Thanks so much Cate and Amy! It helps a lot to have someone understand!
I am really happy we will start couple's therapy in the end of July - I think it will help a lot. J doesn't understand the extent I am frustrated with my mom and really doesn't have a lot of time to dwell on it either. The crux of it is that I think it's utterly unfair that someone take such abysmal care of themselves and leave it to the next generation to take care of them. I am so mad about this - I told her and told her for probably 40 years this was what would happen and she laughed it off. And I need to stop taking her insulting behavior personally. If there is anything I learned from the Alzheimer's support group it is that that sort of behavior is not character assignation, it is a very scared person acting out of sorts and having messed up cognition. And the same can be said of my mom's personality before the Alzheimer's - she has always been like this with me, so I do need to get a better perspective. There's a video series people keep recommending to each other for coping with the bad behavior, and I need to sit down and watch it.
I think I am going to make some notes to go over with J about things coming up that we need to address about this - from dealing with someone who may not be able to give me legal consent soon (for health care and financial issues) because she will be too far gone, to how to address the hoard and how to deal with the fact that no one is allowed to touch it. That really, really stresses me out. A hoard organized by someone with dementia - there are worse things in life, but this one is really not a pleasant reality.
I think it helped my mom a lot bringing her on vacation - she is in much better shape physically and emotionally from going, but it really wiped me out. I have to start doing major stress relief and take that seriously so J and my daughter don't suffer from my stress, too.
I have to put an exercise schedule up - those really help me. And I have to find a way to feel that I can do this. J has really been a big help with my mom recently and I am utterly surprised. I need to start acknowledging that he really does care about me a lot to do things like he is doing.
I am really happy we will start couple's therapy in the end of July - I think it will help a lot. J doesn't understand the extent I am frustrated with my mom and really doesn't have a lot of time to dwell on it either. The crux of it is that I think it's utterly unfair that someone take such abysmal care of themselves and leave it to the next generation to take care of them. I am so mad about this - I told her and told her for probably 40 years this was what would happen and she laughed it off. And I need to stop taking her insulting behavior personally. If there is anything I learned from the Alzheimer's support group it is that that sort of behavior is not character assignation, it is a very scared person acting out of sorts and having messed up cognition. And the same can be said of my mom's personality before the Alzheimer's - she has always been like this with me, so I do need to get a better perspective. There's a video series people keep recommending to each other for coping with the bad behavior, and I need to sit down and watch it.
I think I am going to make some notes to go over with J about things coming up that we need to address about this - from dealing with someone who may not be able to give me legal consent soon (for health care and financial issues) because she will be too far gone, to how to address the hoard and how to deal with the fact that no one is allowed to touch it. That really, really stresses me out. A hoard organized by someone with dementia - there are worse things in life, but this one is really not a pleasant reality.
I think it helped my mom a lot bringing her on vacation - she is in much better shape physically and emotionally from going, but it really wiped me out. I have to start doing major stress relief and take that seriously so J and my daughter don't suffer from my stress, too.
I have to put an exercise schedule up - those really help me. And I have to find a way to feel that I can do this. J has really been a big help with my mom recently and I am utterly surprised. I need to start acknowledging that he really does care about me a lot to do things like he is doing.