Amy's weight loss diary

I think you will get over not wanting to eat out over time as you begin to feel more confident in your ability to maintain your weight loss. I am glad you had a good day.
 
Thanks :) I'm starting to think it's time my boyfriend gets to take me out to eat again, he really enjoys it (understatement of the century) and I feel like I'm depriving him. I can't account for that at all, so I'm not sure how to cope with it, but it's something I'm starting to want to do again. I think the fact that that's something I can consider is a positive sign and shows my thoughts on weight loss evolving.

I mentioned awhile ago that I needed a belt because my jeans were falling down. Before dealing with my stuff I had to deal with (I had to wait to see someone), my boyfriend and I wandered into the city (~a kilometre walk) to look at some belts. I found one I really liked, and I asked him what he thought. He said "I like that. I think it would be an excellent thing for me to buy for you" then headed off to the register! I was hesitating over it because I thought it was pretty expensive ( ).

After I did what I could to deal with my stuff, we went back into the city and looked at clothes that he'd like to see me in. His tastes seem to be largely in line with my own, although fashion this year is so... I don't know... horrible? I have a fairly clear idea in my head of what I'd like to wear if money was no object (simple, classic, minimal pattern, dressy casual- blouse with suit jacket/ blazer/ similar, jeans, and niceish shoes is one outfit I'd love to wear a lot of), my boyfriend largely agrees, and we found virtually nothing to fit that mould. What we did find looked stunning on me though. (We found a lot of stuff where one of us would hold it up, say "what do you think of this?" and the other would respond along the lines of :smilielol5: :puke: :smilielol5: )

And I think... I hesitate to say this... if I end up getting down to 60kg like I want I may no longer be a size 10, at least on the top half. The size 10s I tried on today were a perfect fit. I have 7kg (nearly 15.5lb/ just over a stone) left to lose. I haven't been a size 8 since I was 12 years old, but I think that might be where I end up, and I'm not sure how I feel about this. Baffled... scared I'm losing too much weight... in a state of disbelief... wondering how much vanity sizing is affecting this because size 8 is for little people like my sister.
 
Anyway, it's nearly midnight here and I meant to get an early night. oops.

One thing I do know for certain, I need advice as to how to get more protein into my diet (preferably not through more meat, for budget/ ethical/ health reasons. I don't really want to eat more than one meat meal a day, maybe two once in awhile if one of them is canned tuna or something). I thought I was doing the right things, but my protein is still low a lot recently.

Today was obviously a bit unusual food wise.

Friday 27 May

Breakfast: 46g (overpour) oats, 80g raspberries, 57ml milk. Tea with 291ml water and 48ml milk. Subtotal: 223 calories, 9g protein, 36g carbs, 4g fat. 17/67/4 split.

Lunch: Extra large size, which according to the info in the store was 163 calories. Also had a litre of low cal sparkling water (cheaper to go to a supermarket and pick this stuff up rather than buy in a cafe). Subtotal (for both): 183 calories, 5g protein, 30g carbs, 1g fat. 12/78/9

Snack: (this was just before dinner, I was starving) 189g (!!!!) gala apple. 94 calories, <1g protein, 22g carbs, negligible fat. 3/95/2

Dinner: serve of chicken and pineapple stir fry with 136g steamed cauliflower (cauliflower rice too much hassle, happy to just eat the damn cauliflower with stuff). 340ml bottle Bundaberg diet ginger beer. Subtotal: 423 calories, 18g protein, 47g carbs, 17g fat. 17/45/38

Dessert/ night cap: 94g cox apple, 62g plum, 92g pear (all chopped up and microwaved), 89g strawberries, 64g black forest fruit mix, 110g natural yogurt (was 20p cheaper than Greek), dash of cinnamon. 6g unsweetened cocoa, two teaspoons sucralose, 232ml milk. Subtotal: 373 calories, 18g protein, 68g carbs, 4g fat. 19/71/10

Total: 1298 calories (73%), 52g protein, 205g carbs, 28g fat. Way over sodium (2327.4mg- 155%- most of this was the soup), 3132.6ml water (happy with that). Total split for the day 16/64/20. Would love to see that protein percentage come up to 20.
 
