Becky's diary.

AWeighed for the first time in a week or so, longer actually :S about 5-6lbs up lol hmm thats not possible. Well maybe it is xD bad weekend food wise, tuesday out for dinner, so ate too much, yesterday bbq so im probably still asll stuffed full with that. Well gonna try to get back on track a bit, just been a bit overwhelmed with working again. Day off tomorrow so gonna try and organize myself a bit. I just sort of figured i dont have to worry that much cus now im working again and im on my feet for 5-8 hours 5 days a week, that burns extra calories. But im just sorta planning to eat cereal and yogurt for breakfast, a banana/apple, 2 sandwiches/buns at lunch, i drink diet coke at work and my bottle of water on my break, then dinner which can vary, and depending on how late it is then another snack or just go to bed. so i dont believe i should gain weight like that. Well we'll see. Should try to fit some working out in again once my legs are used to standing all day. My Iphone is broken so ive not been calorie counting very well. My boyfriends taking it to the shop for me today, its close by his work, hopefully can get it fixed very soon, i depend on it!!
 
ARight. Time to get back on track. Like some of the rest of u i've had a bad last few weeks eating wise, and it shows. My belly is sticking out again. Started back again 2 days ago so this is day 3 of being back on track with eating healthy. Just had some proper binges recently, worse than usual :S got to build up my will power again.
Im going to try and write my food daily. Im not looking at the scales for a while. Just gonna try to consume about 1200-1500. Havnt been counting calories very well cus i like to do it on my iphone and i still didnt get it back yet (it was broken) but ill try to work it out a bit.
I have a day off today, thank god! I havn't been sleeping well the last few days, really restless and when i am asleep its not a deep sleep so when i wake up it feels as if i havn't slept. My mind is really active when i try to sleep, im still a bit excited/nervous about my new job even though its week 3 now. It'll go away soon enough i guess.
Not really making any friends there, cus as usual im too shy/quiet. It would ofc be easier if i was just an english girl with a bunch of english colleagues but thats not the case. I will just have to try harder, to talk to people. Im just always worried of making mistakes speaking dutch and being embarrassed :( I have to get over that.
We have a work party coming up 25th october which ive been talked into going to, so maybe i can lose a few pounds before then and feel/look a bit better. But im completely nervous about it. I will go, ive decided that. I will try and pal up with some people at work before then so i have a few people to start hanging with when i get there, its in this local nightclub.
Im gonna go shopping today, the urge has been building up for a while :p I need some new winter clothes, a coat, some jumpers and long sleeved t-shirts.

So here's my food diary for today, will be updated when i can, after my shopping :)

cornflakes with low fat milk - 165
banana - 105
1 bun - 130
chili - dont know the calories even though i made it myself xD gonna say 180
banana - 105
cracker with garlic and herb cheese spread - 62
panga filet, rice, peas and baby carrots - 400
100g grapes - 62
6 X sushi - 252
hot chocolate with whipped cream - 100
4 fried meat balls in filo dough - ??

Been to town shopping, with about 15 minutes cycling and 1 hour 30 walking/browsing.
15 minutes crosstrainer
100 sit ups
walk to the shop and back 20 mins

total: 1561
 
AIt is quite weird how we have both gone off track now we are not busy doing nothing all day. You'd think it would be harder to think about food being busy than if your just lazing out at home. Your doing well again tho, and that's the main thing :) I think I've put on 7lbs, although sometimes the scales are being kind to me and taking off a few pounds.

It must be hard for you not being confident in Dutch. But just say to people that your still learning and that if you phrase something wrong can they tell you... I think the best way to learn a language properly is to talk to people in it as much as you can... I know its hard, but try.

And don't worry about being a bit shy. Shy can be good. Sort of intruiging... Not everyone out there is swimming in a pool of confidence y'know. And you will get to know people, but slower, more naturally and in your own time. The work party is a good oppertunity for you to get out there and see what people are like without their uniforms on, and maybe a couple of drinks will make you more relaxed.

