Anke's Diary

Haha, I suddenly had my first feeling of panic at the thought of the wedding day last night. That was unexpected. G and I have been fighting a lot more, I think it's because of the marriage stresses, with family being in town and such. But I know everything will be okay. I'm just trying to focus on not overreacting to anything, not making any impulse purchases, and eating mindfully (vs binge-ing / binging? I think Binging is like Googling... ok binge-eating) I have eaten like that in some weeks now, it feels good. I think it is mostly due to me allowing myself generous amounts of treats almost daily, but it seems to work out better for me that way instead of depriving myself for periods of time.

My brother arrives from Sydney in 6 days! I have not seen him in 5 years!!! :0 Can't wait! He is 26 now, that is 2 years younger than me. He emigrated to Australia in 2004 and has 2 little girls and a wife and they are very happy there. Only he will be coming for the wedding though. I have never met the littlest niece 2yr old, and I only met my oldest niece when she was 6 months old, she is now 5 !! I can't wait for a time when I have gathered enough savings to go and visit them!!

I have started doing this Kaizen Challenge today - not sure if it's too much to take on, thought I would share it here:

http://www.kaizenbrotherhood.com/2016/03/01/30-days-kaizen-challenge/

(not to be confused with scammy Kaizen-Wealth challenge)

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Hey Florence, Hana and Cate, thanks for checking in :)

Thanks Cate, I love this picture - I felt sooo pretty when all the ladies dressed me up for my kitchen tea!

Ok, so I managed to stay away from all high sugar things yesterday, woohoo! I just stayed mindful of it, and when I was making my food, did not add sugar (ie: to my oats or coffee), and we have lollipops (suckers/popsticks? hard candy on sticks) in the cupboard, but I decided not to mindlessly have one or more like I did the previous few evenings!

The marketing for G's computer repair business is gaining momentum. He is getting more and more relevant calls each day, though the are not really converting to jobs. We are still hanging in there for the ROI (return on investment). In the meantime, I am starting to feel like an intermediate Adwords person, no longer beginner. It feels good.

On another note, work is going alright. I am managing the current client's expectations by documenting the requirements for their events management marketing mailing system that we are building. Once that is done, there is lots to learn on a ne technology I have not played with before, I always love to learn something new, so am looking forward to doing the work.

Then, it looks like I may have an opportunity to do a website from scratch for a promotional clothing and signage company. They saw G's ad on his car for computer repair and asked if he does websites, so he referred them to me. They also need graphic design and there may be further opportunities with them after the website. I would be doing this after hours in my free time, for some extra money. Previous situations where I took on a lot of responsibilities have freaked me out before (panic attacks, procrastination), so I really hope I will be doing the right thing to take on extra work. It feels right, because although my "day job" is a much better career option financially, I am just more passionate about creating visually beautiful technology things (websites, advertising material, logos, documents). So I am going to give myself the chance to get some more experience. One thing I know for sure is that currently I do not want to move into web and graphic design full-time, as the market is really tough and I do not have a lot of experience or a good network yet.

So yes, all very exciting. And did I mention my brother is coming next Thursday!? So excited!!
 
Wow Anke it sounds like you have so much going on ! Good job staying on track and I hope you have a wonderful time with your brother! And I can't wait to hear about your wedding, so close now! :)
 
So everything is coming together nicely. They all said the last little while will be hectic. And they were right! I am not sure that I could have done any of these things any sooner though! My purple wedding pumps have been bejewelled and I am picking them up tonight, all ready for my final dress fitting on Saturday. The dress is still too big, so we wanted to wait until a week before the wedding to make final alterations :eek: That means, I will only be able to try on the final dress that fits me 2 days before my wedding when I do hair and make up trial! Very exciting.

Ok, so my bro gets here tomorrow, and I have a feeling the next 2 weeks are going to be a roller coaster, so I am probably not going to come round here for a little while. Stats update for now:

21 Jun: 88.6
22 Jun: 88.2
23 Jun: 87.8
24 Jun: 88.4
25 Jun: 88
26 Jun: 88.2

To be honest, I am not worried about "losing weight". I want to be healthy. I want to feel energetic, and strong, and I want stamina. I want to be outdoors more. Those are my goals... so I am not sure why I am posting/tracking/putting emphasis on my weight...

