3500 calorie diet ??

Tasksgirl

Tasksgirl

New member
For my husband's weight (325) it is recommended that he get around 3500 calories a day (I am still trying to figure out exactly how much)... The problem is trying to find ways to get that many calories healthfully.. today was the first day we tried and we are struggling to reach even 3000. He has been at the same exact weight for a year, and before that he was 280 for several years.. most of his weight was gained in childhood and we think that the problem now is that he eats so few calories that the body is in the starvation mode and causing it to store the fat (and almost ALL of his fat is in his stomach/chest/neck area - skinny toned legs and somewhat toned arms) .. so we are also a little worried what will happen if he suddenly jumps from 2000 calories a day to 3500 calories a day.. even though supposedly someone of his weight is supposed to have 4000+ a day?? Also he is going to start a workout group/boot camp on Monday that trains 1 hour a day 5 days a week.. so he will become much more active..

I am just wondering if we are doing the right things here?? I am scared of making the wrong mistakes.. and not even knowing it.. just by being off by 200 calories or something..
 
Here's the thing I'm not understanding. If he's been maintaining 300 + lbs, he's been eating well over 3,500 calories each day for a long while. So why is he having trouble eating it now?

I suppose he could be eating a lot of satiating food, but it's still surprising.

Starvation mode does not cause drastic weight gain or maintenance. Read and .
 
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I'm not sure but for many years it was not uncommon for him to eat 1 maybe 2 meals a day .. sometimes breakfast sometimes lunch and then a dinner maybe 2000 calories tops but not 3500 .. I am sure there are some days that he was over 3500 with fast food but definitely not an every day thing. Maybe a few times a month. He is Mexican, so the way he was raised is you eat typically one big meal at night, with fresh meat and vegetables bought that day, or at least that week. We have always lived either with or near his parents so he would sometimes eat there, sometimes prepare his own meals, or sometimes eat a similar dinner I bring from work ( we get catering ). This would accurately describe 2004-2008. During those years he stayed at 280. He also had EXTREMELY physical jobs during most of these years. So he would have burned a ton.

And then recently for the past year, and ESPECIALLY the past few months he has been getting probably 2000 calories but we have not been counting.. but a bowl of (healthy low fat) cereal for breakfast, sandwich for snack, for lunch, second snack, and then a dinner maybe chicken & rice.. the sandwiches are 200 each, cereal is maybe 500 if it's a big bowl (fat free milk) so that is only 1100 and I know that the dinners are not 2400 ! MAYBE 1000 but that is still only 2100 total..

He was 280-290ish since I moved in with him 5 years ago until last fall - we spent almost 2 months in Mexico getting his visa straightened out and visiting family (admittedly not eating very well - but due to less meals because of $$ I doubt he was going over 3500 a day) and then when we got back he was 325 .. and has been that way for a year.. EVERY time he gets on the scale .. 325

His thyroid has been tested - no problems - cholesterol is perfect - blood pressure is perfect - no signs of diabetes in sight .. it's very strange to me.. he has just always been big.. since probably about 7 or 8 years old.. if you look at old pictures he looks proportionally the same size as he did then - just older and taller..

And his health is obviously good since he eats way more fruits + veggies than me, and healthy fats like avocados, beans, I don't even eat meat so I know I am probably lacking in nutrition .. and I am 125 and he is 325 .. the doctor said his test results are that of someone less than half his size.. I swear to you that he is healthier nutrient wise than me.. he is in better shape than me.. he rarely eats anything fatty .. so why can the weight not go away.. This is not a diet - he has made the lifestyle change, he is committed, he is active, he has switched out white bread for wheat, white rice for brown .. every day gets veggies and almost every day fruits and almost every day healthy meat (chicken). I am sorry I am rambling on but we are just so frustrated!!

The only way I can describe is it that he gets in a rut and just sticks there.. it was unusual for him to even gain weight..
I just feel like we are missing something health-wise.. the thyroid would have explained everything.. is there anything else that could cause similar problems.. it is obvious to me that a lot of it is genetic because his whole family is the same and I swear to you - they barely eat.

It just seems so bizarre to me that you hear stories of those who eat Big Macs and drink soda DAILY for years and MAYBE reach 275 .. and here is my husband and his family who eat completely fresh foods - my husband has only drank water and sometimes juice (which he dilutes with mainly water) for years - in the past would eat 1 or 2 meals - usually healthy such as chicken - sometimes including iffy foods such as tortillas and white rice - but not the worst horrible fatty 1000 calorie cheeseburgers either.. and yet everyone in his family is overweight and my husband the worst of it.. ! I am watching the same thing happen to his teenage sister, she only eats what her mom makes, rarely snacks, and since she is a female, is probably proportionally just as obese as my husband is.. then there is his little brother.. he is getting chubby too but he should be the one with the biggest problem .. he eats pizza at school.. he eats chips - large bags EVERY DAY.. at LEAST 2-3 cans of soda every day.. eats everything in sight.. yet he weighs less than anyone..

