Marsia's Diary

What an amazing experience to have that lady show you her garden. I love stories like that.
Yes, please to pictures once you're done :)
 
Marsia said:
...We came upon a gate with beautiful stone lions on either side, and a lady drove up on a little golf cart-like thing and brought us to her husband's immense bonsai garden which was overrun with weeds and vines but there were hundreds of amazing bonsai and beautiful pots all garbled up with plastic figurines and trash and old tree stumps, ... In the background were these pristine massive mountains and the cloud bank above them. It was like we were pulled into the Spirited Away movie. So I have all these strange, intriguing pictures of the bonsai garden to sketch now!
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Wow! Sometimes life just hands you magic!
 
Hey Marisa, the stone lions story is a great one, sounds like quite an adventure.

So it was you who introduced me to the other definition of sublimation. I had not heard that, but it makes sense, and I can see at least a little connection, you don't expect solids to evaporate, it is kind of a hidden escape, sort of like your definition only you are talking about feelings.
 
aiminglow said:
Wow! Sometimes life just hands you magic!
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I have a feeling that the mountains of Hawaii are full of magic like that. It's nice when my intuition kicks in and says, "let's turn here and here and here," and I wind up somewhere amazing!

I did one quick sketch of the bonsai garden - a really cool vase with a waterfall picture on it and a small very steep mountain peak in the distance, and now I got inspired by the people there and am going to sketch out a more complicated sketch of a woman under a dock playing ukulele. Some of the people there are so earthy and completely non-western feeling in their energy. It was really nice seeing so many very strong, beautiful women who were so themselves. Can't really explain the energy, but very different from typical Californian women, if I can stereotype us all like that. I am looking at some Afro-Cuban modern art because I think I would like to do some studies and make a big picture of her playing music and have the feel of the music be visible somehow. I'll post some pics when I have a few done. I'm experimenting with a free software program that is not like my old Photoshop software on my computer that died, and it is much harder to work with.

I was talking with some friends the night before last and someone in the group does Yoga with Adrienne on youtube every day. We just did one of hers for the knees, so I hope to start doing her videos in the morning before everyone else gets up. Didn't get to today because we had a plumber visit today to get the septic all straightened out in the house. I gained weight from all the digging - that usually happens at first. But I feel a lot stronger and good. I need to go back to IF and be pretty strict about it. Time to start losing weight again!
 
Marsia said:
I have a feeling that the mountains of Hawaii are full of magic like that. It's nice when my intuition kicks in and says, "let's turn here and here and here," and I wind up somewhere amazing!
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Having lived here for just over 3 years now, I HAVE to agree! The mountains and jungle and ocean are each on their own almost mystical at times, and the combination often magical. There are many holy and spiritual places on each island and you can feel the power of the land and the history of the people, and the best way to describe it is with the concept of mana. From wikipedia:
In Hawaiian and Tahitian culture, mana is a spiritual energy and healing power which can exist in places, objects and persons. Hawaiians believe that mana may be gained or lost by actions, and Hawaiians and Tahitians believe that mana is both external and internal. Sites on the Hawaiian Islands and in French Polynesia are believed to possess mana—for example, the top rim of the Haleakalā volcano on the island of Maui.
 
Marsia said:
Some of the people there are so earthy and completely non-western feeling in their energy. It was really nice seeing so many very strong, beautiful women who were so themselves.
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I love this. Hawaii now seems like a magical place to me after reading what you say about it. You really do have a gift for the description of a place. I feel like I want to go there now.
I'll check out yoga with Adriene today.
 
myleanbaby said:
Having lived here for just over 3 years now, I HAVE to agree! The mountains and jungle and ocean are each on their own almost mystical at times, and the combination often magical. There are many holy and spiritual places on each island and you can feel the power of the land and the history of the people, and the best way to describe it is with the concept of mana.
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You are so lucky!!! I would so love to live where people still consider the land and ocean sacred. I do live in a surfer town with lots of organic farms, but not with the beautiful old traditions like in Hawaii. I looked up mana and came across the god of peace, Lono, and that is what I felt in Hawaii - the lushness and rain and waterfalls and life coursing through everything. So deeply peaceful and energizing at the same time. Around where do you live? Are you out in the countryside?

Cate, you would love Hawaii, especially as an escape from Aussie winter - we met so many Australians sightseeing with us while we were there. I recommend getting off the beaten path and into the mountains and streams - the first time we went to Kauai we rented a jeep, and that got us to the most phenomenal remote places - only 15% of Kauai is inhabited and the rest is pristine jungle.

Thanks LaMa for letting me know about the water in my muscles - I will hopefully adapt to digging - that is sooo satisfying!

Have to do the first yoga with Adrienne today!
 
Oops, sorry myleanbaby, just realized I could just look you up. We were in Waikiki for an evening (eating fantastic food in the Japanese food court of the Ala Moana shopping Center and watching fireworks at the Hilton). It was very wonderful and such lovely beaches!
 
