Why is this hard?

[Steve]

Hey everyone. For those of you who know me, you probably know I spend a great deal of my time helping people figure this whole thing out. By that, I mean, I help people implement a healthy lifestyle.

In this forum, it seems that many struggle day to day. Now, I don't want to discredit anyone, as the amount of progress many members here have made is absolutely fantastic.

However, at the same time, there seems to be many people that just can't get into the swing of things. They can't do this with consistency.

So I am curious.

What is so hard about this? Do you have more problems with exercise or nutrition? Both? Is it the physical act of doing It that you don't like? Is it your mind?

Put differently, why do you not have a problem with being inconsistent?

When I first started in this field, I didn't understand how or why people would struggle. I would get a 300 lb client and they would know exactly what they had to do in order to lose the weight. However, why on Earth couldn't they act on that knowledge. It was obvious that they wanted the excess weight gone. If you want to make a change and you know how, why don't you just DO IT?

That was my old way of thinking many years ago. As I worked with more and more people, it became quite obvious that not all of us are similar. Some of are "go getters." We want something and we get it. Others are not so simplistic. There seems to be mental constructs and barriers that must be broken before any form of consistency is made possible.

There are no right or wrong answers here. I am merely curious. It might lead into some interesting discussion too.

What about leading a healthy lifestyle is hard for you?

And I don't want to speak generalities here. We all know that there is a lot of misinformation out there so it is hard to decipher truth from fiction. However, that really isn't the case here. In this community, over the past year or so, a great foundation of knowledge has been established. So again, let's keep this specific to YOU.

 

[maleficent]

I've said this before -and talked about it in depth in the essay i wrote for Leigh's challenge.. it's all about readiness to do it.

When a person is a certain weight - any amount you have to lose is overwheming - 20 lbs doesn't even make a ripple in the bucket there's so much to lose.. and it's frustrating..> Small goes didn't do anything for me because small goes meant constantly having to reset to 0 and that got old - I do have milestones but those are just things I pass to get to my final area (which isn't a number I've set on -Like the supreme court and porn -I don't know what it is but i'll know it when I see it.

Until a person is actually ready - or rather - until I was actually ready to totally commit to doing it... and make a conscious decision to make the change and not just follow a fad diet or q uick fix diet - I could stck with it for a week or so then give up in frustration. Now, for me, it's not a diet.. and I shudder everytime I hear that word... This will be the rest of my life...

what I eat isn't perfect, no where close to it im sure.. but it seems to work for me... I still hate whole wheat breads and would rather have rye bread - I was never a sweet eater before and I've probably had more dark chocolate in the past year than I have had in my entire life...

Exercise still eludes me and it's frustration more than anythig else - that I don't understand how to do somethings - I've got a fairly high iq but simple concepts challenge me...- and its unbelievably frustrating to not be able to do things that other people can do straight out of the box... like crunches or squats (though i've almost got the squat mastered and it's been way more freakin' painful than it should be)- and I have asked for help and really gotten no where... I'm attempting it again with what I hope is a good tool kit.. so I'm trying to find apositive attitude. I found the readiness to change my eating habits now i'm getting the readiness to change my exercise habits...

Frustration is what makes it hard for me - I'm not totally stupid - just clearly inept... and when my body doesn't do something that I want it to - it makes me want to throw in the towel...

This past weekend I took some pictures and that really set me back becasue I think I've been working my ass off and yet the ics still looked liek crap... and I still look awful... so 155lbs later - what's all my work been for? my blood pressure hasn't budged much, my blood sugar has never been a problem, my readiness came from vanity and nothing h as changed...

 

[PinkRoses]

For me, it was laziness from a lack of motivation and foresight, if I'd known I could actually have a choice of what jeans I wore this time last year this easy (40" is such a pain ) Well... Then I met a girl, and started working out like crazy.
The lack of migranes these days is brilliant too, I love life for once

 

[indigoiis]

I think the consistency thing ties directly into our inability to be patient. I think we are a different breed than our parents and our parents' parents. We want something, and in most cases, we can find a way to get it and get it fast. We're a planet of the instant-result and instant-fix. It seems particularly so here in the U.S.

Waiting for 1-2 pounds a week when one has 40 lbs to lose could seem a little daunting.

I think that causes a lot of relapse of old habit.

I am relearning patience. It is not easy. I don't have much to lose weight wise but everything to gain health wise, and of course, my vanity has a screeching voice all its own as warm weather approaches and the desire to wear smaller, figure-flattering clothes sets in.

I have learned a lot here though. A LOT.