Have you been eating Mc Donnalds food?

Lets make a pact to eat fabulously for the next week with no cheating :) x
 
AYeah it is weird. I've just had no self control recently, its terrible. I think i put on about 5 lbs tops but im not checking until i feel like im a bit thinner again lol. I had the attitude like "im working now, i burn more calories, so it doesnt matter that much what i eat, but a little bit sometimes leads to alot and then it all adds up. I know I can only try with speaking dutch and making friends, and hey whats the worst that can happen? I'll get laughed at and feel like a fool, but i'll try and hide it and move on i guess, there's probably loads of nice people working there who're very kind and friendly, even if theres probably a few rude ones who dont consider peoples feelings. But im going to try. I can speak pretty freely if im comfortable with the people, like with kids i i just speak alot of dutch and dont mind if i make mistakes or some people who just give of good vibes like they're not gonna make fun of me.
Ive ordered mcdonalds at work only twice so far =) i had a mcChicken one time and then ate my sandwiches as well so i was stuffed, and the 2nd time i actually considered the calories and had a caeser salad with grilled chicken and a medium fries, was 500 or so calories, and it was for my dinner which is fine, i dont eat so much if its just lunch time.
Your on Ruth, Let's be really good from now on!!

Food today:

Green tea x 3 - 24
Cornflakes with milk - 175
banana - 105
2 crackers with garlic and herb cheese spread - 124
Packed lunch (bun with light phily and cucumber slices, grapes and apple) 290
shoarma with kidney beans, chickpeas, onion and sauce - 514
low fat chocolate mousse - 70
salami sandwich - 220
Forest fruit sorbet - 80

15 mins crosstrainer + sit ups

1602

Finished my 6 hours at work now, i wonder how much i burn from working, im on my feet moving the whole time almost. And there's always the 20 minutes of cycling on workdays.
 
AI haven't weighed myself in at least 5 days either- self denial lol. I should be denying myself sugar.

Being on your feet doesn't burn as many calories as you think it will! I reckon about 250 calories per shift would be about right, which is only 2 large bananas. So don't use that as an excuse any more! You have been told!!!

Glad you feel confident talking to people with good vibes and kids anyway :) The ones with bad vibes aren't worth chatting too anyway x
 
APerhaps you're right, I'm going to look into it :p I guess im giving myself a few hundred calories leeway on a work day, which is acceptable i think. As you can see i consumed 1600 yday, and with 6 hours at work, and atleast 4 of them i was on my own on the grill side of the kitchen constantly cooking/cleaning/moving, making 5 different types of burgers at the same time can be very demanding, it was literally non stop yesterday. I feel i burn something worth mentioning. But then again i could just ignore it and stay around1200-1500 and then i should definitely be losing some weight :)
I dont know when i will weigh myself yet, next weekend perhaps. Whenever i feel quite slim again.
We've just been shopping. I've been searching for a nice winter coat for weeks now, and i finally have one :) i love it. There was a 20 euro off all coats offer in Miss Etam, dunno if anyone knows the shop. I wouldn't usually shop there, but i was desperate to find a nice coat so i looked everywhere. Its long, and white with a fur trim on the hood, it looks really good, maybe ill take a pic :) it cost 60 instead of 80 which is nice too. And i got a cheap waterproof coat for when there's major downpours. I also went shopping a few days ago and got a few t-shirts and jumpers, so im reasonably prepped for the winter lol. Would just like another pair of boots maybe :)
We did the food shopping aswell, everything was reasonably halthy, only got a pack of chocolate muesili bars, thats my treat this week.
I have to do some cleaning today (ughh) well it'll burn a few calories atleast.
Food today:

sandwich with philidelfia and cucumber - 175
banana - 105
cracker with phily - 45
muesili bar x 2- 180
tuna + veg with mayo - 220
apple - 50
2 crackers with garlic phily - 78
hot chocolate - 40
Shoarma, new potatos, peas and carrots - 320
+ 300-400 cals of snacks for the cinema

