Always will be a fat man.........but

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Bigguy said:
Ok.

So i am back in from out of town...
I drove back 4 hours so I can be at our ultrasound in the morning- could be the first heartbeat- and need to drive 2 hours out tomorrow...at leastgas isn't $4 a gallon..
I find myself wondering why I am so hungry lately- but yet I still am maintaining my wieght. I am not really focused on losing right now with all that is going on in my life. I am also nursing a leg injury. I think I pushed to cardio too hard the last 2 weeks and resultedin my left leg hurting- basically all over above the knee but mostly my groin- so I am taking some time off from running. I will try the elliptical tomorrow and see how that is.
It does not hurt squatting or deadlifting but it does right after the split squats so i am not sure what is going on.
I am happy with my physique though. I really am. I think I am acheiving the body I have always wanted and I am doing it the right way. I have been working out consistantly for 5 months and I look good- still not 100% shrit off comfortable- but I look good in clothes now.
I am getting busier at work and will be out of town more so it could be more difficult than ever to keep reshaping myself.
I need to focus at the times I am able to. I need to get tghis damn leg better so I can run. I need to buy dumbells so I can do all my workouts at home. I need to eat less in general and eat better. I need to learn the difference between full and satisfied.
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I am so glad that you are becoming happy with where you are at. I have yet to learn the difference b/t full and satisified...keep going, I am proud of what you have done so far :)
 
ali.smedley said:
I am so glad that you are becoming happy with where you are at. I have yet to learn the difference b/t full and satisified...keep going, I am proud of what you have done so far :)
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Verrrrryyyyy slowwwwwlyyyyy becoming satisifed with where i am at.
Full vs satisfied needs to be addressed seriously in the near future. Research and such needs to be done.
 
Bigguy said:
Verrrrryyyyy slowwwwwlyyyyy becoming satisifed with where i am at.
Full vs satisfied needs to be addressed seriously in the near future. Research and such needs to be done.
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You saw my attitude today...bad eating continued when I got home much to my dismay...today is a total scrap, gotta get back on the wagon tomorrow. I need serious lessons in the full v satisfied arena...maybe we can get a discount rate.

So how was all that travelling? Four hours had to be rough.
 
ali.smedley said:
You saw my attitude today...bad eating continued when I got home much to my dismay...today is a total scrap, gotta get back on the wagon tomorrow. I need serious lessons in the full v satisfied arena...maybe we can get a discount rate.
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I personally am having one of those months. Almost makes me want to pack it all in and say screw it sometimes. Is it worth it to try to deprive myself? Is it worth it for my leg to hurt? Is it worth it to do 3 loads of laundry a week due to workout clothes? Is it worth it to take time out of my busy life to try to better myself?
The answer to all the above is yes, of course! But in May the answer has been a resounding *shrug*.
We will get out of this funk- just a matter of when.
So how was all that travelling? Four hours had to be rough.
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8 hours total. Plano to LaCrosse, WI and back. 560 miles. Plus I worked for 5 in the store.
I have an iron ass. I can drive for 12-13 hours straight with only 2 gas/bathroom breaks.
Kid had better appreciate all I am doing here.:)
 
Bigguy said:
I personally am having one of those months. Almost makes me want to pack it all in and say screw it sometimes. Is it worth it to try to deprive myself? Is it worth it for my leg to hurt? Is it worth it to do 3 loads of laundry a week due to workout clothes? Is it worth it to take time out of my busy life to try to better myself?
The answer to all the above is yes, of course! But in May the answer has been a resounding *shrug*.
We will get out of this funk- just a matter of when.

8 hours total. Plano to LaCrosse, WI and back. 560 miles. Plus I worked for 5 in the store.
I have an iron ass. I can drive for 12-13 hours straight with only 2 gas/bathroom breaks.
Kid had better appreciate all I am doing here.:)
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It is scary sometimes how much we think alike. Really. It is like you are living in my head...

It hasn't seemed to be worth it these last few days even though I know I am better off now than I was before. It is just hard to see it. It sucks after the high I was on last week, you know?

The kid will appreciate it, believe me. :) They are good for things like that.
 
ali.smedley said:
It is scary sometimes how much we think alike. Really. It is like you are living in my head...

It hasn't seemed to be worth it these last few days even though I know I am better off now than I was before. It is just hard to see it. It sucks after the high I was on last week, you know?
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See that's the thing. It almost never seems to be worth it in the short term. All I ever see is the sacrifices and pain and deprivation from day to day. I very rarely see the full picture.
I am 30+ lbs lighter and in much better shape than I was 5 months ago. I am not in any more danger of dying than anyone else on the street.
You are 80+ pounds lighter over the last year+. You have made yourself a better mother and role model for your child.
The high you had last week was important but IMO what is more important is how we get through these indifferent times when it would be so easy to forget where we came from and give up.

The kid will appreciate it, believe me. :) They are good for things like that.
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:Hope so.:)
 
Bigguy said:
See that's the thing. It almost never seems to be worth it in the short term. All I ever see is the sacrifices and pain and deprivation from day to day. I very rarely see the full picture.
I am 30+ lbs lighter and in much better shape than I was 5 months ago. I am not in any more danger of dying than anyone else on the street.
You are 80+ pounds lighter over the last year+. You have made yourself a better mother and role model for your child.
The high you had last week was important but IMO what is more important is how we get through these indifferent times when it would be so easy to forget where we came from and give up.


:Hope so.:)
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I am back to seeing myself as a 260lb fatso who can't control what she puts in her mouth. I know that I am better off now than I was a year ago, heck, even six months ago. I get angry when I revert back b/c it seems to come from a part of my mind that I have no control over, even though I know that is a bunch of garbage.

