Bellaryna's Journey

[Curvie Girlie]

You SHOULD feel good--you have a lot to contend with! You know that And you still hold up. I don't care what anyone says, stress can screw with us and foil our weight loss efforts. We just have to remain strong and do our best, right???

 

[Bellaryna]

You can and you will!

Sounds like some of the pressure is easing off a bit, or at least you're managing it better. Tomorrow is a new day.

BTW, when you going to get back on that bike and ride it? You set the bar pretty high with your 20 plus mile ride a while back.

See, I'll push ya... C'mon, fresh start tomorrow...

Feel free to push me any time I need it also...

Thanks Karl.
Tell ya what......if the weather holds out, meaning no rain, I will go for a ride on Monday. If I have it mapped out right it should be 16 miles round trip.
You can feel free to egg me on or just generally give me crap if I fail to follow thru with this plan. LOL
And your right the pressure is easing up a bit. Though mom does continue to call me everyday wanting to know why she has to take this medicine or why she isn't taking that one. She currently takes like 12 different things. Plus she has a morphine pump implanted in her spine. She got hurt when I was in the 8th grade and her health had basically gone down hill every since.
It can get very exhausting repeating myself everyday. I think this is God's way of teaching me patience.

 

[Bellaryna]

You SHOULD feel good--you have a lot to contend with! You know that And you still hold up. I don't care what anyone says, stress can screw with us and foil our weight loss efforts. We just have to remain strong and do our best, right???

Your right.
And I can see that stress and I don't do to well together. 'Cuz as soon as I stress out I eat. Gotta break that cycle.
You know what is really funny you could ask most anyone who knows me and they would swear up and down that I wasn't depressed. When it comes to other people I am real good at making them happy. Not so good for myself.
And that is something that I need to work on.
The exercise and losing weight really helped last year. And I still stand by my belief that the only reason I didn't get depressed last year was due to all the exercise.
But now that the depression is here I am having a hard time getting back on track even though I know that I would feel sooooo much better if I did.

 

[SweatPea]

That t-man and his car sensitivities! It's jut like him to feel bad about getting sick in a "new" car. I still remember when he did it in mine and kept apologizing.
Poor kiddo!

I have a book you should read, it's all about pleasing others and how it affects you as a person.

Luv ya!

 

[thecabbie]

Your right.
And I can see that stress and I don't do to well together. 'Cuz as soon as I stress out I eat. Gotta break that cycle.
You know what is really funny you could ask most anyone who knows me and they would swear up and down that I wasn't depressed. When it comes to other people I am real good at making them happy. Not so good for myself.
And that is something that I need to work on.
The exercise and losing weight really helped last year. And I still stand by my belief that the only reason I didn't get depressed last year was due to all the exercise.
But now that the depression is here I am having a hard time getting back on track even though I know that I would feel sooooo much better if I did.

Obviously exercise and losing weight help out with both self image and physical health, so it is good to keep up with it.
But...
You need to take care of you first... Even if you are the kind of person who normally goes out of your way to make absolutely certain you take care of everyone else first (and you appear to be that person), How can you help them out if you aren't healthy enough to do it?

When you are into first aid, CPR etc. they teach you that when you walk into a first responder type situation, YOU are the most important person... NOT the person who needs your assitance. Regardless of how dire their circumstances are, you need to make sure that you are safe first, before helping them.

Apply a similar rule to yourself, darlin'... take care of #1 first. Trust me teh important people in your life will understand...

 

[hickgurltx]

Your right.
And I can see that stress and I don't do to well together. 'Cuz as soon as I stress out I eat. Gotta break that cycle.
You know what is really funny you could ask most anyone who knows me and they would swear up and down that I wasn't depressed. When it comes to other people I am real good at making them happy. Not so good for myself.
And that is something that I need to work on.
The exercise and losing weight really helped last year. And I still stand by my belief that the only reason I didn't get depressed last year was due to all the exercise.
But now that the depression is here I am having a hard time getting back on track even though I know that I would feel sooooo much better if I did.

I so understand doll.

I don't mean to, but I always come last and take care of/please E1 else first.
I know where it came from to.

In my case, I grew up around my Nannie & PawPaw and stayed with them every summer out in the country.
That was just how my Nannie (now 79) was raised and I picked it up from her.

I often feel guilty if I try to make time for me OR put myself first..

It is a hard/bad cycle to overcome but we can both do it!!



Hope you have a Great Weekend hon.

 

[minus86]

And I can see that stress and I don't do to well together. 'Cuz as soon as I stress out I eat. Gotta break that cycle.

