Bellaryna's Journey

Hello gf!

Sorry you are going through this. I think it happens to all of us. At least in my experience and listening to others with their weight loss experiences.

At least you've recognized it and have a good idea of how you want to wrangle it back in. Just remember, you're doing this for yourself.

It is hard to know just what triggers our food binges. But just so you know you're not alone, I used to do the same thing - save things for later to eat when I didn't have to share. Or eating half of a bag of chocolate chips as a "snack", but of course only when everyone else is already in bed. I'm pretty sure my eating problems go back to when I was a kid, because my step-mother used to hide things all the time or claim things as hers and we couldn't have any unless we asked. Then, when I became an adult, I bought and ate whatever I wanted!! I'm not saying it's all her fault, but I think it's things like that that shape our eating habits.
The worst thing was that she was skinny as a rail, and so had no issues with weight, but I think her eating things that we couldn't have was more about "control".

You're an awesome person no matter what size you are. I know it's hard to do, but focus on the positives and not the negatives. It does help me when I get down on myself.

Only 2 more weeks!! I will have to make a "date" with ya, we'll have to think of something fun to do. Of course when I get back, I have to work. :(

:grouphug:
 
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Thanks to all my peeps for poppin' in on me!
Wow I think that eating all that crap and not exercising as much must have finally taken its toll on me. Last week was about the most depressing week that I have had by far.
I think confessing things made me feel better. Kinda like yacking when you got the flu. :puke:
Got all that bad stuff out of my system.
I feel like I am back on track.
Since the last time I posted I am down by almost 4 pounds. That sure does make me feel better.
Last Thursday hubby watched the kids for me in the afternoon while I took a ride on my bike. In all I biked about 5 miles. Not bad.
And I wasn't even winded.
It was a nice ride. I rode over to a local lake and road around it. There is a path but it's not really for bikes. Though people use it for that as well as walking. So it was a little bit bumpy in parts.
I almost ran over this guy who was jogging and his little dog! I came round a bend on the inside of the turn and he was coming from the other direction on the inside of the turn. Made for quite a surprise. :eek:
Thought for sure I was gonna take out the dog. LOL :biggrinjester:
Ate really well for the whole weekend. Had no urges to eat anything that I shouldn't. Though I did get a pack of M & M's that I have no intention of eating. I bought them on Friday at work and then carried them around all weekend in my pocket. They are my Security M & M's! LOL Whenever I had a small urge to "want" to eat something I would just put my hand in my pocket and remember my resolve to control my eating.

Dh is gone all this week. He is the Dean at Wilderness camp. Basically living rough with a bunch of 7th and 8th grade boys.
I am hoping to get my mom over here this week in the evenings so that I can go take that bike ride again. I really enjoyed that.
The kids will be going back to school next Thursday and when they do I plan to be taking lots and lots of bike rides. Maybe even out to visit hubby at work. I am not sure how far it is (takes about 15 minutes to drive it at 55mph) but given that I have all day to get there I figure it won't be that bad.
Well I gots lots of things to do today so will be signing off for now.
Again Thanks for stopping in and encouraging me while I was down. I really really appreciated it.
 
Hiya Bell!

Wow you sound like you're doing great already!

BTW, I just looked it up and the ride to your dh's work is about 8 miles - give or take a few 10ths. So that would be a 16 mile round trip ride. If you go, make sure you have plenty of water. I don't know how hot it is there, but here it's close to 100! And the heat index is over 100!

Well I've got to get back to work.

TTYL :waving:
 
Glad to hear you are back on track. I myself have am in week 2 of being back on track. Finding and keeping movitation feels just as hard, if not harder than watching what ya eat and exercising.

Stay focused- for me, I kepp thinking about how all this work is going to pay off and what I will look like at Christmas, which is why my ticker is themed that way. A good reminder!
 