1600

30 mins walking

1
 
AFood log today;

cornflakes with milk - 170
apple - 45
muesili bar x 2 - 180
cracker with tuna - 56
brown roll with tuna salad x2 424
brown roll with phili x2 364
2 cups green tea - 16
3 chocolate biscuits - 171

total: 1426

Ok not eating anything else today!! Two of the buns are to take to work for dinner in a bit, and im not going to eat anything when i get home as it'll be past 11 and i should go right to bed.

Edit: ok so i finished early...and got home and decided to eat something like, but its just a tomato and some cucumber and a bit of phily so thats okay i guess :p
 
AGood morrniiiinggg :)) Feeling good today. Up early, going to pick up my Iphone (thank the lord!) Will be so glad to have it back. So i can log my calories more easily. Have to work today 11:45-17:45 bit of a short shift. Well better than nothing.

Food:

cornflakes with milk - 170
apple - 48
museili bar - 90
2 crackers with tuna - 112
sandwich, banana and apple (work lunch) - 350
green tea - 8
2 crackers tuna/cream cheese - 122
soup with bread - 210
apple - 48

1155

30 mins on crosstrainer
 
ASo today's been alright. Recording my calories on my iphone now. I'll try and write it on here aswell sometimes. Really feel like binging. So i've decided that's ok but just not to go OTT. I've been having really good days recently, so im allowing myself some nice things tonight. 2000 calories max. I still havn't weighed myself. Its funny really, but its sorta easier staying on track without weighing every day. I am curious about it, so it'll get the better of me sooner or later :p
 
AHeyhey! =) It's going okay with me. I weighed myself, like yesterday or something and im dropping down again, which was nice to know. And then i had a high calorie day yesterday, possibly 3000 haha but oh well. Gotta let the hair down sometimes. I worked an 8.5 hour shift yesterday. So i dont believe too much damage was done. Todays gonna be about 1500 or so.. Got a 9 hour shift and im closing up, so working until 2 am. Gonna fucking die, lol. Just eaten, and taking some sarnies with me. Hopefully i make it through the shift :p and tomorrow off thank god, to recouperate a bit. The work party is coming up ughhhh. Dont wanna! Well i guess my friend making skills are better with alchohol, and i reckon and ill take this opportunity to find out how good everyones english is lol, not allowed to speak english at work. So that might be alright i guess. Anyway, off to work.
 
AThanks dear :)
Had a couple of drinks with some of the work crew yday! Just trying to fit in a bit. Damn it was such a long day yesterday. Worked until 01:30 or so then was out until like 4 with everyone. Just slept in until 2 and i feel half alive again lol. Day off today. I think i will make friends there, just slowly. And thats okay. I get there in the end :p
So i guess my calories were actually about 2200 or smth yesterday. Ah well. Gonna have a good one today. Dont feel like eating that much strangely, my will power is strong today!
I do feel like going out tonight though, which sucks. I wanna go dancing :( but im going out tuesday so ill have to hold it in until then lol. Dont have much money atm so gotta watch it a little bit.
Did the food shopping yesterday, got lots of nice and healthy things. Probably bought too much, dont know if it'll get eaten before it all goes bad. I like to have a variety lol.
 