 

[Steve]

Small goes didn't do anything for me because small goes meant constantly having to reset to 0 and that got old

Can you elaborate? I don't quite get what you are saying here. Are you saying that, for you, the speed of the process (slow of course) was enough to keep you from committing to the lifestyle back then?

Or am I reading you wrong?

Until a person is actually ready - or rather - until I was actually ready to totally commit to doing it... and make a conscious decision to make the change and not just follow a fad diet or q uick fix diet

This is the concept I still have trouble grasping, personally. Don't read me wrong. I am still compassionate and know it exists for some, but that really doesn't help me understand it.

You know you need to eat right, so why can't you? (That question is not directed at you Mal, but to everyone who struggles)

You know you need to exercise a certain way, so why don't you? (same goes for this one)

Is it a matter of not *REALLY* wanting it? Or not really knowing WHAT you want? Or not knowing WHY you want it? I mean, for the most part, we are all physically capable of abiding by the "rules of healthy living," so I think we can assume that most of it comes from the mind.

What constitutes "being ready." You see, for me I am ready when I want it. And I am sure many on here would say, "Well fitness comes easy to you."

My response: "So?"

How about we bring something else into it that isn't fitness oriented.

Fly fishing. It is by far the most frustrating thing I have ever learned to do in my life. Talk about a slow process. But that didn't deter me from pushing forward and becoming good at fly fishing. I never woke up and questioned myself if I really wanted to do this.

I guess you could argue, "Well, you love to fish, so even though learning how to fly fish is frustrating, you were still doing something you ultimately love. For many of us, in the beginning, we don't necessarily LOVE to exercise and eat healthy."

Sure, this is a valid point.

But how about financial planning with me. I HATE IT. However, by my own standards (which are quite low ) I would say I am good at it. I knew what I had to do and I did it. There was no transition period of "not being ready." I had to become a financial planner in order to get this job and make the money I needed, so I did it. I wanted to learn how to flyfish, so I did it. I wanted to look good physique-wise, so I work my ass off every day.

For people that are not like me, what is different. And PLEASE don't read me wrong.... I am sooooo not putting myself on a different playing field than you, Mal. We are just different, and I want to understand.

Maybe it is in the idea that some of us don't associate enough positive outcomes to consistently living the lifestyle. Or, the positive outcomes are there, we know they exist, but they are not real enough to motivate. Could that be?

I have asked this question to focus groups at gyms too. I think I have asked it on other forums as well in the past. I always take something away from the conversation that I can use to help people. Or rather, change how I help people.

And I understand there isn't one specific answer. It is going to be different for everyone. But time and time again, I hear, "You won't lead this lifestyle with consistency if you aren't ready to." Again, I don't get that.

Exercise still eludes me and it's frustration more than anythig else - that I don't understand how to do somethings - I've got a fairly high iq but simple concepts challenge me...- and its unbelievably frustrating to not be able to do things that other people can do straight out of the box... like crunches or squats (though i've almost got the squat mastered and it's been way more freakin' painful than it should be)- and I have asked for help and really gotten no where

MANY people can't do squats "right out of the box" Mal. That is a very difficult exercise. You have asked for help? From who? Me? I know we have discussed it in the past, but not in great detail.

This past weekend I took some pictures and that really set me back becasue I think I've been working my ass off and yet the ics still looked liek crap... and I still look awful... so 155lbs later - what's all my work been for? my blood pressure hasn't budged much, my blood sugar has never been a problem, my readiness came from vanity and nothing h as changed...

So, are you telling me that since vanity was the main driver for taking action (and it is for most of us) and because you are not totally happy with what you look like today, you don't see a point in losing all the weight you have so far?

Or am I completely reading you wrong?



Thanks a lot Mal, for speaking with me about this. If I get to personal, especially in the public forum, feel free to give me a swift slap and I will shut up.

 

[somethingnew987]

My main problem I think is that I have learned to love food too much....it is a crutch for me in many situations....a comfort.

Also, as Mal said, when you look at the scale and realize that to be normal weight you have to lose an INCREDIBLE amount of weight, its overwhelming. And then as you keep getting bigger, you become more overwhelmed. I wish I had started this new lifestyle when I was 200lbs, I knew that I was overweight then, and it made me miserable, but at that time I still wanted my love affair with food....I wasn't ready to let it go.

Exercise is a problem for me just because I get bored. I have found that with walking I don't have this issue, and I hope to start swimming which I love as well. Before, I wouldnt exercise because it was embarassing. I couldn't go running with my friends because I would get halfway down the street and be dying, I would feel bad for them. So, I stopped playing sports because I was embarassed. I like sports because I don't get bored, but its still embarassing for me because I was/am so out of shape.

