Journey to Knowing
- Thread starter CrowFeather
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CrowFeather
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Found the best ww meeting today. 9am on Saturday is tough but worth the motivation. The leader quoted several of my favorite authors and people talked and laughed through the entire meeting. Can't do it today but figure after meetings I can go do some trail time somewhere on my drive home. The meeting is 30 minutes from the house. The closest meeting on Tuesdays is simply depressing.
I started my vlog yesterday on my attempt to get on the Appalachian Trail. So want to thru hike it. Don't know if I will but I bought poles and a day pack today. Also learned Lyft is up here so I could hike one way and shuttle back to my car. Bought organic veges at the farm today. Tomorrow's I've got to cook, laundry, clean car, switch litter. Fun stuff. Oh and i have my day pack filled with trail magic so i hope to get to a specific trailhead tomorrow morning to leave it. Oh and watch 800 words at 1 since I missed it last night when I drove 5hrs rt to see Paula Poundstone but ended up at hospital with my cousin when my 99yo uncle was admitted. Long ass day but i got up at 7 this morning and stayed up.
I started my vlog yesterday on my attempt to get on the Appalachian Trail. So want to thru hike it. Don't know if I will but I bought poles and a day pack today. Also learned Lyft is up here so I could hike one way and shuttle back to my car. Bought organic veges at the farm today. Tomorrow's I've got to cook, laundry, clean car, switch litter. Fun stuff. Oh and i have my day pack filled with trail magic so i hope to get to a specific trailhead tomorrow morning to leave it. Oh and watch 800 words at 1 since I missed it last night when I drove 5hrs rt to see Paula Poundstone but ended up at hospital with my cousin when my 99yo uncle was admitted. Long ass day but i got up at 7 this morning and stayed up.
CrowFeather
New member
Back successfully on IF. Will work on the type of food now. 15 hour day driving into the city. I didn't do much. I'm considering not applying for the promotion. I think i would rather have less headache and exhaustion which that type of stress cause than the extra money. Who knows. Maybe I think I can't do the work and don't want to try.
On other fronts I left trail magic today and all of it was gone. It was a cooler of candy, tuna, sports drinks, water, and calorie dense foods for thru hikers on the AT.
Figured out I could catch the hiker shuttle and do segment hikes. Just have to know the pet sitter can pill peri. She's sliding downhill again but she will rally back.
Time for bed I think. My shoulder is even hurting. I didn't do the anti-inflammatory last night bc I had to get up so early. Felt it today.
On other fronts I left trail magic today and all of it was gone. It was a cooler of candy, tuna, sports drinks, water, and calorie dense foods for thru hikers on the AT.
Figured out I could catch the hiker shuttle and do segment hikes. Just have to know the pet sitter can pill peri. She's sliding downhill again but she will rally back.
Time for bed I think. My shoulder is even hurting. I didn't do the anti-inflammatory last night bc I had to get up so early. Felt it today.
overlandflyer
Well-known member
i dated a vet for a while and she once showed me how to give a pill to a cat... do you use the "tap on their nose" method? funny to watch, but it always seems to work.
CrowFeather
New member
Having panic attack symptoms but I am not panicked. Weird and disconcerting.
CrowFeather
New member
Hit a low energy pocket. Cats can tell. Three of four all around me on my bed.
Driving an intern from the chimp sanctuary to the airport this afternoon. It's about six hours rt. The kid is from Germany I believe. Two hours of conversation. Ugh. Tomorrow I'm shuttling 3 women from a nearby village back to the AT before work. Then Saturday is my 50th. Thinking about it this is all more depression than anything. No friends to celebrate with and I put a fundraiser out on FB asking for $5 donations and notta. The thought of suicide whisked by my thoughts yesterday. I truly despise my new job responsibilities and other than about 3 people that I'm in contact with once or twice a month, I'm truly alone. Once the condo closes in two weeks, everything will be wrapped up. I guess I am very sad. I realize this process takes investment and time but it's exhausting to need connection but not have capacity for it or to sustain relationships. Almost feels like my body has decided enough is enough.
Driving an intern from the chimp sanctuary to the airport this afternoon. It's about six hours rt. The kid is from Germany I believe. Two hours of conversation. Ugh. Tomorrow I'm shuttling 3 women from a nearby village back to the AT before work. Then Saturday is my 50th. Thinking about it this is all more depression than anything. No friends to celebrate with and I put a fundraiser out on FB asking for $5 donations and notta. The thought of suicide whisked by my thoughts yesterday. I truly despise my new job responsibilities and other than about 3 people that I'm in contact with once or twice a month, I'm truly alone. Once the condo closes in two weeks, everything will be wrapped up. I guess I am very sad. I realize this process takes investment and time but it's exhausting to need connection but not have capacity for it or to sustain relationships. Almost feels like my body has decided enough is enough.