Oh boy do I hear ya on that one. Popcorn, pizza, chips... you name it. If I'm stressed out it all calls my name. And I was stressed out the entire month of September. I think I only made it to the gym ONCE! How bad is that. This month I've already doubled that... LOL!!! Well, I hope you are feeling better. Wish I could give you some great, take the stress away, tips... but the one thing I can say is that you really should take some time just for yourself. Even if that means just 15 minutes in a nice hot bubble bath.

Take care!!!

 

[Bellaryna]

That t-man and his car sensitivities! It's jut like him to feel bad about getting sick in a "new" car. I still remember when he did it in mine and kept apologizing.
Poor kiddo!

I have a book you should read, it's all about pleasing others and how it affects you as a person.

Luv ya!

Would love to take a look at your book. Call me some time and we'll get together. We need to do that on a more regular basis anyway!

Obviously exercise and losing weight help out with both self image and physical health, so it is good to keep up with it.
But...
You need to take care of you first... Even if you are the kind of person who normally goes out of your way to make absolutely certain you take care of everyone else first (and you appear to be that person), How can you help them out if you aren't healthy enough to do it?

When you are into first aid, CPR etc. they teach you that when you walk into a first responder type situation, YOU are the most important person... NOT the person who needs your assitance. Regardless of how dire their circumstances are, you need to make sure that you are safe first, before helping them.

Apply a similar rule to yourself, darlin'... take care of #1 first. Trust me teh important people in your life will understand...

You know it is funny that you would mention First Responder. I am actually certified as one. Of course I haven't done any re-cert's in a while but I do remember that rule.
I think growing up the way I did has alot to do with the way I try to people please. I think that once I get a chance to read SweetiePea's book things may start to change. Especially now that I can recognize what is happening.

I so understand doll.

I don't mean to, but I always come last and take care of/please E1 else first.
I know where it came from to.

In my case, I grew up around my Nannie & PawPaw and stayed with them every summer out in the country.
That was just how my Nannie (now 79) was raised and I picked it up from her.

I often feel guilty if I try to make time for me OR put myself first..

It is a hard/bad cycle to overcome but we can both do it!!



Hope you have a Great Weekend hon.

So sorry you have to go thru this too! LOL
I think alot of mine is wrapped up in social acceptance. I want to be accepted so therefore I people please.
It's funny 'cuz I have no problem talking the talk but walking the walk is a whole 'nother story.
Now that I am noticing the pattern I can put an end to it.
'Cuz as Karl said, "You need to take care of you first... Even if you are the kind of person who normally goes out of your way to make absolutely certain you take care of everyone else first (and you appear to be that person), How can you help them out if you aren't healthy enough to do it?"

Oh boy do I hear ya on that one. Popcorn, pizza, chips... you name it. If I'm stressed out it all calls my name. And I was stressed out the entire month of September. I think I only made it to the gym ONCE! How bad is that. This month I've already doubled that... LOL!!! Well, I hope you are feeling better. Wish I could give you some great, take the stress away, tips... but the one thing I can say is that you really should take some time just for yourself. Even if that means just 15 minutes in a nice hot bubble bath.
Take care!!!

Thanks for the advice Stacy!!! Tubby time is my favorite time of the day. And it must be rubbing off on my dd 'cuz she is always begging for a tub and she is almost 9yrs old! LOL

 

[Bellaryna]