AHavnt posted in a while. Ive not been doing so brilliantly. Constant half assed efforts at eating low calorie lol, and failing miserably ofc. But im ready to try again properly now, i think! I decided today when i woke up, and consumed about 1100 calories, and felt quite hungry most of the day. Just woke up, its 3:00 am at the mo xD cant sleep. I dont have work tomorrow so its fine. Just had 2 crackers and an apple cus i was feeling very hungry. So about 1250 calories total. I just kinda got to the point where i was appauled at myself for eating so crappily, and felt horrible and have a huge belly again, and thats not cool with me! So heres to hoping im back on track again.
My life is just chugging along atm. Been a bit miserable and i havnt exactly been able to pin point why. Maybe im lonely. My family dont bother with me anymore, out of sight, out of mind, i guess. My mom just took my siblings to spain, a holiday which she said she'd invite me to, closer to the time. Yeah, bullshit. Just fed up of them, like they dont even care about me. I asked if we could go there for christmas, which my mom didnt seem fussed about, but its kinda a big deal to me, but she doesnt even bother to keep in touch. So maybe we'll end up staying here. My bf's family actually would like us with them for christmas, his mom says i could make christmas dinner, which is weird to these dutch people. But im glad she offered me that. I just hate that i cant talk to my mom about this, cus she acts like im out to get her and stops listening and it just causes trouble and i hate to cause trouble. It even seems like no ones bothered we want to move back to the uk, and they're a big part of why we made that decision. I dont know what to do about all this. Its a big downer on me atm :/
I went to the work party last week. And had my very new and beautiful coat stolen. That upset me alot. It was decent up until. But i got a little too drunk and was embarrased afterwards that i might've made a show of myself. Was so annoyed about my coat though. Not like i have money to throw away. Contemplating buying the same coat again >.< it was sooo nice.
Anyway, i guess i needed to let some of that out. Seems i dont have anyone to talk to atm. Need to meet up with my good friend here, havnt seen her in a while. Will have to have a good moaning sesh with her at some point.
 
Hey becky
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Sounds like you're having a rough time. I'm sorry :) It's good you have this diary to allow yourself to vent though! That can be very therapeutic and help relieve your stress.


Even if your eating isn't going well, at least you're still maintaining the resolve to keep trying. That's all you really need to be successful! Just don't stop and you will get there
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But about your cravings, have you considered chewing gum? I've done that since day 1 and I recommend it to everyone who tells me they're struggling with over eating on their plan. I don't even put a limit on how much gum I chew! Some days my jaw hurts :biggrin:


You may also want to try some 100 calorie bars as well for a snack. I've been eating some of the Slim Fast versions recently and they're pretty good! I follow them with a few sticks of gum so I don't keep eating them though :p I try not to eat more than 2 or 3 in the day. It also helps keep your metabolism fueled in between your regular meals.


It also upsets me whenever I read that someone's family isn't being very supportive of their efforts, but just remember, you're doing this for you and nobody else! Focus on yourself and the happiness you deserve will follow. You can always rely on myself and the other members of this forum to support you 110%!


Everything just takes time, and that's all we really have, so just hang in there and keep your head up!
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AHey Frogged. Thanks for your response to my whiney bitch post lol.
I havn't tried chewing gum actually. Was never much of a gum chewer myself, but i reckon i might give that a go. Just to have some in my mouth to chew on, cus half the time i just feel the need to eat even when im not hungry. But gum usually loses its taste very quickly, thats when i would chuck it away mostly. I will buy some gum tomorrow and see :)
My problem with snack bars recently is that ill eat a whole pack in 2 days or something lol. But i think because i was eating badly anyway i didnt care that much. Usually im not so bad, and now that ive "made the decision"once again to be back on track, i should be okay. I got some nice ones recently, strawberry flavoured bars with sultanas in (dont even like sultanas)
So snackbars followed by gum so as not to eat the whole pack lol. I will try that out. On a work day it doesnt matter so much, ill get one half hour break, and a couple of quick drink breaks, so i should be fine on a work day, until i get home! lol.
And you're right, i should make decisions for myself and do it for myself and not for anybody else. I live in a different country than my family so its hard at times.
Thanks for your support frogged. Ive actually read through your diary a few days ago but mostly im too shy to post, sorry! Ill have to stop by on your diary :)
 
Sure thing, becky!
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Diaries are great to look back on and to remind yourself of the more difficult moments in your journey. It can also serve to ignite your confidence as well since you now know that you do have the power to overcome those bad times and persevere!


