A Little More than Useless

I am quite content in the weight loss right now.

However, I've noticed I am breaking out in weird places. I get occassional pimples, usually right before my monthly, but only around the hairline and nose. I've broken out especially around my hairline, and I've got one on my jawline, and one around my eyebrow! I was thinking maybe all the water and eating better I might be detoxing. I guess I'll wait it out and if I am still breaking out in a week or two I'll look into it again. Maybe I should switch to a different face cleaning regime.

Oh well, this morning I was 226.8 lbs, which makes a 9 lb loss in a month. It's slow going, and part of me wants to try and drop more calories to speed it up, but I know I can't. I am happy with how I'm doing right now. I'm going to keep going until I hit a wall. And then I will up my work outs and drop some more calories. I am just trying not to look too far ahead, but to remind myself that I will have to make changes eventually to keep my weight loss going. I don't want to forget that part, because I know it will be important later.

Anyways, this week I'm aiming to get back to 225.8, maybe even 224.8. ^.^

I'm really excited to get to 217, because whenever I'd go on my crash diets I would always get down to 217ish and then fail because I was over tired and unhappy, but I think once I see myself get to that point and still feeling ok and still going strong with this lifestyle changing business, well I know it'll be a big reminder that I can do this, because I haven't seen the scale go below 217 without me feeling completetly empty, like a shell of a person. x.x If I could see 216 with me not feeling good, well then I know I can do anything. =)

Anyways, no more pep talking about the weight, I'm trying to pursue other things to keep my mind off food and weight loss.

I have been looking for work, but because of my lack of experiance and my outer appearance I have a hard time finding work. I am a hard worker once given a chance, but the interview process scares me.

Not to mention I'm not a business woman. I don't want to be. I do want to work, I want to do my job well, but I can't pull off the whole professional image thing. I am just a girl.

I am really considering taking my state board exam for hairdressing and just doing that. I know what I'm doing, and I know I can find a job doing it...I just don't love it the way I should I think. It mostly makes me angry at people, because it is all customer service and people seem to think I am some kind of miracle worker.

Oh well, I guess beggars can't be choosers, right? I'll probably just have to stick it out until I figure out what I want to do.

Well I have a lot to think about.
 
Great job on the 9 pounds!! We all want the weight loss to be faster- faster isn't always better though. You are doing GREAT!! Keep up the good work.

On the job front, you will find something. One thing I have found out about job interviews is to always be yourself. It will help with the jitters before the interview itself. If you try to be all business like ( and you aren't) it affects your answers to the questions they are asking because the first thing you think of is how the business person would answer that question and not how you would answer it. Does this make any sense-lol? I know I stopped being someone else when I am in a job interview and learned to be myself and I have gotten more jobs that way than the other.

I know about the customer service industry- I was in it for a lot of years. My sister is a hairdresser so I have heard some of her stories. You know the ones- I want to look like Rihanna- except the woman is 60 years old and Caucasian and then when you are done she wants to know why she doesn't look like her-LOL. My advice to you ( it is the same advice I give to my kids) is to follow your heart and your passion. If your passion is to sing- then sing. If it is to do social work then train for that. If you have a passion for something, you will always find a job in it- also you will love to go to work.

Don't sell yourself short and don't settle for less!!
 
Aww, I guess I lost sight of that dream, haha. I've been so focused on the fact that I need money that I've forgotten I could have passion. My passion has been and always will be reading and writing. Books and that. ^.^

But I am afraid these days, that things like passions and dreams aren't practical.

I have been thinking about going to college for something like english, creative writing and stuff, because I figure I could always teach while I pursued writing as well.

Anyways, I've got a lot on my mind about my future, but I have to say that honestly now that I've made these changes my future already seems brighter, just knowing that I'm changing now.