Too much of a good thing

Why is it that food seems to be such a comfort for me?
It's not like we had alot of it when I was a kid. We were never in short supply either. I guess you could say, "it was just right", to quote GoldiLocks. Mom was never there when I got home from school. Welcome to the world of a latch key kid. So there weren't any cookies and milk. No big family meals. Not even extended family. I am an only lonely. Could it be that food was my friend? Something to talk to and play with? Something to drive away the lonely's?
What is it about food that just draws me to it. It's like a magnet. I'll find myself at work just standing in front of that stupid vending machine. With all the garish colors calling to me. I know that there is nothing in that machine that is good or remotely healthy for me. But if I got a little jingle in my pocket you can bet that it will be clinking into that machine before my break is done. Why, even after I have packed a good lunch will I still crave the crinkly sound of the wrapper being opened? The feel of the package in my hand. I'll try not to take any money to work with me. I'll sometimes end up borrowing money to feed my habit. I'll even leave the money in the car, parking far away from the building. Even that won't deter me. I wish that they would put the packages in backwards. That way I could see the calorie content before I am commited to it. 'Cuz once I spend the money I can't "waste" it right? At least that was what mom always said. "Don't waste food it costs too much. " If she only knew then what the prices would be today maybe she wouldn't have pushed so hard for me to clean my plate.
I'll tell myself that I am not going to buy anything while I am on break. But just as I am stuffing the last bite of that Red Zinger into my pie hole the guilt will set in. It's a good thing that I don't like to throw up. 'Cuz at that point of the game I really feel like I could. Sometimes wish I would, if nothing else to get rid of the guilt. There is no way that I could ever be anorexic. I love food way to much to not eat it. That is quite obvious or I wouldn't be in this boat!
So what is the deal? Why can't I seem to control this one area of my life. I want to have an iron grip on it. I want to be able to walk right past the doughnuts and pizza and say "No Thanks". I want to eat what I want and not feel guilty for it afterwards. Knowing that I over-indulged yet again. Why? Why do I continue to do this to myself?
Most times now when I eat something that I know is just not healthy for me, like that entire bag of Reese's Pieces, ahem, 500 cals in that one I will just shovel it in as fast as I can. Like someone is going to come along and take them away. And it won't even taste good. And I will once again be questioning my resolve.
You know what the really sad thing is? Even if I had 1/2 a notion (and somedays it would seem I have more than 1/2 if eating habits has anything to do with it) to throw the towel in, I couldn't really do it. Not this time.
I've learned too much this time. Like how many calories makes a pound (3500 thank you very much) and how much I really should be eating. No more than 1800 calories if I want to lose weight. Plus add in protein and fiber. Don't forget the water. And all the exercise. Ohhhhh the exercise. Hurts so much but feels so good afterwards.
I just know too much now. I can't just "forget" everything I have learned.
I've been at it too long this time. I have invested too much of myself physically, mentally and spiritially this time.
I can't just go and be a mindless auto-matron eating it all up at the local buffet. Those days are over.
What is it that drives me to use food as a comfort? I am not sure if there is any one thing that drives me there but I do know this for sure I've been at this long enough now that I just may figure it out before it is too late. 'Cuz I have learned too much...........this time.
And for once too much is a good thing.

 

[Bellaryna]

Okay now that I am done waxing poetic I will log in the stats for the day. LOL
This morning showed me at 204.4 pounds.
I am hoping to be lower tomorrow.
Ate really well today.
1 cup Fiber One Clusters w/ 1/2 cup skim milk
4 Kashi Crackers w/ 1 Laughing cow wedge
3oz fresh pineapple w/ 1/2 cup of low fat cottage cheese
1 small cookie from the Walmart Deli Counter
4 Kashi Crackers w/ 1 Laughing Cow wedge.
Thinking of having Spaghetti w/ shredded chicken for supper.
Didn't get that bike ride in (sorry Karl) ran out of time today. Dh has Strepp Throat so has been underfoot all day. I did work at the Y in the pool today helping to teach the 3rd graders. After the kids go to bed I will be getting on the elliptical.
Right now I gottat head since my kids are tearing my living room apart and I need to start supper.
Ciao

 

[mom2]