It's just so frustrating !

Thinking of my husband's history it seems to me that his body has consistently throughout his life not gotten enough calories that it needed for it's size.. the habit of typically having only one meal a day was something he lived with from childhood until 18+ .. I do not think you can get enough fuel for your body from ONE meal .. If you read the stories above maybe this explains why his sister - who also typically only eats the 1 meal - is following the same pattern, and his brother (who snacks constantly although MORE unhealthily) is not ..

Or am I just totally off base here..
 
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Steve said:
Here's the thing I'm not understanding. If he's been maintaining 300 + lbs, he's been eating well over 3,500 calories each day for a long while. So why is he having trouble eating it now?

I suppose he could be eating a lot of satiating food, but it's still surprising.

Starvation mode does not cause drastic weight gain or maintenance. Read and .
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I have had the same problem eating as many calories as I've been prescribed. When I was eating unconsciously, I was eating lots of empty calories (sodas and fruit juices - nothing but liquefied sugar) and calorically-dense foods (like fast food) that was driving up my daily caloric intake super high. Now that I've cut the empty calories out of my diet, it is a lot harder to eat as many daily calories. Since I'm started eating more healthfully, I've been eating more satiating foods - with fiber (totally missing from my diet before) and lean proteins. I'm totally satisfied with about 1/2 the calories I was apparently eating before. I've been eating around 1500-1800 cals/day.
 
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The things I have found so far through research that help bring in healthy calories are avocados (200-350 calores) and bananas (~130)..
 
Here's the thing.

You don't see everything that enters his mouth. The bottom line is we're all bound by the laws of thermodynamics. There's a set amount of energy intake required to maintain 300+ lbs.

If he's eating less than this set amount, yet maintaining his weight, that means his body is producing energy itself. Otherwise, to make up for the shortage (since he's supposedly eating less energy than his body needs at 300+ lbs) his body would be tapping into it's stored energy which would lead to weight loss.

What you're suggesting is he's some sort of walking fusion reactor. And if that's the case, scientists would love to get their hands on him b/c he could hold the cure to our energy crisis.

I don't say this to be a smart ass, I promise you. But the laws of energy are quite binding and I think shooting straight from the hip is important if we're going to correct the issue at hand.
 
sandwich for snack, for lunch, second snack, and then a dinner maybe chicken & rice.. the sandwiches are 200 each,
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You say he has 3 sandwiches a day and those sandwiches are 200 calories each? Are you sure about that?

Because 1 slice of bread has anywhere between 70-130 calories depending on the type of bread. Unless you're using some kind of "lite" or diet bread, which is about 50 cals a slice.

Unless his sandwiches are absolutely nothing other than 2 slices of bread and maybe 2 oz of low fat deli turkey, then those sandwiches aren't 200 calories each. Is there cheese on them? Condiments? Anything other than 2 oz of turkey?

When you talk about the dinner he eats which is chicken and rice and maybe some veggies - are you counting the oil or fat anything was cooked in? What about condiments? What about dressing for the veggies?

I don't think you're counting portion sizes or calories properly.

As Steve said and as I told you in your other thread asking the same thing - it is physically impossible for him to maintain or gain weight on fewer calories - barring medical issues which you've already ruled out.

Edited ... I also wanted to add this from what Steve said:
You don't see everything that enters his mouth.
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I think this is really important. You don't see him 100% of the time. You have no idea what he might be eating while he's at work and not telling you about. Or what he might snack on when you're not around. Look, when I was married, I cooked all the meals - or my husband and I cooked together. But he gained weight when I wasn't ... and come to find out taht every morning at work he was drinking a 20oz Mountain Dew and every afternoon he was stopping by Chick-fil-a and getting an extra large sweet iced tea for his afternoon drink. He never thought about those things adding calories, but it was nearly 800 calories a day in DRINKS. He wasn't lying to me about what he was eating ... it just never occurred to him that drinking something was a problem.

And ... too .. people can be really good at lying to themselves w/out even knowing it. It's very easy to fool yourself that you didn't eat that much or to "forget" that you ate a candy bar with your afternoon snack.

I'm not saying your husband is lying, but obviously he is consuming enough calories to maintain 300+ lbs. If they're not coming from the food you prepare for him or he tells you about, they're coming from somewhere.
 