I've lost another .6 lbs, and I'm really hoping to see 225 this week, it's also exciting to know that I'm a month closer to my birthday. If I can keep going steady in the weight loss until then I'm hoping to see 205ish, and I'll be taking my first ever inbetween picture. I am trying to wait long enough so there will actually be a visible difference, because I can't see it myself. I look in the mirror too often, but if I can compare it to the before picture and see the change, that'll be something. =)

Here's to hoping. ^.^

I think I probably will start applying for college here, get my student loans set up, and look for work to get me through college. I guess I've never had to make a really significant decision like this. I thought hairdressing would be great and I could just do it and be done with the whole choosing a career thing, but I was wrong, because it's not what I want to do forever. I guess that is what life is about though, making wrong decisions and then making better decisions.

Today is going well again. I am getting nervous about what I'll do when I hit a wall, but I'm gonna take it all in stride, and I'm still losing now and I'm hoping to ride it out to my birthday before I have to figure out what to do next. I was thinking I don't think you can just cut out 500 cals everytime you hit a plateau, that doesn't work. Though I'm sure there's a lot to do, if it was impossible to get through a plateau there would be no success stories. =)
 
I'm having a hard time getting the exercise in. I was doing yoga about three times a week for a bit, but I haven't done any in a week. I really want to get into the exercise, but I just haven't. I know I will, I just have to remind myself that it is important. I don't want to trick myself into thinking I can get away with never exercising, I know I can't.

x.x
 
the_walrus0 said:
I'm having a hard time getting the exercise in. I was doing yoga about three times a week for a bit, but I haven't done any in a week. I really want to get into the exercise, but I just haven't. I know I will, I just have to remind myself that it is important. I don't want to trick myself into thinking I can get away with never exercising, I know I can't.

x.x
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Hi,

You asked in the post before this what you can do to get past a plateau without going down another 500 calorie deficit-exercise - that way you create the deficit by burning more calories. Most people don't like exercise but it definitely helps with the weight loss. It will help with the toning too. I lost 100 pounds about 5 years ago- just dieting. This time I have lost 74 pounds so far doing exercise. The difference in my body is unbelievable. I am much more toned and there are parts of my body I thought I would always have - namely love handles-lol- that are just about gone. Knowing what I do now- exercise, no matter how much you hate it. You will thank yourself when you are down to your goal weight.

I found I just had to make a point of making myself exercise. I just looked at my schedule and seen if there was a time everyday that I could fit it in. I found right after work was perfect. Now it has become part of my day and I actually love to exercise.

On the career front- don't settle for second best. Believe me when I say I did that and it lasted 25 years. I was in a job I hated. Life happens and you get married and have kids and then the job is needed not wanted. Then I was trapped. I did get out of it through going to night school etc. but not until I was 42-lol. That is why I am so adamant with my kids to find something they love and then find a job in it. Follow your heart- it won't lead you astray.

I am glad you are still losing weight. You are on the right path physically. Keep doing what you are doing and persevere through the cravings and the plateaus. Believe me it is worth it in the end!!
 
cowboy48 said:
Hi,

You asked in the post before this what you can do to get past a plateau without going down another 500 calorie deficit-exercise - that way you create the deficit by burning more calories. Most people don't like exercise but it definitely helps with the weight loss. It will help with the toning too. I lost 100 pounds about 5 years ago- just dieting. This time I have lost 74 pounds so far doing exercise. The difference in my body is unbelievable. I am much more toned and there are parts of my body I thought I would always have - namely love handles-lol- that are just about gone. Knowing what I do now- exercise, no matter how much you hate it. You will thank yourself when you are down to your goal weight.

I found I just had to make a point of making myself exercise. I just looked at my schedule and seen if there was a time everyday that I could fit it in. I found right after work was perfect. Now it has become part of my day and I actually love to exercise.

On the career front- don't settle for second best. Believe me when I say I did that and it lasted 25 years. I was in a job I hated. Life happens and you get married and have kids and then the job is needed not wanted. Then I was trapped. I did get out of it through going to night school etc. but not until I was 42-lol. That is why I am so adamant with my kids to find something they love and then find a job in it. Follow your heart- it won't lead you astray.