I have a hard time seeing the big picture, seeing the end game, I just see what isn't working for me at this moment. I need to see what is working and that should help me pull through. I don't want to give up, I want to see this through to the end and beyond. I just wish that I didn't do stupid things to set myself back. I feel like I lost days.

I don't get the sense that you are stuggling, come to me (or any of us) if you need it :) That's why we're here...

I know, you don't want to have a rep as a big ole whiner, like me :D Can't blame you there...
 
ali.smedley said:
I am back to seeing myself as a 260lb fatso who can't control what she puts in her mouth. I know that I am better off now than I was a year ago, heck, even six months ago. I get angry when I revert back b/c it seems to come from a part of my mind that I have no control over, even though I know that is a bunch of garbage.
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Same here. When I all of a sudden revert back to who and how I was I get depressed and quite irritated with myself.
ali.smedley said:
I have a hard time seeing the big picture, seeing the end game, I just see what isn't working for me at this moment. I need to see what is working and that should help me pull through. I don't want to give up, I want to see this through to the end and beyond. I just wish that I didn't do stupid things to set myself back. I feel like I lost days.
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You have lost a shit lot of weight. You have done a shit lot right.A lot is working and has worked. Research some things. Find new exercises or things to do.
You do not need to give up/ give in- you are too strong to do that.
This month feel I lost all the progress I made- and I know that is nt true.
ali.smedley said:
I don't get the sense that you are stuggling, come to me (or any of us) if you need it :) That's why we're here...

I know, you don't want to have a rep as a big ole whiner, like me :D Can't blame you there...
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Thanks. I am struggling overall. I am just so schizophrenic sometimes I can swing from high to low so easily. Like i said, May has been an issue.
I am the biggest whiner here!:D
How can you say I do not have a rep as a whiner and you do?
You Crazy!
Crazy Ali!:D
 
Bigguy said:
I am just so schizophrenic sometimes I can swing from high to low so easily.
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Not schizo. That's more bi-polar. :D



Seriously, guys, I'm glad I stopped by and read your most recent conversation. I've been in that mind-set myself lately and the comments, points, and encouragement stated between the two of you helps. :)
 
Yeah, I'm there too. What is it that it's hitting us all at the same time? Is it the weather? Yesterday I was so down. Today I'm really trying to break out of that funk, and so far it's working. Hopefully for you guys, too.

Brian, how did the sono go? How many different heartbeats did you hear, and how cool is that? Keep us updated.
 
Trops said:
Yeah, I'm there too. What is it that it's hitting us all at the same time? Is it the weather? Yesterday I was so down. Today I'm really trying to break out of that funk, and so far it's working. Hopefully for you guys, too.
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It very well could be the weather. There are times when I absolutely love my state and then other times - like today - that I want to leave the cold, wet, muddy crap behind and head to a warmer climate. I seriously have problems staying on track when it is gray, cold, and rainy. *checking for an auction for sunshine on eBay . . . *

Trops said:
Brian, how did the sono go? How many different heartbeats did you hear, and how cool is that? Keep us updated.
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Brian, bud, I'm slow. Check your PM.
 
about2loseit said:
Not schizo. That's more bi-polar. :D



Seriously, guys, I'm glad I stopped by and read your most recent conversation. I've been in that mind-set myself lately and the comments, points, and encouragement stated between the two of you helps. :)
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Glad that our mutual suffering was able to help...sometimes if you see someone else going through the same ole pile o crap it helps put everything in perspective...
 
Trops said:
Yeah, I'm there too. What is it that it's hitting us all at the same time? Is it the weather? Yesterday I was so down. Today I'm really trying to break out of that funk, and so far it's working. Hopefully for you guys, too.
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I really do thiink it is the weather. In the MW it still is not spring-like. Depressing overall.
Also maybe the fact that we worked so hard over the winter and we know we are all not perfect:D
Well- except for Angela and Ali of course.
Brian, how did the sono go? How many different heartbeats did you hear, and how cool is that? Keep us updated.
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1 only- *whew!* Never can be sure when fertility treatments are involved. Anymore than one and I wold be looking for a bridge.
124 BPM- totally healthy number and completely accurate ofr little over 6 weeks in.
Thanks guys for asking.
 
Bigguy said:
1 only- *whew!* Never can be sure when fertility treatments are involved. Anymore than one and I wold be looking for a bridge.
124 BPM- totally healthy number and completely accurate ofr little over 6 weeks in.
Thanks guys for asking.
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:hurray::cheers2::party::jump::sifone:
 
So I am back in my office today after over a week out....
Whoever said to be careful what you wish for was so darn right....

I have decided that I need to get over my May funk. It is almost too late in the month to decide this but oh well. I need to start watching food- just watching it, nothing more- and really concentrating on reducing my intake.
I have been so concerned about a running injury that I have been eating more to compensate- guess what? I have a running injury now anyway...

I need to reduce the running I am doing- none for this week. *sigh* elliptical it is.... I need to remember that 1/1/08 I was a 265 lb chain smoking out of shape SOB and I have not tuned into a marathoner. What I can do is relatively impressive but not so much- I cannot expect to run 20 miles or so a week and not get injured, especially at the standards I have set for myself.

So- I am trying to get over this hump. the 225 hump/barrier/plateau/pain in the ass weight will need to go away. I have roughly 1 1/2 weeks to get to 222 or so. I need to get my eating in gear and make this happen.

I control me and only I can make this happen.

Good morning all.:D
 
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