day and I use swlow .. not splenda ..splenda kills my stomach ...

but ... I eat whole grain bread ...Rye is the best ..so I eat seeded Rye bread ...or pumpernickel ... not potatos .. I do eat cheese ..cheese is necessary to the diet . .. as much water as I can. ..but must have ice ... Im picky ...
I try not to touch the bad stuff ..but my craving can be horrid .. I ate four pieces of Godiva chocolate today .. I get free pieces at my mom's work .. I haven't had Godiva for months ..so my sugar is up to 114 ..
but I ate aspartame yogurt earlier ..and I am fine now ..
I really have to watch it .. I dont like being depressed or anxious ...and the sugar levels do that ... it sucks ...but true ..
but the diet is what I read about a little and I am going my own way ... its my own diet ...which fits into my diabetic diet ... I still drink diet soda sometimes ...but not often .. once a weekend .. I save the cheating for the weekend ... usually that includes soda ..diet of course ...

but mostly .. I drink water all the time .. I am a water hound ..love Aquafina and poland spring .. I drink it when we go for a hike and when we go bike riding ..and I have gatorade ..my own flavor ...two or three bottles for the occasional sip ..because I can't drink too much ...but if my sugar is low ..from biking fifteen miles on a hot summer day I need the extra shove ..and gatorade does it ... powder mixed with water ... pure sugar ...

I can always tell on a ride when I am running out of sugar ... I start dehydrating and I start seeing double sometimes ..and I just go SLOW ..very slow ..the second I drink some gatorade I am ready to go .. I just take off ... so I need that rev to the engine to get me on my way ...

but tomorrow I am going for a walk ... thirty minutes to an hour ... just going to keep walking in the beautiful sunshine until I feel like hitting the indoors ... its going to be seventy degrees tomorrow ..perfect day for a most wonderful walk ..
supposed to rain Saturday ..so I wont be able to walk or bike ride ..unless its just in the evening that it will be showering ..we will go during the day ..or if its sporadic we go ...

but we live near the mountains .. and sometimes I dread the bike rides ..but in the end I am cruising and I know I am doing my heart muscle and my body good ..and I just look deep into the forests as I go up the hill ..I am so distracted by the view I just go right up the hill ... its all good .. but most of the time .. I am struggling ..but the more I work out outside ..the better I will get ..
my bf has the perfect body ... perfect everything ..except his attitude ..and it can be bad toward my body sometimes .. but I am ignoring him .. I feel better being on here and being able to tell my weight honestly and being honest is my key to survival .. I hate lying ..... I hate deciet ... I was raised somewhat different than some people ..didnt date until I was nineteen ... just the way it went .. but I am happy I have my manners ..but sometimes I get sooo hurt because I cant believe people can be so mean ...mean to me for my kindness ..mean for my weight ..mostly the last mentioned ...

so ... I am going out tomorrow ...and will enjoy it very much so ...today has turned into a wonderful evening because I am here ...
and now I am well in tune with my boistress nature....and will be happy feeling the sun on my face and the wind in my hair and talking to my nice neighbors ...the kids are wicked ..they are tearing stuff of off this old couples garage ..and they are throwing rocks on top of it ..they beat on each other... thats why I usually dread going outside ...but I think I have found my niche in the neighborhood ..
the one who watches out for the good ...and shuns the snakes in the neighborhood ..they aren't going to intimidate me anymore ..

I am taking tomorrow on ..:)
I feel good!

always
natalie jo

:hug2:
 
Today, Today, what is with Today! :) A Good Day!

Hello...

I have officially started with a good day ...the scale says I weigh 294 pounds ...which is a big continuation to losing weight... :)

I am waiting until I am done with my shower and have my clothes on and I will weigh myself than ...because that is when I weigh myself, because that is how the doctors weigh me ..

We will see if I still turn out to weigh close to that with clothes on ... :rolleyes:


always
natalie
be back later!
 
Hey...
I think I might go past my doctors orders..
he wants me down to 285...

buttt.. I am already 295 ..
I have ten pounds to go and three months .. I might lose a couple more pounds ... or maybe not ..
don't want to get my head all floating in hope ...

so this is good ..now I just have to keep it off and keep going ...

yea!!
I finally had weighed myself with my shower and all my dress...and
am weighing in at 295 ...

goodddyyy

always
natalie jo :jump:
 
I just went for a walk of 45 minutes ..hopefully this new summer kick lasts through out the year... it was hard going outside ..knowing people would look at me as just "fat", But I know the only way I am going to get rid of the unwanted fat is by going outside and just walking ..or even bike riding ...

this Saturday we may go bike riding, depending on the rain ...


always
natalie jo
 
Whoo hoo!! I second what Mal said, Natalie Jo, you are doing great. Keep on going. I think you're right, you can adjust your goal. Everyone around here does that. Sorry to hear you have depression and diabetes, but all this walking and eating healthy is bound to help. Remember, people are looking at you and thinking, she's doing great...you are not "just" anything...you are beautiful and strong. That's great you like drinking lots of water.
 