I am glad you are still losing weight. You are on the right path physically. Keep doing what you are doing and persevere through the cravings and the plateaus. Believe me it is worth it in the end!!
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I'm feeling really good about everything. Yesterday I did some exercise, even though I didn't feel like it. I don't mind it usually once I'm doing it, but it's the getting myself to do it part that doesn't come easily.

I know exercise is important, I know it. x_x I really do like yoga, and cardio isn't so bad...I guess I'll just have to find my motivation.

So I've reached my goal of losing ten lbs in a month, and I'm hoping next month will be the same.

^.^ Tonight I will exercise for 30 mins, no matter what.
 
I overate a bit tonight, about maintenance again.

It was a decision. I really didn't feel like fighting myself tonight. It will be my cheat day. I won't weigh myself tomorrow, and I will eat really well all day.

I figure I deserve a bit of a breather. Only a bit.
 
the_walrus0 said:
I'm feeling really good about everything. Yesterday I did some exercise, even though I didn't feel like it. I don't mind it usually once I'm doing it, but it's the getting myself to do it part that doesn't come easily.

I know exercise is important, I know it. x_x I really do like yoga, and cardio isn't so bad...I guess I'll just have to find my motivation.

So I've reached my goal of losing ten lbs in a month, and I'm hoping next month will be the same.

^.^ Tonight I will exercise for 30 mins, no matter what.
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Congratulations on reaching your goal!! Good for you for getting your exercise in as well!! The hardest part of exercise is getting off the couch-LOL. Once you do that- the rest is easy. Find something you like to do for exercise- it will make it easier in the long run. Eventually if you do it enough- you don't even think about it- it becomes part of your routine.
 
Ok so I cheated yesterday but I didn't let myself feel too rubbish about it today. I did good today, got some yoga in and some cardio...but now...now I want to binge.

My parents brought home a bunch of pizza. I'm at my calories for the day and I can't get the pizza out of my head.

It's like that scene from Requiem for a Dream. I'm seeing slices of pizza floating around me.

I really don't know what to do. I'm kind of hiding in my room.

I know if I go up there and eat even on bite it's over. I will eat until I'm full and that pizza is not not not low calorie at all.

I'm kind of just cowering in my room.

I feel this stupid tug like it's going to happen no matter what I do, but I keep getting this glimpse of 'no I won't' pass me by. It's fleeting, but I'm holding onto it.

Can I do this? I can do this right? I doubt anyone is seeing this, I am writing mostly to distract myself.

I am going to crawl into bed and hide some more.
 
the_walrus0 said:
Ok so I cheated yesterday but I didn't let myself feel too rubbish about it today. I did good today, got some yoga in and some cardio...but now...now I want to binge.

My parents brought home a bunch of pizza. I'm at my calories for the day and I can't get the pizza out of my head.

It's like that scene from Requiem for a Dream. I'm seeing slices of pizza floating around me.

I really don't know what to do. I'm kind of hiding in my room.

I know if I go up there and eat even on bite it's over. I will eat until I'm full and that pizza is not not not low calorie at all.

I'm kind of just cowering in my room.

I feel this stupid tug like it's going to happen no matter what I do, but I keep getting this glimpse of 'no I won't' pass me by. It's fleeting, but I'm holding onto it.

Can I do this? I can do this right? I doubt anyone is seeing this, I am writing mostly to distract myself.

I am going to crawl into bed and hide some more.
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It is so hard some days to not give into temptation- isn't it? You have to ask yourself what it is that you really want? Do you want immediate satisfaction that comes with guilt or do you want to be thinner? Some days it is a toss up- right? You did right by not being in the same room as the dreaded pizza-lol. This has happened to me a few times when someone brings some kind of high calorie goodness into my house. You just have to find something else to take your mind off it- go out for a walk- get some exercise- watch tv in the basement( where the pizza is not)- anything to get your mind off it. Don't let the food win. With me I let the food win for too long- that is why I was fat. There is going to be lots of food temptations in your life. In order to stay thin - if that is what you want- you can't let it take over your every thought.