Congrats on losing 4lbs already and being sooo good over the weekend! :hurray: I'm so proud of you!! :hug2:

That bike riding sounds fun. Glad you didn't take out the dog and his master, though. ;)


Dh is gone all this week. He is the Dean at Wilderness camp. Basically living rough with a bunch of 7th and 8th grade boys.
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Better your H than me, that's all I've gotta say--unless they were 11th and 12th grade boys. :drool5: *slaps naughty patties* :smilielol5: It could be worse, though. They could be 7th and 8th grade GIRLS :eek: (oh the whining and complaining, the cattiness, etc.). :ack2:
 
bikinibound said:
Congrats on losing 4lbs already and being sooo good over the weekend! :hurray: I'm so proud of you!! :hug2:
Thank you, Thank you very much! LOL
That bike riding sounds fun. Glad you didn't take out the dog and his master, though. ;)
That would have been something for sure. I wish that I could have taken a picture of his face though. Absolutely hilarious!!!
He was all red in the face from his running. Sweaty too. And when he saw me coming at him his eyes got real big, mouth opened up like a fish outta water. As soon as he realized it really wasn't him in so much danger as his doggy he gave this huge yank and the dog kinda flew through the air at him. It couldn't have been bigger than a large cat!



Better your H than me, that's all I've gotta say--unless they were 11th and 12th grade boys. :drool5: *slaps naughty patties* :smilielol5: It could be worse, though. They could be 7th and 8th grade GIRLS :eek: (oh the whining and complaining, the cattiness, etc.). :ack2:
Click to expand...

Oh you are soooo naughty!
 
I am sitting here trying to think of a way to summarize the last year of my life. It has been exactly a year since I decided to "jump back on the band wagon".
I had high hopes and aspirations for this past year and almost all of them were met. I like to think that my battle, for that is what this journey has been, for my health can be compared to a story problem that I once had to figure out in 8th grade.
Let me just start out by saying I pretty much sucked at math! LOL So even though there was most likely a better way to figure out the problem I did it my way. Why does that sound like most things in my life? hahaha
You see there was this cat who got caught in a 20 foot well. The cat was able to climb up and out of the well but could only take 3 steps up before he would slide back down 2 steps. The question of the problem was how many steps altogether did it take the cat to get out of the well.
Not being able to figure it out on paper the way you are suppose to I drew a diagram with 3 steps up and then brought it back down 2 steps I did this until I reached 20. From there I counted up how many steps that dumb cat took. My teacher was impressed, that even though I didn't go about it the way I was suppose to, I still was able to come up with the solution. Though it obviosuly took me longer than normal.
That is how I feel about my over all weight-loss. In 2003 I weighed 247#'s.
Since that time I have lost weight and gained weight. Though I gained weight I never, thankfully, went back to that beginning number. In the past 5 years I have lost 44#'s. They do say the slower you lose it the more likely you are to keep it off.
If that is true, and it would seem so, than I should never ever again weigh as much as I have in the past.
I may be like that cat, taking 3 steps forward with 2 steps back, but I will eventually get outta the well. For good.
 
Okay so I am sticking with the whole "let's be honest thing". LOL
Yesterday was a baaaaad day.
Woke up feeling like absolute crap. My allergies were on major attack mode. ARGH!
I use to have really really bad allergies. Seems everytime I had a baby they got better. And no I am not having anymore to see if they will go away altogether! LOL
So I haven't had a bad attack in about 6-8 months. So I basically sat around all day even though I wanted/needed to get things done.
Add to that, I ate like crap.
Here come's the honesty so hold onto your caps............
3/4 cup cinnamon life cereal w/ 1/2 cup skim milk (so far so good :smilielol5:)
banana (not bad)
2 chocolate hershey bars (what?!) I have no excuse here. They were in the house and I just ate 'em. Feel bad about it now of course.
pint of Ben and Jerry's :eek: (what was I thinking!)
Lg sugar free/fat free no whip white chocolate latte, hey at least I stuck to my guns on this one! LOL
6 marshmallows (they went with the chocolate bars.......ya know smores?)
5pc Chicken select from the golden arches. Bad bad bad :banghead: Even the girl in the drive-thru was like "I seems to be seeing you alot in here lately"
It's pretty bad when someone else that you don't even know sees a pattern there that shouldn't be.
So there you have it in a nutshell.
Oh and I didn't go to class 'cuz I was feeling so much like crap.
But today is a new day.
And so far today I haven't fallen off the wagon. I was gonna say yet, but I am determined to NOT fall off the wagon at all.
So there!
 