Why is it that food seems to be such a comfort for me?
It's not like we had alot of it when I was a kid. We were never in short supply either. I guess you could say, "it was just right", to quote GoldiLocks. Mom was never there when I got home from school. Welcome to the world of a latch key kid. So there weren't any cookies and milk. No big family meals. Not even extended family. I am an only lonely. Could it be that food was my friend? Something to talk to and play with? Something to drive away the lonely's?
What is it about food that just draws me to it. It's like a magnet. I'll find myself at work just standing in front of that stupid vending machine. With all the garish colors calling to me. I know that there is nothing in that machine that is good or remotely healthy for me. But if I got a little jingle in my pocket you can bet that it will be clinking into that machine before my break is done. Why, even after I have packed a good lunch will I still crave the crinkly sound of the wrapper being opened? The feel of the package in my hand. I'll try not to take any money to work with me. I'll sometimes end up borrowing money to feed my habit. I'll even leave the money in the car, parking far away from the building. Even that won't deter me. I wish that they would put the packages in backwards. That way I could see the calorie content before I am commited to it. 'Cuz once I spend the money I can't "waste" it right? At least that was what mom always said. "Don't waste food it costs too much. " If she only knew then what the prices would be today maybe she wouldn't have pushed so hard for me to clean my plate.
I'll tell myself that I am not going to buy anything while I am on break. But just as I am stuffing the last bite of that Red Zinger into my pie hole the guilt will set in. It's a good thing that I don't like to throw up. 'Cuz at that point of the game I really feel like I could. Sometimes wish I would, if nothing else to get rid of the guilt. There is no way that I could ever be anorexic. I love food way to much to not eat it. That is quite obvious or I wouldn't be in this boat!
So what is the deal? Why can't I seem to control this one area of my life. I want to have an iron grip on it. I want to be able to walk right past the doughnuts and pizza and say "No Thanks". I want to eat what I want and not feel guilty for it afterwards. Knowing that I over-indulged yet again. Why? Why do I continue to do this to myself?
Most times now when I eat something that I know is just not healthy for me, like that entire bag of Reese's Pieces, ahem, 500 cals in that one I will just shovel it in as fast as I can. Like someone is going to come along and take them away. And it won't even taste good. And I will once again be questioning my resolve.
You know what the really sad thing is? Even if I had 1/2 a notion (and somedays it would seem I have more than 1/2 if eating habits has anything to do with it) to throw the towel in, I couldn't really do it. Not this time.
I've learned too much this time. Like how many calories makes a pound (3500 thank you very much) and how much I really should be eating. No more than 1800 calories if I want to lose weight. Plus add in protein and fiber. Don't forget the water. And all the exercise. Ohhhhh the exercise. Hurts so much but feels so good afterwards.
I just know too much now. I can't just "forget" everything I have learned.
I've been at it too long this time. I have invested too much of myself physically, mentally and spiritially this time.
I can't just go and be a mindless auto-matron eating it all up at the local buffet. Those days are over.
What is it that drives me to use food as a comfort? I am not sure if there is any one thing that drives me there but I do know this for sure I've been at this long enough now that I just may figure it out before it is too late. 'Cuz I have learned too much...........this time.
And for once too much is a good thing.

thank you for this--- just dont have the guts to put it out there myself, my food habit is only recent, maybe 5 years or so but built on a love of sweets and not teh best foundational eating habits and I too am tryign to discover 'why'. I really really love this journal entry and am going to forward it to a friend --just the text, anonymously so dont worry you wont be getting a driveby.

thanks again and I hope things continue to improve for you.

 

[bikinibound]

Hey lonely only..lol. I'm one, too--but I'm more of the selfish type (according to my husband..haha). Maybe I can teach you some lessons about putting yourself first--as I'm apparently quite good at it.

So kids puking in the car is something I have to look forward to as a parent, eh? I'll get the seats coated in plastic.

Get out there and exercise--you'll feel better. Are you still taking the anti-depressant? Hope things settle down with your mom soon.

 

[thecabbie]

I'm not going to requote the entire post, but you know which one I'm referrring to.

Thank you. You may be "waxing poetic", but you hit the nail on the head. I especially like the part where you talk about learning too much and having too much invested this time. I'm feeling exactly the same way lately.

That's not to say that I don't screw up... I do, but it is only for brief periods, and I'm back in... for the long term. It would now be more (emotionally) difficult to drop my current lifestyle than it is to keep it up. I used to beat myself up daily before for not taking control of it. How bad would I feel now if I came this far and dropped it... again?

Thanks for saying it the way you did.

 

[GB2008]

Just reading through these posts - really struck me how many of us keeping putting other people first. In weight loss as in many other things - for me it's time! I will (and do) sacrifice all of my time for my family - so working out goes out of the window, as does sleeping much of the time. Trouble is - they need me to take care of me first - as you have all been saying - because if I fall apart, then what?

Thanks - these posts go a long way beyond "just" losing weight!

 

[Bellaryna]

thank you for this--- just dont have the guts to put it out there myself, my food habit is only recent, maybe 5 years or so but built on a love of sweets and not teh best foundational eating habits and I too am tryign to discover 'why'. I really really love this journal entry and am going to forward it to a friend --just the text, anonymously so dont worry you wont be getting a driveby.

thanks again and I hope things continue to improve for you.

Thank You so much.
Every once in a while I just have these words, thoughts really that just pour outta me like water. I can't stop them anymore than I could stop a train by standing in front of it.
It seems that at least for me by writing down these rambly thoughts and getting them out of my head that I can finally get my focus back in the game.
Kinda like purging ones self I guess.
I am glad that I was able to help you in some way. And if it can help anyone else out there feel free to forward it on and on and on.

 

[Bellaryna]

Hey lonely only..lol. I'm one, too--but I'm more of the selfish type (according to my husband..haha). Maybe I can teach you some lessons about putting yourself first--as I'm apparently quite good at it.

So kids puking in the car is something I have to look forward to as a parent, eh? I'll get the seats coated in plastic.

Get out there and exercise--you'll feel better. Are you still taking the anti-depressant? Hope things settle down with your mom soon.