You will have to learn eventually that maybe one piece of pizza is enough. If you can't stop at one then don't eat any( until you can control those urges). Eat something healthy instead. Something that will take the edge off. Believe me I know about all the tempting foods out there but to overcome my being fat- I had to find a way to deal with the temptation. With me- it was all or nothing. I knew if I had one piece I would want another piece. So I had a private conversation with myself-lol and ask myself what I really wanted as there is going to be lots of time in my life where there is food temptation around. Giving into the temptation wasn't working for me- as I could tell from looking in the mirror. So I said ENOUGH!! I had to change. So for me I found a dessert that was low in calories and fat and that is what I had for my treat-mine was frozen yogurt. If one of my kids had a birthday party and the cake was passed around- I didn't have any- I had a bowl of frozen yogurt instead. I didn't feel like I was missing out and it was a good substitute. Stay strong- you can do this!!
 
cowboy48 said:
It is so hard some days to not give into temptation- isn't it? You have to ask yourself what it is that you really want? Do you want immediate satisfaction that comes with guilt or do you want to be thinner? Some days it is a toss up- right? You did right by not being in the same room as the dreaded pizza-lol. This has happened to me a few times when someone brings some kind of high calorie goodness into my house. You just have to find something else to take your mind off it- go out for a walk- get some exercise- watch tv in the basement( where the pizza is not)- anything to get your mind off it. Don't let the food win. With me I let the food win for too long- that is why I was fat. There is going to be lots of food temptations in your life. In order to stay thin - if that is what you want- you can't let it take over your every thought.

You will have to learn eventually that maybe one piece of pizza is enough. If you can't stop at one then don't eat any( until you can control those urges). Eat something healthy instead. Something that will take the edge off. Believe me I know about all the tempting foods out there but to overcome my being fat- I had to find a way to deal with the temptation. With me- it was all or nothing. I knew if I had one piece I would want another piece. So I had a private conversation with myself-lol and ask myself what I really wanted as there is going to be lots of time in my life where there is food temptation around. Giving into the temptation wasn't working for me- as I could tell from looking in the mirror. So I said ENOUGH!! I had to change. So for me I found a dessert that was low in calories and fat and that is what I had for my treat-mine was frozen yogurt. If one of my kids had a birthday party and the cake was passed around- I didn't have any- I had a bowl of frozen yogurt instead. I didn't feel like I was missing out and it was a good substitute. Stay strong- you can do this!!
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Thank you for the support! I have pizza replacements, but that's not why I wanted the pizza. I just really wanted that specific pizza. x.x So eating other things would've just led to me overeating the pizza.

But I didn't eat any! I didn't binge!

I did it! I sat in my chair and had a mental freak out in my room. I went upstairs to get a glass of water and I dodged the pizza. At one point I picked up a slice, and I was just going to take one bite. Then I threw it back on the pan and ran downstairs.

Then I drank a ton of water, chewed gum and then went to sleep.

This morning I did yoga.

From my slip up a few days ago I'm at 226.6, but I hope in two days I can be back to 226. Then I hope next week I can see 224. =)

I'm changing my goal to 210 by my birthday, since I calculated it and it's far more realistic.

199 is a shining number in my head, but I'm trying not to think about how far away it is, and just remind myself that if I stick to this I'll get there, and then keep going. Saying goodbye to 200 is going to be so amazing, and I'm just holding onto that goal.

Anyways, I don't want to dwell on it too much. Giving my goals passing glances until I need them to inspire me seems to be working.

I really can't believe I didn't binge. I was to the point where, in my head, I was convinced it was going to happen no matter what. Somewhere along the way I changed my mind.

Some of my habits are becoming second nature. It's pretty cool.

I gave up diet soda three days ago. I haven't really missed them. They don't really taste that great, except diet dr.pepper, which we hardly buy. Diet coke, which is what we always have, doesn't really taste good at all. I think I was just used to drinking it because I didn't like water. I can't say I'm crazy about the taste of water, but I'm getting used to having it around for thirst quenching purposes.