I guess because of the BMI indication for healthy weight. Ok fine:
BMI Calculator

I do think I am going to start adding my waist and hips measurements to the stats :) As the waist size is important:
Waist Measurement

The waist to hip ratio is also an indicator of good health:
Waist-to-hip Calculator

Oz has some good info sites :)
 
My dirty secret:
I procrastinate a lot. And I feel bad about it all the time. I only procrastinate work duties. The kind of work I do often has long periods of loose deadlines, with documentation and testing work, mostly unmeasurable so you can get away with doing very little.

I really, really, really feel bad about it, as I am not being a good employee. Reading around a bit (while procrastinating), I came across a few sites that suggest I should get screened for ADHD/ADD. I am not too keen on that, but I have been diagnosed with Major Depression and then in more recent years with Bipolar 2 disorder. I have a feeling none of these diagnoses really mean much, and that it is all just a hodge-podge of symptoms where some are related and others aren't :/ Even if I get tested and they say I have ADD, I would then need to possibly change medication from what I am currently using. This sometimes causes great stress in my life. The thing is that the symptoms of the bipolar are treated - the depression and the hypomania, but I still am highly distractable and also get hyperfocused on unimportant tasks often.

Anyway, just a bit of a rant, no need for anyone to comment unless you feel you want to. I just really did not feeling like joining an ADD or procrastination forum as well... giving me more opportunity to procrastinate, aaarrgh!!

My brother is coming at 5pm, it is 9am now, I can't wait!!
 
I have major depression myself. I totally get that changing meds is stressful. I hope things work out. Enjoy spending time with your brother!
 
Reading your diary made me smile. Just the text alone sounds like you are high energy. I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder and depression and my father is bipolar so I can definitely relate to a lot of those things. I tried all kinds of meds and always ended up taking myself off of them. I think feeling fake happy was worse than knowing for a fact that I felt sad. At least that felt REAL to me, ya know?

I am also a world-class procrastinator. I mean, I have work to be doing right now and here I am typing out this comment!

Anywho, you're just a couple of weeks away from the wedding now, right? Be sure to share pictures if ya want. :)
 
I had bad mood swings as a teen and even though the bad far outweighed the upswing I actually missed the... liveliness of it for quite a few years after outgrowing it. Life seemed so drab, even though I was finally able to do things I wanted to do and really enjoyed.
 
You have to take the good with the bad, as they say.

Thanks for reading my diary Mowens!

Today I realised that nothing is as important as being aware of the impermanence of life, and we need to be behaving in ways that reflect that awareness. I was driving on the highway, gleeful at the thought of my wedding this time next week, when the thought occurred to me it could all be taken away in a split second. And then suddenly I felt such a rush of gratitude for everything and everyone in my life, that I felt even more gleeful :)

Anyway, good feeling all around. One thing - yesterday I handed in my engagement ring to go get cleaned. They asked for my surname, so I said "Mare.... for the next 7 days that is!" I think I might mourn the end of my Mare life once it happens - this is normal yes?

Peace out.
 
I had the reverse version of my wife losing her surname. It kind of made me sad to know I took her name and she was changing it. What an ultimately weird tradition in the first place, huh? I never asked her to change it and we never discussed it, it just sort of happened "Because that's what you do" :p
 
I think we all need to remind ourselves that we have much to be grateful for. I am so happy for you anke. This time next week you will be married to the person you love. How wonderful, xoxo Cate
 
Ankebuzz said:
You have to take the good with the bad, as they say.

Thanks for reading my diary Mowens!

Today I realised that nothing is as important as being aware of the impermanence of life, and we need to be behaving in ways that reflect that awareness. I was driving on the highway, gleeful at the thought of my wedding this time next week, when the thought occurred to me it could all be taken away in a split second. And then suddenly I felt such a rush of gratitude for everything and everyone in my life, that I felt even more gleeful :)

Anyway, good feeling all around. One thing - yesterday I handed in my engagement ring to go get cleaned. They asked for my surname, so I said "Mare.... for the next 7 days that is!" I think I might mourn the end of my Mare life once it happens - this is normal yes?

Peace out.
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I reckon it's normal to mourn moving on from your last name. I chose to take my husbands name. While it was hard to move on I also liked the idea of sharing something with him. But I think now days it's not such an issue about taking a new last name or not. I think it's OK for you to do what you feel comfortable with.
You must be so excited with your wedding so close. I hope you enjoy the lead up with all your family coming together. :)
 
Looking forward to hearing about your wedding Anke. If we could see just a few photos that would be lovely xoxo
 
Oh, my post wedding weight, I am still maintaining at 88.6kg as of 12 August 2016.

Also, today is our 10 year anniversary of dating :) so I am very happy and feel-goody this week!
 
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