CrowFeather
New member
I shuttled three hikers from Colorado to a trailhead this morning. Too fun. Still have the ideations flying through my head but I'm hanging in there. Gonna work on my YouTube intro animation next week. Haven't done that kind of thing in 30 years. I just got the email saying I have a temp promotion for 3 months. Still despise the work but that makes it a little better I guess. Also found a sofa I think yesterday. I am cutting out shapes from rolls of craft paper to make sure the furniture will fit and work.
Tomorrow's my birthday. Gotta run to the city for cat food bc the store who ordered it up here forgot to order it. But I can do some other furniture shopping and maybe a nice dinner. My uncle is dying so may go see my cousins. Who knows. I may sleep in and go hiking.
Tomorrow's my birthday. Gotta run to the city for cat food bc the store who ordered it up here forgot to order it. But I can do some other furniture shopping and maybe a nice dinner. My uncle is dying so may go see my cousins. Who knows. I may sleep in and go hiking.
Cate
Long term member
It's Saturday here in Australia. Happy Birthday, CrowFeather. Every birthday is a birthday to be celebrated. Your life is very valuable. You have been under such strain & stress & that takes its toll. I hope you go hiking. I find when I get down that getting outside & going for a walk lifts my mood almost always, even when that feels impossible.
Know that I am here, sitting in my chair in Tasmania, wishing you a Happy Birthday. I'm a "stranger" but I am thinking of you & wishing you well. I am thinking kind thoughts about you & I care about you.
If you run into the city, stop & talk to people. Say it's your birthday. If you have that nice dinner let them know it's your birthday. Talk to people & give them the chance to engage back with you.
Happy, 50th, CrowFeather, xoxo Cate
Know that I am here, sitting in my chair in Tasmania, wishing you a Happy Birthday. I'm a "stranger" but I am thinking of you & wishing you well. I am thinking kind thoughts about you & I care about you.
If you run into the city, stop & talk to people. Say it's your birthday. If you have that nice dinner let them know it's your birthday. Talk to people & give them the chance to engage back with you.
Happy, 50th, CrowFeather, xoxo Cate
CrowFeather
New member
Thank you @cate ! I realized this weekend that this is the third month I've been depressed before what should be my period. Lovely perimenopause messing with hormones. It got insanely intense Friday and Saturday. Hoping it doesn't get any more so. I'm back on IF and tracking micronutrients and doing my morning calisthenics (starting slow). I'll look into natural supplements if April is the same and then pharmaceuticals. Almost called the suicide hotline Friday. Not that I was at risk of acting on what was in my head, but just to talk it out.
And thank you too for your suggestions. I got around people and the outdoors and took myself out for a nice dinner. Also went to a spiritual center an hour away Sunday. Not going to be a regular but met a couple of interesting people.
So this happened. I created a YouTube channel last year about hiking & my journey. I posted my first rambling, sadly pathetic video a week or two ago. The hikers i shuttled from town Friday highlighted my channel on their Sunday video. Arrrggghhh. Dozens of views, subscribers, comments. Resisting the urge to delete the channel. Motivation to get my ass moving. Cool thing is I haven't done cartoon illustrations in 30 years. I bought a drawing pad for my birthday so I can create the animated intro for my vids. It arrives tomorrow.
And thank you too for your suggestions. I got around people and the outdoors and took myself out for a nice dinner. Also went to a spiritual center an hour away Sunday. Not going to be a regular but met a couple of interesting people.
So this happened. I created a YouTube channel last year about hiking & my journey. I posted my first rambling, sadly pathetic video a week or two ago. The hikers i shuttled from town Friday highlighted my channel on their Sunday video. Arrrggghhh. Dozens of views, subscribers, comments. Resisting the urge to delete the channel. Motivation to get my ass moving. Cool thing is I haven't done cartoon illustrations in 30 years. I bought a drawing pad for my birthday so I can create the animated intro for my vids. It arrives tomorrow.
Cate
Long term member
I'm glad you had a nice birthday.
If you feel like sharing your youtube channel with me pm me the link. No pressure. I don't look at youtube often & I am never negative towards anyone so it would be safe. I wouldn't say anything in here about it either. It's great to have the motivation to get moving. Go you
Re: supplements. Have you had your Vitamin D3 level checked? Even though I get lots of sun my body does not absorb it well apparently, so I take a daily supplement.