My yoga this morning was weaksauce, I know it. I got about fifteen minutes in, but I did the poses and did them right. I honestly think even ten minutes of any kind of exercise is better for me than none, and the time will increase as I lose weight and get more motivated. Right now I'm barely hanging on, so I figure even if I don't work out I can still eat right. I am positive the exercise will increase with time, because as my diet improves the lingering threat that working out has to happen...well it gets stronger all the time.

When summer comes round I will definately be biking my ass off, literally. I love biking. Biking around the block, biking to the park to swing on a swingset, biking back home from the park. I love biking.
I don't like hard core biking though. Like up mountains and stuff. x.x

But I think it doesn't matter right now, how hardcore I do anything, as long as I do anything.

Well overall I am proud of myself. I didn't binge and today I don't even care that I didn't get pizza.

^.^ Yay.
 
Congratulations!! You did fantastic!! It looks like you have fired up your will power. Isn't it a great feeling knowing that you won that battle? No guilt either- which is always nice. I am glad you didn't give in!! I remember when I dropped below 200- you are right it is a shining number- it was one for me too. Felt great when I broke that barrier. I know it will feel great for you too. Congrats again and you should be proud!!
 
Last night something amazing happened! I know I shouldn't weigh myself everyday, and I just accept that the number is going to be up and down, but after my little cheat a few days ago I was up to 230, but I knew it was junk food weight. I don't really know why, but when I eat a lot of junk food my weigh goes up a lot but quickly drops back when I eat right again. My weight went down to 226.6, and I was just hoping to get back to 226 before Sunday so that next week I could start fresh.

Well today I was 225.4, and I got on the scale about three times. I never trust the first time.

It was a nice start to the day. ^.^

And thank you Cowboy, for all the support! I'm feeling really great, and it's wonderful to hear congratulations. =)
 
the_walrus0 said:
Last night something amazing happened! I know I shouldn't weigh myself everyday, and I just accept that the number is going to be up and down, but after my little cheat a few days ago I was up to 230, but I knew it was junk food weight. I don't really know why, but when I eat a lot of junk food my weigh goes up a lot but quickly drops back when I eat right again. My weight went down to 226.6, and I was just hoping to get back to 226 before Sunday so that next week I could start fresh.

Well today I was 225.4, and I got on the scale about three times. I never trust the first time.

It was a nice start to the day. ^.^

And thank you Cowboy, for all the support! I'm feeling really great, and it's wonderful to hear congratulations. =)
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Hi,

Nice Job on the 225.4. It all boils down to commitment and perseverance. Having the scale go down makes all the sacrifice worth it, doesn't it. I knew you could do it!! Congrats, once again!!
 
Today is going well. It seems to be an average day emotionally. My weight is still 225.4, which is good. I had a taco bell burrito for dinner, not the best for me. High in sodium, but I counted the calories for it in and drank up lots of water with it.

Dinner today will be much healthier for me.

So I'm hoping to see 223.4 at the end of this week. =)

I'm really excited for the end of this month, which will hopefully mean a loss of about 20 lbs. I haven't seen a physical difference in myself yet, except that I am not bloated and I feel better over all. I know the physical difference takes a few months to really surface, and I'm trying not to hold my breath, lol.

I'm excited though, because I realized all my quick losses of twenty or twenty five lbs were usually muscle and water mostly, and my skin would be loose from losing it so fast. I want to see what it'll look to lose twenty lbs of actual fat.

=) And give my skin time to keep up.

Anyways, I know I'm really in this for good. I'm still going at it, even after some failed nights, and even though sometimes I don't know if I can keep doing it. A month seems like so little, buts when you're struggling it's a lot more than that.

I am confident I'll fall into step, and every month will get easier.
 
the_walrus0 said:
Today is going well. It seems to be an average day emotionally. My weight is still 225.4, which is good. I had a taco bell burrito for dinner, not the best for me. High in sodium, but I counted the calories for it in and drank up lots of water with it.