Thank you :)

Bad news is I haven't lost any weight this week. I'm not sure why- my calories are consistently within range. I haven't been to the gym as much and insomnia has been terrible, maybe that's something to do with it. Or all the sodium I had yesterday (although you'd think that all that water would have done something to flush it all out).
 
It's probably the sleep thing. Have you tried any sleep aids? I have some mild over the counter pills that I take every now and then to bump me into sleep.
Also, try kind of meditating when you sleep. Don't think of anything. I know it's hard.
I use to have a horrible time falling asleep. I would worry about everything, and give myself panic attacks. What worked for me, is repeating, "I can't solve any of these problems right now. Worrying about them won't help anything. It will just make things worse. If I sleep now, I can work on these problems tomorrow." I usually repeated that a few times, sometimes aloud, until I felt relaxed.
Everything will be fine. Remember....thousands of people have experienced your problems....millions have experienced worse...and they've survived. You're strong and smart. I believe in you. :)

"Plaudite, amici, comedia finita est."
 
Hi Amy. Insomnia must suck :((((
The scales havent gone down this week but you are clearly losing weight because you can comfortably wear size 10s.
 
I'm going to have to talk to my doctor and possibly other people about my sleep problems, I've had enough of it.

I went charity shopping at my local high street today. I bought three short sleeved blouses, a suit jacket, and a pair of jeans (and some non-clothes stuff) for about what two of those blouses would've cost new. One of the shirts was a barely too tight size 8 :D
 
The only thing new about this outfit is my belt, which I got because these jeans are beginning to get baggy (these are the jeans that I bought recently and have been falling down). This is the way I would dress all the time if I had the clothes for it. I can upload photos of what I bought today if anyone's interested (maybe not with me wearing it, that requires someone to take the picture). The jacket I bought late last year, and it was difficult to do up. Does up perfectly now.

Side note, I'm starting to really enjoy the way I look.
 
Someone else said that- I think it's the angle of the camera (my thighs are bigger than my hips according to the last tape measurements I've had done- normally my jeans that fit everywhere else pull to the point of breaking around my thighs. These ones are a bit too big, hence the belt). I think the pictures in my before/ after thread (particularly the ones of me in the Speedos) are more realistic.

I'm not planning to go to bed for a little bit, but given how disturbed my sleep has been of late, I'm starting to prepare for it. I've lit a candle in my oil burner with lavender oil and in a bit I'm going to have a bath in lavender bubble bath, see if that helps. If nothing else, seeing the glow of the candle over there is soothing. I might try either some warm milk or peppermint tea in a bit too, not sure which (I don't like chammomile and thus I don't have any).

I definitely have to go to the gym tomorrow. So I'd better get some sleep.
 
I'm running a bath (with lavender blend bubble bath), drinking some warm unflavoured milk, burning some lavender oil, and I've splashed an old towel (well, not old- a cheap towel I don't care about anymore) with lavender oil. Hopefully all of this will help me sleep when the time comes- I plan to have a good long soak.

In the meantime, food diary.

Saturday 28 May

Breakfast: My boyfriend was here, and he doesn't like porridge made with water. So 45g oats, 300ml milk, 40g low fat natural yoghurt, 80g black forest fruit mix. 2 cups of tea (44ml milk/ 295ml water, 45ml milk, 261ml water). Subtotal: 362 calories, 21g protein, 57g carbs, 4g fat. 23/65/12 split.

