Rob's Diary

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I did several weight training exercises today - DB bench, Zottman curls, half-kneeling banded Pallof press, and landmine press per Tru's suggestions. I will be sore tomorrow I'm sure. I have a long way to go with my chest and arm muscles. I should start measuring I think. I will try and look into that.

I went to a men's clothing store and looked at suits. I tried one on and I think I'm smaller than I have been since high school. I also tried on a jacket the other day that I'd been keeping in my closet bc I really like it. It's been 6 years since it fit and now it's too big for me. I've also bought all the sizes of undershirts - XXL, XL, L now, and I might have to go to M if I don't bulk up very much. We'll see but it's been a bit expensive. I have a strong incentive now not to gain weight again to avoid the cost. The suits were nice and I think I'll be getting a nice (almost black) charcoal and a really dark navy. I'm going to look around a little more.

I recorded my running, front and back, while I was at the gym. I don't know what I'm looking for just yet but I think my left knee turns in a little bit. I also think that my shoes have been playing a role in the injury so I'm switching to new ones. That's more research I need to do. I used to wear orthotics. My soles dramatically wear down on the outside and that may be a part of what's going on too. I did more functional exercises today too to try to help stregthen the surrounding muscles. I think I might actually look like I know what I'm doing now at the gym lol.
 
alligatorob said:
I understand, it is very hard to buy a really good peach. Peaches taste best when very ripe, when they are soft and juicy. In that condition they cannot be transported to market, too soft. So peaches are almost always picked green for market. You can get a peach to ripen a bit after picking, but its just not the same as ripe picked. I am spoiled, I would not buy a peach in a store, or even in most farmers markets. Do you live somewhere that you can find pick it yourself peaches?

Hope you find a way to make that knee work!
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Makes my mouth water. Unfortunately I do not know of any peach orchards close by but it's something to look into. I've enjoyed reading about your access to ideally ripened fruit, Rob. I haven't always paid attention to when certain fruits are in season but what I see in the grocery store and triangulating that with what you mention sometimes gives me a better idea. I'm getting more choosy with what I'm willing to buy actually. Maybe snobbish even but it's nice to have that awareness of what's in season and something I want to develop a little more.
 
I'm trying not to think too much about my weight or calories right now but I did weigh myself this morning and I was down to 187.2 which I was happy about.

I went to another men's store to look at suits. I did not like this place. The owner kept putting his hands on me, telling me what I did and didn't know, and there was loud obnoxious music playing overhead. He seemed to be targeting a younger demographic. I don't think I'll be doing business there.

I was on the cross trainer and did a little running as well. My knee felt better, a different type of discomfort that didn't build the same way it has been. I think my shoes had a lot to do with the ITBS/knee pain but I also feel a little stronger bc of the exercises I've been doing. I will need more time to see if what I'm doing will lead back to no pain.

I have increased confidence and self-esteem and since I hit my first GW, I've been reaching out to people more. I've talked with a couple friends I met in middle school (wow!) and a friend I met a couple years ago I don't see much of anymore.
 
bensanon said:
The owner kept putting his hands on me, telling me what I did and didn't know... I don't think I'll be doing business there.
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Yuck! I wouldn't be going there either.
bensanon said:
...it's been a bit expensive. I have a strong incentive now not to gain weight again to avoid the cost.... I think I'll be getting a nice (almost black) charcoal and a really dark navy...
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Yes, men's suits are pricey, but they do last, and when you need a suit - well, you need a suit. :confused:
The dark charcoal and really dark navy both sound good. And great about the increased confidence! :)
 
Hey Rob, you should take some enjoyment from needing a new suit. That won't solve the price problem, but may make it a little easier to swallow. Are you seeing any cost benefit to being down into the not big and tall sizes? My experience is the bigger I got the harder it was to find a decent suit and when I did it was a lot more than regular sizes. Right now I have no suit that fits, but being more retired than not I don't often need one.

I know a lot of your weight problems came from problems with your medications, but what was your life like before the medication problems? Did the medications make an existing eating problem worse, or did it all come as a result of the medication? One reason I ask is that the symptoms you describe, craving, binges, etc are very much like mine.

Hope all is well with you.
 
I'm back after about a week of trying not to think too much about weight loss. It's a new month and a new opportunity. I did what you might expect and had a couple bad calorie days one of which was yesterday. My weight this morning was 193.2. I'd like to drop to 175 so I have about 18 pounds to go. That number looks good on paper but I'm not sure if it'll work long term. I'll re-evaluate when I get there.

