AmbaLove is Tracking the Journey!

Hi Amber

Happy Easter.

It is great that you got a loss this week. I hope that the other WW plan suits you better.

If you try the points things again later it might be worth you getting a Weight Watchers pedometer. Then if you go on a treadmill you can earn points which gives you extra food. I happen to have one and keep getting all sorts of points which mean nothing to me. It could make the food total easier to live with. That is one reason that I think that WW may be useful for me.

Take care
Love
Margaret
 
Hello Amber, just checking in on you. Personally, I wouldn't want to have to learn all those points values for things when I could just stick to calories, plus I dont have time to show up at meetings..especially if they're cheesy. What's this core thing all about? Sorry if you've already explained. And what's this about no diary? True I haven't connected with you of late, but I've been off line a lot myself. Glad we're back in touch cutie :).
 
Just calling in to say hi. I see that you havent been keeping up your diary recently. I hope that things are going ok.

I hope that the tae kwon do is going ok for you. I am having to do that too. The people that just have to drink a cup of something that they like are getting it much easier. It's those jumping kicks that make me look less than elegant. And making that sneezy / whooshy sound! Kimberly says that is very important! We can only do our best.

Take care
Love
Margaret
 
As for where I've been...well...basically I've been avoiding my diary. I have some hard truths to face and have not wanted to face them. In 7 weeks, I am down less than 3 pounds. I'm not trying hard enough with my diet (it has to be diet, as my exercise is good due to the challenge), I'm letting in to many extras. I've not been doing WW or any plan for about 3 weeks, and I have not been counting calories, but I estimate over 1800 on an average day, with weekends even higher. I've even been having sodas which I cut out over a year and a half ago. Dumb to start again, and have to relive caffeine withdrawal. I should have been eating better for the sake of my teammates, but could not even bring myself to do that. I've been beating myself up over that for awhile now.

I've been depressed and unmotivated in even trying to diet the last month or so. My husband and I only seeing each other twice a week (except in passing) is a big part of that. I'm used to him in my life, my rock. Now...I feel alone a lot. But this is an opportunity he has wanted for a long time so I am dealing with it for now. I know once school is out May 30th, I can see him everyday again. I need that.

Another big part of it is my brother having a baby (ok, his ex had it, he just sired it). My brother is...well, unmarried, only been out of jail less than a year, only been off drugs less than a year and is living with an 18 year old (he's 25). The mother, who he was with for 15 months, broken up for 7, back together for 3 during which she got pregnant and then she disappeared for 9 months, came back with this 4 month old and asked for a DNA test...she's also a druggie, a high school drop out and has three previous children who the state has removed from her care.

This is not a good situation to bring up a kid in. It drives home the unfairness of it all to know that people like that can make a baby without trying, yet all the medical intervention in the world will probably not give me one.

To make it even harder on me, she used the name my husband and I chose 7 years ago for our first son.

I feel so whiny even talking about it, but fact is, it hurts. It hurts physically, and it makes me cry. It makes me want to sleep and tune it all out. I'm depressed. I know it, and I can't deny it. I just hope it passes soon. (I've had minor bouts with depression before, I've seen doctors about it, but with my liver problems I am not a candidate for medical therapy).

Before anyone gets too worried, I am NOT suicidal and never have been.

Anyway, tomorrow I am going back to the dietician, setting up a good plan and sticking to it. I am done with WW for now, I need the support I get in individual visits. I have an appointment at 7 am. I've got to get back on track.


Blancita- CORE on WW is a list of basically low GI foods, you do not count points and you eat only from the list until you feel satisfied. I tried it. I overate. Went back to points. Did not eat very healthily and tend to allow too much junk. Long story short, WW is amazing for some but is simply not a good program for me and my limitations.

The no dairy thing was over 27 or so days after it started, as it did not help and I enjoy dairy too much to eliminate it when it does not solve the problem.
 
I'm actually feeling better just knowing I have a plan. Knowing that tomorrow I am going back to what I know worked for me makes me feel less lost.

I actually had the motivation to make dinner instead of eating out, clean the kitchen up, do some laundry, take a bath and shave my legs.

Uphill from here!
 
I totally hear ya on all fronts! It is really depressing seeing people who do not need or want children have them without trying, and then those who desperately want them struggle with infertility. Several years ago when my cousin was pregnant with her first (and it took forever to get pregnant), at about week 24 she didn't feel the baby kick or move around for a couple of days. She told her gf about it, and her gf told her to get the the doc immediately. She did, and there was no heartbeat. They had to induce her to give birth to a stillborn baby. So while that was going on, in the room next to her was a 16yr old girl having a perfectly healthy baby. That just added insult to injury, ya know? These days, it seems like everyone around me is getting knocked up very easily, and H and I still haven't managed to do it. I'm scared that we waited too long and now it's too late. So I completely understand your fears and frustrations.

However, I believe your chances of fertility increase as you lose weight. So that should give you all the motivation you need to get back on the weight loss wagon. :) I really hope you and Don end up as parents, b/c I know you'll both be fantastic ones. :hug2:

I also understand feeling down about not losing much lately. I've been the same way. I pig out on the weekends, and then spend the week losing what I gained. :ack2:

And don't feel silly about being so upset about your brother. You have every right to feel the way you do. I certainly would. That is harsh taking your baby name--although I'm sure it was done in all ignorance. Still, it sucks.