Lunch: Went out to look at clothes, got back very late, wasn't feeling well (refused to eat while out), threw something together quickly. 2 slices rye bread with 24g reduced fat cheese and 32g Branston pickle. 247ml ice tea with 110ml water. Subtotal: 301 calories, 13g protein, 46g carbs, 6g fat, way too much sodium (90% of day's allowance). 17/63/20

Dinner: A serve of my fruity beef casserole (failed experiment, still need to eat it), with 1/3 of my roast potatoes (boyfriend had 2/3, yes, weighed)- 141g potato, 3.5g olive oil, salt, dried rosemary, dried thyme. Later snacked on 169g raw carrots. Subtotal: 524 calories, 32g protein, 76g carbs, 12g fat. 22/57/21

Dessert/ night cap: 67g plum, 10g Green and Black butterscotch chocolate, 250ml warm milk, 90g strawberries. Subtotal: 200 calories, 10g protein, 32g carbs, 3g fat. 21/62/17

Total: 1388 calories (78%), 76g protein, 212g carbs, 27g fat. 2000.1ml water (not enough), 2318.3mg sodium (again 155%). Final split 21/61/18, which is pretty respectable.
 
Just saw the pic of your outfit. It's adorable! Plus, you are super skinny! You look awesome. :)

"Plaudite, amici, comedia finita est."
 
You are so thin. I am so jealous.
That outfit is very 'phd student'.
So glad you got uninterrrupted sleep last night.

Question, out of all the desserts/night caps you have, which is your fav fruit concoction and why?
 
Thank you both :) I'm pretty sure the photo was taken from a strange angle (it makes it look like my legs are smaller than the rest of me- really it's the other way around. I blame my boyfriend, I either think this was incompetence- I say this in the nicest way possible, but he doesn't get my camera- or, if he's finally mastered the camera, a not-so-cunning attempt to get me to feel better about myself)

But it's things like this that let me know how far I've come. I know compared to a lot of other people, my weight loss is small, but for me, I feel like I'm in control (this week's failure to lose weight notwithstanding) of my body for the first time, and it's doing wonders for my self esteem. (Incidentally, I have been over 200lb- I was 100kg, or 220lb, when I was 21. The weight fell off due to serious illness and getting out of a relationship which exacerbated bad eating habits, not any effort on my part. The 60kg goal is based on what I was when I was fully rehabilitated from that illness)

My desserts- hmm, they're mostly "chuck shit together and see how it comes out", to be honest. Probably for sentimental reasons the "baked apple" (chopped up apple, couple of teaspoons brown sugar, some sultanas, cover and microwave)- I used to make it when I was a kid (I added vanilla yoghurt or ice cream when I was a kid, if anything I add Greek yoghurt now. Relatively calorific though). Otherwise, apple is an essential component (pear just doesn't work as well), some sort of berries really lift the dish (fresh strawberries or frozen blueberries are the best I've had; of the other frozen fruits, raspberries are pretty good, the "summer fruit mix" and black forest fruit mix don't work terribly well), sometimes plums make it better (depends on the plums- they're either wonderful or terrible), and the cinnamon is important (you'll notice I ditched the honey awhile ago- with enough sweetness from the apple, and mixing it up properly, you don't need the additional sweetness). I tried it with prunes once (to use up leftovers from a recipe) which I really liked but it was just too calorific. So probably an apple and a good plum, chopped up and "steamed" (covered and microwaved until soft but not mushy), half a serve each of strawberries and blueberries, Greek yoghurt, and a dash (I can't measure this as it's under a gram) of cinnamon. I take the picture then stir it together (it then looks very messy) and the fruit flavours the yoghurt, the cinnamon gets mixed throughout, and the flavours all come together.
 
Wow you were 220lbs? You could never tell.

Mmm all those desserts must be fabulous. I think the raisin/baked apple one sounds the best tooo.
 
I don't have any public pictures of that (my mum has some, they don't see the light of day). You could definitely tell way back then, I was breaking into the size 20's. When I joined here I was a size 12-14. I'm now (depending on brand) a medium-small 10 on top and a small 12 to possibly very large 10 on the bottom.
 
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