My knee is really bothering me now. I did a little running yesterday and it didn't feel too bad but I also foam rolled my IT band and I think that's why it's hurting so much. I don't know what to do and it's depressing me. I'll swim but I still don't like that idea. I just don't benefit from it very much. At some point, I may have to see a PT. I went to the running store to have a gait analysis done and find out and talk to someone about what they do. They didn't seem to have very helpful information but they sure had plenty of information on what shoes I should wear. I was pressured into buying a pair for the gait analysis they did. :banghead:
 
alligatorob said:
Hey Rob, you should take some enjoyment from needing a new suit. That won't solve the price problem, but may make it a little easier to swallow. Are you seeing any cost benefit to being down into the not big and tall sizes? My experience is the bigger I got the harder it was to find a decent suit and when I did it was a lot more than regular sizes. Right now I have no suit that fits, but being more retired than not I don't often need one.

I know a lot of your weight problems came from problems with your medications, but what was your life like before the medication problems? Did the medications make an existing eating problem worse, or did it all come as a result of the medication? One reason I ask is that the symptoms you describe, craving, binges, etc are very much like mine.

Hope all is well with you.
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Hey Rob, How have you been doing? Luckily my job didn't require a suit so I never bought one when I was really heavy. I imagine that was expensive with how suits are priced, good suits anyway. Perhaps you'll get another one for special occasions?

I'm a little surprised that the cravings and binges are similar. You haven't ever mentioned binging and I don't think you have during this process. I hope reading the details I share are not triggering or anything. Sometimes they can be for some people. Hopefully it's more of a deterrent. I do try to describe the guilt and shame I feel after because that's the tough part. Idk re my weight issues without medication. I recall being skinny mostly. That's an experiment that I'll find out about I think bc I was on something since I was about 21. Even if I didn't do everything I'm describing here like the exercise, I think I might still lose weight long-term without medication. I can't even imagine getting to where I was now that I'm off the medication. I'm not sure though. Our bodies are a wonder.
 
Hey Rob, good to see you back. You may be right, it sounds like time to have a professional take a look at that knee. Does't seem to be just healing on its own.

Good luck with that last 18 lbs, I know the last pounds are always the toughest.

Want to join the no binge challenge for the day? Couldn't hurt.
 
Hey Rob, looks like our messages crossed in the either.
bensanon said:
I'm a little surprised that the cravings and binges are similar. You haven't ever mentioned binging and I don't think you have during this process.
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Don't be surprised, I don't believe anyone gets as overweight as I was, and still am, without the cravings and binges. I have not binged since I started posting here, and it has taken a lot of determination and support from the folks here. You'd think stopping the binges for so long would make it easier, and some days it does, but I still feel the cravings. As I say I know I am never more than 5 or 10 minutes away from a binge. I can only hold them off one day at a time.

bensanon said:
I hope reading the details I share are not triggering or anything. Sometimes they can be for some people. Hopefully it's more of a deterrent. I do try to describe the guilt and shame I feel after because that's the tough part.
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No, in fact I find hearing from people like you helpful. Makes me appreciate that I am not alone in this. You are welcome to share the guilt and shame part if it helps. I think I know exactly how it feels, I have felt that way many times myself.
 
bensanon said:
...

I went to another men's store to look at suits. I did not like this place. The owner kept putting his hands on me, telling me what I did and didn't know, and there was loud obnoxious music playing overhead. He seemed to be targeting a younger demographic. I don't think I'll be doing business there.

....
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i have two nephews who will probably get married some day. with my job (engineer) i rarely had to wear a tie, no less a suit, so it's been over a decade since i've been under the tape. i know what you mean about salesmen like that... i wouldn't take it too personally. often they are just trying to see (feel?) your body dimensions through your clothes.

i've been trying to read up a little about what makes an good suit, a good suit. the best part is that i'm in no rush. i hope you post more updates on your quest. good luck.
 
bensanon said:
Our bodies are a wonder.
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That they definitely are! :)
alligatorob said:
...the cravings and binges...
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I enjoy the way this site gives so many insights and ways to analyse the whole range of eating/nutrition/weight issues - in this case giving me food for thought in working out the relationship between cravings and binges. I really like the no binge no purge thread, by the way, though I don't post there much, because bingeing hasn't been my problem - my problem has been more constant picking and nibbling, plus plain old greed - taking second helpings, or even third helpings, for example.
 
The stars aligned today for about 6 miles and it was so nice. My knee didn’t hurt very bad but after that I took a break and foam rolled. I came back and tried for another 3 miles but only made it 1. I tried the elliptical but that hurt too much. Dynamic stretching and functional exercises before running. I also did landmine press, db bench, and face pulls. Total calories out are 3982. 26.1k steps.

Eggs, yogurt, fruit, chicken sandwich, cabbage chicken salad for food. Light on calories today because of the high calorie food I had yesterday. Total calories in were 1472.