If you feel like sharing your youtube channel with me pm me the link. No pressure. I don't look at youtube often & I am never negative towards anyone so it would be safe. I wouldn't say anything in here about it either. It's great to have the motivation to get moving. Go you
Re: supplements. Have you had your Vitamin D3 level checked? Even though I get lots of sun my body does not absorb it well apparently, so I take a daily supplement.
CrowFeather
New member
Thanks Cate! PM sent.
I have D3 that I should take every day but haven't since well before I moved. When I have furniture things will be easier to remember i think.
Tracked micros two days and staying on IF and no soda. It's after 11pm and i am feeling very hungry. Gonna go drink water but when i get up I'll disturb the cats. I also cooked breakfast for first time in months. Didn't work today. Went to funeral home with my cousin to arrange things for my great uncle. Very informative. My cousin noticed my right leg dragging a bit so that's a change.
This video was oddly inspirational.Selma Blair Interview
I have D3 that I should take every day but haven't since well before I moved. When I have furniture things will be easier to remember i think.
Tracked micros two days and staying on IF and no soda. It's after 11pm and i am feeling very hungry. Gonna go drink water but when i get up I'll disturb the cats. I also cooked breakfast for first time in months. Didn't work today. Went to funeral home with my cousin to arrange things for my great uncle. Very informative. My cousin noticed my right leg dragging a bit so that's a change.
This video was oddly inspirational.Selma Blair Interview
CrowFeather
New member
I'm doing driving this weekend. Gotta go to the city Saturday for various reasons and Sunday I'm going to a bee keeping class at the chimp sanctuary. My mood sucks. I made it through a full day of work but I'm combative and mean. I can't tolerate these people and their idiocy right now. Vet told me to try 48 hours off pred for peri. Her mouth hurts so much she can't eat. Vet just needs to deal that she needs the meds. She has 12 more hours to make 48 but she isn't going to make it bc I will not allow her pain to intensify anymore than it is.
I'll move the supplements to the kitchen or my meds to the bathroom so everything is together.
I'm not liking any of this right now. Watching AT hiker vids and judge shows is all that is getting me through. But I am cooking again every day. Good thing.
I'll move the supplements to the kitchen or my meds to the bathroom so everything is together.
I'm not liking any of this right now. Watching AT hiker vids and judge shows is all that is getting me through. But I am cooking again every day. Good thing.
CrowFeather
New member
Oh! And to use the one slice of pineapple and the ever-ripening banana, I'm making Hawaiian power cales in the morning. Can't wait until 10am.
CrowFeather
New member
Arrgghhh. My least favorite person is taking my old programs for 90 days. We have 15 years of non-communication. A deeper level of dante's inferno.
CrowFeather
New member
Just drove 2 hours to be told by my cousin that she didn't need my help packing her father's apartment. Would have been nice to have know 3 hours ago. So what do I do? Buy a candy bar to calm myself down. Worked but I have better tools than that.
So in the city and decided to look at furniture stores and drop off recycling.
Oh and I bought girl scout cookies (mainly because the girl selling was phenomenal) to give to the staff at the nursing home. Cousin flatout refused them. No idea why. So hopefully I can give them away on the way home.
So in the city and decided to look at furniture stores and drop off recycling.
Oh and I bought girl scout cookies (mainly because the girl selling was phenomenal) to give to the staff at the nursing home. Cousin flatout refused them. No idea why. So hopefully I can give them away on the way home.
CrowFeather
New member
She's going through grief. Not taking anything personally but that was a long way to go for a planned work day to be told to go away. And she has issues.
Gave the cookies, as painful as it was, to the staff at the homeless gay youth shelter thrift store. They'll enjoy the treat. And I found a beautifully unique German drawer triangle cabinet. Paid for and pick up Tuesday. That takes care of my drawer needs. Now to find a couch. The new one at the store is $3500. It's a small profile sectional. Americans don't seem to appreciate smaller furniture. Hard to find and expensive. Someone is selling the exact couch used in a city 2 hours away for $700 so going over Thursday to look at it and hopefully pick it up. Gotta rent a truck. Slowly getting the house set. And within my budget.
Training the cats w the stroller. Can't wait to walk with them.
Gave the cookies, as painful as it was, to the staff at the homeless gay youth shelter thrift store. They'll enjoy the treat. And I found a beautifully unique German drawer triangle cabinet. Paid for and pick up Tuesday. That takes care of my drawer needs. Now to find a couch. The new one at the store is $3500. It's a small profile sectional. Americans don't seem to appreciate smaller furniture. Hard to find and expensive. Someone is selling the exact couch used in a city 2 hours away for $700 so going over Thursday to look at it and hopefully pick it up. Gotta rent a truck. Slowly getting the house set. And within my budget.
Training the cats w the stroller. Can't wait to walk with them.
CrowFeather
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