A Neverending Journey.

Hi Red!

I just read your new journal....and I know how you feel I have been stuck at the same weight for the last year and I was getting really discouraged so I decided I would add fitness goals for mylself as well as a weight goal that way I can see something progressing...somewhere. Walking is really good I am doing more of it myself....I love that you are doing the walk and weight loss journey with your bf. it's good to have someone not only cheer you on but doing it with you! Cutting take out is a great start...there is so much hidden sodium and fat in take outs....and they are so expensive as well....I am sure you will be successful! I hope you have only good results with your medicals tests!
 
Hi. Thanks for stopping by :)
This last weekend has been a downward spiral unfortunately :-( not in a good place mentally after the news on Friday. STruggling to get my uni work done and eating horrendously!
Taking an extra week out of placement after this week and seeing my surgeon for some more answers on Friday. Got my blood test results on Tuesday coming which I'm dreading.
I can't concentrate on my essays so I've requested an extension.
I've held it together so long and just gotten on with my life. But now i feel its beginning to wear me down. I don't know how much longer i can stay strong.
 
Hey :)
Blood results were normal. Just! He offered me an ultrasound but i declined. I may request one when we're trying for children but at the moment I'll leave it be.
Been to see my surgeon again and its not too good to be honest. If its back he's reluctant to operate again. There is chemotherapy that does a little but not much. I keep having mini panics and crying and convinced this is it you know?
If its back I'm going to take time out of uni. If its bad i want to quit and marry Martin and have children while i still can. Is that selfish? To bring children into the world when i don't know how long I'll have?
Yeah silly thoughts running round my head all the time.
Needless to say the weight loss isn't my priority right now. I'll keep stopping by though
X
 
Gee redpiggy, it sounds like you are dealing with quite a lot at the moment. I would strongly urge you to get a psychologist for a while. Especially one who has training in CBT to help with all your uncertainties. I totally understand how you might want to shove your weight loss down the list of priorities. However, it only makes sense to do that if the worst is going to happen and at this point, you really don't know that.

You need to have support to help you think more positively. I mean to hang on to hope rather than to give in to doom and gloom. That's why i think you should get a psychologist. Or a counsellor at least.

I hope you will keep coming in regularly. I think every avenue of support should be used when you've got such stressful situations going on.

One thing you must do though, is to live each day to the best of your ability. To try to make each day a wonderful day, as if it really were your last. This will take you a long long way. I don't know if that is an impossible ask under the circumstances but i know that a lot of cancer sufferers do that. Its probably easier once you have certainty. Uncertainty of this seriousness must be terribly terribly hard and no one would blame you for caving in. However, i think its worth keeping on trying to do the best things for your body day by day. Try to put off dwelling on negative future scenarios. If you and martin want to get married today, do it. Keep on with your studies though cause that's where you are now and as said already, you don't know the future so it would be a mistake to sabotage your future because of uncertainties. Besides, its good to have something to work on to help keep you distracted from your concerns.

That said, i commmend you for asking for an extension. That is the smart thing to do.

But get some professional councelling luvvy. For extra support. They can be really good in such situations as you are in. :hug2::hug2::hug2:
 
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