I heard this interesting story today. Wait, what?? Red meat isn't bad for you!?!? :eek: NPR Choice page

No meditation today but I've been doing a lot of pre-meditating on returning to it. See what I did there? o_O :blush5:
 
overlandflyer said:
i have two nephews who will probably get married some day. with my job (engineer) i rarely had to wear a tie, no less a suit, so it's been over a decade since i've been under the tape. i know what you mean about salesmen like that... i wouldn't take it too personally. often they are just trying to see (feel?) your body dimensions through your clothes.

i've been trying to read up a little about what makes an good suit, a good suit. the best part is that i'm in no rush. i hope you post more updates on your quest. good luck.
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I'll try to post what I learn as I've been trying to pick up some information. The weird guy explained a couple things but it went in one ear and out the other as I was so distracted by his rude behavior.
 
aiminglow said:
I enjoy the way this site gives so many insights and ways to analyse the whole range of eating/nutrition/weight issues - in this case giving me food for thought in working out the relationship between cravings and binges. I really like the no binge no purge thread, by the way, though I don't post there much, because bingeing hasn't been my problem - my problem has been more constant picking and nibbling, plus plain old greed - taking second helpings, or even third helpings, for example.
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Thanks for posting on my diary, Amy. I always appreciate your posts. The nibbling or grazing and seconds/thirds seem like a much healthier way to get more calories if you're going to get them anyway. I think the bingeing can bring on a rush of chemicals that can do some harm over the long-term.
 
Had a good today. My weight this morning was 190.4.

I ran about 6 miles again before my knee started bothering me. I wonder what it means that it's about 6 miles every time when I have to stop. That's pretty weird and pretty precise. I don't vary my workouts that much so it probably adds up to the same amount of stress (force applied across tendon) every time. I take a break around mile 3 so it's not a continuous 6 miles and this time I did 4 miles on the elliptical right in the middle of the run. The exercise just feels great. 4412 calories out, 35k steps.

I ate well. The usual. I ate more calories to match my appetite and burned calorie amount. I do not want to be as restrictive as I was before I hit 189. I'm OK losing these last 15 pounds at a slower pace and hope to avoid the intense cravings and therefore binge episodes. Total calories in were 2405.

My sleep is getting noticeably better. I had one night that was about 8 hours!

My resting heart rate is still elevated from the binges. It's 54 now. Last month's average was 51. That measure is by far the easiest to see an impact on when I binge. Makes sense as my body's working harder to burn through/store/process/eliminate/convert/etc the extra calories. If I had to select only a couple measures to monitor my health, I think I would choose total calories in and RHR. It's a great indicator of how I feel and my overall health and condition.

I checked out 3 more men's stores. There's quite a bit of quality and variety out there. I think I'm ready to go with a particular store and I have a suit that I tried on before I have in mind. I'm planning on doing that soon only I'm wondering if I should wait until I get to 175. I'm not sure so I'll talk to the owner who seems quite knowledgeable. Takes about 2 weeks in all before it's ready.
 
Well, I ate too much last night. All of a sudden, I felt 3 days of heavy cardio catch up with me. I have to start dissecting what is going on so please bear with all the gory details if you're reading along. In no way was I interested in unhealthy fats and carbs which sometimes I am. I wanted for the cravings to subside though and ate nuts, almond butter, tortillas, yogurt and fruit. Well, it was a lot of that with total binge calories around 2500. It brought on a sleepiness and I went to bed not even posting here. Maybe it was physical tiredness, which I didn't feel at the time, that brought on mental fatigue and I just wanted to knock myself out. The medication I was on for more than a decade would make me tired at the end of the day so perhaps it's me chasing that effect. I didn't feel guilty this morning but I regretted it. I'm a little slower to process things and I have some uncomfortable symptoms. I'm going to try and figure this out more. It's the one thing now that has the potential to pull me back down. I'm not under a lot of stress. Hardly any at all. I didn't feel the need to keep my calories lower as I have in the past either which can stress me out. This just snuck up on me. Argh!!
 
I binged again today. I feel awful about it. I was feeling terrible all day.

I watched a video that mentions it's a behavioral problem that can "take on a life of it's own" over time and to treat it, "you need to act your way out of a problem that you essentially acted your way into.” The root cause or underlying issues don’t necessarily have to be solved or treated first.

As with weight loss and other difficult behaviors, what’s gotten me results is complete abstinence and engaging in healthy behaviors instead. I’m worried about the all or nothing thinking trap if I just stop completely though. That gets difficult and could potentially make things worse. Running has been a good outlet but I don’t think it’ll be enough to deal with that thought process. Engaging with others and distracting myself will help but I’m not confident in it. I can distract myself but the distractions, like watching a movie or show, aren’t really healthy.
 
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