Thats all I can really think of now...a lot goes on in my head as part of the weightloss battle, but those are the main ones I can think of now.

 

[Steve]

For me, it was laziness from a lack of motivation and foresight, if I'd known I could actually have a choice of what jeans I wore this time last year this easy (40" is such a pain ) Well... Then I met a girl, and started working out like crazy.
The lack of migranes these days is brilliant too, I love life for once

So for you, it was NOT knowing that results were actually achievable if you simply followed the "rules" and stayed on track?

And if that is the case, than is it safe to assume for people like yourself, that education is the solution?

 

[indigoiis]

I also thought about the addictive factor. People describe having a "love affair" with food or using food as a comfort thing. This is very similar to the way people with drug and alcohol addictions describe their drug of choice.

Take your addiction,
then take your HABIT,
and you have a rock-solid foundation for immobility. And the impetus to change, while obviously available, can seem a huge wall to people in the throes of an addiction.

Creating new habit is the best way to change an old one. But it's an incredibly challenging thing for most. It is far easier to deal with the known than the unknown. The unknown may include a possiblity of failure. At least if you don't do anything about your habit / addiction, you can depend upon the outcome.

This is certainly true for me when I quit drinking - I am not sure if it applies to eating but this is what your questions make me think about.

Indy

 

[M2M]

This past weekend I took some pictures and that really set me back becasue I think I've been working my ass off and yet the ics still looked liek crap... and I still look awful...

NO.
YOU DON'T.

You don't see what I see Maryellen.

What I see is an amzing transformation. You're still looking at yourself with the history of being overweight. You're viewing yourself through 'heavy colored glasses.'

Yes, there's more you want to do - and when you look at those pictures, as the realist you are, you address and face the fact that you have more you want to lose.

Not only are you one of the THE most determined women I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, you have accomplished and transformed yourself more then you realize.

You do NOT look awful - I think you're beautiful.
Inside & Out!

 

[Steve]

I think the consistency thing ties directly into our inability to be patient. I think we are a different breed than our parents and our parents' parents. We want something, and in most cases, we can find a way to get it and get it fast. We're a planet of the instant-result and instant-fix. It seems particularly so here in the U.S.

Waiting for 1-2 pounds a week when one has 40 lbs to lose could seem a little daunting.

I think that causes a lot of relapse of old habit.

I am relearning patience. It is not easy. I don't have much to lose weight wise but everything to gain health wise, and of course, my vanity has a screeching voice all its own as warm weather approaches and the desire to wear smaller, figure-flattering clothes sets in.

I have learned a lot here though. A LOT.

I have heard this answer many times, actually. That it's the fact that the process is slow. Well, the correct process is slow. Of course you could lose weight ridiculously fast, but 99 out of 100 times this loss is not maintainable nor is it permanent.

And if this is the case for people like you, does that mean education is the missing link again? Once you learned that the slow way is the right way, and you understood the underlying principles, you were able to adhere better?

 

[indigoiis]

I have heard this answer many times, actually. That it's the fact that the process is slow. Well, the correct process is slow. Of course you could lose weight ridiculously fast, but 99 out of 100 times this loss is not maintainable nor is it permanent.

And if this is the case for people like you, does that mean education is the missing link again? Once you learned that the slow way is the right way, and you understood the underlying principles, you were able to adhere better?

I think for me personally, since I did not have a lot to lose, the process being slow was not a huge turn-off. I could see it being more challenging for someone with a lot to lose, however.

But I do think that yes, education is the key... community a strong second. Having the facts made transparent has been tremendously beneficial to me. I find myself re-reading them again and again and seeing them oft-repeated. I think it needs to be. Repeating the facts is the only way to dispel the many many myths.

 

[Steve]

My main problem I think is that I have learned to love food too much....it is a crutch for me in many situations....a comfort.

Also, as Mal said, when you look at the scale and realize that to be normal weight you have to lose an INCREDIBLE amount of weight, its overwhelming. And then as you keep getting bigger, you become more overwhelmed. I wish I had started this new lifestyle when I was 200lbs, I knew that I was overweight then, and it made me miserable, but at that time I still wanted my love affair with food....I wasn't ready to let it go.

Exercise is a problem for me just because I get bored. I have found that with walking I don't have this issue, and I hope to start swimming which I love as well. Before, I wouldnt exercise because it was embarassing. I couldn't go running with my friends because I would get halfway down the street and be dying, I would feel bad for them. So, I stopped playing sports because I was embarassed. I like sports because I don't get bored, but its still embarassing for me because I was/am so out of shape.