yesterday is done.. you can't change it - so move on from it -beating yourself up doesnt help anyone..

however, you might want to look at some of the whys... why the pint of ben and jerrys -were you hungry? tired? lonely? bored? Ben and Jerry's isn't bad... in fact it's quite tasty... but would a portion of it have satisfied you instead?
 
maleficent said:
yesterday is done.. you can't change it - so move on from it -beating yourself up doesnt help anyone..

however, you might want to look at some of the whys... why the pint of ben and jerrys -were you hungry? tired? lonely? bored? Ben and Jerry's isn't bad... in fact it's quite tasty... but would a portion of it have satisfied you instead?
Click to expand...

Well I could have bought this smaller dinky version. That's what I got for my kids. 'Cuz you know they don't need that much ice cream. LOL
And it would have been cheaper.
Mostly I think it was due to my being tired, I always make bad food choices when I am tired, and being bored.
Sure a portion would have done me just fine. But if that was the case then why not buy the smaller one to begin with.
It plain and simply comes down to be a glutten.
But it's like you said:
"yesterday is done.. you can't change it - so move on from it -beating yourself up doesnt help anyone.."
At least I am not beating myself up over it. Just moving on.
 
Similiar to Mal's response. Don't focus on yesterday- except to try to determine the "why" factor.

Instead, think of today, and better yet . . TOMORROW. You eat right, move a little and in a few days will feel better, a few weeks have more energy, and a few months .. who knows, maybe need smaller sized clothing.

This is my current focus. I keep thinking of what I am going to look and feel like by Christmas. Keep working, taking little steps and building on and you WILL get there!

 
Bellaryna said:
3/4 cup cinnamon life cereal w/ 1/2 cup skim milk (so far so good :smilielol5:)
banana (not bad)
2 chocolate hershey bars (what?!) I have no excuse here. They were in the house and I just ate 'em. Feel bad about it now of course.
pint of Ben and Jerry's :eek: (what was I thinking!)
Lg sugar free/fat free no whip white chocolate latte, hey at least I stuck to my guns on this one! LOL
6 marshmallows (they went with the chocolate bars.......ya know smores?)
5pc Chicken select from the golden arches. Bad bad bad :banghead: Even the girl in the drive-thru was like "I seems to be seeing you alot in here lately"
It's pretty bad when someone else that you don't even know sees a pattern there that shouldn't be.
So there you have it in a nutshell.
Oh and I didn't go to class 'cuz I was feeling so much like crap.
But today is a new day.
Click to expand...


Hi there,
I just started on this forum and you responded to my introduction so I wanted to check out your diary. (By the way I also started one of my own so here we go...)

Anyway, I have to be honest... when I read what you ate yesterday, I gave a little gasp. Now, let me explain why... The hardest times that I have eating healthy are when my husband is at work. (He is a paramedic/firefighter so he leaves works 2 days on/4 days off.) So, when I am just "cooking" for myself, I usually find myself not wanting to cook so I drive by and just pick something up. Like the 5 piece chicken nuggets... And before that I usually start off with a snack of cheeto's hot fries while I am at work. As for the Ben & Jerry's... can anyone please tell me why the heck they had to create peach cobler ice cream? It is heavenly... (And, my back fat can is a sign of just how much I enjoy heaven!)

My point is not to discourage you, but to let you know that you have completely encouraged me. Yes, by your cheating... I know that as I begin this journey, I will encounter bad days. One of my fears is that I will feel so bad about myself that I will quit blogging, and once that happens, the accountability will disappear. So, by your honesty, and your year of blogs, I take comfort in the fact that this is indeed a journey. Not just a means to an end, but to the beginning.

And you are right, today is a new day. Don't think about the negative. Think about the fact that you got to enjoy that Ben & Jerry's and now you don't need it for a while. Next time, instead of the whole pint, you can have half a cup. Can you imagine that little pint lasting a month rather than a minute? WOOHOO!!!
 