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KaraCooks said:
You say he has 3 sandwiches a day and those sandwiches are 200 calories each? Are you sure about that?

Because 1 slice of bread has anywhere between 70-130 calories depending on the type of bread. Unless you're using some kind of "lite" or diet bread, which is about 50 cals a slice.

Unless his sandwiches are absolutely nothing other than 2 slices of bread and maybe 2 oz of low fat deli turkey, then those sandwiches aren't 200 calories each. Is there cheese on them? Condiments? Anything other than 2 oz of turkey?
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Not to mention butter or mayonnaise or anything like that….

Shop bought sandwiches can have 1000 calories in each one…

The anecdote about the size of the rest of the family plus his weight gain on visiting kind of yells out to me that maybe the cooking in the home is not low in calories despite things being made from fresh ingredients. I agree with what the others are saying about things like a question over oils/fat/sauces in the cooking. Do they grill or roast and then incorporate the fat/meat juices in the rest of the meal? Is fat or skin trimmed or eaten?

The fact that he gained weight on his trip to Mexico does nothing to suggest that this is not the case.

Many of us on the forum were not addicted to fast food – as you may suspect. I certainly wasnt. I cannot say for sure that I have ever been in a branch of McDonalds. You can build up a lot of calories with traditional cooking.

For the record – I do not tend to feel very hungry until I start to eat and do not want to eat more than one “proper meal”. I am inclined to graze on fat free yoghurts / fruit / raw veg throughout the day. I then tend to have one main meal at night. I have lost a lot of weight while eating in this pattern so can confirm that there is nothing that makes you gain weight by eating in this way. I can say that many people would be surprised at the proportion of my daily calories come from the part of the day when I am grazing. I certainly do not have sandwiches. Bread is not a filling food (high GI) and is limited by both Weight Watcher’s core plan and the Slimming World plan. More to the point - I noticed that I gained weight whenever I ate bread.
 
I can tell you back when we were 18/19 and living at his mom's house and going to classes at the community college together and neither of us worked I did see everything that went in his mouth.. after that he wasn't able to work for many years because of his immigration status and I only worked 3 days a week and the rest at home.. I am sure there are some things he has eaten or drank that I do not know about but not thousands of calories on a daily basis for 5 years !! We've also always had shared finances so there is no fast food that has been "sneaked"

It really bugs me that every forum I post on this is the first thing they attack me on.. I am SURE there have been things over the years that I don't know about! But again, not thousands of calories on a daily basis! I should have him come in here and defend himself.. it's just insulting. To me, this is what was so frustrating and the feelings that led me to make this post in the first place. I feel that I am missing something and no one can help or will listen to me!

The only medical issue we have had tested out is the thyroid.. aren't there possibly other things it could be?
I get how ridiculously impossible it is to be eating that few calories and not loosing weight .. that is why I am so at my wits end about this.. but I am telling you it happened. Again, he was not GAINING weight - he did not gain ANY weight after the age of 18 - except for the trip that led to the jump from 285-325.. that is FIVE years of not gaining ANYTHING. And another FIVE years before that of only gaining about 20. The majority of his weight was gained between the ages of 8-14 and now it has stuck there. So 10+ years barely gaining anything.. Does that sound normal to you? Because it doesn't to me ! His eating habits did not change that much on the trip. This tells me that if he had really been eating 3000+ on a daily basis for years he would be like 500 lbs not 325..

I am not trying to be naive or stupid or anything and I am sure everyone sees me that way but I know what I know. Unless I am severly underestimating the calories in chicken soup and a roll ( a typical dinner he would have "back in the day" when we were dirt broke and so were his parents ) I don't think they were 4000 calories !!! There was no food in the house, we had no money for food. That is just the 100% truth of how it was.

And Sandwich - 2 slices of whole wheat bread at 70 calories each, 1 slice of Costco ham at 30 calories each - very low fat - 2 servings of mustard at 10 calories per serving - chopped veggies add maybe 10 calories (very small amount of thinly diced tomatoes, onions, and green peppers) = 190-200 calories each .. that is a very filling and tasty sandwich and it is 200 calories!

That was before we realized that VLCD were the wrong way to go..

Let me ask you this, google VLCD or "1200 calorie diet" and you will see tons of articles, forum postings, etc. mainly women maybe 200 pounds, trying to eat 1200 calories and wondering why they haven't lost a single pound. For months, even years. If that concept makes sense, and is an accepted idea, why does it not make sense that someone could be 325 pounds, eating 2000-2500 calories and wondering why they haven't lost a single pound?
 