I am glad that you're feeling a bit better. And I'm sure that once May 30th rolls around, you'll find things improve greatly--the increased sex alone will having you in a great mood. :D
 
Hi sweetie :). I've missed communicating with you, but I haven't been updating my diary much either.

I'm glad you're getting back to what has been working for you. You should realize that we all need a break from THE DIET every once in a while. I know I've been at this for years now, lately to no avail sadly, and it gets draining. You just want to eat at maintenance and not be so strict all the time. Dont blame you a bit. But that must come to an end as its time to get the rest of that weight off!

I agree with Kimberley, a HUGE motivating factor should be the return of your fertility. Isn't there a much higher chance of becoming pregnant with PCOS if you've lost your excess weight? I think you had wanted to wait a bit, so are you using BC? Not sure if you're ovulating or not.

Feel better hunney :).
 
Hi Amber

You are still young and I am sure that if you can get the weightloss happening - your chances will improve dramatically.

I think that it is important that you understand that your thoughts and feelings are perfectly rational and understandable. Anyone would feel as you do if they were in your shoes.

As far as getting the weightloss happening goes - for me - a belief that the impossible was possible helped.

I mentioned to Felici that one of my heroes is Chris Moon. I have heard him speak and he certainly makes you believe that the impossible is quite possible. It may be worth you getting a copy of his book from the library. It is nothing to do with weightloss but everything to do with overcoming the physical constraints that life puts upon us.



Just hold onto the fact that things should improve on 30th May. Problems are always so much easier when they can be shared. In the meantime - we will all be here - helping you count down the days.

I am so pleased that you have a plan. Stick with it and your dreams will hopefully come true.

Take care
Love
Margaret
 
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Kimberly, unfortunately it was not in ignorance. When she got pregnant I asked if they had chosen a name, and she said "Yes, Ryder Timothy." She asked what names I liked and I told her we had chosen Sage Malachi for a boy and Zoe Caroline for a girl. She said "oh, those are cute!" Then she named their baby Sage Ryder.

As for sex, when we are together, it has been really good! Missing out on it a bit makes us want it more.

Chances of getting pregnant for me do increase as I lose weight, but the chances of keeping the pregnancy are still low, I am missing a lot of the hormones that sustain pregnancy. I also have a "juvenile vagina" (no elasticity) so I would not be able to deliver without a c-section. My best chance is still a surrogate or adoption.

Claudia, I am not on BC. Chances are so slim that I would hate to miss any opportunity for it to happen.

I went to the dietician today and lo and behold, the one I've been seeing quit last month! I got assigned to a new one in the same offices. She seems nice, hopefully I will develop the same good relationship I had with my last one.

I've eaten well today, breakfast 200 cals, lunch 310.
 
Ugh! That is really rude and thoughtless to steal your baby name like that. :cuss: I can completely understand why you feel the way you do. That was harsh. And it's not like Sage is such a common name you could get away with naming your child that anyway. However, I have found that my fav names for babies change rather frequently. So maybe by the time you need to come up with one, you'll find another you like even more than Sage. :)

Well, even if your chances are slim to conceive and carry to term, it's still worth losing the weight to increase the odds, eh? And if you lose the weight and still don't conceive, at least you'll be healthier and feel better physically so that you'll have the energy to chase after the child you adopt. :)

I hope things work out with the new dietician.

:grouphug::grouphug:
 
I agree the weight loss is good whether it leads to pregnancy or not.

And since Sage was at the top of my list for 7 years, I'd say I don't change frequently and might always resent not getting to use it. Oh well, life goes on...
 
I know this might sound overly optimistic, but you never really know what'll happen to your hormones when you lose weight. Couldnt they give you supplementation of progesterone or whatever is needed if you were pregnant? You're young so now's obviously the time to figure all this out. And you're doing it, you're losing weight despite the hormones which make it difficult and you should be very proud of yourself. All of us need a little break and you deservingly took yours. When you reach your goal perhaps you'll work with a fertility specialist and see what happens. In the meantime, you said a little while back you weren't totally ready yet anyway. And when it happens, you can still name the baby Sage :).
 
Well, I am in awe today!

I went back to the dietician Monday. As of today, I've 4.4 lbs since then. Which puts me below 210 (209.2) for the first time!

WOW! I'm sold. This is what works for me. I'm staying.
 
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Congrats on losing 4.4lbs and getting under 210!!!!!!!:party:

That's quite an achievement! :cheers2: Soon you'll be in Onederland!!!!!!
 
Well, the new low lasted 1 day, then date night happened...after a box of raisenettes at the movies and dinner at Chili's, I went back up most of the 4.4. Oh well. Today's official weight in at the dietician has me down 1.6 from last Monday.
 
Well, the new low lasted 1 day, then date night happened...after a box of raisenettes at the movies and dinner at Chili's, I went back up most of the 4.4. Oh well. Today's official weight in at the dietician has me down 1.6 from last Monday.

Don't worry about it--my weight fluctuates like that all the time. It's not fat, just water retention, etc. It'll go back down quickly. :)
 
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