The gum I chew is Extra sugar free - I love the sweet watermelon! The flavor in 3 sticks (yeah, I chew that many at a time) lasts for ~30min before I need to replenish
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Just try throwing back a few sticks after a snack/meal. It's really good :biggrin:


I just read recently that a lot of people are struggling this month. I've hit a rather rocky plateau, but my resolve is still the same
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Just keep at it!


No need to be shy either :biggrin: I'm only really talkative online, lol. In real life, I'm pretty much a wallflower in most social situations.


It's only when I have alcohol in me that I come out of my shell a bit, but since I rarely drink, that doesn't happen too often :p
 
AI'll have to look for some nice tasty sugar free gum too :) might have to visit a few shops, dont reckon they have much variety in most of them. I eat mints sometimes, i have these ones that are 3 calories each, so it doesnt matter much how many i have. But after 6 or so my mouth burns from the mintyness lol.
I know what you're saying. I'm a complete social disaster rofl :p im not too bad if there's people i can speak english too, and the alcohol always helps. But yeah i dont make a habit of drinking (well drank a bit too much recently) Usually i dont drink for weeks and then ill have a night out. Hang with some people a bit otherwise i get too lonely xD
I've spent alot of time online these last few years (computer game addict) so im only good at talking to people by typing nowadays.
Ive seen it aswell that many people are struggling atm, weird. Domino effect maybe xD
 
Mints sounds pretty good
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The gum I get online though. I usually don't buy it in local stores as I can get a pretty nice deal on bulk shipments. If you want, the website I routinely buy from is drugstore.com. They have pretty decent prices, and you get $3 off if you buy 3 containers, which I do since I chew a LOT! :biggrin: I really hope that doesn't sound like some kind of advertisement (I don't own stock in the company or anything, I swear!), I just want to help however I can
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I also know exactly what you mean about online gaming addiction effecting your face-to-face social abilities. I'm still struggling with that to this day. I hope it gets better in time as I do it more often, but I'm really just mainly focused on getting my body where I want it to be. The rest will follow in time as my confidence grows
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Yeah, it's been tough lately for a lot of people, but as long as we all continue on, it'll be fine!
 
ADamn. It seems im addicted to chewing gum now lol. Well its better than eating cookies all day. I just wonder if its bad to have too much. I got some sugar free fruit flavoured gum. It really helps to keep away cravings and such. Ive been eating good again for like 4-5 days now i think. Im already down to 161. I thought id be 165 or something so its a pleasent surprise. Im really feeling back on track atm so its all good.

Gonna jot my food down for the hell of it.

Todays food:

tomato soup with veg and meat balls -250
Cracker with tuna -57
Buns packed for work later - 273
Tea - 8
branflakes with low fat yogurt - 170
sugar free energy drink - 5
chewing gum
+ some more stuff lol

Total of about 1600


Having dinner at my bf's parents so calories will be unknown but ill make an estimate.
 
I wouldn't worry about being addicted to chewing gum, becky
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I chew it constantly between meals! In fact, I don't put a limit on how much I chew per day. I chew it until it feels like my jaw may fall off some days :p


And hell YES it's better than eating a cookie! For example, I have a jar of cookies out in my kitchen for Sundays only (although that doesn't stop my roommate from polishing them off), but each cookie has 130 calories according to the nutrition info. So, that means 1 cookie equals the calories of 26 sticks of gum (5 calories per stick). I chew 3 sticks at a time, and 3 sticks keeps me content for about 30min. So that means 26 sticks of gum has the ability to satisfy my sweet tooth for roughly 4 hours in a day for the same calorie debt that a single cookie holds - which would only satisfy me for about 5 seconds before I craved another! :biggrin:


So yeah, gum is awesome! Plus, it helps burn calories and sculpts your jawline (or so I read), haha
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I'm also glad to see your confidence in your regimen is renewed and you're back on track! :hurray:


Keep up the good work, becky!
 
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