Dinner today will be much healthier for me.

So I'm hoping to see 223.4 at the end of this week. =)

I'm really excited for the end of this month, which will hopefully mean a loss of about 20 lbs. I haven't seen a physical difference in myself yet, except that I am not bloated and I feel better over all. I know the physical difference takes a few months to really surface, and I'm trying not to hold my breath, lol.

I'm excited though, because I realized all my quick losses of twenty or twenty five lbs were usually muscle and water mostly, and my skin would be loose from losing it so fast. I want to see what it'll look to lose twenty lbs of actual fat.

=) And give my skin time to keep up.

Anyways, I know I'm really in this for good. I'm still going at it, even after some failed nights, and even though sometimes I don't know if I can keep doing it. A month seems like so little, buts when you're struggling it's a lot more than that.

I am confident I'll fall into step, and every month will get easier.
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It gets easier as time goes on. Things become more of a habit. The thing is when you do have a failed night to wake up next morning, brush yourself off and start right back at it. 20 pounds is a lot- you should be proud of yourself!! You have the right attitude. You will be at your goal weight before you know it.
 
Agh, I just ate what I think was 250 calories worth of Kettle Corn. I couldn't find the nutrition values for it, so I had about three cups. I don't want to underestimate, so I overestimated. I figure it can't be all bad, aside from the sugar.

Either way I plan on hitting the hay early tonight. I'm going to try to worry about it less. Even if I was off, I didn't eat enough to go over my daily calories by more than 100.

I gotta stop freaking out.
 
the_walrus0 said:
Agh, I just ate what I think was 250 calories worth of Kettle Corn. I couldn't find the nutrition values for it, so I had about three cups. I don't want to underestimate, so I overestimated. I figure it can't be all bad, aside from the sugar.

Either way I plan on hitting the hay early tonight. I'm going to try to worry about it less. Even if I was off, I didn't eat enough to go over my daily calories by more than 100.

I gotta stop freaking out.
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You are right- got to stop freaking out about it-lol. If you didn't eat enough to go over your daily calories then don't worry at all- just incorporate it- no big deal.
 
^.^
I must've underestimated that popcorn, cause I'm at 224.6 today! It's marvelous because by the weekend was I hoping to see something in the 223 range.

=)

I'm very excited about this month. The first ten lbs was good yes, but most of it was me reminding myself to take every small loss as a win, and to be proud of two lbs a week instead of feel like it will take forever.

Now I really feel like it's a win, each time I lose. Even if it's .1 lbs I'm still happy.

I'm really extra excited to see the changes right before my birthday, since that will be in the 30 lbs lost range. I haven't lost thirty lbs in years.

30 feels like so much, and so little. x.x But since my hope is to lose the weight before my 21st birthday, the more I take off before my 20th will be just that much less to lose inbetween this May and next. If I lose twentyish more lbs I'll be looking at losing about 70 lbs to get to my goal weight. In a year I think that's incredibly do-able. I don't know why getting there before 21 is so important.
Even if I didn't get there by 21 I'd still keep going. I guess I just picture myself going out at 21, having my big party that everyone gets at 21. I just want to feel good about myself. I don't even care about the drinking, or getting into bars. I just want to be able to go out and feel good.

Even when I was younger I hated my body, but I masked that hate with crazy outfits, a crazy attitude, and a lot of pot. Well now I don't want to hate. Even if me and my body could just be casual buddies, I would be ok. x.x So long as I'm not trying to hide it all the time. And I don't mean I want to run around in a bikini. I mean I want to put on a form fitting t-shirt and now feel like I absolutely have to wearing a sweater.

Well anyways, that's a long way off, so I'm just focusing on my upcoming birthday. I plan on taking an inbetween photo on my birthday. It will be around 30 lbs lost, so I'm hoping the difference will be noticable.

Anyways, plans plans plans. I'm really excited for Friday because I'm going to see a movie I've been awfully excited about.
 
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