A Healthier Me (Veronique's Diary Part 2)

Veronique you have a really good attitude about things. I hate to sound cliche, but you may be surprised at how this opens doors for you to do things you love. I know it's really upsetting, but like you said you are now free from those toxic coworkers. Sometimes people lie and don't realise the impact it has on someone else, and when others believe the lie, it can be really hurtful, but you know the truth and you know that you did the right thing and I really think that integrity you have is what will take you through this and on to better things that you really want to do!
 
Thank you! Xe

Hubby announced today that mabe we will move in couple of months get closer to his work...it's an all inclusive basement aparment for about half of what we are paying right now and way less traveling for hubby. it's also a bit closer to the kids daycare and my daughters school, and in the area where I would do house cleaning....plus it's on a hobby farm they have a few cows and a couple of goats the kids are gonna love it....and on the plus side I won't have to smell the chicken coops like I do here...seriously we never spend much time outside cause there are like five huge chicken coops in the area and they stink! Farms are smelly but they don't smell toxic like chicken do......The man that ownes the place just divides the amount the taxes into 12 months and that is what he charges for rent. There is also the real posibility that I can go back to shcool since the rent would be so cheap....anyways we will go visite this week and I want to make sure the place is safe and that there is enough storage and a plug in for my laundry. I will update when I know if we are moving or not!
 
Good day forum friends

Breakfast
coffee
old fashion glazed donut :S

Lunch
Chicken Sandwich
ice cream

Diner
I am gonna do a little grocerie so I can make myself a salad or somthing light!
 
March 09 2011

Ok so I haven't been on here much the last two days....I ran into a former co worker then fell into sorry for myself mode, and ate nothing but junk and fatty food and a 2 X2 liter of pepsi pratically to myself.....I think part of it is I no longer have my reward.....I was supposed to get a tattoo at the end of the month with a co-worker whom I got along with thinking we where friends....turns out not so much...I could still go out and get the tattoo but it was suppose to be an outing with girl friends you know...a victory for us....I could go with my husband but he doesn't get it...he thinks all women are crazy...about the wanting the perfect body...and we should just be realistic....I try to explaine to him that I get that I will not ever have the perfect body like the ones in the magasines cause I just can't air brush myself....but that I know that I can have better then I do now and that I can feel better then I do now....he just doesn't get it....he has never had a weight problem and just isn't wanting to understand...he has been shopping with me saw me walk out of dressing rooms crying, keep telling I am perfect the way I am the clothes industry has the problem.....lol, Sure it is! I was sitting with a box of cookies trying to find something worth watching....and the comercial for Kinect Dance Central comes on....so I got off the couch and did 15 min of dancing....all I could do after the over eating I have been doing.
I also did 3 straight hours of house cleaning today....so hopefully for this week I maintain....The only good thing about my binging is that I am over my craving and feeling like crap! I want to stick to lean healthy foods!
 
Verobc said:
Ok so I haven't been on here much the last two days....I ran into a former co worker then fell into sorry for myself mode, and ate nothing but junk and fatty food and a 2 X2 liter of pepsi pratically to myself.....I think part of it is I no longer have my reward.....I was supposed to get a tattoo at the end of the month with a co-worker whom I got along with thinking we where friends....turns out not so much...I could still go out and get the tattoo but it was suppose to be an outing with girl friends you know...a victory for us....I could go with my husband but he doesn't get it...he thinks all women are crazy...about the wanting the perfect body...and we should just be realistic....I try to explaine to him that I get that I will not ever have the perfect body like the ones in the magasines cause I just can't air brush myself....but that I know that I can have better then I do now and that I can feel better then I do now....he just doesn't get it....he has never had a weight problem and just isn't wanting to understand...he has been shopping with me saw me walk out of dressing rooms crying, keep telling I am perfect the way I am the clothes industry has the problem.....lol, Sure it is! I was sitting with a box of cookies trying to find something worth watching....and the comercial for Kinect Dance Central comes on....so I got off the couch and did 15 min of dancing....all I could do after the over eating I have been doing.
I also did 3 straight hours of house cleaning today....so hopefully for this week I maintain....The only good thing about my binging is that I am over my craving and feeling like crap! I want to stick to lean healthy foods!
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OMG I can totally relate! I just made some brownies and ate like 1/4 of them today. It is really nice of your husband to appreciate you the way you are and try to comfort you, but I know how it is when you just want them to understand and support you. My husband likes me as i am and he says he wants me to lose weight because I want to do it and I am concerned about my health...but then he cooks all of these things for me and tells me that they're there for me LOL He even bought a brownie mix the other day although I told him I'm really trying to stick to my diet.