First of all, congrats on losing 44lbs and keeping it off! :hurray:

Now, the "oh fack it" attitude and comfort eating has got to stop..lol. I know the temporary joys of eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's as well as anyone..lol. Peanut Butter Cup ice cream...:drool5: But I can assure you that the momentary pleasure derived from it is far outweighed by the repercussions afterward. :) If you were content to stay at your current weight etc, I would let you be, but I know that you want to keep losing and be a good example for your children.

I wonder if planning your food in advance would help. I know that works really well for most busy people. Maybe making up some healthy meals in advance--large portions and freezing them would make it easier for you on the days when you can't be bothered. Then you just take something out ofthe freezer, pop it in the microwave, and voila. Instant healthy meal. :)
 
Okay I'm back and ready to whip you into shape my friend!!! See I should have never went MIA, I have to keep my Bell focused!! OKAY, On the snack stuff, just say NO and walk away slowly!! You can do it!! Keep low fat stuff in the house for you to grab, like low fat yogurt, ice pops and fruit, that's always a good grab me food.

GREAT JOB on the biking, YEAH!! I'm so proud of you!!! I wish I could bike around here, but ummm no way I would be hit by a farm vehicle for sure.

I'm going to try and get online at least twice a week, so I better start seeing some uplifting postings from you, or I'll be forced to fly out your way and well, do a BOOT CAMP on you or something. LOL LOL okay, maybe not that harsh, but you get the drift. I really do wish I could come out and see you that would be awesome!

Okay, back to the drill, get focused, keep on track, and eat good, healthy snacks this weekend, I'm going to be checking in on you in a day or two, so I better see some good stuff. I know you can do it, I've seen it before and those pictures of you are awesome. GO GET EM GIRLIE!! I'll be watching you!!

Hugs and Love
Kim
 
minus86 said:
Hi there,
I just started on this forum and you responded to my introduction so I wanted to check out your diary. (By the way I also started one of my own so here we go...)

Anyway, I have to be honest... when I read what you ate yesterday, I gave a little gasp. Now, let me explain why... The hardest times that I have eating healthy are when my husband is at work. (He is a paramedic/firefighter so he leaves works 2 days on/4 days off.) So, when I am just "cooking" for myself, I usually find myself not wanting to cook so I drive by and just pick something up. Like the 5 piece chicken nuggets... And before that I usually start off with a snack of cheeto's hot fries while I am at work. As for the Ben & Jerry's... can anyone please tell me why the heck they had to create peach cobler ice cream? It is heavenly... (And, my back fat can is a sign of just how much I enjoy heaven!)

My point is not to discourage you, but to let you know that you have completely encouraged me. Yes, by your cheating... I know that as I begin this journey, I will encounter bad days. One of my fears is that I will feel so bad about myself that I will quit blogging, and once that happens, the accountability will disappear. So, by your honesty, and your year of blogs, I take comfort in the fact that this is indeed a journey. Not just a means to an end, but to the beginning.

And you are right, today is a new day. Don't think about the negative. Think about the fact that you got to enjoy that Ben & Jerry's and now you don't need it for a while. Next time, instead of the whole pint, you can have half a cup. Can you imagine that little pint lasting a month rather than a minute? WOOHOO!!!
Click to expand...

Thanks so much!
Wow I would never have thought I would encourage someone with my debauchery! LOL :smilielol5: But I understand completely how you feel.
I have some tough challenges ahead of me as my dh, who is a minister, will be gone for most of the month of September for various retreats. One being a bear hunt! I just hope that while he is gone I will be able to keep myself on track.
As for the Ben and Jerry's next time...........well I would love to say that I could control myself and only eat 1/2 of the carton but since I know that I can't do that I will just buy the "dinky, overpriced" single serving.
 
bikinibound said:
First of all, congrats on losing 44lbs and keeping it off! :hurray:

Now, the "oh fack it" attitude and comfort eating has got to stop..lol. I know the temporary joys of eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's as well as anyone..lol. Peanut Butter Cup ice cream...:drool5: But I can assure you that the momentary pleasure derived from it is far outweighed by the repercussions afterward. :) If you were content to stay at your current weight etc, I would let you be, but I know that you want to keep losing and be a good example for your children.