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Attacking you?

I'll steer clear of this thread from here on out... I'm not interested in my words being misconstrued as an attack.

And no, there has never, not once, been a case of a human being bending the laws of thermodynamics. Sorry.
 
Clearly my telling you that you can lose weight well on a single meal a day was an attack too.

Well it wasnt - it was the truth. I have lost a lot of weight that way. There is no reason there for not losing weight at a VERY GOOD RATE.

No wonder you are going to a lot of forums - you keep pissing off people where-ever you go by saying that you are being attacked and they probably stop even trying to help you. I can well understand that.

I assume that you are doing the really obvious things like counting / limiting his sodium too. I dont know why I even bother mentioning it. I am sure that you will take it as another attack.
 
Yeah, I guess I'm done here too.

This tells me that if he had really been eating 3000+ on a daily basis for years he would be like 500 lbs not 325..
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Nope. Both your logic and your math are wrong.

If 3500 calories is maintenance and that's what he's been eating for years, then that's what he'll maintain at. You don't gain weight on maintenance calories.

And surprise surprise - he changed his diet (going home for a few months) and came back weighing more. That's pretty logical and clear that while he was home he ate more calories.

You want there to be a different answer. You want it to be nobody's fault. You want there to be something magical to make it all better. And so when a whole bunch of people tell you the actual, physical, can't-change-science facts of it - you attack THEM.

You're not the one being attacked here, sweetie. You're doing the attacking.

Facts are facts. Wanting them to be different doesn't change them.
 
Wow, I am not sure I can really understand all of your responses. Some of you even have said yourselves that a medical condition could be a factor - well I have stated clearly that we have not ruled them all out. All I am trying to do is research and discover any possible medical reason there could be - that is all! He has sleep apnea as well and everything I research says that it can be impossible to loose weight until you get the sleep apnea treated (which we are in the process of doing - insurance moves slow).

I am not just posting blindly he has these questions and is even more concerned than I am that something is wrong medically.. You know they say that we are supposed to listen to our bodies .. !! I am only acting as his research partner because he is not the best at using the internet and forums.

People are going to know if after years of trying, nothing has worked. If your child or spouse was sick, and you knew, and they knew, that they had something wrong, would you stop until you had taken them to every doctor and explored every avenue? I don't think so. Would you become frustrated if every doctor told you they could find nothing wrong and you were crazy? I think you would!

I am NOT trying to find an easy fix this is a lifestyle change we are already in the process of making. But I DO know after this many years when something is wrong - There are many accepted medical reasons why someone can not loose weight! Why is it so unrealistic for someone to know that something is off with their body? We must be our own health advocates. I know, and my husband knows, how hard he has tried, and how little he ate for many years when there was no money. THAT is a fact as well.

edit: after doing a few hours of research I have showed these symptoms to my husband and he has almost all of them .. including the fatty hump in the neck region .. the stories sound similar as well.. including one woman whose doctor told her she must be having 5000 calories a day to maintain and she KNEW that she wasn't .. and had been practically starving herself for years in total confusion
 
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Ok, see the thing is, the reason that we're all reacting the way we are is this:

You haven't even started this whole diet/exercise plan yet and already you're out there freaking out about why it won't work, can't work, couldn't possibly work because of .... something.

3 days ago you wrote "today is the first day and we're struggling". So because on the FIRST day, you are having a hard time, you've already given up and decided that this method won't work and there must be something else going on.

That's not reasonable. I'm sorry - I don't mean to be harsh or rude or mean. I'm just being blunt. It's a completely unreasonable way of looking at it. And quite frankly no doctor (no decent, reputable doctor) is going to diagnose your husband with Cushing's syndrome based on "we tried it for one day and it doesn't make sense to us, so it has to be something else".

If you don't actually TRY eating a reasonable amount of calories, losing weight the healthy way, and actually give it TIME to work, then all you're doing is flailing around looking for a magic bullet.

No one here is going to fall in with the idea that your husband can't lose weight or has a medical condition if you don't give it a reasonable amount of time to be effective.

Now if your husband completes this 6 week bootcamp and does so while eating a HEALTHY and reasonable 3000-3500 calories a day, and still hasn't lost weight or inches or clothing sizes ... THEN you can say "there's something else going on".

But until then, just saying "it doesn't look right to me" ... that's not going to sway anyone.
 