The Birthday from Weight

Hey ........ :)

Today was the
Birthday Diet Jam ... they wanted pizza ..Bertucci's ... in Boston ..

VERY good pizza... but not for the belly, if you want the belly to be smaller than what it is now ...yikes ...ate three slices ...

BUT normally I eat four or five... maybe even six ..
three is good for me ...

Than ..the cake
a little round cake ...very cute!
Very good icing ... but it won't be happening again! lol
I had two slivers of cake and restrained myself from eating more.

However good thing...
Did not drink soda, not even diet soda ..
I had unsweetened Tea.. ice ...with one sweetnlow per cup ... large cup ...
so I did good ...oh and I had squeezed lemon in it

A bit of salad ...just a little ...it was a large salad to share among the five of us ...

It was my sisters birthday and she wanted pizza ...so I kind of had to do it ... it sucked ...the guilt I have ...but really I shouldnt feel it ...because it was only three slices ... not the whole thing ...which I HAVE done before!

But I am drinking ice water again tonight ...
and I am having ice water at my bed stand and will be drinking water all day tomorrow ..except maybe a little gatorade when I go for my walk ..and I might even be up to a bike ride around five or six pm ..so I am going to try to really put myself out with exersize tomorrow ..

actually ..better ... my bf says I need to work with the weights .. I was doing it and he felt the difference ...but than
I stopped because I looked at myself in the mirror and vowed that I would probably never lose weight ...bad me ..putting myself down ..which I was also guilty of tonight ... they watched me whine over dinner ... I was a complete ass ... oh well ...next time I know ...they said I could have veered away from the pack and had a ceaser salad ...so next time .. IM have a salad! lmao

at least now I know!
tomorrow I am having some chicken salad ..not much mayo ..very dry ...on top of a green salad .. Ive had it before and it tastes very good!

so water ..salad ...exersize ..weights ...

sounds like a good day to me!
and two chapters to study and know by heart by tomorrow night!
maybe some cleaning ..in between doing my studying ...but the studying needs to be done .. I have two important tests in the next two weeks ...my teacher is giving me a chance to win back my grade .. I need to do homework from five chapters ...three questions from online ..web activities ...and study through chapter two and three!

busy ..busy ..busy ...
sometimes its just my bookwork that gets me down ..because I feel like I have no time to work out ...or do dishes or clothes ...or whatever ...
but I know ..if I get a schedule down .. I can do it all ...and I am just going to really focus on my bookwork and studying and exersize and weights ...

I will shine tomorrow ...

ttylater
always
natalie jo
 
Hey peeps... lol
How are you doing? Thank you so much for writing in my diary, it makes me feel like people here really care. No one responds back to me, I guess its because I am a newbie .. I remember when I started on DBSA ..Depression Bipolar Support Alliance forum, crazy there, with a ton of crazy people, just like me! :jump:
jk :)
anyway we are a fun crowd, I mainly stay in the depression forum, because those are the nicest people there, and they actually gave me the link to here, so it works wonders, knowing so many wonderful people.

Anyway the point of this diary entry ...
your witnessing something new from Natalie jo
I am actually going out in 90 degree, mind you with sunscreen .. I never go out when it is this hot ...its so hot the patio furniture out back almost burned my back when my shirt pulled up and I could feel my face not enjoying the rise in shine! lol

cheeky .. I know

but anyway ...
so I am going for a very long walk today, don't know how long ...but I have my watch and I will be walking pretty quickly for a big girl like me.. I need to do this and also I need to make up for yesterday disgusting feasting .. I would have rather had not eaten ...but what can I say .. I ate ...and I conquered the pizza ..literally ..I ate four slices in the middle of the night ...
if you check my ticker out ...it says it all ...at first I was really down ...but I have decided I am just going to pick myself up and get my buttocks outside ..
so I will write a lovely entry in about an hour ...reporting how strong I was for walking out of my comfort zone!

always
natalie jo :)
 
nataliejo said:
Hey peeps... lol
How are you doing? Thank you so much for writing in my diary, it makes me feel like people here really care. No one responds back to me, I guess its because I am a newbie ..
Click to expand...

I know that feeling its good when people write i think it helps with the motivation

Your doing so well with your walks i have started joining my other half walking the dog and i can see the difference i have also started at the gym but stay in the ladies section away from all the super fit people i turn a fantastic shade of red!!!!!

Good luck with everything and i will check in soon
Sarah
 
yea!! Ninety degree weather, fifty minutes, me, in a tank top and shorts... Yessa! Score!

I actually did it ... :)
Ninety degree weather and exersize of any sort just don't fit... :)
Yessa!
I feel so good ..
I just need to do my weights on my chest and tummy ..
it does Show Rah... it really does ...especially on the chest ...the weights are great ..
I use 8 pound weights...

