Be the Tortoise, Not the Hare

Such wonderful support from so many people when I logged in this morning! Thank you all for making me feel loved.

Q - I know I won't be using the heart rate monitor in all my runs, but I loved it for my long run on Sunday. There were times where I just felt like I wasn't even moving, but I checked my heart rate monitor and I was at the high end of my range (which is NOT my goal on a 7.5 mile run!!) So instead of fighting through, I acknowledged that actually I needed to slow down even more. Then I was able to run better later in the run. I did peek in your diary yesterday and saw what you've been dealing with :-( I'm so glad you're still going to be able to run! But you've got all that equipment you can't use now, which stinks.

Alta - Why do we feel the need to eat all sneaky like that??? I can't figure it out! I read a book on Intuitive Eating recently that was all about not labeling foods as good or bad, just eating what you like without guilt and acknowledging your hunger and fullness levels. It didn't help me one bit, haha. I had high hopes but nope, no change whatsoever.

Slickzchik-I really don't get any thrill.... Thrill sounds exciting. What I feel is regret and guilt, and afterwards I feel relieved that I won't get caught. And the guilt starts sometimes before I even start eating. Like with the chip incident, I was walking up the stairs to the bedroom telling myself I was going to regret eating, I shouldn't be eating, I'm not even hungry, yadda yadda. It almost feels like a compulsion.

Guideon- I'm not as bad as my boyfriend when it comes to food shopping while hungry, haha. I make him have a snack before we go sometimes! But I do make sure I have some calories right after running otherwise I would be ravenous. If you've got a lot of mini candy bars you should keep them in the freezer! Wayyyyy in the back so you have to dig for one when you want it :)

Hana- I've been doing all this running and haven't lost a pound! I'm hoping I've gotten a little more fit, although I'm blind to those small physical changes on myself so who knows. But I can run farther now, so that's still progress.

Mandy- We tend to be bulk shoppers and I actually just told my boyfriend last week that one particular snack I enjoy absolutely cannot be bought in bulk again!! If we can't find them easily in the store, well then it just wasn't meant to be.
 
Sometimes I hate being a girl! I don't care about numbers being higher on the scale once every month, but I DO care about being tired and angry and pale and bloated and wanting to stuff an oversized donut into my face. Grrrrr.
 
Don't even remind me! My visitor should be coming too. Now that you mention it, it explains the 4 little breakouts on my forehead. Ugh.
 
Laura, I understand what you mean about the food. I do it sometimes and it drives me nuts! Most of my 'binges' are things people wouldn't typically qualify as a binge because they're maybe around 500 calories (with a couple exceptions), but it's so frustrating to do it. I can sit there with the candy in my hand wondering why the hell I'm eating it, but that doesn't stop me. It's the same thing too: no loneliness, anxiousness, or boredom. I just....eat it. I've been doing better about it lately though.
 
Laura... I feel the same way. I noticed that earlier this month I wanted some chocolate. I wanted it bad!! Then I remembered that it was the same exact day that it happened last month. It has to be TOM related. Sometimes I do feel it's better to be a man. Seems there is less pressure, but then again they probably think the same about being a woman at times. I guess we just need to embrace it... somehow... lol
 
Cory, it sounds like you understand exactly what I'm talking about! I very intentionally ate a whole pint of Ben & Jerry's last weekend in one sitting and felt better about that than I did about any of these minor mindless eating episodes I have during the week. When the cooler months get here I'm looking forward to lots of hot tea to help distract me from eating. In the warmer months all I want is a nice cold (alcoholic) drink, haha.

Guideon, I hope the freezer trick works! It's helped me before.

Mandy, sometimes I definitely think it's better to be a guy, and then I will pull the "girl card" and have my boyfriend do something I am perfectly capable of doing but just don't want to :) I'm not sure it balances out in the end, but it makes me feel better!

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So I haven't done any running in the past few days, but certainly got my exercise in. On Friday I headed up to Maine with the boyfriend and another couple for a camping and hiking adventure. We had to backpack 3.3 miles from the car to the campsite. In the pouring rain. Not one part of us was dry, and a lot of what was in our bags got wet, too. But we were in good spirits, and the next morning we got up to hike to the summit of Mount Katahdin. That was 4.4 miles round trip, and took us forever. The winds were insane! It was freezing at the top, but we managed to block the wind with some rocks and enjoy the view as the clouds moved in and out. Hiked the 3.3 miles back to the car the next morning, in the sunshine. It was like a completely different trail when it was dry! On Friday it was just one constant stream flowing hard downhill. Much mure manageable yesterday!

My legs are SO sore, and I will be taking today off of running. Tomorrow is supposed to be a five mile group run, but I may have to cut that short. We'll see how I feel in the morning.
 
Did you guys spend the night out there? I'm just wondering if you were able to catch any of the meteor shower. I looked for quite a while, but didn't see a single one! Argh!