I think it is awesome that you worked out right after :) I did the same thing after but I still feel terrible for caving today. You have the right attitude Veronique, just keep on pushing. You can do this!

Also I just read about the move. Awesome news!
 
Thanks for stoping by Xe! I am not sure about the move yiet I saw the outside of the place but a bit worried about living in a basement especially since I don't have a job and I spend so much time home not having lots of natural light might make me feel depress...I gues we will find out in time!

Today wasn't my best day food wise I ate with out thinking about calories but I did get a good 45 min of heavy snow shoveling this morning and then went back out to break ice during the day so that was a big workout I really worked up a sweat...I am thinking maybe more dancing tonight! I think that is what saved my day yesterday..not just working out I love dancing.....it help keep my mind off everything else!
 
Aww Veronique - sorry to hear you have been going through a difficult time - no one deserves to feel that way. You are a great mother and wife and you should be proud of the weight you have lost so far. It takes hard work to keep it up but it's worth the pay back. Find your strength and get your workouts in. I can't stress enough how much exercise makes you feel better.
I'll miss you while I'm gone - I hope you are feeling better!! See you April 1st.:grouphug:
 
chubbygirl said:
Aww Veronique - sorry to hear you have been going through a difficult time - no one deserves to feel that way. You are a great mother and wife and you should be proud of the weight you have lost so far. It takes hard work to keep it up but it's worth the pay back. Find your strength and get your workouts in. I can't stress enough how much exercise makes you feel better.
I'll miss you while I'm gone - I hope you are feeling better!! See you April 1st.:grouphug:
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I am so sorry I didn't get on here......I was gone to an employement fair to meet employers for the last couple of days....Hope you are having a great time and hot weather!
 
Verobc said:
Thanks for stoping by Xe! I am not sure about the move yiet I saw the outside of the place but a bit worried about living in a basement especially since I don't have a job and I spend so much time home not having lots of natural light might make me feel depress...I gues we will find out in time!
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I totally know what you mean...I stay inside so much and I realised today that it is probably what has been making me down although it is well lit in here. Sometimes I think I really just need to get out and see that there is a world I am a part of lol

Hope the job fair went well. I have a crazy aunt who LOVES to go to them so she can get free pens and things--she never goes to look for a job LOL I think she also likes to talk to the employers or something.
 
Hey Xe

The fair went well and got lots of free pens a few fridge magnet and a couple note books.....spoke with a few employers who seemed interested, but I basically went just to get a feed back on my resume, there where people there who help polish it up...all the job that are available with my experience are around phones...reception...call center...help desk.....data entry clerk in a call center....you get the idee....I am so tired of working phones....I don't even answer mine at home I basically screen my calls ( credit card companies are starting to call again..) I think I want to go back to school but even if the government helps me out with paying school and day care that still isn't enough because of the dept I have.....I have been strugling with dept for years was finnally getting somewhere and starting to really take a chunk out of depts especially since now the car is fully paid.....seriously the friday before I lost my job we finished the car payements.....then on the monday they let me go. I think I will just have to go with the house cleaning or a job that sucks at least until the dept is payed....I feel like I am going to jail for the next....5 years or so...one thing for sure as soon as I get passed the 3 mo probation I am gonna go see someone to help financially make a plan pay , my depts and get on with my life...mabe plan for my retirement of my boring ass job.......ok I need a giant kick in the behind enough with the poor me routine!
 