It is not based on 1 day, I would have to be a massive idiot with an IQ of about 5 to think that on 1 day. No wonder you guys are reacting this way. But I thought I have been very clear in stating many times, it is based on a history 5 even 10 years. I can not show you every memory my husband or I have of the past 5 years - I can not convince you of our own personal past - But as I stated when you are poor and do not have much food, you do not eat much food - he never even had much appetite - I remember many a day when I had to remind him to eat. Also my husband knows what he ate and he can clearly remember those days of only having a small amount of soup and some bread for dinner - or a tiny piece of chicken and some rice - and I can tell you that it is enough to leave anyone frustrated and baffled. He can also clearly remember gaining the weight and it was a drastically different diet than the one of the past 5-10 years. He figured the reason he never lost any weight was because he did not exercise very much. But of course even when he did exercise daily nothing would happen. This was before we learned anything about calories defecits and RMR etc.. Now that we are learning we are in shock as we are realizing he definately ate fewer calories than maintenance and nothing happened.. And this has caused my wanting to research any medical issues. NOT trying something new for 1 day. Rather my new knowledge of knowing that what medically SHOULD have happened over the years did not happen.

When I referred to the first day trying - I meant the first day from switching from a VLCD to a fixing metabolism high calorie diet. A new approach. My concern is as to why the 5 years of VLCD did not work. Maybe I have not been clear enough in my postings and have rambled. I feel like everything I have said has been taken to mean a different way..
 
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I think the point is that the perception of being on a very low calorie diet, and the reality of being on it are different.

For example, I tried the SlimFast diet - I was convinced I wasn't eating that much, that I was on a low calorie diet. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't lose weight and thought - just as you do about your husband - that there was something strange about my metabolism.

However, when I switched diets... things changed. When I actually weigh my food to determine exactly how many calories I am eating, I discover that I can actually lose weight on more calories than I believed I was eating on the Slim Fast plan.

The point of this is not to say that you're stupid - it's that the body can play tricks on you. You don't have a calorie sensor on your tongue that says "This salad is 800 calories, this one is 200" - they could both be equally filling and seem the same.

So, in summary, if you really want to figure out if the issue is perception of there is something else going on, sign up for fitday.com or another calorie tracker site and record everything your husband eats. That might require him not eating at his family's house for a while if they can't give him exact weights. Then you can see how many calories he's getting on average and see whether or not he really is losing weight. That kind of exact information can also help the doctors if they're trying to diagnose any other problems.
 
Let's go over this again.

Forget about his childhood. That's irrelevant. All you're doing there is dragging in information that has nothing to do with anything.

Most of his adult life he's maintained the same weight.
Over the last year he gained 50 lbs (you said from 280 to about 335).
About a month ago he went on a VLC diet (1200 calories a day) and added working out and didn't lose anything at all.

You can't say that you've been on a 5 year VLCD because you don't know. That's it bottom line .. unless you've been weighing/measuring food those entire 5 years, you cannot say that it's been VLCD. I know you keep saying you *know* 100% that you've seen everything that goes in his mouth that you know how much money you had ... etc. etc. etc. ... but bottom line is that you can't know for sure.

You also said in another post:
His thyroid has been tested - no problems - cholesterol is perfect - blood pressure is perfect - no signs of diabetes in sight
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So you know ... I'm gonna say it again. I thnk you need to chill out and just see what happens if he eats a HEALTHY DIET while he does this boot camp thing.

If at the end of 6 weeks of 100% healthy dieting at a reasonable amount of calories and completing the boot camp, he still hasn't either lost weight or inches or both, then I'll eat my hat and offer a public apology.

But you have to calm down, breathe, and give this time. I've read your posts on this board from day one and all I see is you flailing all over the place. Really .. truly ... just be for a little bit. Ok? :)
 
Actually the 50 lb jump was over a 2 month period not a year period, which is a huge jump very quickly that concerns me, and I suppose everyone is going to say I am wrong about that as well but the scale said one thing in July and another in September so.. and he went on the VLCD not 1 month ago but a few months ago.. but I do see your points.
 
Actually the 50 lb jump was over a 2 month period not a year period, which is a huge jump very quickly that concerns me, and I suppose everyone is going to say I am wrong about that as well but the scale said one thing in July and another in September so.. and he went on the VLCD not 1 month ago but a few months ago.. but I do see your points.
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Well I can only go from what you've posted previously - I went back and checked to make sure and on July 25th you said that a month ago the doctor put him on a 1200 calorie diet. Etc.

Regardless, I don't want to argue with you ... I really am here to help if I can and not pick on you. :)
 
Oh he was doing an 1800 calorie on his own for a while.. then the doctor told him to go even further to 1200 and he was pretty skeptical.. and so was I

Anyway I just wanted to thank you again for all the recipe ideas your blog is great..
 
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