Either way the hiking in the rain actually sounds kind of fun. I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I'm envisioning it to be fun. LOL
 
Mandy, I didn't even know there was a meteor shower! Was it Saturday night or Sunday night? If it was Saturday I'll be disappointed because we were in a lean-to on the mountain and the sky up there was sooooo beautiful even without meteors. We were home by Sunday, though.

Hiking in the rain was kind of fun for a little bit, but after about two hours we were very much over it. It took us three hours to hike the 3.3 miles! It distracted us from the fact that we were going uphill, though. When we were going down all of us were surprised at the elevation change since we weren't focusing on that on the way up.
 
I think I need a bigger freezer :p
This one isn't deep enough to deter me from digging through it, looking for candybar treasure...
 
Haha, thanks for the laugh, Guideon! It was a long day, I needed that :)

You might have to hide the candy inside a bag of frozen peas.
 
I think the meteor shower could've been seen over the weekend, but I read that late last night into this morning was the peak. I used to love watching for them, but as I've gotten older my patience for waiting to spot one has pretty much gone away. LOL
 
Sounds like your hike was good, despite the rain. :]

I only ever go a couple miles. I'm hoping to work myself up to longer hikes. I could probably do 3.3 miles there and back and a rest in between, but probably not with camping gear right now.
 
Hi Laura! I'm very sorry I haven't been reading your diary for a while, just caught up :), looking forward to reading more posts x
 
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Hi Mandy, Cory, and Cloudy!! Thanks for always stopping by, even though I'm not always consistent with my posting!

I just got done with my weekly run with the co-workers. 5.5 miles, with a couple of hills. Three girls I was running closely with were hot and thirsty and stopped around mile 3.5 to buy sone water and headed back towards the office. I kept on trucking! It was way hotter and more humid than the past few weeks have been.... And I am a hardcore sweat machine when I run, so I treated myself to some Cheez-its. I have about an hour before I can eat dinner, and sometimes I get a little queasy if I don't eat something salty right away after a hot run. But I stopped before I ate the whole box! I had a very normal amount actually. I'm quite pleased.

Food has been mostly good lately. We actually made some homemade espresso ice cream on Sunday that I have yet to try. Oh, wait, that's because boyfriend and I ate our way though a whole bag of Cape Cod potato chips on Sunday night..... I forgot about that :blush: But! I kept myself busy last night and didn't snack at all after dinner. Score!

After my camping experience two weekends ago, I weighed in at 153 lbs, which is the highest I've seen in a while. Then I weighed in on Sunday evening at 147 and was the opposite of excited - I'd had an insanely miserable run and I assume I was dehydrated and hadn't eaten enough the past couple of days. I'll weigh in tomorrow morning and see where I'm at. I claim my goal is 135 or something like that, and sure, that would be great, but a drop like that isn't good for physical endurance. I'd rather run a good 8.5 miles weighing 150 pounds any day!
 
Cloudy, the ice cream was pretty darn good :) I had no idea how easy it is to make! I've had it twice this week, in normal portions. This recipe was simple, but I'm looking forward to experimenting more.

It is officially weekend! I am on the bus going home. My goal for tonight is to eat light and drink LOTS of water so I can successfully complete an 8.5 mile run in the morning. My last attempt was an utter failure. My race is coming up SOON, so I have to be able to cover that distance.

Also, next week is going to be a real test week for me. Boyfriend is on nights, and that's usually when I find myself binging from the comforts of my bed. NOT THIS TIME!! I'm going to eat fruit or pickles if I get hungry. One or the other. Not both. Fruit AND a pickle would be weird.
 
Hey, new reader here.

Reading about your secret eating reminded me a lot of myself, especially as a child. Nobody ever starved me, my family were always ok with the way I ate (which was fine), but my mother did criticize my weight (which was like 130 pounds after my last growth spurt in middle school so not exactly obese...), so maybe that was it, I dunno. However my entire teenage years I would sneak out of my room once I knew everyone was in bed and take random food to bed with me. Not even real snacks as we rarely had any of them, but carrots and cucumbers, olives, sometimes little bits of ham and cheese and stuff myself with them. I was never hungry before getting them, it was more about getting that little extra... In fact when I am at home visiting my folks I still do it. I sneak little bits of food just before going to bed despite never doing that in my own house. Weird!

I also have "fear of hunger", again never been starved, yet when food gets set on the table I get a little anxious that it won't be enough (and often I eat more than I should because I cooked for 3 in case "it wasn't enough"). Strange, the way we relate to food isn't it?

Anyhow, would having some kind of sneaky food that is good for you help? Like if you know the boyfriend will be out that night, cut up some carrot and cucumber sticks or something alongside the lines of that. That way you can still take food to bed with you but it will have few calories. Though I know you want to break the habit of food-sneaking, but maybe cold turkey isn-t for you, so take food that doesn't excite you quite as much as an intermediate step!

Good luck, Joey
 
Hi Laura, I hope your weekend went well. How is it going without your BF around this week? Or is tonight the first night without him? I hope you're able to keep those munchies at bay. I hate it when that happens! I'm also a food sneaker. I snuck myself 3 Klondike bars last night within an hour and half. Not good, but I needed some comfort food myself apparently.
 
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