Thats all I can really think of now...a lot goes on in my head as part of the weightloss battle, but those are the main ones I can think of now.

I hear this often as well, with regards to loving food so much. (addiction)

Truthfully, it is about the only excuse (I hate calling it that) that I understand. I do understand how people can have an addiction to food, and when one is in place, it makes perfect sense that adhering to a healthy eating plan is amazingly challenging at first. And I also think that a lot of time has to be spent on mental development when this is the case. This I get.

And this is where customization in terms of dieting is tricky, yet, incredibly important.

I didn't start this thread to discuss solutions though, so I won't get into specifics.

Thanks for your response.

 

[Steve]

I also thought about the addictive factor. People describe having a "love affair" with food or using food as a comfort thing. This is very similar to the way people with drug and alcohol addictions describe their drug of choice.

Take your addiction,
then take your HABIT,
and you have a rock-solid foundation for immobility. And the impetus to change, while obviously available, can seem a huge wall to people in the throes of an addiction.

Creating new habit is the best way to change an old one. But it's an incredibly challenging thing for most. It is far easier to deal with the known than the unknown. The unknown may include a possiblity of failure. At least if you don't do anything about your habit / addiction, you can depend upon the outcome.

This is certainly true for me when I quit drinking - I am not sure if it applies to eating but this is what your questions make me think about.

Indy

Good post Indy.

 

[somethingnew987]

I have heard this answer many times, actually. That it's the fact that the process is slow. Well, the correct process is slow. Of course you could lose weight ridiculously fast, but 99 out of 100 times this loss is not maintainable nor is it permanent.

And if this is the case for people like you, does that mean education is the missing link again? Once you learned that the slow way is the right way, and you understood the underlying principles, you were able to adhere better?

I DEFINITELY think education helped me more than anything. While I read the book "Eat to Live", I could see myself making better choices and it became easier. I think through educating myself, I began to appreciate the human body more and I understood it better so that I actually knew what I needed to do to lose weight. Its kind of like when people have fears of something (when I was 10 I had a HUGE fear of tornadoes) sometimes the best therapy is to really learn about what you fear. By learning about the healthy way to lose weight, it didnt seem as daunting. I knew exactly what I was up against and I knew what was necessary to get something done.

 

[Steve]

NO.
YOU DON'T.

You don't see what I see Maryellen.

What I see is an amzing transformation. You're still looking at yourself with the history of being overweight. You're viewing yourself through 'heavy colored glasses.'

Yes, there's more you want to do - and when you look at those pictures, as the realist you are, you address and face the fact that you have more you want to lose.

Not only are you one of the THE most determined women I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, you have accomplished and transformed yourself more then you realize.

You do NOT look awful - I think you're beautiful.
Inside & Out!

I was going to say something along these lines too, good post Deb. It seemed like you were looking at this from the "destination" viewpoint instead of the "journey" viewpoint. And I know that is not you Mal. I have acute moments where my determination lapses but I usually at right back in the saddle in terms of mental toughness. I hope you are too!

 

[PinkRoses]

So for you, it was NOT knowing that results were actually achievable if you simply followed the "rules" and stayed on track?

And if that is the case, than is it safe to assume for people like yourself, that education is the solution?

Well, to see results you need to give it time, and the media tells us to starve ourselves to lose weight, some people don't realise the time it takes or the effort, I didn't. And at the top of my street is a chip shop and pizzeria
I wish I'd been taught nutrition in school to be honest, it's such simple stuff, sad that google educated me better...
Are you a personal trainer by the way ?

 

[maleficent]

Can you elaborate? I don't quite get what you are saying here. Are you saying that, for you, the speed of the process (slow of course) was enough to keep you from committing to the lifestyle back then?

When i first starting looking at weight loss and I must have had 20 books on the topic - from fad diets to the keep it simple stupid series of books - practically every single one said set small goals -like 20lbs and reward yourself when you get there... Well when you have 200+ to lose - 20 lbs isn't a great goal and the books didn't seem to get the concept that a person had 200 lbs to lose... so goal setting seemed pointless to my head) and I had to look at the big picture (which I am OK with now - and don't want to ochange that) the end of the line was huge and overwhelming.. . and it's tough to get started when you know you have so far to go

This is the concept I still have trouble grasping, personally. Don't read me wrong. I am still compassionate and know it exists for some, but that really doesn't help me understand it.