Marsia said:
Oops, sorry myleanbaby, just realized I could just look you up. We were in Waikiki for an evening (eating fantastic food in the Japanese food court of the Ala Moana shopping Center and watching fireworks at the Hilton). It was very wonderful and such lovely beaches!
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I do live in Waikiki now, but I also lived on Maui for about a year and a half and I enjoyed that much more. Oahu has beautiful places to see and experience outside of the city, but to be honest it has lost a lot of its specialness to the disrespect of tourists and the crowds and traffic and trash. I love Maui, Kauai, and Big Island for the mana I experience there, especially far out in nature (I hike and backpack a lot). My favorite place on Kauai (so far) was Lonomea (place of peace or place of Lono), a campsite with waterfalls and swimming pools about 8 miles out into Waimea canyon. On Maui it is a close call between staying on the summit of Haleakala for stargazing followed by sunrise and the south coast of the island where hardly any tourists travel. On the Big Island (so far) it was Waimanu, a valley with many waterfalls and a stream that flows out into what is believed to be the entrance to the underworld due to black ocean water and a strong pull out to sea.
 
myleanbaby said:
My favorite place on Kauai (so far) was Lonomea (place of peace or place of Lono), a campsite with waterfalls and swimming pools about 8 miles out into Waimea canyon. On Maui it is a close call between staying on the summit of Haleakala for stargazing followed by sunrise and the south coast of the island where hardly any tourists travel. On the Big Island (so far) it was Waimanu, a valley with many waterfalls and a stream that flows out into what is believed to be the entrance to the underworld due to black ocean water and a strong pull out to sea.
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I looked all these up, and they all seem so incredible. We are water people and love hiking stream and river hikes and jumping in along the way, and Waimea Canyon was one of our favorite places in the world to visit! Sounds like you are having an amazing time, and please don't get pulled in to the entrance to the underworld!! Would love to see pictures of your travels!
 
Feeling a little down on myself today. Yesterday I was rushing to get out of the house because the improv troupe was coming and J wanted me to move my mom's car out of the way and I was frazzled. J asked me to stop and meet someone getting out of his car for the improv class along the way to our car, and I said NO and ran away. I have been overwhelmed bringing my mom places lately. She has been on good behavior, there isn't anything stressful going on with her, but I am a mess. I dread being around her and am tensed for a fight, but it is all in my head. So I just didn't want to meet J's friend, which is a shame because it turns out it was his good friend who I probably would have liked - someone I actually had stuff in common with, and he lives far away and I may not meet him again.

So I made the situation worse telling J how the dementia is only going to get worse and I am going to get more and more stressed, and I give him permission to find another romantic partner, because I may have 20 more years of taking care of my mom, as she is basically healthy except for diabetes and dementia. He took that as me trying to break up. I was just feeling like he puts up with so much from me with my social anxiety and he has to deal with my mom and I do not see things getting any better in my life for the next decade or so. I think I just had a day where I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and should have just not tried to talk with him while I was in such a negative mood. I am being discouraged over things that haven't even happened yet. I probably just need exercise to get the stress off. I think reading about how bad dementia can get in the Alzheimer's forum freaked me out, too. I probably should take a break from reading that. Anyway, I am a stress basket for no reason. Blah.
 
I feel like I am being melodramatic and just need to study anxiety and get mine under control. I have had anxiety all my life and I still really don't understand it. Time to research and get this under control.

I am going to stop eating for the day and get my intermittent fasting in place again. Not feeling as moody today. My mom is being a little demanding and rude again which makes me feel more calm for some reason. I think I am realizing that she is not really my friend, she is my relative, and I have to have more emotional distance from her even when she is being nice because I can't go back and forth between being too open and too closed. I may be finding some sort of grounded-ness, though not in a very graceful way.
 
Hey Marsia, sorry to hear things are pressing down on you, taking care of a parent with dementia is not easy. But on the bright side things have not gotten too bad yet, and they probably will never get as bad as the worst of what you read.

I am not very skilled in relationships, I can only speak from personal experience, but I can see how your J might have misinterpreted what you meant. Hopefully you can explain yourself. Best of luck with that.
 
alligatorob said:
I can see how your J might have misinterpreted what you meant. Hopefully you can explain yourself. Best of luck with that.
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Thanks Rob! I really have to stop trying to explain myself to people when I am upset. I am just too emotional and the conversation usually goes very wrong. I don't think I am the easiest person to live with as a partner because of my social anxiety, and so I need to be extra kind and patient with J. He doesn't understand the anxiety because he is good at blocking people out if they are being weird. I actually am learning to block my mom out from watching him.

Anyway, thank you so much for the encouragement, and I agree, life never does what I picture it is going to do! It's good to be reminded of that!!
 
Marsia said:
Feeling a little down on myself today... I am a stress basket for no reason.
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Oh, Marsia! That is so much to be coping with! ("for no reason"?! Of course, there's reason to be feeling stressed - though what alligatorob says is wise and true - the worst-case scenarios are in the nature of things probably not going to happen.)
I hope things can so work that there'll be a space soon in your two busy lives for you to be with J. and you both to just breathe and be gentle with each other.
 
Oh, honey. I wish I could just come over & give you a big hug. Have you had a chance since to sit down & have a really good talk with J? He obviously wants to be with you. For you to say that to him you must have been feeling SOO stressed. That breaking point may be closer than you think. You need to try to come up with a solution soon as this just is not good for any of you. Sending you lots and lots of love, xoxo Cate
 
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