I wonder if planning your food in advance would help. I know that works really well for most busy people. Maybe making up some healthy meals in advance--large portions and freezing them would make it easier for you on the days when you can't be bothered. Then you just take something out ofthe freezer, pop it in the microwave, and voila. Instant healthy meal. :)
Click to expand...

Your gonna make such a good Mommy! :biggrinjester:
Thanks for the kudos on the 44 pounds. Sure sounds like a lot ya know. And it just burns my bisquits that had I not "fallen off" the wagon I could actually be sitting here saying 63lbs. *Sigh*
But what is done is done.
And your right. This is not where I am content to be. I know where I need to be and where I want to be.
Once school gets started I think that my days may fall into more of a routine. And now that all my kids will be at school, I will be able to start having a bit more me time. (Read bike riding and hiking/walking)
I just might try the prepared meals ahead thing.
Though I think just simply planning things out would be much simpler.
 
Miss Ladybug said:
Okay I'm back and ready to whip you into shape my friend!!! See I should have never went MIA, I have to keep my Bell focused!! OKAY, On the snack stuff, just say NO and walk away slowly!! You can do it!! Keep low fat stuff in the house for you to grab, like low fat yogurt, ice pops and fruit, that's always a good grab me food.

GREAT JOB on the biking, YEAH!! I'm so proud of you!!! I wish I could bike around here, but ummm no way I would be hit by a farm vehicle for sure.

I'm going to try and get online at least twice a week, so I better start seeing some uplifting postings from you, or I'll be forced to fly out your way and well, do a BOOT CAMP on you or something. LOL LOL okay, maybe not that harsh, but you get the drift. I really do wish I could come out and see you that would be awesome!

Okay, back to the drill, get focused, keep on track, and eat good, healthy snacks this weekend, I'm going to be checking in on you in a day or two, so I better see some good stuff. I know you can do it, I've seen it before and those pictures of you are awesome. GO GET EM GIRLIE!! I'll be watching you!!

Hugs and Love
Kim
Click to expand...

Kimmy (loud squeal!)
Your back!!! :hurray:
I sure have missed your butt kicking, uplifting and encouraging posts.
You are so not allowed to go MIA again! LOL
I actually did pretty well this week once I got past the binge day.
I wish I had more time to post but I gotta go get ready for my big day with the family.
Today is my 12th anniversary! :hurray::hurray::hurray:
So I will post more soon.
Love ya Kimmy!
 
Okay I have like about 2 minutes if that. LOL
I actually got myself back down to the 203 last night and rolled in at 202.6 this morning.
So even though I totally blew it on Wednesday I was able to take control of the eating and it all leveled out.
Today is my 12th anniversary!!!
We are going to head over to the Bass Pro Shop in Ohio, I know it doesn't seem romantic but we are outdoorsy people so what can I say, taking the kids since they love the big fish tank and all the other stuff they have there.
Later tonight Gil and I will be headed of to a really fancy eatery.
Even though we have been married for 12 years now we have never been anywhere very fancy.
So this ought to be a great new experiance.
Thanks to everyone who popped in.
Gotta go!
:biggrinjester:
 
Happy anniversary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!!!!

I'm so happy to be back on and checking in on you, I'll try and stay more consistent, you know how new job and work around the house can keep you away from the puter, so it seems everything just came like a whirlwind ever since May. LOL but, it's slowing down a little here as well, and we have a lot of the gardening and pool stuff taken care of, so no need to spend tireless hours on that for the time being.

I hope you have a splendid day out with the family, and I hope your dinner is very yummy, and (Low calorie) LOL LOL yea right!! LOL

Mine anniversary is on the 14th, what a good month indeed! :hurray:

YEAH on getting to that 202 mark, you'll be back down in the 190's in NO TIME!! keep it up and don't give in.
Hugs and Love!
Kim
 
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