Anyone else have a non-supportive spouse?

C

caddyguy

New member
I'm almost half way to my goal and the more weight I lose the more negative comments I'm getting from my wife. I'm constantly hearing "you'll never hit your goal" or "Why bother, you won't keep it off". Last night it was "So when's your next binge?"

Unless she was hoping to collect the insurance from my future heart attack why is she being so negative and unhelpful? She's a little over weight herself (5'6" maybe 175lbs). I'm not asking her to lose weight or eat what I eat. If the family is having something I can't eat, I gladly make my own or have a small portion of what they're having.

My weight loss is health related not vanity. My grandfather and my father had early heart attacks at 39 and 43. Both are dead from heart disease. I'm choosing to be around for my kids and grand kids.
 
I find that my husband is not exactly as supportive as I would like him to be, but he does try. In my case I just want him not to eat junk in my face, when I am out of the room or busy on something I don't mind but I have a hard time relazing and watching television with my hubby cause he eats all the time and not the healthy stuff, but I guess I have to apply will power. Also I find that he doesn't care if I have time to work out like last night instead of sleeping on the couch he could have helped with the cleanup and I could have had 30 min at least to workout! Aside from that he cheers me on, even if he is not crazy about my loosing weight? Have you asked your spouse why she is being so negative about you change in lifestyle??? My husband keeps telling me that once I get to my goal I will be too good for him, mabe that is a fear your spouse has. I am not trying to defend her, just trying to understand why she is so negative. Asking is the best way!!!!
 
caddyguy said:
I'm almost half way to my goal and the more weight I lose the more negative comments I'm getting from my wife. I'm constantly hearing "you'll never hit your goal" or "Why bother, you won't keep it off". Last night it was "So when's your next binge?"

Unless she was hoping to collect the insurance from my future heart attack why is she being so negative and unhelpful? She's a little over weight herself (5'6" maybe 175lbs). I'm not asking her to lose weight or eat what I eat. If the family is having something I can't eat, I gladly make my own or have a small portion of what they're having.

My weight loss is health related not vanity. My grandfather and my father had early heart attacks at 39 and 43. Both are dead from heart disease. I'm choosing to be around for my kids and grand kids.
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Sorry to hear that situation. Just a hunch, but I bet she is seeing you actually progress towards your goal, and all the comments are likely out of insecurity because she is overweight herself. Have you tried asking her if you could do this journey together? That might make the household a bit more pleasant :D
 
I wanted it to be a group idea but I'm on my own. I pay $400-500 month for her personal trainer but I've been at the gym with them and they mostly seem to talk.

I suggested it was better for everyone to clear out the chips, cookies, candy and soda out of our house. She said it was better for the kids to have it around and then they wouldn't crave it as much. I think most of the junk is for her but she eats it when I'm not around.

I've never been a junk food eater, my problem was beer and portion control. I could easily eat a large pizza and drink a six pack by myself. You could leave me alone with ice cream and chips for weeks and I wouldn't touch the stuff. I'd much rather have a 16 oz ribeye and a big baked potato with the "works".

I don't care what she weighs but I wish she'd follow the golden rule... "if you can't say something nice....."
 
Hey I think that it is great that you can keep this conflict in front of you. What I mean is that just because a guy is married, it does not mean he has to stay in the same place as an individual. You each have your own goals and you are choosing a healthy direction. She may feel very challenged to make that sort of change for herself. Just keep what you are doing. Having all of that junk food in the house will not make it easier, but sooner or later, temptation will be there. Decide on your own what you need to eat to get you where you want to go and then just quietly do it.

Just like Ghandi said "be the change."
 
By the way, when I was married, I got some of this reaction also from her. Also what is your age, weight and height for for curiosity sake?
 
Cantona said:
Get a divorce.
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How rude.
Honestly I think she might be jealous - I think I would be if my hunnie was getting healthy and fit and I wasn't changing any of my habits. We say mean things when we are jealous and most times we say things we don't really mean. I think a good talk would be good and maybe some education on living healthy. I think getting her on board would be the best but maybe not possible.
My hunnie is really supportive but sometimes too supportive. Like if I only feel like doing 30 min on the treadmill he will be like "keep going another 15 min, come on don't give up" sometimes I just want him to say good work on that 30 min. All I had to do was tell him that was bothering me and he's stopped. No need for divorce.
 
I completely agree with chubbygirl....your wife may be jealous that you're taking the initiative to get healthy while she still stays unhealthy...she might fear that one day you'll look better than her. If I were you just use it as motivation there will always be "haters" (for lack of a better terms lol) so i would talk to her and let her know you don't appreciate her negativity and you want her to be more positive.

I'm single but I'm 19 and live with my parents so the closest thing to a spouse would be my mom...she constantly buys junk food and ALWAYSS offers food to me, like she'll offer the same thing 3 times and i say no each time it gets really annoying and I think she's trying to sabotage my efforts...she's not very supportive. It kinda sucks but you have to remember you're doing it for yourself and your body, it doesnt matter if your spouse (or anyone else for that matter) doesn't like it...good luck
 
Do you think she's worried that she'll lose you if you get in shape? If she feels like she won't be good enough for you, that might make her want to discourage you. It's possible. Or maybe she's afraid you'll start looking down on her for being overweight. Sometime people who lose weight act superior to everyone who hasn't. (I've seen it happen) But I think it's more likely that she knows she's overweight as well and feels guilty about not trying to lose it, especially now that you are.

The comment that she keeps the candy, soda and chips around because it's "better for the kids" really jumps out to me. How on earth is that better for your kids to have that kind of junk around the house? I think you are right, it isn't for the kids, it's for her. That makes me think that the nasty comments have more to do with her feeling guilty for not trying to be more healthy than anything else. She now has a constant reminder around the house (you) that she's not eating healthy or taking care of her body like she should. Maybe she's thinking, even subconsciously, that if she gets down on you enough, you will quit and she won't have to feel guilty any more.

It's also possible that she has some chip on her shoulder about health conscious people. Maybe she's always been down on people who are concerned with their weight or try to live healthy. I've run into more than one person like that.

Have you tried to explain your reasons to her? I know it's not always easy to confront people, but maybe you need to sit her down, tell her your reasons then say "when you say things like X, that really hurts." Ask her why she says those things. Of course, if I'm right then she might not want to admit it as it would be a very selfish way for her to behave.
 
My fiance is supportive in me wanting to lose weight and work out, but he complains about the healthy food. He'll buy pop, frozen pizza and chicken nuggets for himself because I refuse to buy them when I go grocery shopping. I tell him I don't want that stuff in the house at all, but he just ignores me.

Figures.
 
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