Ok so I have been avoiding this site......I weighted back at 181.6 omn Saturday morning.....I hate this I tought I was done with the 180's I hadn't been there in a year....I have been eating crap and drinking lots of pop in the last couple weeks....there was a death in the familly as well.....my hubby's uncle lost his battle with cancer last tuesday....plus I was at home all day with the kids all week......babysitter told me if I don't bring my kids in regularly then she will start too look for other kids to babysit so I will loose my spot wich sucks....so I have to find a way to pay for my day care with out my full income......I feel like giving up everything....I need a break somewhere.....feels like I am drowning, hopefully somthing good will happen soon.....I don't know if I have the strengh to keep going...I know there are people who are worst off then I am......and I have no right to a pity party but this freaking month sucks.....I notice the price on food is sooo high I don't know how we will pay the rent and the day care with only 60% of my paycheck comming in....then afford groceries .the creditors for my credit cards are arasing me none stop.....I would disconect my phone just to stop those calls but what if there is an emergency....I hate not being able to do something. Even if I go for a minimum wage job it will only cover daycare and travelling cost.....what is the point. I check into local stores that are looking for clerks but I have to start with evening and weekends.....what do I do with my kids on the week night when hubby is working, or on the weekend when hubby is working......I am now eating none stop and feeling sick none stop.....This is the reason I am staying away...I am ashamed of gaining back the weight.....I am ashamed of being so negative....and also by the time the kids where in bed at night last week I was so tired that I fell into bed too....last week was TOM as well so my iron is most likely very low ....wich makes me very negative and weepy......my poor husband is probably wondering who the crasy person he is living with is.....hopefully I get more houses to clean!
 
Ok so I was MIA for most of the week.....but I didn't give up! I upped my water this week and didn't drink any pop. I still ate lots of junk but decided that since I did make a change for the better that I was going to weight in. 179.2lb as of this morning.
 
Really sorry to hear that things are so tough at the moment - hang on in there hon, it can only get better. Things happen for a reason - you never know, you'll look back on this in a year or two and go yeah, that was the start of going down that path that led to here and where I am now is pretty darn cool so it was all for a reason. I KNOW that seems a difficult thing to focus on but it makes getting through the short term so much easier.

Congrats on the 179 - back on the losing track!
 
I don't think you're being negative Veronique. You really demand a lot from yourself, which I understand because I am the same way, but you have to consider you are going through a lot. There is no pity party, you're just trying to deal with all of the things you are facing, so please go easy on yourself as you work through things :grouphug: I'm really sorry to hear about your husband's uncle. The person I loved the most in my entire life died from cancer. You are really dealing with so much Veronique, just try to stay afloat and don't feel bad about your reaction to things because it is normal. You can get through this!
 
Thanks Girls!!

I am feeling better this week....emotionally ....I am exausted both my kids are not feeling well, and my daughter is starting one of her let's make mommy crazy stage....Can't wait for this one to blow over....good thing is this week I haven't gone searching for chips, or pepsi yiet...the week if 1/2 done so it's good! I am guessing my daughter is going throught that phase cause she is reacting to the death of my hubby's uncle we didn't see him 20 times a year but in the summer my mother in laws familly would gather for a weekend over at his cottage and my daughter would follow him around a lot he really was great with her...I think he enjoyed being around a little girl since he has one son and his son has 3 boys. We have good memories of him, he wasn't sick for a very long time he only found out about his cancer around November / December it all went really quickly after, I am gratefull that he didn't suffer for years. All in all I think we are dealing with this better then last week. I have to start writting down what I eat...keeps me focus and I am starting my Biggest looser game tonight. I finnaly got around to cleaning my living room so that I would have enough room to do it. Next week I am going to start a big spring cleaning and getting rid of stuff we don't need at the same time that way if we end up moving it will be easyer.
I will log on later today to write my food log so far I have only had coffee but I am getting ready to fix my breakfast!
 
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