Hey SillyWilly,
Let me say first off that reading your diary reminds me of, well...me. Without the flaxseed and such, haha. Our goals to lose weight and become healthier are similar, but I think mind tricks is the clincher. I had the impression whilst reading your words that your intentions are very good, but you catch yourself up. I often say that I am my own worst enemy, becuase it's true. As it is for most of us. I'm not very educated on nutritional value, in fact I really only have a basic understanding of it, enough to know the Big Mac bad, Garden Salad good. I can't give you advice on omega 3's and 6's...okay, I will stop saying what I can't do, as this is very counter-productive. What I can do for you is this:
All I know is what I have gathered in my short 21 years. An appreciation for life. Life is what you make it, you know that no one can live your life, no one can be you. In fact, I heard a quote once that says, "Your life is so difficult that no one else could live it." Only you can be who you want to be. We often get lost in the end result, in those skinny jeans, in that bikini (or whatever, haha) that we lose focus on the day to day things. The small things. I like how you talk about what derails you, I'd love to see you talk about little successes more. (Like your sub! I had one today!! Haha.)
I feel like I'm rambling unnecessarily. If you are at all like me, then you already know all this. (Sorry for the redundancy if that's the case.) It helps to hear it again though. When you're all alone, when it's actually quiet, when you can actually think uninterrupted. . . what things do you think of yourself? You don't actually have to answer me on that one, but I want you to think about it. Not outward qualities, like "Oh my, I'm fat" but inward qualities. Oftentimes we set ourselves up for failure because we focus far too often on whats outside, and ignore the inside. A dilapidated house can be rebuilt, but if it's on the same old crumbly foundation, it will fall faster and harder than before.
The very simple fact that you are trying is very noble, most often quit before they can even start for fear of failure. Don't fear failure, fear apathy. I'm not scared to fall, I'm scared I won't stand in the first place.
-Much care
Cat
When you're all alone, when it's actually quiet, when you can actually think uninterrupted. . . what things do you think of yourself?
Positives
1) I have a fantastic family. I am the oldest of four (1 bro, 2 sis) and the product of two loving parents (26 years and counting). I have excellent relationships with all of them that I only see growing stronger with age. I also have a supportive extended family and I count one of my cousins as a best friend.
2) I am extremely successful for my age. I am 25 years old and I have somehow landed in a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I work in a very competitive industry and I've been given a chance to build a business with the support of some of the best mentors one could ask for and a well-established history as an industry leader and innovator (the company that is).
3) I've got a ton of great friends. I'm one of those people who has mastered both the loose connection and strong connection. Loose connections are those people you run into who you may or may not see for months/years, but when you see them again both parties are pleased. Strong connections are family and friends whom you can tell your most personal secrets.
4) I've got some of the best friends in the world...I'm talking friends of 20+ years. Although we are scattered all over the country, we are still close.
5) People love me. I don't get it sometimes, but people do. I'm often described as funny, deep, loyal, humble, driven, and positive...
6) Not PG =) I'm confident in myself. Hello ladies
Negatives
1) I realize I've become too career focused. I'm happy I realized this at a young age. A lack of balance is a killer. I don't want to be 45 and realize I'm a booming success, but only those who are making money off of my efforts care...
2) I lack religion. I believe in ... I don't know. I lack that really deep understanding of a greater power. I really do envy people who have that faith. For instance, I work with members of the LDS community (mormon, but they don't like to be called that). These are some of the happiest people you have ever seen. They are stressed out and stretched to their limits, but you can tell they have it together...
I was raised Catholic, but the Priest scandal really shook my foundations in that aspect. I was not directly affected, but how can one put faith in an organization that is supposed to represent a moral compass, while it actively delivers our most innocent into the hands of the most evil...
3) I'm alone right now in my life. I moved from the East Coast to the West Coast for work -- a 3,000 mile move. I've been out here for a year and I'm still eagerly trying to lay my roots. Perhaps this takes time. I really do miss those I love. I made this move for work. Sometimes I feel I made a selfish move.
4) I lost a best friend in a very tragic way. I attribute my weight gain to this. He committed suicide. It was 4 years ago. Rather than coping in a healthy way, I turned to eating and drinking. The correlation is no accident. I know I am the only one responsible for my health, but my feelings of loss, anger, and remorse can be seen on my stomach in the form of stretch marks - an external reminder of my very mortality.
5) I fear failure... I've always been a success. I take failure well, but I can't picture totally failing... This is sort of tough to put into words. This is not a result of my parents, they support me and love me no matter who or what I am. This is internal.
6) I think too much. Which is probably clearly evidenced here!
Well, there it is...
As long as you just switch it up and don't quit altogether if you find yourself sick of this or frustrated at some point then you should be in good shape.