Hey there!
I think when I was a kid I was very selfish. Somewhere along the line I outgrew it I guess. Maybe it was having kids. You just give and give of yourself always. And when you try to take time for yourself you just get a nagging feeling that you could be doing something else. *shrugs shoulders* Guess it is just part of being a mom.
Yes kids puking in the car, all over you, in random places like Walmart the grocery store even the arcade. Not to mention getting pee'd on as well as the occasional poop! Of course my kids are past the pee and poop stage, Thank Goddness!!! Cuz' at their ages now that would be really, really disgusting!!!
Having the car sealed in plastic would be a GREAT idea! Sure will save you lots on carpet cleaning. hahahaha
Are you thinking since I had such a long and rambly post that I must have gone off my meds? LOL
I am still on them. Doing good actually. Just had some words bouncing around in my head that needed to get out is all.
Mom is doing as good as can be expected for a woman who take 17 different meds a day! I am trying really hard to get her to a place where she doesn't need all those pills. But she is stubborn and would rather not change the behavior that causes most of the problems that then require the meds.
Other than everyone in my house is currently ill we are all doing great! Ha!

 

[Bellaryna]

I'm not going to requote the entire post, but you know which one I'm referrring to.

Thank you. You may be "waxing poetic", but you hit the nail on the head. I especially like the part where you talk about learning too much and having too much invested this time. I'm feeling exactly the same way lately.

That's not to say that I don't screw up... I do, but it is only for brief periods, and I'm back in... for the long term. It would now be more (emotionally) difficult to drop my current lifestyle than it is to keep it up. I used to beat myself up daily before for not taking control of it. How bad would I feel now if I came this far and dropped it... again?

Thanks for saying it the way you did.

Thanks Karl,
Makes me feel good to know that I am not the only person in this world who feels that way.
I mean I know I am not. But to have it confimed really helps out. Ya know?
I really think that all my knowledge is what has kept me from completely falling off the wagon. Knowing how hard I worked and how much I talked up "eating healthy and being healthy" to my kids has really kept me in this game.
What kind of example would I be showing them if I quit now.
It may take me longer to get there than some other folks, but don't they say that slow and steady wins the race?
You gotta love that turtle!

 

[Bellaryna]

Just reading through these posts - really struck me how many of us keeping putting other people first. In weight loss as in many other things - for me it's time! I will (and do) sacrifice all of my time for my family - so working out goes out of the window, as does sleeping much of the time. Trouble is - they need me to take care of me first - as you have all been saying - because if I fall apart, then what?

Thanks - these posts go a long way beyond "just" losing weight!

Thanks Gary
Stop by anytime.
I am soooo with you on the lack of sleep thing. Even when I have a chance to nap I don't. To many things to do and to many people to do them with.
What is really ironic is I remember telling someone ohhhh about 13 years ago, right before I got married, that I don't want to be rushed around all the time. That I like to be a homebody, not going anywhere. And now look at me! LOL
Guess it is a season of life that I will just have to plow thru. Besides before I know it my kids will be all grown up and they won't need me anymore. The whole Cat's in the Cradle thing. If you know what song I am talking about.

 

[minus86]

Yep, you definitely nailed it. The absolutely ONLY thing that works for me to avoid the temptation is if I am well prepared. And I mean, WELL prepared. I have to have weekly meals planned, and ready to go if I know I will be taking them with me (to school or work). Plus, I have to have grab n go things ready, like cut up veggies in snack size baggies. Otherwise, even if I have good healthy food in the fridge it will just sit there and then go bad.

Thanks for reminding all of us. Cuz you are absolutely right... we just know way to much to "forget" and let our health slip back to the bad ways.

 

[SweatPea]

Hey girl!

Well said. I don't think I eat for comfort, but if I get my hands on something good and sweet I know I don't have the willpower to say no - most of the time.

The other thing is that I think we (you and I) have the type of body that no matter what we eat, we have to watch every little thing that goes in it. And that's totally not fair!

One thing that I read the other day that made sense to me is to remember that the food will always be there. There is no shortage. And that if we don't have it today, it will be there tomorrow.



Of course I'll still have a cookie here and there or split 1/2 a brownie dessert with my bestest friend. But, I just try not to do it everyday.

And, don't beat yourself up about it. I think having guilt over food is the worst feeling. I've done that before and it just does no good. Life isn't about being guilty over food. Or at least it shouldn't be.

I will get you that book the next time I see you - maybe you'll come to church on Sunday? LOL

Oh and where is my video, Wild Hogs?