<3Cerella's Restarting, Refocused and Remotivated<3

Aww.. I know you'll get through this! I know what you mean about the whole guy issue... always wondering if you'll find someone else but don't worry you will.. and you don't have to lost weight to do it! Your beautiful now.. the right guy will come until then you have your wonderful kids that love you to death to keep you strong! Hang in there girl your doing great!! Keep it up!!
 
cinderelly said:
I think what else is really bothering me is...recently I have gotten "close" emotionally to someone of the opposite sex. He who shall remain unnamed I have been talking to for a long time online, we talk alot and it is nice, we have become :friends: but close friends who share stuff and seem to have a connection which is why we talk alot...It is nice and fun and enjoyable and it is what it is will never be anymore...but it seems I play it safe, get close to ppl and things I know I cant have and wont have and dont need to worry about having...and WHY can I connect on the internet with someone but not in person...and I guess it benefits me I get to hear things I wouldnt normally hear and it strokes my ego a bit BUT then I think it makes me wish I had more and had something ya know.

Well I guess you cant win em all, I allowed myself to get over weight by not loving myself and putting my kids first and so on which is what I choose

Emotionally, I guess I still have ALOT of work ahead of me:(
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Cerella, you are such a beautiful person. Period.

You make the connection on the internet because the real you shines through for someone to see. The part that you guard a bit in person, to protect yourself and your beautiful children. When you are ready... you need to open yourself up a bit to the possibilities. I just hope you don't get scared by it... sometimes you have to step outside your comfort zone just a little bit though to really find what your looking for...

I want you to find what your looking for, you deserve it.
 
reluctantcabbie said:
Cerella, you are such a beautiful person. Period.

You make the connection on the internet because the real you shines through for someone to see. The part that you guard a bit in person, to protect yourself and your beautiful children. When you are ready... you need to open yourself up a bit to the possibilities. I just hope you don't get scared by it... sometimes you have to step outside your comfort zone just a little bit though to really find what your looking for...

I want you to find what your looking for, you deserve it.
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You've become a good friend Karl and I do appreciate and value your opinion.

Im not ready for alot of reasons...I know my flaws, I know I hide...but for now that is what I need...I need to focus on my girls and giving them what they need and want...Im starting with myself as well BUT...

My ex hurt me badly enough to last a life time...5 years have gone by and i still have no desire to be with anothe rman in another relationship or even date.

I just cant go there and take those chances, I don think I am strong enough yet to deal with the all bullshit most men come bearing...(their are a few exceptions)

Im ok, I always am, just feeling a little defeated at the moment and a lil vulnorable...I will get over it once ai get back to my busyness...

I stay busy for a reason...so i have no time to think.

Im just extremely emotional at the moment:(
 
Relly, I'm with Karl :hug2: You are a wonderful person and mom. I ABSOLUTELY do not blame you in the slightest for feeling this way--before PZ I was working very hard on myself and I was doing all right, but you know, I don't have any children and thus, unbreakable connections to baby's daddy--my ex was out of my life completely and it made it easier for me--the fact that your ex is and always will be in your life, but failing you and your babies time and time again is NOT fair. It drives me NUTS just thinking about it! :cuss: I'm literally angry right now!!!!! :smash: :cuss: :smash: :cuss:

Awwww sweetheart! :hug2: :(
 
Thanx Val, ya things woudl be easier if he wasnt an asshole and in my life...

I just told him that I cant communicate with him anymore.I deleted him from msn and I told him that I need to completely move one and not have him in my life anymore cuz he isnt good for me and doesnt respect me.

I told him I will expect him here on Tuesdays unless i recieve a text stating different.

It is so hard to do but I dont want a relationship with him, i want nothing to do with him but it still hurts.Anyway, hopefully this will be the end of my emotionally break down for awhile, once I get over it *SIGH*

Now we will see if he will follow throught with Taneesha, once he stops I will not allow him bakc, im tired of him disrupting our lives...Im not strong enough to continue doing this.

I think I need to go back and reread the opening of this diary, I was in a good place then and how many times since has he beaten me down?
 
Don't let him :boxing: You are in control of your mind/body/emotional balance, OK??? not him. Good for you for cutting him out. I remember when you got along, it was like you were best friends and I KNOW that is hard to forget. But you have to let it go. My ex was the best kisser I ever had and the One I loved the most, but I also had to let him go and my life is WAY better without him in it, causing me pain! Ditto for him probably. Letting go is the hardest thing; letting go while still having to deal with visitation rights is downright torture but you're strong enough to do it! :flame:
 
Ya John was the best lover I have been with but he was good for a reason from lots of practise, he was also the also a great kisser.

Visitation is set up on Tuesdays, Tuesday i go to boot camp from 6 - 7 and out for coffee with friends so I dont need to see him.

If he needs to reschedule I will go out or I will tell him no.

This time i need to stick with it and not turn back or care...

 
Good game plan. In the meantime, remember--our sentient experience is dictated by where we put our energy. I'd advise you to do something fun to take your mind off of him tonight. :)
 
We are addicted to the wii golf, we love the training for it and the actual game itself...and both girls and i sit down and play and i love it.

I love my kids and love spending time with them and then Taneesha and i will go to bed early, obviously I need it!

It has been a long sleepless stressful week...next week I have twio days off and am going to mom and dads for a long 5 day weekend and to take the girls to see High School Musical on Ice in Victoria:)with my folks we have never done anything like that with them

Thanx Val, I really do appreciate talking and such, and i know all t he shit you went through with your ex, I remeber it clearly and how you felt and hwo i could relate cuz i had been there:hug2:

Oh and Heather is momma4alex, she is in sacramento, i believe...
 
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The good news is...Im in a better mood and better frame of mind!

I went to bed at 830 last nihgt and slept till 8:)

Im looking forward to getting my activity back!
 
glad to see you are slated to have a better week next week. I hope you aren't bowing out, no really? Only you know whats best for you right now. I have a coupel good books I have read recently if you are interested, they wont help with ex but they help me out.

take care
 
You are a nice girl. You deserve a nice guy. Period. No ex making you feel bad. He's proven himself in how he's treated the girls and you.

Well glad to see you're feeling better, does that mean you're staying in the challenge?? I would sorely miss you :).
 
lNicole, I just started a good book, well one i can get lost in:)I just started reading Breaking Dawn the final book in the Twilight series, I figured i could use a good distraction, Bella and Edward would def distract me:)

Claud - I was feeling better it comes and goes, im in an ok mood today.I dunno...im just not happy at the moment.Brandy im working on it hun:)I feel better from being able to get some in, ive worked outeveryday since friday...gotta get more in today to finish up the exercise requirements for the challenge.

I havent made a decision yet...
 
Are you thinking about leaving the challenge?? I hope not I'll be really sad... anyways I just wanted to stop by and say HI.. hope you feeling better!
 
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