You know you need to eat right, so why can't you? (That question is not directed at you Mal, but to everyone who struggles)

I could stand here with my hand on a stack of bibles and believe that I did eat right - I never ate fast food., I never ate fried food, I rarely drank alcohol, I never drank pop - I would have sworn I ate right - travelling 45+ weeks of the year had me eating in a ton of restaurants and livig on starbucks skim milk lattes -I believed that they weren't that bad - Until I sat down and started calculating did I realize that m y healthy diet was an incredible numbe rof calories... I had to be ready to see that -I was that person you hate that says I can't l ose weight and I don't know why...

You know you need to exercise a certain way, so why don't you? (same goes for this one)

even at m y highest weight - I still walked at least 2 miles a day - didn't seem to do be much good and the thought of doing aerobics -even now - Is overwhelming.. walking I could do - and always did - even in hotels but it wasn't effective - plus there's the whle embarassment of walking into a gym and the looks you get.

Is it a matter of not *REALLY* wanting it? Or not really knowing WHAT you want? Or not knowing WHY you want it? I mean, for the most part, we are all physically capable of abiding by the "rules of healthy living," so I think we can assume that most of it comes from the mind.

I think it's really wanting it - at least in my case - of reachig that point where I said enouoghs enough -just do it

What constitutes "being ready." You see, for me I am ready when I want it. And I am sure many on here would say, "Well fitness comes easy to you."

For me - most things come easy to me - I made it thru 4 years of college with a 4.0 gpa in applied math, and summa cum laude without ever studying... once.. math was easy and I took the easy way out.. .I spent 1 year at MIT in the astrophysics program when it really hit me that I didn't know how to study and tanked seriously.. and left to actually hit the real world...

my entire life I pretty much spent not having to commit to anything - and there's lots I'm good at but it comes easy - wieght loss and fitness do not come easy and it's a commitment that was very hard to make becasue I never had to before.. .I had to be really ready. and Im sure that's just totally me...

And I understand there isn't one specific answer. It is going to be different for everyone. But time and time again, I hear, "You won't lead this lifestyle with consistency if you aren't ready to." Again, I don't get that.

It's hard to get into the head of a person who's 200+ lbs over weight - or even 100 lbs over weight - there are so many quick fix programs out there - and every magazine out there has a plan to lose 10lbs in 10 days - well 10 lbs isn't anything...
\

So, are you telling me that since vanity was the main driver for taking action (and it is for most of us) and because you are not totally happy with what you look like today, you don't see a point in losing all the weight you have so far?

I'm not quitting - at all.. I've come too far to throw i the towel - besides this isn't a diet for me -this is a lifestyle change... and almost one year into it -the change is made - I just need to make more adjustments - but my frustration is still - that even if I weigh 125lbs (NOT my goal weight) I will still look like me and still be me -and well - how does that differ from me at 383lbs... being not fat isn't a beauty bullet...

Thanks a lot Mal, for speaking with me about this. If I get to personal, especially in the public forum, feel free to give me a swift slap and I will shut up.

The stuff I talk abou ton this forum -no such thing as too personal

It's an interesting topic... one I woud love more people to understand - but it's tough to really articulate

 

[Steve]

Well, to see results you need to give it time, and the media tells us to starve ourselves to lose weight, some people don't realise the time it takes or the effort, I didn't. And at the top of my street is a chip shop and pizzeria
I wish I'd been taught nutrition in school to be honest, it's such simple stuff, sad that google educated me better...

So you are saying "yes," in your case education was a fundamental variable in your success.

Right?

Are you a personal trainer by the way ?

Yes and no.

 

[PinkRoses]

So you are saying "yes," in your case education was a fundamental variable in your success.

Right?




Yes and no.

I'm only recently educating myself, if I had during my main weight loss I think I would have done it much healthier, but I think it's important, a diet plan someone set for me is alot harder to follow than a diet plan I can do myself, balancing the macro nutrients etc.
I'm aiming for abs by christmas anyways, so... Need some education

Yes and no ?

Bah, since I'm a straight male, why the hell did I choose PinkRoses as a name

 

[indigoiis]

One thing about doing this the rational (slow process) way is that food cravings are basically reduced to none. I know that food craving is one of the biggest reasons for relapse in dieting. I wonder though if as you get leaner you crave certain foods less? Or alternately, as you get heavier, you crave foods that make you heavier? When I was at my heaviest, I craved foods like cheese and sugar & heavy breads. I don't seem to crave those nowadays. Perhaps it's psycho-somotatic - I read and read the information on here and put it to practice and see the results, and maybe it infiltrates the brain making unhealthy food choices something to second-guess?

I'm just thinking out loud... trying to think about what makes people go back to old eating habits DESPITE education and understanding.