I used to use them five weeks ago, for three weeks and my bf noticed ...

but don't go overboard toning ... you can build yourself instead of toning too ... talk to the trainer like you said

I don't tone much because I have a large BMI among other things ...and it will be awhile before it completely shows ...so I am taking my time with the toning ...
best wishes
always
natalie
thanks again for writing in my diary!!! :)
 
Wow ..
I feel like I scared everyone away... lmao
Anyway ..
I bike rode a VERY HARD bike ride for forty five minutes ..it was really good .. I really pushed myself up those hills and through everywhere ..including back country roads .. I live in New England ..so its beautiful ... beautifully rich with wild life .. :)

Anyway ... I did not cheat last night ..kept my dinner to a bare minimum ..ate just right ...did not go unsatisfied ..but wasn't full ..good stuff..
I can now fit in a somewhat lesser size than I was in a month ago ...
so the inches are starting to come off ..

I am generally happy ..just wish I could take a few pounds off ..
it said I was one pound less than yesterday ...that must mean something ...

always
natalie jo
 
Hello everyone,
Well I can't figure out how to put my pic on the avatar, or post before pics, which would really motivate me ...
I have some cute pics of me.. my face is cute ...its the rest that isn't so cute ..hmm ..lol

but .. I am working on it and eventually after much work ... I will have reached my final goal and I will be very joyous...

Tomorrow I am going to walk in the morning and bike ride in the afternoon to evening ... sounds good to me .. I wanted to walk today ... after bike riding at 12 pm and going until 12:45pm... I even feel like it now ...but its late and the kids are out and it is nice out ...but I have cleaning to do


btw .. I am withdrawing from my class ..this is the last day I can withdraw from the fifth term class with just getting a W ... and its due to medical reasons .. I had some med changes to try and get me out of my funk ...but it has taken a while and now I am fine ...but too much time has passed ..and now I am stuck taking a W ...but I will still get financial aid for next year.. I hope to start school in sept ..but it looks like I will be starting in November and to tell you the truth I think I need the break and I think I might just work at the library three or four days a week to build my resume for grad school and in order to be able to get a job coming out of getting my bachelors in English literature ...

I love learning, but I need a break .. I have been going two years non stop ..except with maybe two months off ..and it is just too much right now .. I have so much on my plate.. I need a break ... after my break I will be able to think clearly and just ... do better in school ... I usually get As and Bs... but I know I would get an F in this class if I didn't withdrawal now ...

so ..anyway ... did do a forty five to fifty minutes bike ride today ..it was really intense ..and tomorrow I am doing another and going to do it faster and I am going to extend the trip ..so I go longer than fifty minutes and maybe do an hour ... hmmm ...and I may take a stroll later ..after a shower and the sun has gone down somewhat and the heat is not so bad

ttylater
always
natalie jo
 
That's great you decided to take a break from school for a while...likely do you a world of good. Way to go on the bike ride! Sorry my post is short, but have to go make supper for the kids! Keep on posting!
 
Hey guys,
I feel like this is the time to conquer over my fears and fat thinking ..
I am beautiful, thats what I have to say to myself. My bf doesn't tell me I am beautiful, nor when I ask him of I am, he doesn't respond ... He doesn't think I am beautiful...

and he doesn't like my weight
and he wants me to fit into his lifestyle ...which is to be very active and I am doing that... but I must build up to it and I don't think he understands it ..
I am like a flower, who need love and tender care... who needs to be out in the sun, but also needs to be planted near some shade ..who gets fed water everyday ..from a beautiful watering can .. I need to do this for me ..
It may matter whether he thinks I am beautiful, but What REALLY matters is how I see myself, and I think I have allowed him to take control over how I feel about myself .. I have filtered good thoughts and he has filled them with his judgements about obese and overweight people ...

he thinks we are just lazy ... not wanted to live a normal life, full of prospect and life... activity and .. well you get the picture

he used to be the driving force, until recently for my education ..he has always been the driving force of me since he came into my life...
I need to be the driving force. I have no friends, you are all my friends and I hope you feel enough to write in my diary if you are reading this... because I think I need to know there are people out there who care..

anyway ..
I did really good today ..
I only drank water all day
ate nothing sugary ...
nothing bad ...

it was ..incredible
but I did cheat last night
my sugar came down to 89
but I am dehydrated ..this is supposed to be normal for a sugar level ...but I don't feel like it is .. I feel deprived of what I need .. I get depressed when I am at this sugar level .. I think it is too low for me .. I think the heat is affecting me ... but I still go out and exercise ...

I am going bike riding into Maine tomorrow ...lots of hills ..incredibly hard hills .. I am going to take my pack for my bike and put a ton of gatorade mixed with water in it ..and be ready for one hell of a long ride ..probably one hour to two hours long .. I will report after I come back how long it was ..I think I have mapped out the trail ...but I might just go around different country roads and just learn about the area more ... its so beautiful

anyway I will report in the morning
no eating tonight
I bought sugar free chewing gum ..
I will chew a piece a little tonight if I get a craving ...
I think its my body wanting sugar that is making me crave things ...

so ...
ttylater
always
natalie jo
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top