Justina - thank you for the support
Tik - Thank you for your lovely words. I think I'll open up in time, maybe, lol I just get worried because I'm in a degree where professional behaviour is important and I'm not sure I should say too much about my personal life in a public forum. I've probably said too much already!
Han - Thanks. I'm not sure it's going to be amazing but it should at least be relaxing, hopefully!
Day 3 Week 1
Breakfast: banana
Snack: crudites and hummus
Lunch: ham salad sandwich and low fat yogurt
Dinner: beans on wholemeal toast, some cheddar cheese and an egg
Snack: cup of tea and a caramel biscuit thing
Exercise: none! Eeep, I was meant to do weights. I guess I'll do them today!
Day 4 Week 1
Breakfast/Lunch: 2 slices of wholemeal bread, lowfat spread and jam
Snack: banana
Dinner: (quality!) sausage casserole with butterbeans
Exercise: 1hr20mins walking,
possibly 20mins weights?
OK so I did alright yesterday. I have no idea how much I weigh though because the bf was true to his word and hid my scales until Wednesday. It's quite motivating actually because I want a nice surprise on Wed and I know the only way I'm going to get that is to work hard.
And so far today I haven't done too badly, toast isn't exactly the best lunch but it'll do!
So ... yeah ... personal stuff! I don't have many people to talk about what's going on in my life. I have so few friends now a days. When I was 16, in school, I was at the centre of a huge group of girls but now I spend nearly all my time just with my boyfriend and can probably count my total friends on one or two hands. I'm just not as confident or as social now a days.
Don't get me wrong, I love my boyfriend and I love being around him, but it is difficult to get some things out of my head, things that really need to get out.
We've had some problems lately. He is lovely 99.99% of the time but when he gets to a certain level of drunk (every couple of months or so) he just becomes this total b*stard. I hate it, especially because my dad had a drinking problem, and it makes me so unhappy when it does happen ...
The last time it happened, about 2 weeks ago, he accused me of cheating on him. I haven't cheated on him so it was horrible to be accussed. However it's a kinda gray area because there was a time, last summer, when I got way too close to a guy who I met online and it was verging on what you'd call an emotional affair I suppose. It really hurt my bf and I stopped talking to this guy completely now. I feel horrible because even though I knew what I was doing, I was telling myself it was harmless. And it wasn't. So I've lost his trust now. But I still feel like I don't deserve being accused of cheating. Especially when he accused me of cheating with a man who was simply walking behind me before I came home. I had never seen that man before in my life. That's another problem, the bf is so paranoid sometimes.
I just hope I'll get his trust will back if I can show him that I'll be totally faithful here after.
I don't know what to do. I'm just trying to live in the day.