I am really struggling currently, food and otherwise. I am the primary caregiver to a family member who deals with chronic depression and pain.
I have lived with them my whole adult life until a year ago when I moved out. I still support them financially and call and visit but they have been very upset during this last visit, clearly thinking I have betrayed them by leaving, that my love is meaningless because I see they miss me but I don't want to come back to live. There have been a lot of tears.
It is really negatively affecting me. Ive been a 6 day binge bender. The constant tears from this person are extremely depressing and making me feel really bad about myself and very selfish for not wanting to move back.
But this past year is honestly the first time in my whole life I think that I have been genuinely happy. I know if I move back i myself will become really depressed, and gain the weight back and be miserable. I hate to say it but this but as much as I love them, they are also a heavy burden to me. I can feel myself closing of emotionally to distance myself from this and it makes me feel like I'm cold unfeeling and selfish.
And at the same time I'm angry with them for making me feel this way because I feel like shouldn't I be allowed to do something that makes me happy without feeling like trash as a result. I feel like, haven't I given enough? Does this have to be my whole life?
Anyway, I'm very torn, and can't wait for this visit to end

. Which makes me feel bad saying
