Xenon's diary....(enter if you dare :p)

heheh The collective wise women and men of the board have spoken!!

Its strange how these things can really eat away at you and you dwell on them - so much negativity comes out of it. I am a real worrier like that, I'll say one thing in a meeting or to someone out of 100 hundred things I say right and still come away dwelling on that 1 thing for days afterwards - I am slowly learning, like Alex said, to go "Is it important?...not in the greater pattern of things" and let go................breath out.......and not even notice as it drifts from my mind........easier said than done but
feels BLODDY great when you manage it!
 
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Hey guys sorry for not replying sooner...BUSY BUSY BUSY!

jjjay I'm starting to follow the same trend as you with the studies...sweets, starches and salt GAH! I'm making good marks so far, straight A's with the highest possible points, but I'm afraid I'm going a tad bit nuts.

njoyabl thanks for checking in on me *hugs*

I honestly have not been on the scale in weeks, but I seem thinner to myself. My classes are online, so it takes up all my online time. I just turned in an assignment and decided to drop by. I'm still working on balancing things, so you'll see more of me when I have a routine and sort things out.

Aye it's affecting my forum English!

Take care everyone!
 
awww.:grouphug:
We miss you!!!!

All work and no play makes Xenon a dull girl!!

Hope the studies are going well - when you feel like snackign on junk to get you through a session, why not go and do some exercise - fresh air bit of a walk or a jog? That's what I tend to try and do now if I have a tough bit of work to get through.

Glad to hear that you are topping out the marks though :D Well done!
 
Hey Xe

Glad to see you back on here!!!! Keep doing what you are doing and I am sure you studies and weight loss will keep going great!
 
Hey Xe- glad to see you back!! How's your studying going?? I actually have a new journal now, it's called Fighting my bad body double... haven't been on for a while though, I've been so damn busy!
Hope you're doing well!!! x
 
Thanks for all your kind comments guys! I should be back on here more often soon. Classes end tomorrow. New classes start on Monday, but I divided them in the term so I have some free time. I'm really exhausted...I think so far this week I have slept 8 or so hours...between Sunday and today. I'm really frustrated and pissed off at so many things, but you know when you really don't feel like discussing it in detail openly? All I have to say is my husband might get hit with a frying pan very shortly :p

Weight loss I have no idea what it is, I have not been on the scale in ages. I'll have to check either tomorrow or Saturday. I'm eating whatever is available whenever I get a chance to eat. I have to organize my life a little better now that I see how school fits into it and now that I know I need to be some sort of superwoman. It's like that song from cage the elephant, no rest for the wicked!

Anyways off to complete my last essay exam!
 
Well its just lovely to see you back around :D You and Bedsy were the first friends I made on this board and I felt really sad when you both disappeared!

How is school going? I can completely understand how it takes over your life, especially with a little one to factor in. I hope you are feeling just as enthusiastic about your studies as before and that it is everything that you wanted it to be.

I tend to think of frying pans as like...a physical version of marriage counselling...or maybe...man training technique!! Hope things get less frustrating at some point and if you ever want to rant about it, by all means stick it all down in a PM.
 
Thanks jjjay :) I should be posting more often now...
I weighed myself and I am *cues dramatic music* 267 lbs....on the doctors scale in full clothing lol so maybe I'm like 265 or something. That's a gain of about 16lbs. Ah well...it's not the only thing that sux
 
Ok

So I think I've figured out my problem....and it is one I would like to deny. I eat bad things when I feel bad....I'm emo:cry: But I need to be healthy for myself and strong for myself because I am the only one who has to live with myself for the rest of my life lol

I often consider that my life has not been so easy...in fact it's been pretty brutal and I've been managing to pull through all of the traumas, but in a maladaptive way and it is my health that suffers. Honestly I probably should be under the care of a psychologist lol but I am too afraid to go so...I try to deal with things the best I can.:nopity:

Better news...in school I'm on the President's list and the Dean's list :D so the hard work paid off. Now I'm going to see if I can focus enough on my total health and have it pay off as well.
 
Grats on doing so well in school. That's great.

Sorry to hear about the gain, but you've lost it before and you can do it again. Eating badly when you feel badly is just a bad habit you need to break. Think of it that way. Don't say "this is just how I am", instead say "this is just a habit I can break". It's hard to do, but once you break that, you'll have an easier time. Try to find something else to do. I know, for me, when I am in a bad mood, the very last thing in the world I want to do is go exercise. But if I make myself, by the end my mood is much, much better and I feel proud of myself instead of down. I can't always make myself go though.

Glad to see you back!
 
Xenon! You drift back into town, post on other people's threads and then disappear again!! So I thought I'd come and poke your diary back to life!! Been missing you around here! Ya boo sucks to the 16lbs back on, YAY for the good results at school!! Stick around!! HUGS AND STUFF
J x
 
Sorry to hear that you have been feeling bad. I also eat bad when I feel bad. But the President, and the Dean's list! Girl, congratulations! Stay strong, everything is going to fall right into place, you'll see.
 
Thanks Mizzie, jjjay and njoyabl. I've just been really stressed and super depressed lately and I usually try to keep to myself when things are like that. <3 you guys!
 
Hello Friends :)

I have to say that I've been through a very rough time, but finally I am doing much better and am in a much better state mentally. Ever since I had the little one, my emotions have been totally out of whack off and on, and about a week before TOM I get borderline insane. I am enjoying sanity now, but am actually fearing my next episode. Anyways enough about that...I'm feeling much better now.

Bad news, I have regained everything plus 1.5 lbs ~_! I weigh 274.5 lbs now. Still down from my post pregnancy weight, but a gain from since I joined the forum. I am restarting again, but I will be doing it confidentially in my personal life as i do not need an extra conscience telling me what to eat :) I'm going to stay away from the weekly competitions because they make me neurotic, and I'm going back to weighing in once a month. I would like to be slimmer by summer because my online class sequence will end, and I will be having classes with labs.

I really learned a lot from biology this term, particularly about the chemical processes of metabolism, what fat is, how it is stored, and how it is used for energy. I plan on eating healthy while being mindful yet not obsessive about cals...but I will be paying more attention to how many calories I am burning, and i will be setting aggressive goals for exercise (within reasonable means of course...i cannot possibly run 5k). I'll be updating as I am able. The term is not over yet, and I have to make sure it comes to a good close. :)
 
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